Stressful Morning

I went to Spanish class this morning only because I had a test. The professora had multiple errors on the exam and on the answer sheet. I became so frustrated and overwhelmed I could not think or write in Spanish. As time ran out and I was the only student still writing my brain completely shut down. I had answers written on the exam and on the answer sheet.
Seriously, I could not focus. Even though I studied for a couple HOURS the night before, I know I did not do well.

All this stress and drama with court is hurting my grades. I can’t concentrate for shit with custody court happening this afternoon.

I went to my religions professor to tell her I wouldn’t be in class this afternoon because of court. I couldn’t hold back my tears and wound up crying in her office. Professor Shusko was very sympathetic and said “go ahead and cry. better to get it out now than later.”

I did get a grip finally and talked to another professor about Literature class. Dr. Seigal said not to worry about missing class today. He said to focus on court and no matter what happens, things will work out.

Bless the understanding professors at YCP!

Frustrated but hanging in,

Smooth, Warm and Fuzzy

Let us all rejoice!!!

Today, the drop off and pick up of Tesla went without incident!

John wasn’t home this morning when I dropped Tesla off.  He had left at 7 a.m. to work on a moving job.  Tesla hopped out of the back of the car after giving me a kiss and hug.  Yes, the BACK seat of the car.  She begrudgingly sat in the rear after I told her it was a matter of her safety.  There was no signs of Heather outside and I was thrilled.

The pickup was just as smooth.  Heather wasn’t home that I could tell.  Tesla came out and immediately wanted to sit in the front.  John started in with “you have to sit in the back” before I could even get a word out.  I sent Tesla back into the house for her book bag.  I’m not sure why I have to ASK for her book bag, but I think it’s important that I get to look at the contents as John and Heather do.

Tesla and I stopped at Rutter’s to see her brother, Jarrid.  I got my birthday hug from Jarrid and he quizzed me on how school was going.  I find that very amusing.  I ran back out to the car and grabbed the two most recent issues of The Spartan.  He was proud of me for making the front page on both editions.  It makes me warm and fuzzy inside that my son is proud of me.

Now Tesla and I are kicked back on Dale’s couch.  Contrary to Heather’s beliefs, Dale has moved in and brought all his possessions with him.  Tesla and I have comforts now that we didn’t have before, such as a washer and dryer and a couch.  I went from having a camper mattress on the floor to having a KING SIZE bed again.  Heather sleeps on my old king size bed now.  Hope she doesn’t mind all that DNA that’s been left behind, obviously not all by me.

Well, my Spanish tutor has arrived and Tesla has a play date with Amanta.





Tear Control

I hate crying.  I think of myself as a tough chick who can handle whatever life throws at me.  This week has been incredibly hard.

Back pain like I have never had before.

Heather making stupid accusations of why John and I split up. (Fueled by John)

John managing to get a judge to side with him even though he has a bad attitude.

Going to Tesla’s orientation at one of the oldest school in York County.

Trying to explain to Tesla that today may very well be her last day at daycare.

Calling Wallace school and telling them Tesla is enrolled at Eastern.

It is breaking my heart that my daughter isn’t going to school from our address.  She became very attached to her friends at daycare and this is her last day to see them.  Monday is yet another custody hearing.  I am glad I get another chance to plead my case and I hope it makes a difference.  This Monday is just a preliminary hearing, so another court date is in the future.  Meanwhile, I will spend my day periodically crying.

Tesla and I don’t deserve this.  She should be with her mother.  I am the one who devotes my time to her.  I don’t run a business anymore.  I don’t play softball or bowl.  I don’t run out at the drop of a hat to give an estimate or visit a job site.  I especially don’t focus on having someone (anyone) in my life so I don’t feel alone.  With Tesla by my side, I am never alone.  She is my number one and together her and I would focus on our school work.

My only consolation is IF her father does get majority custody, I am certain when Tesla is of age, she will choose to be with her mother.

I also figure in this…the divorce factor.  John can’t always be lucky enough to have things work in his favor.

Tough chicks cry,



Dear Suz

She gots dem big eyez, ya?

Hey G, my sista!  How you doing with those big eyes?  All up in the camera!

What are we going to do with you?  You need to find somewhere to live.  If mom and dad actually find someone who wants to buy the house, you more than likely will need to move.  Maybe the new buyers would let you stay if you paid rent.  You never know, stranger things have happened.  Like me meeting Dale, for example.

There is always the possibility of moving back into the house with mom and dad if their house doesn’t sell and they don’t move to Shippensburg or somewhere else equally as ridiculous.

I can’t believe dad wants to move mom so far away from us.  Mom is going to be miserable alone.  I also can’t believe that dad is talking to my future ex-husband.  What the hell?  They both know I am a good mom to Tesla.  My sons will testify to that!

Ugh….I’m so sick of all the drama with 2 Johns and our dad.  Get over themselves already!

Love ya sista!


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