Amish Mafia: Tomorrow, Tomorrow, I love you, Tomorrow

Seems like forever since I first received an email from the producers of Amish Mafia asking if I would agree to an interview. Yet tomorrow is the first episode of Season 4, which happens to be the final season. No more Amish Mafia on the Discovery Channel. I’m CRUSHED!!

I wonder what happened that this is the final season because there is NO WAY Discovery would end a show that has such a huge following. Everyone knew it was fake. A reenactment of past interactions between the Amish, Mennonites and English. I honestly believe there was an Amish Mafia in history. They weren’t called the Amish Mafia back then but Anabaptist Hunters. Not quite the catchy title of a hit show.

If you want to read more about how I believe the Amish Mafia came about, click this link.

That paper I wrote for a religious conspiracy course in college caused Esther Schmucker to declare me the enemy and block me on Twitter and Facebook. All that and she’s not even on the show anymore. Sheesh, I thought Levi was her enemy, except for when they were engaged, but he was shagging an English girl. Oh Levi, you animal!

So I guess this will be the last chance for me to tweet on the show. I’m sad. No more Wayne in safety glasses smashing things, no more No Neck Mary soakings, no more insane Merlin and no more creepy Freeman. That’s my top four I’ll miss after this season. I’ll miss Esther and John just because they were so easy to make fun of on the show. Apparently their skin is thin and it took them becoming “famous” to realize it.

So good bye Amish Mafia. Fair well and good luck to you’ins.

And Levi, post some photos of the baby!

Amish Mafia, a delightful mix of kinda true but oh so hyped up for cable television type of show.


Tuesday, February 10th at 9 PM on The Discovery Channel

No promotion for my Honda in the Amish Mafia on Girl’s Night

It’s all good. I didn’t get what I wanted, or at least, what I thought I wanted. I threw my hat at this job opening. The head of HR came into my office today. No job change for me and honestly, I’m not upset. Twice my boss, the plant manager, checked on me after he was told I didn’t get the opening. Before he left he said he was really sorry I didn’t get the position because it would have been a little more money for me, but he’s the happiest person there ‘cause he gets to keep me as his assistant. Awwww, he’s so nice.

I stopped after work to get a new key made for my ’92 Honda “gonna live forever” Accord. I ditched the one I had at Mieneke after they told me my car needed a head gasket, timing chain, water pump and oil change at the estimated cost of $1,800. Later I found out there was a hole in the hose and $11 would fix the problem. Mieneke, those rip off artists! I even called and told them I believed their car tech was a lying pile of Ying crap. Ok, I just said I thought he should look into which tech it was, no mention of Ying’s poo. Oh yeah, the key. The clerk looked up my car in the key manual and it only went back to 1998. That made me LOL in Ace Hardware, not something I usually do.

So I’ve been asked by several people when I’m going to be on Amish Mafia. The show airs February 10th at 9 PM on the Discovery Channel. I’m told I’m on the first show. I don’t know for how long. The interview was an hour and a half. Once they’re done editing it will probably be about 3.5 minutes. Hahaha, seriously, I have no idea but I am LOOKING FORWARD TO MY FIRST TIME ON CABLE TV! Oh, yeah!!! Unless the camera really does add 10lbs. Then I will not be liking it. Actually, that’s not true either. I don’t care what anyone thinks of my looks, other than Brian. So anyway, I really go on about Esther and how I think she’s full of herself and ripping people off. I can‘t wait for it to air and I really hope Esther is watching. She should have just talked to me…remember, the pen is mightier.

Tune in

Tune in

Brian messaged me his windshield cracked about 15 inches. Just what we needed. Good we have a spare car. I’m over the cold and snow in PA and super jealous of my one friend Leslie. She’s in FL and is always relaxing on her boat taking pictures of the sunset making me want to drive down there and push her into the water. I’d throw her a life preserver.

I’m going out tonight with some girlfriends and meeting up with my son and his fiancée. Going to eat some delicious Thai at Market Street Café in York. They have the most amazing food and reasonable prices. It’s BYOB also. Not the fanciest of places but the food makes up for it. After dinner we are heading to the Waterway Ball & Grill. I’ve never been there. The reviews online didn’t make it sound like much. I’m only going to see Emily’s Toybox lead singer, Mike Wise, perform acoustic. I’m really looking forward to the evening. I should blow up some balloons. Hmmmm.

How was YOUR DAY?

Relaxing a little right now though I should be putting clothes away,


Mirkat: Before he got all Amish Mafia

Esther and Imir...before he got crazy with his fists.

Esther and Imir…before he got crazy with his fists.

Esther Schmucker may or may not be with her rapper man Mirkat. Mirkat is his stage name, his birth name is Imir R. Williams and he is originally from Lancaster. Before he made the break into rapping he was working as an expediter and server at Red Robin in Lancaster, but not for long, only about 3 months. I guess food service wasn’t his bag.

Red Robin...Yum

Red Robin…Yum

Esther would hang out, waiting for him to get off his shift, wearing her English clothes. Some people have said her clothes were more along the lines of stripper clothes, but I’m just reporting what I was told. That was back in the day though, before she got too big for her britches and Mirkat got a big head and decided to give Esther a beat down around Halloween. Things haven’t been so good since, at least not legally. 

Woman beater

Woman beater

Esther had to have some reconstructive surgery thanks to Mirkat taking a break from expediting food orders and rapping, and taking up woman beating. Everyone keeps asking why Esther looks different and by now I’m hoping it’s all become crystal clear. He seriously messed up her face and now she looks different…thinner in the face, capped teeth, you know, reconstructed.

Here's why

Here’s why

Now I’m not sure what’s going on with Mirkat and Esther. The program wants us to think that Levi (who has an English girlfriend) is there for Esther and is actually thinking they will get married in the future. I read on Esther’s Facebook page that she’s letting her hair down before she gets baptized and, I suppose, get’s real about being Amish. The local police report that Esther and Mirkat are living together and they’ve been called to the house several times since for domestic issues. Who really knows?! Esther says not to believe what the media says…I guess that means we should believe her.  Haaahahahaha! Now that IS funny. I also find it all hilarious that they’ve all blocked me on Facebook, even Levi. (Unless that’s Levi’s girlfriend who is administrator of his fan page. Boy, she would be surprised to know the things I know about Levi….he loves taking selfies!!!)

Anyway, I’m looking forward to the third episode in this season. I don’t care if they all hate me for writing about them or their girlfriends/boyfriends. They’re all fair game once they put themselves on television. If you can’t take the heat, get off the Discovery Channel.

New Amish Mafia in 7 minutes!!


Can’t Get Enough? More Amish Mafia

Chat Time with Esther Schmucker, or not

Today I was very excited to get to ask Esther why she blocks me on Twitter and Facebook.  Not just her mind you, she also orders her brothers, John and Freeman, to block my accounts. Sheesh, she does think she’s the boss!

The Discovery Channel had a chat session on the Amish Mafia Facebook page today at noon. I scrolled through, reading the burning viewer questions and finally typed in my personal burning question.

Here is a screen shot from the LIVE CHAT with ESTHER SCHMUCKER


Maybe I just have the worst timing ever, but the chat suddenly came to an abrupt halt. No sweet good byes, no tune in tonight to see the show, no I love you fans….she just stopped chatting, instantly.

Where’s the love Esther? And why you have to boss your brothers around? John and Freeman didn’t care if I believed there is an Amish Mafia or not. Hell, Discovery Channel doesn’t even care what I think.

I’m not affiliated with a mob of any type, but I am a huge Levi fan!


You like me? Can’t get enough Amish Mafia drama?

Click these links to read the results of my deeper delve into the Amish Mafia or click the tag cloud labeled Amish Mafia! Thanks for stopping by to read about my guilty pleasure!

The Amish Queen Esther and her Rapper Man

Esther has been flying low on the radar since her Twitter account was suspended.  Don’t worry, she started another!  (I’m officially blocked, though I did have a brief follow.)  Her maybe boyfriend, Mirkat also has me blocked but no worries, I have plenty of people who fill in the blank spaces.

On September 16th Mirkat celebrated Esther and her mom making him lunch. I would assume this means mom is okay with Esther’s fondness of the badass rapper.  The one that she recently pressed charges against for domestic violence.  Must be all smoothed over now.

  1. Mirkat ‏@TheRealMirkat 16 Sep

Esther and her mom made me lunch how sweet!

Today this was sent to me through Facebook.  Again, I’m assuming the gentleman Esther was with at Park City, was again, the rapper that tweets about her.


See, this assures me that Esther and Levi won’t be hooking up on the show.  Well, I mean they might hook-up on the show, but it’s all fake.  But we know it’s all fake now, right?  I can’t help but wonder….what does Levi’s REAL girlfriend think of all this love acting?

Can’t wait for Season 3!

Stayed tuned, especially during the off-season!  I always have info flowing.


Can’t Get Enough? More Amish Mafia

Amish Esther Co-Signs


Have you indulged in the Discovery’s Channels “reality tv” series Amish Mafia yet?  If not, what the heck are you waiting for?  This show has a little bit of everything for everyone.  Unless you’re actually Amish, then you shouldn’t be watching.

The program is full of contradictions about how the Old Amish Sect functions.  Obviously none of the characters are truly Amish or they wouldn’t be on the program.  Also, the main characters use cellphones, drive, and other no-nos.  All that aside, the blend of scripted programming along with the “slices of life” that are genuine-they’re aren’t faking getting arrested- the whole program is just cray-cray.

Esther, who has blocked me on Twitter, is apparently doing well for herself with this series.  This isn’t her first rodeo–or maybe, sewing circle.  I’m told she is doing well enough to co-sign for her ex-boyfriend to buy a new car back in July.  Mirkat and Esther are not a couple, but apparently still close enough that she would co-sign for him.  Strange, since not that long ago, she said he was abusing her physically.  Oh the Amish drama!  I thought the pair made a striking couple.  The song “Ebony and Ivory” just popped into my head.  Esther likes her meat dark, ya know? (A reader pointed out that this sounded extremely racist. Just to clarify, Esther tweeted she likes her meat dark. I can’t access her account anymore but, trust me, she did.)

Another thing that interests me: Esther claims the Amish pay just as much taxes as the “English” to the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania and government.  That kick-up a bit of a shit storm online as most people disagree.  What about sales tax on vehicle purchases?  Just kidding, I’m sure Mirkat paid for all that.

The scenes in Amish Mafia are priceless, you don’t know if you should laugh, cry or get pissed off.  At times, I do all three.

Will Freeman speak?  Will Esther give up sewing circles?  Will Levi ever fall for scripted love again?  Will Jolin take his shirt off soon? Will Merlin pull a shoo-fly pie out of his ass?

Time will tell.


More Amish Mafia:

Amish Mafia: More of the Circus Mob Tonight

‘Amish Mafia’ star Alan Beiler sentenced to prison for state trooper car chase – NY Daily News.

Amish Mafia is back on the Discovery Channel tonight!  I admit it, I’m excited.  Let’s be honest…this creative nonfiction, reality television show is entertaining.  They are all real people, acting out what Discovery wants portrayed.  Every now and then there is a hiccup in the filming, and reality steps in, but it’s a welcome from the network.  Nothing makes a made-up story about Amish Mafia seem more realistic than having cast member fleeing and alluding the police.  I hear we will see coverage of Alan at the courthouse.  Really, though, Alan isn’t that important to the show.  Just my opinion. 😉

Alan can always perform as the mobster who was taken down after several run-ins with the police.  The chases just had to be for his own excitement.  Discovery channel wasn’t there to film that…what a shame.  Where was Alan racing off to hide?  It’s not like the police didn’t know his car and face.  He could have just stopped and been charged with the little bit of weed and Xanax.  Duh.  I hope 21 months is enough time to sit and think about what a stupid move that was.

I’m excited to see what Esther will be up to and if we will see more of the strange brother, called by his last name, Freeman.  Esther’s other brother, John, was in trouble with the law not too long ago.  I think John fled from the police also, this time in a car owned by a Discovery employee.  Why are they letting John drive any vehicle?  He doesn’t even have a license for his scooter!

Amish Mafia 001

Levi has been working hard at his “English” business of roofing, siding and the general.  He has made several appearances for charity in the Lancaster area.  I think I might invite him to next years 150th Anniversary of Dover, PA Borough.  Many of our ancestors in this area came from Europe, fleeing religious persecution.  Particularly an Anabaptist sect that fled Germany and relocated in Lancaster, PA.  Dover Township is nearly identical to Lancaster’s agricultural resources.

And what will that evil, complete whack-job, champagne to his horse, Mennonite in Ohio, Merlin be up to?  Other then causing grief and over drama in Lancaster, of course.  Is he really the narcissist portrayed on our television screens?  I don’t care if he can quote the Bible and speak in half-ass Dutch.  No way would I want to work with someone at his level of insanity.

Will we see Jolin this season?  He is the eye-candy of the show.  Big Steve and the angry little guy, just can’t take Jolin’s place in our eyes.

Ok, enough already.  I’ll be watching…  ~P.

More Amish Mafia:

The Amish Mafia Conspiracy~ 21st Century Reality TV

They've been around.  The English just didn't need to know it.

They’ve been around. The English just didn’t need to know it.

AM Conspiracy <——click here to read how Amish Mafia came about!!!

This paper was educational and enjoyable to create.  Even if Esther won’t speak to me anymore.  Why, I’m not sure….


Amish Mafia: Established in the 17th Century

They've been around.  The English just didn't need to know it.

They’ve been around. The English just didn’t need to know it.

The opening paragraph of my thesis paper about religious conspiracy in Lancaster, Pennsylvania.

Religion 368

Popular Culture Project

“I play all over the United States and can say ‘Lancaster, Pennsylvania’ anywhere and they will know where you are talking about.  Isn’t that amazing?!”                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             ~Suzanne Westenhoefer

It is safe to assume that across the county, and often world-wide, Lancaster, Pennsylvania is a town people have heard about and even traveled to visit.  What the world did not know about is the secret society within this tight-knit, quiet community that places God above all.  The secret organization, known now as the Amish Mafia, has come out of hiding after organizing in the late 17th century.  The ease of a religious secret society to hide in a closed community is reasonable as the Amish have little interaction with those outside of their religion.  They chose to live without what most people consider the basics in life.  They have their own moral beliefs, rules, rituals and history to live by in addition to the traditional commandments upheld by those of the Christian faith.  This paper will exam the traditional beliefs of the Amish community, the reality program produced by the Discovery Channel titled, The Amish Mafia, and the veracity of the televised program portraying the conspiracy of a secret organization hidden in Lancaster, Pennsylvania.

Levi Loses Control ~AmishMafia

Levi!  Your mob is out of control....

Levi! Your mob is out of control….

Levi…I’m concerned about your rowdy group of mafia misfits.  They are committing all types of acts that are catching the attention of fans…and the police.  From hit and runs, drugs and wild women…you have your hands full.


John hasn’t been hiding from the authorities.  If he were hiding he wouldn’t be on our television screens.  He turned himself in and that was a wise move.  Otherwise Levi might need to feed him to the fishes.  I’m just curious why John was driving the vehicle of a Discovery employee when John is only licensed to operate a foot propelled scooter.  I bet that employee is kicking their own ass for letting John, resident goofball, drive his car.  No wonder Levi isn’t buying him a vehicle.


Esther…what is going on girlfriend?  After the breaking of Levi’s heart, checking out Jolin like he was a side of beef, and kissing that creepy Merlin, you are now dating a rapper.  You go girl!  I’ve spoke to your boyfriend and things seem to be going well.  I’d advise having some say over the pictures he posts.

Keeping it hot in the kitchen girlfriend

Keeping it hot in the kitchen girlfriend

The kitchen pics were hot but this one is not.


While I hold no issue with interracial relationships, how does the Amish community view such relationships?  What does Levi think?  I’m 100% sure the fans of the show would love to see this play out in Season 3.  I suggest filming begin immediately.

Allen Beiler

Allen Beiler

And then we have Allen, the mastermind of the entire show.  Allen doesn’t want to spend much time in front of the camera.  If he were, it would catch him in the act of committing a crime.  Like John, Allen can’t stay out of trouble.  Wouldn’t their real lives be interesting on tv?  Don’t quit with the reenactments.  Those are entertaining to we fans.  Just keep cameras on them all the time.

Now that would be reality tv.


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