The tough questions

Kids ask their moms questions all the time.  For example:

1. Can I have a piece of candy?

2. Do I have to get a shower right now?

3. Why does it get dark?

4. Where do babies come from?

5.  What is today?

6.  Where are the stars?

7.  Why do I have to turn off the tv?

8.  Can I get a pony?

9.  How do you spell insert word?

10.  Why can’t I come to your house?

Wait….clearly number ten doesn’t fit in with the others.  Why can’t a five and a half year old visit her mother?  She is begging  to see me and to talk to her dad, but he won’t talk to me.  He said “She is adjusting to her new schedule and routine.”  Why would a father withhold a child from her mother? 

When I said, “I feel like you are keeping Tesla from me” John flipped out.  Yelling I shouldn’t say that in front of her. 

What the hell should I say then?   “Daddy is trying to squeeze me out of your life.  He feels he has complete control now.” 

I really don’t have to “say” anything to give her an answer. 

This is how it looks to her: Tesla is asking her mom to talk to her dad about visiting with me.  Her dad is hanging up on mom.

He might as well say to Tesla, “I’m not talking to your mom, or letting you talk to her very often without listening to what you are saying.  I don’t want you to cry about it Tesla.  Don’t cry, you are here with me and Heather and the kids.  You should be happy!  You have your puppies, a swimming pool, four-wheelers, vacations and so much more.  You don’t really need your mom.  Forget about her.” 

That will never happen,


Dear John X

Dear John,

    Can you believe our baby is starting school?  Time just flies when you’re having fun or tied up in a divorce. 

    What I wanted to write to you about is your behavior after Tesla had her school physical.  You took her to the doctors and she had to have four shots in order to be ready to start school.  While you were at the doctor’s office I asked if I could pick Tesla up afterwards.  You said you were still at the office and would call me afterwards, which you did.

    Yes, Tesla was crying and in pain from the shots to her arms.  You agreed to let me pick her up at our house and I talked to Tesla on the phone.  She wanted her mommy and that was completely understandable.  Kids generally want their mom when they are hurting and I told her I was on my way.  What I didn’t expect was your reaction.  Suddenly you didn’t want to let me pick Tesla up after the appointment.  I had hung out in York to keep from wasting gas and was already on my way to get Tesla when you changed your mind.  Yes, you changed YOUR mind.  Tesla still wanted her mom but you didn’t like that.

    So there I was already on the way to get her and you tell me I can get her in an hour because you wanted her to take some Tylenol and lay down.  Why would you do that to her and I?  When I called you and pointed out how quickly you changed your mind, you became angry and said, “well now you can wait until 5 PM” and hung up on me, not once but twice.  Didn’t you learn anything in the Kid’s First session?

   The arguing with me at the top of the driveway is just ridiculous.  Ordering me to leave and come back at 5 PM didn’t work out so well.  I shouldn’t have to point out that the Kid’s First class you just attended frowns on this type of behavior.  What really rubbed me the wrong way was Tesla wasn’t even laying down, she was swimming in our pool. 

    Money is tight for me.  All the driving around with this 2-2-3 schedule is a real gas drainer.  I am happy to hear you sent $600 towards your arrears.  I am not happy that you announce this in front of our daughter as a “bonus check.”  It is NOT a bonus check, it’s the money you have owed in arrears since 2009!  Don’t make it sound like you are the hero of the day by paying the debt you’ve owed for years now. 

   Instead of recycling Kelly’s engagement ring to Heather, why not pawn it and pay the remainder of your arrears?  I can’t believe Heather is good with wearing a ring that was on the finger of a previous girlfriend!  Isn’t that bad luck or something?  Then again, Heather may not be superstitious.  I guess the ring isn’t the worst thing she needs to worry about…

Imagine all the new DNA on our marital bed,




Dear Heather II

Dear Heather,

    We were overdue for a short note.  I haven’t written in a while and I apologize.  You have started to grow on me and not in the fungus kind of way that may sound.  On Saturday I had Tesla so you and John could attend those parenting classes, Kids First.  What did you think? 

    I’m growing curious about you I guess, as time drags on with this divorce.  John says you two met in January of this year.  I think it was more like February but he may have been dating several people at once.  If you are really going to stick around, long term in my daughter’s life I would like to know more about you.  We chit chat and are at least on speaking terms now.  Friday night Tesla and I made brownies and I sent two in one package for you and John and Tess had her own package.  John said he ate his, did you enjoy yours?  Ying actually ate John’s first brownie and I had to wrap up another special one for him for Tesla.

   Anyway, back to getting to know each other as we both spend with my daughter.  I seriously am working on knowing all your children through my daughter and the little things Tesla and your girls make.  Tesla for the most part enjoys their company.  She also enjoys daycare and now these gymnastic lessons John is taking all our daughters to. 

   Let me ask you Heather, aren’t you ready for this divorce to just be over?  Are you ready to get on with your life, even get married to my husband?  I know I’ve met someone I really enjoy spending time with and I want to move on with my life.  Or are you ok with this divorce limbo situation because you’re living in my house, enjoying the fruits of my business?

   Probably see you tomorrow,



Kids First

Yesterday I attended the court ordered Kids First workshop.  It is designed to teach parents how to help their children with separation and divorce.  I chose the first class on a Saturday that was available.  Guess who also chose the same day?  If you guessed John, you would be correct!  Also joining John was his girlfriend, Heather.  Oh the irony….

So the group of 30 parents sat around a huge table and our instructor asked how many were attending with a co-parent.  I raised my hand, but John didn’t.  The numbers didn’t work out evenly and she asked again.  This time she thought John’s co-parent was the woman beside me.  I volunteered that he was my husband to clear things up.  Our instructor complimented the 6 of us who were attending the same time as our co-parents.  Shortly after that, John asked the instructor to step outside.  When they returned, John ordered Heather to get up because they were leaving.  Her response was “I don’t think that’s a good choice.”  What she thought didn’t matter because out the door they went.

The rest of us started with the workshop and I have to admit, it was very educational.  I hope that John and Heather both attend.  I actually think it’s great that Heather is going also.  This class may open both their eyes….it did open mine.

There were serious rain storms over the weekend.  My newly carpeted and linoleum floors were ruined and water was everywhere.  My room-mate was certain there wouldn’t be any flooding issues, but he was wrong.  I’m looking at apartments again and this time I’m NOT moving into a basement!  I hope to find an apartment in Eastern York school district so custody is no longer an issue.  Tesla’s health is most important to me and I can not stay living here now that I know it will flood.

My never dull life….



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