Doing Nothing

This morning I had a meeting with an enforcement officer at domestics.  At 8 AM…that sucked.

I had already turned in my job search paper so it didn’t take long.  I told the officer I had sent John a text asking how much a month or week he wanted for “child support”  and the response I received was:

“It has nothing to do with what I think you owe.  It’s about doing your fair share.  Doing nothing at all certainly does not mean your share.”

The officer said, “Oh, I remember you now.  You had a case against John originally.”

I told him he was right and he said, “we get a lot of spite cases.”

At least domestics is onto his bullshit.


Dear John~ domestics debacle

Letters he nevers learns from

Dear John,

It wasn’t good to see you this morning.  I’m sure you felt the same way.

I was surprised when you came alone.  No lawyer in tow today?  I wonder why that is…did you feel you had everything under control yourself?  Or your lawyers weren’t available?  Your lawyers quit?  My lawyer sent him a letter back in December and so far, no response.  You know, I had a lawyer quit a couple of years back when this divorce process was started….by you.  He quit shortly after you emptied our entire house of everything and didn’t tell me.  Was I really surprised you did that?  No.  I didn’t have Tesla with me when I went there for the first time.  I thank God I didn’t because I don’t know how I would have explained where everything was.  You took out everything in 24 hours, even Tesla’s belongings.  I have pictures of this pathetic attempt to control things in the house.  Any respect I still had for you vanished that day.

Back to domestics, did you notice this time Carla was actually showing interest in what exactly our marriage situation is?  Perhaps they are going to look a little deeper at our case?  Or, maybe she was just being nosey ya know?  Asking the questions she did.  You have to admit, it is all fascinating.  The only draw back: it’s our life and what’s left of “our life” is just wrapping it up.  It really pisses me off that I am no longer entitled to alimony because I have a man living in my home. What kind of bullshit is that?  I’m not married to Dale, I’m married to YOU.  It’s not even about the money since it wasn’t that much.  It’s just the damn point.

What blows my mind is that you are going to file for child support.  Even Carla seemed surprised that you are insisting on holding me to pay you support.  You really do want it all don’t you?  The business, the house, our child and support payments to boot.  I tried to talk to you about support and you just refuse to even listen.  All you have to do is sign a piece of paper saying you do not request support.  Is that really asking too much?  The amount you would receive will be just as sad as my hourly rate.  It’s ironic that when we met, you told me to tell my son’s father he didn’t have to pay me the $200 a month support for Jarrid and Zeth.  Do you remember?  Saying to me, “$200 dollars a month is nothing.”  When I asked you what you thought I should have to pay you, your response was, “That’s up to the courts to decide.”  Since when do you want a court to decide anything?!

SO,  instead of me  wasting my time “looking for a job” or making a pitiful hourly wage, just realize how this will affect Tesla.    This will take away my availability to see Tesla, to study hard to keep my GPA high, and take care of my home.  Those are my “jobs” and  I have taken school loans out to the tune of $15,000 so far just to pay rent and live.  Oh, since we are still married, you are responsible for half….

Please take a moment and really think this over.  What’s best for Tesla is to spend time with her parents.  What is best for any child is to spend time with their parents and since we are separated we have to split her time.  It should be as equal as we can make it while living in different school districts.  I’ve never kept Tesla from you and ask that you would do the same for me.  She needs her mother to be part of her schedule, not an after-thought, every other weekend.  The more she sees me, the easier it will be for her to accept that she has to live with you.  She said to me that she told you she wanted to live with me and you told her “no.” Yes, legally, she is in your “custody” and you don’t have to share that time with me.   It is just selfish that you don’t want to.  I don’t ask for unreasonable amounts of time to see Tesla or even over night.  That threat you made, “You better drop this or I won’t let you see her except for every other weekend.”  You are threatening me with seeing her less, because I am asking to see her more than every other weekend.  Why would I drive there if she had no interest in going away with me?  She wants to see me.

There is no reason we can’t work out a schedule for Tesla and I to spend time together on a regular basis.

There is no reason I should have to get a part-time job to pay you support when every cent our moving company makes, you keep.

There is no reason Dale should be held responsible for me when I am still fucking married to you.

I am not saying I think you should have to pay child support to me.  What I am saying is: I think you are requesting child support just to be a jerk.  To make my life harder, which seems to make you happy.  I get that you want me to know you are “in control” of Tesla.  The person who doesn’t get it, is Tesla.  Our divorce is causing too much stress on her.

Let’s make a goal for 2012.  All four of us should try to get divorced from our spouses so we can get on with our lives.  Maybe then, Dale and I CAN get married!

I pray every night for this part of our lives to be finalized.  God doesn’t answer my prayers any faster than your lawyer answers letters.

See you tomorrow 🙂


Tesla and I are looking forward to Wednesday afternoon and spending time together.  Please allow her and I to spend a few hours together before gymnastics.  It really means a lot to her.

P.S.  I just got off the phone with you.  How dare you tell me to get a job and help support our daughter?  The nerve of you to tell me times are tough when you just took a week’s vacation before Christmas.  You haven’t paid any support since November yet I survived.  Now you don’t have to pay support at all and I will survive.   I can not believe you said “all this time you have to volunteer in Tesla’s class, you could be working.”  It’s crystal clear you are limiting my time with Tesla because you have been “granted” power by Judge Dorney.   You said it yourself on the phone, just now, because you don’t want me part of her routine.

It saddens me that you just don’t get that you are hurting Tesla.  What she says is HER words.  I don’t “tell” her what to say nor do I put ideas in her head.  I give her honest answers to her questions and anything I say, she is free to tell you.    I don’t listen in on your conversations, nor limit how long you talk to Tesla.  You on the other hand, do both.    You have given me permission to take Tesla home after gymnastics.  If that’s all the time you will allow me, I guess there is nothing I can do.  It’s Tesla who will be disappointed she can’t go to dinner with her cousin Blaine because she has to eat dinner at home, on schedule, as a family.  In my humble opinion (which I realize means nothing to you) she should have a night during the week when I can pick her up and we can do things with her cousin, brothers, friends, etc.

Like I said at domestics today, in the long run you’ll see the error in your ways.  You should retake the Kids First Class.  I really don’t think you learned a damn thing.

Also, since you claim not to read my blog, I will email this to you.  That way you, Heather and LaDonna can all have the opportunity to read it together.


Child Support

Today I received a notice from Domestics that John wants the child support order adjusted.   I realized after he was awarded majority custody he would stop paying child support, at least after his arrears were caught up.

John sites he no longer has an obligation to pay child support per Judge Dorney’s decision.  He wrote on the “other specific changes” line she has a live in boyfriend.  I’m not sure what he is implying, perhaps that Dale pays the bills?

What kills me about this notice is the reason he gave for “said change in circumstances, the Order should be modified as follows:”  Support be paid by mother

My only income previously was the support John paid for Tesla and a little bit of alimony.  Did he ever hear you can’t get blood from a turnip?  No income is no income. 

We took Tesla to have allergy testing today.  She had a little bit of reaction to outside mold and that was all.  Finally some good news.  I hope to see Tesla again on Wednesday.  She was sad that she couldn’t go home with me.  She’s going to a funeral with her dad tonight.  I would rather be with my mom than a funeral too.

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To pass the time, Tesla took pictures before her test was administered.  The actual testing process did not go great.  Tesla shrieked in fear at the tiny wand that looked like a fancy toothpick.  It didn’t even break the skin.  The fall she took earlier in the day while with John was more painful than what John had to hold her still for.  It went quickly and she did calm down.




WOW a truck just hit an electric line across the street.  Posting pictures soon.  There is hazardous liquid running all over the road from the transformer.

Greed makes his world go round

$20 dollars made me hollar!

I don’t think of myself as a greedy person.  Most people who know me wouldn’t say I’m a greedy person.  John and his girlfriend might say I’m greedy but hey, $20 is $20.  I pay $10 a day for Tesla to go to daycare at Weiglestown Child Care Center, an excellent daycare facility.  In the past when John hasn’t had someone to babysit for him so he can go do an estimate, work on a job or get laid, he has taken Tesla to daycare and reimbused me the $10 fee.  The last time he suddenly had no one available he called and asked if he could drop Tess off and I said “of course.”

Now last week before bed,  when Tesla called her dad after my repeated prompting, he didn’t answer and she left a message.  In the morning I talked her into calling him but again, he didn’t answer.  Trying one more time before dropping her off at daycare, his voice mail kicked in and I dropped her off without her talking to her father.  About ten minutes after the last call to him, he called back and I told him he just missed her.  He asks if he can pick Tess up from daycare today and since I was in the process of moving to West York, I said he could.

Around 10 AM I was filling up my dad’s gas guzzling truck at Turkey Hill right down from the daycare and who passes by but John, his girlfriend, her kids and Tess.  Now that pissed me off as Tess was looking forward to seeing her friends at daycare.  He couldn’t answer the phone the night before, or that morning and had some lame excuse that I didn’t listen to, but he could pick up Tess half an hour after I dropped her off.

I called his phone and his reason for picking her up was because they were going swimming at our home in our pool.  I said “I just dropped her off John!” and he responded with “What do you want me to say?”  I answered with “You can pay me the $10 for the daycare asshole!” and hung up.

When it came my time to pick Tess up from him, I yelled down from the top of the driveway (where I have to park) “Did you send my $20?” and he yelled back “Take it to domestics!”  I answered “Domestics doesn’t have anything to do with that.” and his “unable to mind her own damn business” girlfriend yells back “yes they do!”  Who the hell is talking to her?!  Certainally not me!  I yelled back “shut up! I’m not talking with you!”

As if my money isn’t stretched tight enough trying to live on a pathetic $441 a month while John keeps all the business income and supports his girlfriend and her 4 kids, I have to listen to her big mouth?!  I don’t need to hear jack shit from her….she’s just another chick on John’s list to cheat on.  Trust me, it will happen.

If withholding that $20 makes John feel like “the big man” then fine, don’t pay me back.  You’re only hurting your daughter and without me telling her anything, she has her dad all figured out.  Today I had to MAKE her leave for her weekend with him.  It breaks my heart to see her leave and breaks it even more that she doesn’t want to leave me.


Rush PA the paperwork….sit and wait, then SURPRISE!!

Hello Pennsylvania….a commonwealth…good ole PA. Really, all the paperwork I fill out for you? The forms, receipts, triplicate!
You have my social security number, issued my driver’s license, approved my name changed prior to a final divorce decree. I report my earnings, my child support, alimony, where I live, how much we eat.
Sweet Commonwealth, I have such trust in you. I rush the forms and receipts you need to process my tuition funds. Not once, but twice. The second copy of the receipt for college books needed in the next term marked “Please Rush” in desperation of check delivery.

Mail, on the kitchen table….from PA!! For me, my fundage for school books problemo. Tearing open the envelope, impressed at the speed of my new caseworker response. This dude is like my 5 caseworker. Why shuffle us around like cards? I hate retelling a new social worker all the BS on how I got in this perdicament…. Thinking as I tear, “how long will this take? how will I handle any differences in the funds?”
I stop breathing. Ok, actually was holding my breath. I see at the top of the paper one simple black checkmark. In a little box, as usual for the government’s forms. Denied. What?! DENIED?! I have professors lending me books until my funds come in! What state employee dropped the ball this time?

PA, at times a generous commonwealth, assists me in going to college. Wonderful…almost a full scholarship for my associates degree. I am blessed.
Unfortunatly I am cursed by the PA Assistance Program. Each department in PA appears to run independantly. Very little communication between state worker’s in Labor & Industry, Welfare, Domestics, etc. One department approves a scholarship, another childcare assistance. Food stamps here but child support and alimony over there. Special allowance for mileage in my Commonwealth purchased vehicle so I can drive my daughter to daycare, pick her up when it’s my custody time, buy groceries to feed my family on their tab. Special allowance for a MathLab CD….but when the serious tab (about $400 for this term) is documented and delivered twice…DENIED. Sigh…appeal.

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