Dear John~I get it now

Letters he nevers learns from

Letters he never learns from

Dear John,

Seriously, I get it now.   The planets aligned last evening and I came to a startling conclusion in the midst of a agonizing headache.  It was a brutal headache, felt like worms were nibbling their way through my brain and tap dancing with their legless bodies on every nerve ending.  Yes John, it hurt that bad.  Anyway, back to the conclusion.  Relationships that die can’t be brought back to life.  And if they are, they probably aren’t going to be as good as they were before.  This was really painful for me to wrap my head around.

Every serious relationship I’ve ever been in, beginning with my sons’ father and ending with you ended for a reason.  Attempts to repair  my three relationships ended in failure.  I wasn’t meant to be with the boys’ dad, my girlfriend or you.  Our relationship breakdown has been significantly different than my prior two.  Yours has been the most ugliest, hateful, extreme breakup and on-going divorce process imaginable.  For all the love you professed to hold for me has become laughable except it hurts so bad to be blind-sided as I was. There was so much determination within me to make this marriage work that…well, it doesn’t matter.  You are a past relationship now.  You know I still hurt.  Tesla knows I still hurt.  She can read me like a preschool book.

Do I miss our good relationship moments?  Of course.  It’s the only thing that keeps me from hating you.

I am NOT tearing up.  I refuse to waste tears on you.


P.S.  I pray, if nothing else you learned some good things during our relationship and though it can’t be saved, maybe your experiences and mistakes can help you have a sounder relationship with Heather.

P.S.S. Get out of my dreams.  They feel like nightmares.

Playing with fire

The flame doesn’t burn bright.

More like a flicker, spit and sputter of a wet wick.

It had in the past…bright, hot and passionate.

That fire burned fast and uncontrolled, letting a heap of ash.

I brush myself off.  Hold my head high.  Burned, but not burned out.

Go Diego Go! ~Oxpecker episode

Best of friends

First get past the fact Oxpecker is in the title of this cartoon and my post.

Second, the other animal in this episode is hippopotamus, Greek for “Water Horse” and called a hippo.  I guess that is close enough to an ox.

No bird on this bull. I totally dig the bull though. lol

Finally, they share a symbiotic relationship. This is close and often long-term interaction between different biological species.  (wiki)

Gather my many friends

I wish Diego spoke more Spanish in the cartoon.  I would love to hear him say  The “oxpecker pecks the bugs off the back of a hippo to survive. ” The fact that this huge animal depends on a little bird to keep the parasites from eating him to death………..all the hippos keep the alligators away by showing their teeth and making loud noises.  If only humans could work together so well.  (no bug eating off of each other though…ew!)

Hippo and his Oxpecker

Tambien, I am jealous of Dora the Explorer’s amazing mochilla.  That chica can pull anything out of that backpack!

Give up the goods mochilla!

Dora is going to help me write my divorce party invitations and she doesn’t even know it.  Can’t she just pull them out of the backpack with everything else?  If she can fit raincoats, umbrellas, snowboards, and more…surely a divorce party invites, balloons and a cake will fit!  I know ella can do it!

Celebrate with Me!

Ok…back to studying Spanish with Tesla.  We are baking brownies too! She thought she had everything in the bowl.  I told her she forgot the egg.  Her solution… LOL

Tesla quickly added the egg to the brownie mix

So many topics in one blogpost!

Adios mi amigos,


Dear Dale

Dear Dale,

You have treated my daughter and I with kindness that I would have never expected.  While you were married to my sister, Suz’s, highschool best friend, I had never met you.  Even, your cousin, Joey Keefer, was my friend and neighbor.  Was that confusing?

Joey and I chatted about you and he put in very good words for.  “It’s amazing he’s alive!” he said.  “I remember when we were kids and he was hit by that car.  He turned out to be a great guy.”

I told Joey about meeting you and how you are helping me get settled in.  He said, “That doesn’t surprise me.  Dale’s like that to people he feels close to.”

I am like that with people I care about, and I care about you very much.  You are a brave man not only for wanting to be involved in helping me with life, but wanting to be in my life.  Unfortunately, there is a rather large problem.  I can’t get divorced from John, or at least that is how it feels.  This divorce issue has been dragging my life out for too long.

What I can do, is show my daughter the proper way to build a relationship.  My answer to your question “if you could marry me, would you?” is yes.  I would.  That’s the great news!! 🙂   The bad news is, I actually have to wait until I’m divorced.  So while I’m waiting, and paying my rent, we have time to get to know each other.

Right now honey, you are the sweetest man I ever met and don’t get frustrated when I keep you from helping me even more.  I can do this, but I appreciate your help.  Maybe in less than a year we could move in together, we just have to be patient!

Not “John’s Good Girl” for much longer, (especially if I agree to get that covered up by your tattoo friend)




%d bloggers like this: