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Dec 3, 2011

What I Dream

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I ask this all the time...

Is there anyone out there that doesn’t dream?  I think everyone dreams but doesn’t necessarily remember any of them.  I have reoccurring dreams, dreams where I am falling and where I fly (Fav #1)  Also reoccurring themes are the hubby John in a wide range of situations. (Worst #1) Being chased or followed.  Physical attack or peril. Sex, sometimes with spontaneous orgasms (Fav #2…this is the truth, I swear)  Arguing with my dad. (Worst #2) 

Sometimes I don’t know the people in my dreams.  Or maybe I just don’t know them yet.  Interesting thought.  I love the flying dreams.  I just spread my arms and fly around, usually at my parents, or at the pavilion below.  When I was younger I flew around my grandparents farm.  I lived there as an adult for about two years.  I had a dream about flying around the yard and around the barn.  I would swoop under and above the electric and phone lines.  If only I could make that come true!  Imagine all the gas money I would save!!

Wet dreams are very interesting to me.  It’s amazing how powerful the mind is.  Sometimes I have an orgasm and the dream isn’t even sexual.  Weird huh?  Anyone ever have an orgasm in their sleep?  A few days ago I had spontaneous orgasms sitting in my car with Dale.  I was fully dressed and frozen with wave after wave until I physically felt ill.  Dale said he saw something on TV about a woman who would suddenly have an orgasm.  Orgasms were great….thinking I will barf…not great.  LOL

So I almost dream daily about the future ex-hubby.  There used to be a sexual edge to my dreams about him.  If I could control it to some degree, I would take the sexual dreams over the fighting dreams.  Sometimes I dream I’m back in my house but I can’t get Heather to leave.  Every now and then, Kelly drops into a dream and I’m still having to hear her yelling at me.  She’s long gone now, except in my silly dreams.

I have no desire to ever be in a relationship with John again.  I suppose it could just be the stress of dealing with the whole divorce process.  I don’t let the dreams haunt me.  I could keep a journal nearby to jot down notes that will help me remember.  Maybe I’ll try that tonight and see what happens!

Counting orgasms,

~P.

Filed Under: Divorce, Dreams, John · Tagged: , , , , ,
Dec 2, 2011

Taking the chick from the mama hen

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Mamma and her little chicken Tesla

Ok, I’ve had it.  I can’t get more than a few minutes to talk to my daughter.  Her father is “following the court order” to the letter and I know that is not how it was intended.

I last saw Tesla Monday night and watched her practice ballet.  I have yet to get any type of response that I can visit her since.  “You’re not cutting into my time with Tesla.”

What the fuck is wrong with a parent that for no good reason he is not letting me see or really even talk to Tesla.  She didn’t go to gymnastics last night.  Tesla said she had dance practice.  Tonight she said she was practicing gymnastics at home with Bria. (Heather’s daughter)  I very much wanted Tesla to go to Spartapalooza with me.  Blog on YCP Spartapalooza coming soon.

I have a real issue with my child being withheld from me for no good reason and John’s refusal to return my texts messages and phone calls.  This is selfish and immature behavior and in no way showing support for Tesla to see her mother.

Upsetting me is that John is refusing to allow her to go to the Lehman Center for art therapy.  It doesn’t cost him anything and it is to teach her coping skills during this period stressful situation for Tesla.  I don’t know what John is afraid of learning but it’s not about John, it’s about Tesla.

Stop denying me my child!

~P.

Filed Under: Divorce, John, Tesla · Tagged: , ,
Nov 29, 2011

Dear John and Heather

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Dear John and Heather,

    I decided it would be much easier just to address you both in this post.  Though I have made this painfully clear in the past, stop harassing my friends and family.  This includes my boyfriend Dale. 

   You have no business talking to him.  John, if you must speak to me about something concerning Tesla, I am all ears.  There should be no conversation between you and Dale or Heather and Dale. 

   The police told you not to harass me.  I didn’t realize I would have to include Dale on the list.  My friends and family don’t care to hear or see you.  (for that matter, no one wants to hear or see Heather either)  Don’t question anyone about Tesla, other than me.  You want to know something, check with her mother. 

    We all know you are a tough guy and love to be the bully.  Well that must stop.  Making a scene at Tesla’s dance class was just ridiculous.  Yes, I called Dale away from the two of you because I know how you treat people.  Heather is a great copycat of your drama king status.  Neither of you had any business questioning Dale about my where-abouts today. 

    Heather, I don’t want you throwing your useless and senseless comments in when John and I are trying to have a civil conversation.  I realize you would rather see John and I at each others throats.

  The two of you seem set on making this as difficult as possible for me to see Tesla.  You are quick to cause problems that just are trivial and then threaten to sue me for contempt for attending my classes.  That says so much about the two of you.  It saddens me that you both will go out of your way to be negative, hateful and bitter about the wonderful relationship Tesla and I have.  A relationship that neither of you can completely control.  In the end, you will just ruin any thread of a relationship you ever had with Tess, all on your own.

Karma,

~P.

 

 

Filed Under: College, Dale, Heather, John, Tesla · Tagged:
Nov 27, 2011

STALKER

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I used to refer to my husband as my stalker.  “I married my stalker” I would say.

John would listen to my phone calls or hide and listen in on my conversation.  He was an expert at sneaking around for being such a big guy.  Of course he could always get someone to “spy” on me if he couldn’t do the “checking up” himself.  I thought once I managed to escape my “prison guard” I wouldn’t have to worry about feeling like I was in prison.

Sure, John let me have a little freedom.  He preferred to go where every I was going or have me in his presence 24-7.  Even after 3 years of separation, he still can’t let go of me and move on.  Maybe it’s the divorce holding him up also.

John invades my dreams and my reality.  Almost every night I dream about John.  Lucky me huh?  Sometimes it’s fighting, sometimes his girlfriends are involved.  Kelly still pops into dream land now and then.  Usually Heather isn’t part of my dreams.  Whew!

Don’t ask me why I dream about my stalker.  I guess I just haven’t shaken him from my subconscious yet….if that is even possible.

I checked my cellphone not to long after I got up from bed.  At 8:58 AM John sent me a text:  “I see your resume classes tomorrow.”

I find that creepy.  Like when he sent me a text at a Revolution’s ballgame that Tesla, Jarrid and I were attending with friends.  John was there too and shortly after I arrived he sent me this text:  “I see you.”  Can you say creeper?????  I can’t believe I married this guy!!

So I sent him a reply to his creepy class text:  “yes” and a little later “how do you see that?”  He never replied.  I’m sure he’s trying to get me to say I won’t have Tesla with me tomorrow and his response will be “then you can’t have her because the court order says she must be in your presence while in my custody.”  Would that surprise me?  NOT AT ALL.

I don’t look into where John is while he has Tesla.  I already know he gets lots of different people to babysit while he is out doing God knows what.  He is just obsessed with this never-ending relationship and how he can control me and Tesla every chance he gets.  You would think with Heather and her 4 children he would be too busy to pay attention to my schedule.

Apparently not,

~P.

Filed Under: College, Divorce, Heather, John · Tagged: ,
Nov 26, 2011

Dear Heather~ delivery receipt

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Dear Heather,

This is a delivery receipt for Tesla’s antibiotics and ointment.  Thank you for dropping that off.  I immediately took her inside from the mailbox and applied it.  I guess since it’s “your fault” the medicine wasn’t sent, you get those little brownie points erased.

On the other hand, if you hadn’t taken the medicine out of Tesla’s bookbag, she would not have been treated while in her father’s care.  It’s a good thing you are there looking out for Tesla.

I’m sure you didn’t have a problem with delivering the medicine.  Just wondering why her dad didn’t take care of that.  He couldn’t be bothered with checking Tesla’s book bag.  Didn’t stop to drop off the medicine….is he really that busy?

Anyway, I got a little carried away.

Meds received.

If I have to have someone living in my house, with my future ex-husband and acting as step-mom to my daughter, I thank you Heather.  Let’s see how long you can stick it out with that Bull.

Best Wishes,

~P.

Filed Under: Divorce, Heather, John · Tagged: ,
Nov 26, 2011

Dear John~ you frustrate me

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Dear John,

Why would you tell me Tesla’s medicine is in her bag if you hadn’t checked?  It wasn’t in there.  You told me you didn’t even take it out while she was with you.  I know you are in the middle of throwing a party but come on?!

You get Tesla back for 8 hours and already can’t get things right.

Tesla said Heather put the medicine on her face.  Apparently Heather is taking care of Tesla because you are just such a busy man.

See you tomorrow when you drop of her meds.

Yes, I am pissed.

~P.

Filed Under: Divorce, Heather, John, Tesla · Tagged: ,
Nov 22, 2011

What is court?

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I had made a promise to Tesla back when the original custody agreement was made (2009) that I would tell her if anything changed.  I said, “It’s not for you to worry about.  If anything changes I will let you know.  In the meantime you will still spend half you time with Daddy and half with me.”  On numerous occasions Tesla told me she wanted to live with me during the week.  School had not started at this point and where she was going to start school was decided by a court hearing.  The decision was she would go to school from the marital residence where her dad is living.

About 2 months pass….

Yesterday the decision of custody was determined.  Tesla would be in primary care of her father and mother will have visitation every other weekend.  Arrangements for other visitation times will have to be agreed upon by John and I.  I have faith he will allow Tesla and I to share time together without hesitation.  We already agreed on how the rest of this week would go without even raises our voices.  Progress achieved already!  I truely believe the two of us can work out something between us so I get as much time with Tesla as Tesla would like considering, she didn’t get to live with the parent of her choice.

I also believe the person who will make this new custody agreement the most difficult will be Heather.  Even though she is of no relation to Tesla and will not be any relation soon, she feels the need to put in her opinion, jab, critique and nonsense freely,  as if she has that right.  It would much easier to speak to John without Heather involved.  I don’t involve Dale with decisions concerning Tesla so I don’t understand why John allows Heather such involvement.  Besides being my husband’s girlfriend, I don’t believe Heather is particulary intelligent and I don’t agree with her parenting style.  (Which seems to be just let John handle everything her kids need before and after school)

As promised, I talked to Tesla about the change of custody.  She asked what court was and I explained how a judge in the courthouse decided she should live with her dad during the week and I would see her every other weekend.  She immediately began to insist the judge could’t make her stay with her dad all week.  I explained that the judge did have the power to make this happen but her dad and I will work together to make sure Tesla and I still see each other regularly.

I also explained that over the summer, she would live with dad for a week, then with me for a week.  She thought that over a little bit and said, “I want to live with you now.”  I told her that I understand she is upset and disappointed and that I felt the same way but we have to do what the judge said.  I also told her that the judge said custody can always change in the future.

Her and I both agreed to try our best with the new custody order.  I told her I want her to be happy and that is what is most important to me.  If at some point there is a legitimate reason to request a change in custody, I will do so.  For now, we will deal with what the law states.  You never know what may happen in the future that may lead to a custody change.

Me ~n~ TT are good,

~P.

P.S.  Yes, I am disappointed I wasn’t awarded majority custody.  Will that make me lay down, shed tears and curl up in a corner?  Hell no!  I will spend time with Tesla and Dale and work hard at college….and my future book, “I used to drive a Mercedes.”

Filed Under: Divorce, Dreams, Heather, John, Tesla · Tagged: ,
Nov 22, 2011

Dear John~you won

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Dear John,

I am sure you are patting yourself on the back right now.  Congratulations, you have majority custody of Tesla.  Did you notice the judge said, “custody can always change” before she read her decision.  Do you still think Judge Dorney is a half-wit?

So now I just have Tesla every other weekend.  The judge stressed the importance of her mother still being very involved in her life.  I texted you a couple times and brought it up in person that I want to see Tesla at least once or twice during the week.  Since you told the judge I am a good mom, I don’t see why you wouldn’t want Tesla and I to see each other.  It confuses me that you didn’t respond to my texts or my comment in person.  Would you really intentionally keep Tesla from seeing me, just because you have the “power” to do so?

I am going to have to break it to Tesla that she won’t be coming home nearly as often as she is used to.  I know you said you didn’t want to tell her about the verdict because “she was already upset” over me getting stuck in traffic accident and not making it to her dance class.  How the hell do you think she’s going to take it when she learns she will rarely spend the night with her mom?  This might all backfire in your face.

You won the hearing, but in the end it won’t matter.  You can’t replace me as Tesla’s mom.  Eventually, she will want to live with her mommy.  In the meantime, I am going to push like you have never seen before to get this divorce finished.

I’m not angry, just disappointed for Tesla,

~P.

Filed Under: Divorce, John, Tesla · Tagged:
Nov 20, 2011

Tomorrow is decision day

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It is Sunday and I am taking a moment to reflect on tomorrow.

A judge will decide where Tesla will live.  My daughter knows in the past, decision were made for her and for her parents, by someone who works at the courthouse.  A Judge, in this case, Judge Dorney will decide who Tesla will spend the majority of her time.

John pled his case.  Heather backed him up on his awesomeness.  Diane and Todd took the stand, said things that may or may not have helped John’s case.  LaDonna took the stand and in my opinion, mouthed the words she had been instructed to say.  What else can she do?  She still wants a paycheck from the business.  She may feel indebted to John, at one time he loaned La $4,000 without mentioning a word to me.  In fact, he told La not to mention the loan.  After I was moved out and she continued working for John, he suggested she move in with her daughters, Kennedy and Ashtyn.  John liked to think of everyone as family and their kids, his kids.  LaDonna had no interest in moving in with John, as her boyfriend or otherwise.  There’s just so much that doesn’t get brought up in court.  At least not the custody court.  Who knows how the divorce court will go.

I pled my case.  It was pretty simple.  Dale took the stand and testified on my behalf.  As did my son Jarrid.  It all boils down to which story sounds the most truthful to Judge Dorney and which parent she feels will have Tesla’s interests first.

No matter what the decision is, it will have to be explained to a five and a half-year old.

No easy task,

~P.

Filed Under: Dale, Divorce, Heather, John, Tesla · Tagged: ,
Nov 17, 2011

Dear John~got insurance

By · 7 Comments

Dear John,

So much of what you say is bullshit, I barely can stomach hearing you talk.  There is little I believe, that you say.

Once again, I wasn’t surprised when you were at the house this morning.  I’m not sure why I even ask if you can meet me in the mornings to exchange Tesla.  Today you were going to be working, but like I said, you were home instead.  Now why was it you couldn’t meet me this morning?

I find it just ironic that when Tesla has any type of appointment for her health, whether physical or mental, you are more worried about the cost more than anything else.  Today, Tesla had to have blood drawn to make sure she wasn’t infected with lyme’s disease by a tick.  Before the painful process of having her little arms stuck twice, the nurse asked for Tesla’s insurance.  I waited a moment to see if you would pipe up with some answer, but you didn’t.  Just waited for me to break out my welfare card.

After the appointment we went our separate ways…Tesla with me and Heather and two of her girls with you.  I’m not sure why Heather and kids needed to tag along.  Perhaps you all had somewhere important to go.

My text to you “it’s nice how me being on welfare keeps your child’s medical bills paid huh?”

Your response made no sense….”I wouldn’t know.  I’m not on welfare.”

I replied “No..but you don’t have a problem using me to get Tesla’s bills paid.”

I find it pathetic that you continue to drag this divorce out.  You use my unfortunate situation to take advantage of the state’s welfare system.  I believe if you could stretch this divorce out for all eternity, you would.  That way you can continue to claim all business proceeds as just your income, never have to settle on our maritial home and have your child’s medical bills all paid, school lunches covered etc.  The $52 a month paid for alimony is much cheaper than paying for health insurance isn’t it?  Meanwhile you and your girlfriend with her 4 kids continue on, as if you don’t have a wife who is waiting for a divorce.

Shame on you for using me, the welfare system and your child for your own benefit.

Your Greed is showing,

~P.

Filed Under: Divorce, Heather, John, Tesla · Tagged: ,
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