7 Month Sentence

Life is just crazy. The things that happen, sometimes we see coming, other times we’re blindsided. That’s how it is for everyone.

I don’t write as much as I used to, but I’ve really been thinking about writing my book. I’m just not sure how to go about it. Really, with how life is going, I am still tied to my ex-husband. Tied through the mortgage for the house and, of course, having a child together. I have so many notes, calendars, scraps of paper, etc. to use for the book it’s nearly overwhelming.


He and his wife are over after 7 months. You know who I feel bad for, Tesla. She’s the one who has to endure their fighting, her father calling the police to document an argument in which he started. Like the police are there to take his argument calls. Seriously. And Tesla get dragged into it because he’s claiming Gina, his wife, soon to be Ex-Wifey #3, was harassing Tesla.  His lies, his name calling, his bragging, his carefree fake bs that only he can pull off as a wounded man of an endless string of women who weren’t good enough.

Wow, does this bring back memories or what? I had to deal with his drama every single freaking day. Throw in the secretary La, and occasionally John’s one brother, and it was off the hook insanity. I couldn’t trust ANYONE.

And when I did, they stabbed me in my back. It was vicious.

So John’s down yet another wife.

He has a pre-nup that covers him for the house. I’m sure the speed dating will resume.

Poor Tesla.


It pisses him off


I haven’t written about life in a long while. My need to write or fear or explosion is gone, but this not writing at all is unacceptable. It’s my husband and television to blame.

I had someone who has been reading my blog, from the beginning, in one day, drop me a note.

Hi! I just found your blog today and really love your writing!! It’s comical, edgy, and heart wrenching all in one!

I’m trying to catch up on the story… did your divorce ever get finalized? Did your ex marry Heather? Are you still with Dale? Who is Brian? Sorry… I know I’m cheating like flipping to the end of the book! LOL

I’ve skimmed through as many posts as I have time for (at work!) and can’t seem to find these milestone posts! Hope you and your daughter are doing quite well!

Good to know I can help someone get through their day at work. LOL

Ok, so I’ll just kinda pick up with today.

Even though I divorced John over a year ago, my name is still on the mortgage. He had six months to remove my name. We went to court 6 weeks ago and I said he could have two more months to assume the remaining mortgage or remortgage our property. This was part of the settlement and a payment plan that I agreed to stretch-out for 8.1 years so he could easily afford it and keep the house.

He hasn’t even applied. I talk to Wells Fargo more then he does and I don’t even live there. I’m over his drama. So, it’s back to court again.

Brian had to pick up Tesla at John’s tonight. I felt bad for him to be honest, because I know John can’t shut up. No matter who he’s around, he has to bitch about me. So John’s mouth is running like that proverbial duck’s backside and Brian let’s him ramble on and on as entertainment.

It’s worthy to note that John thinks I act differently in front of Brian then how I would if he weren’t present. John implied that I actually wasn’t the great person that Brian believes. Really John. It’s over. Let it go. I’m married to Brian now. (Is the song in your head suddenly?)

Part of his rambling was about Tesla not wanting to go to Disney World next year with us over Father’s Day weekend. I told Tesla we would go then because it fit everyone’s schedule that was attending. She feels guilty and wants to be home with her dad. I get that, but there are eight people involved in this trip. Brian’s parents are taking us, and now Brian is trying to work out other dates with his nephew’s and son’s schedule. Yes, I’m frustrated.

I think John should have been supportive considering the situation and just said to Tesla that it’s fine for her to go on a week’s trip to Disney and spend Father’s Day with her stepdad and step grandfather next year. But hey, that’s just my opinion.

I have other opinions. Like Dale should stop trying to contact me. Yeah, that PFA has expired but that doesn’t mean I want be friends. My friends don’t even want to be his friend. Dale shouldn’t be texting John to tell me “hi” and John shouldn’t be telling Tesla to tell me that Dale says hi. WTH? Dale and John are both duh, and I’m being nice.

So my favorite part of Brian telling me about John’s monologue is: John said it pisses him off every month when he has to sign that $500 check that’s being mailed to me.

That made my night.


We’re Approved


I haven’t written much lately. Since graduating college I’ve gotten divorced, moved out of my townhouse, filed an appeal for custody, started a new job, and went on my first vacation since 2008. In other words, I’ve been busy.

The divorce seemed anti-climatic. John sure as hell didn’t want to risk going to court so we reached an agreement, one that he whines about constantly. Just pay the debts and your alimony and shut up already. He seems to forget this was the divorce he originally wanted. Now his relationship with his current girlfriend seems shaky. I mean, I just hear things through the grapevine (NOT TESLA), and it ain’t all sunshine and rainbows shooting out of his ass when he farts.

I moved into Brian’s house that he already owned and we applied for a mortgage together. The bank had already begun foreclosure steps so we were taking a huge chance by giving up my townhouse and just crossing our fingers they would remortgage the house. I went on faith, faith in God and in Brian that things would work out, and they did. After the approval went through Brian said he had been worried because his lawyer told him they might not approve it because he hadn’t made payments in a year. (He and his ex had decided to buy a house from her parents so they let this one go.) I’m glad he kept that to himself since I have sleeping issues already. We refinished the hardwood floors before knowing if they were going to approve it but we’ve held off on putting up vinyl siding. Now that everything is good to go, we can’t wait to have new siding so our house isn’t the scary one on the street.

Custody court is September 8th and I am PUMPED! I can’t see any reason why Judge Platts wouldn’t agree that Tesla should spend a week with me and a week with her father. I am certain Tesla and I will be successful in getting her to be shared equally between her father and I. The longer and harder her father tries to keep majority custody, the more of a horses ass he appears.

I have a great new job at Maple Press as the plant manager’s administrative assistant. I’m really into the position because there are so many facets to the job. I do the everyday stuff like answering the phone and scheduling vacation for the 103 employees, but I also get to write letters to customers, check books for quality, create programs for inventory control and even learn how to run some of the machinery. Now that is diverse and I pride myself on being diverse. My boss is extremely happy with my past experience and my performance so far and stresses that he wants me to be happy with my position at Maple Press. He also told me not to feel as though I can’t advance within the company. Give me a few years, I’ll know this book printing business inside and out!

Brian’s parents took us on vacation to Top Sail, NC for a week. We had a great time swimming in the ocean and shell hunting. Tesla got a cool kite and had her first kite flying experience. The pool at the resort was top-notch and we spent lots of hours splashing and sunning ourselves. Matthew and Tesla bickered like brother and sister and Brian and I just rolled our eyes and tried to over-look the “he said, she said” statements.

The only downside to life these days is my mom has been really sick. After 6 months in the Pittsburgh hospital she finally was discharged but she’s been in and out of the Chambersburg hospital since. I saw her today. She’s home after 3 days in, but still has an infection in her blood. I pray for my mom all the time. Doesn’t seem right that she suffers so much when she’s been such a wonderful person and a great mother.

Brian and I are searching for a home church. We will be checking out one in York in two weeks that is more progressive. The LCBC (Lives Changed By Christ) church on North Hills Road came highly recommended so that will be our next “church shopping” experience following a Labor Day weekend get-away with close friends to their cabin.

So that’s the latest. Living life to the fullest with no regrets!

Graduating 25 years after high school


When I started York College of Pennsylvania four years ago, graduation in 2014 seemed like an eternity away. Now I feel like my four years at YCP flew by. I’ve had the most amazing experience going to college as an adult rather than right out of high school. I believe attending as an adult made me try much harder to achieve a high GPA and I truly believe my dedication to making high grades kept my mind off the fact that I was struggling to get through a long, ugly divorce process lasting six years. Now, to my delight, both have come to an end. I finished my last college course last week and the week before my divorce was finalized! Now I can focus on writing my story about life lived with a narcissist. This blog has followed the process of divorce, the book will be about what life was like. I’m not looking to villainize my ex or portray myself as a helpless victim. I will write this book so that others know the signs, and possibly, I can help one person realize the traits of a narcissist before they say “I do.”

The title of my future book I Used to Drive a Mercedes.

For now I drive a 1992 Honda Accord and celebrate having a wonderful man in my life and an earned degree.

The worst is over,



Protected: Message from Heather

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Do you have Heather’s glove?

That’s a question I didn’t expect to hear.  Heather has a ball glove?  Where was it when she was out in the field with the kids and the ball came down, beaning her on the head?  It was a hard hit too!  I heard the resounding echo of impact from the stands.

Today, after Tesla’s practice, I just wanted 30 minutes to hang out with her.  Nope.  John had texted the reason i couldn’t have her is “You’re watch never works.”  Tesla asked me to ask her dad if she could go with me.  I told her I already had twice, but she was insistent.  I asked and he said, “no, dinner is waiting for us on the table.”

Then he asked if I had Heather’s glove.  I said no and gave him a weird look.  He said, “well her glove disappeared and I’m just asking.”

He THOUGHT I took his girlfriend’s ball glove!  I replied, “Do you want to look at it?” and held my glove out to him.

He said, “No, if you say it’s not hers, I believe you.”  (Now there is a fucking first.  He believes something I say?!)

I replied, still holding out my glove. “You can check it for her name.  I know she likes to write names on things…”

I couldn’t help myself.  All those people standing around looking at me like I had possibly stolen my husband’s, girlfriend’s ball glove.  Right after he told me I couldn’t have 30 minutes with Tesla after practice.  WHATEVER!

Also, tell your wacky, grammatically-challenged girlfriend to stop brushing my child’s teeth.


I guess Disney is over-rated

I found this amusing

I found this amusing

I waited in my car after texting “here” to announce my presence.  John came out on the porch and motioned for me to come to the house.  That is a bad sign as he technically has me court ordered to not even step onto our land.  I entered my house.  John was standing at the island and his girlfriend, Heather, was seated across from him.  John had a document in his hand for me to sign.  He insists on this paper signing when Tesla is with me at any time other than my weekends.  “What are you going to do about this dog situation?” he asked.  I was confused, not sure what he was referring to.  He continued, “I heard about Ying biting Dale.  I learned today he bit Blaine.”  John was referring to my dog Ying biting my boyfriend and a few years ago, biting my nephew.  “Ying would never bite Tesla.  It’s not even a possibility.” I replied.  I quickly signed my name to his over-night agreement and tore off my copy.  Tesla and I were anxious to exit.

“I wanted to talk to you a minute about Disney.” Heather said to me.  I couldn’t believe she was even bringing Disney up again.  After the rude texts she sent to me about being John’s sugar mama and she’s not using her divorce money to pay the mortgage but to take them all to Disney World.  Apparently John can’t go to Disney this time around.  He’s been there twice, once with his first wife and once with his ex-girlfriend Kelly.  So Heather has it in her head she should take Tesla to Disney.  I let Heather give her spiel while I kept one eye on Tesla to see her facial reactions.  Tesla didn’t seem interested in what Heather was saying which seemed strange to me.  I would have thought she would be excited, agreeing she wanted to take this trip, maybe even begging me to say yes.  Heather handed me an envelope with the dates she intends to fly to Florida and where they will stay.  As if this would suddenly make a difference, she volunteered, “Tesla can call you every day on my phone while we are away.”  I had to laugh.  “Come on Tess,” as I reached for her hand to leave.  I couldn’t listen to anymore of this woman’s babble.  After the hatefulness Heather has displayed in situations that had nothing to do with her and the jealously she holds over a man who refuses to divorce me, why would I let her take my child anywhere?

Tesla and I finally got her signed out and we both sighed in relief in the car.  I asked her what is up with this whole Disney trip and she said, “Heather says I have to go.  She said it will be fun.  She talks about it all the time.”  I digested these three sentences and thought about Tesla’s lack of input during the Heather spiel.  “You don’t want to go to Disney?” I asked, as things began to add up in my head.  “Heather will be mad.” She answered, twisting her lips into a frown.  Now I had a clear picture and that clarity was going to make this a touchy situation.  “Heather is an adult and she will get over being disappointed that you don’t go.  I’m surprised you don’t want to go.”  Tesla, speaking maturely looked me in the eyes and said, “It’s far away and too long.  I’ve been there.”  Her argument made sense and I was at a loss for words.  Only my child can let me speechless.  She didn’t want to discuss it further so I let the subject drop for the time being.

Our over-night stay was coming to a close.  Her father called because he was running late coming back from somewhere.  He wanted to know if I was going to be able to drop Tesla off at 2 pm.  He had originally said he would pick Tesla up.  I failed to notice he had it typed in the weekend agreement that I had to pick up Tesla and drop her off the next day.  He also wanted to keep Tesla the following Friday until 8:30 pm and I must pick her up.  The whole Disney World chat through me off, under normal circumstances, when I’m not drawn into their lair, I read, sign and leave.

Knowing we didn’t have much time left to our visit, I sat on the couch with Tesla and turned off the television.  “Why are you turning my show off?” she asked.  “I want to talk to you a little bit before I take you back to your dad.” I answered.  “About Disney?” she rolled her eyes.  “Yes, about Disney.” I replied.  “I just want to be sure I understand what you want to do because I’m going to have to give Heather an answer.”  “Can you just tell her I can’t go?” Tesla asked.  “I want to go away with you.”  This child knows how to tug at my heart strings without even trying.  I would love to take her to Disney World.  I’ve never even been to Disney.  “I can’t take you to Disney honey.  Maybe in a few years we can.  How about somewhere else?  Like Hershey Park?”  She smiled and asked if it was far away.  I told her no and we could probably visit grandma the same day.  “That sounds really good Mom.”

I turned the television back on and began writing my text to Heather.  Tesla reminded me she didn’t want to be in trouble for not wanting to go.  It concerned me she is that worried about the consequences of not agreeing with what her father and Heather (an adult figure, as Tess refers to her) tell her she must do.  It is just ironic that I had decided prior to even talking to Tesla that if she wanted to go, I would let her, even if I wasn’t completely comfortable with the idea.  Honestly, I was terrified of the idea of my child traveling that far away with a stranger.  In my world, Heather is a stranger.  Now I deny the trip at Tesla’s request.  I made it clear, without a doubt, that it was her decision.

I wrote my reply to Heather on my cell phone, to her cell phone, even though the last text message I received from her was, “Do not text this number again.  I’m done asking.”  I’m surprised I don’t have whiplash from these two whipping me around with their assholery.

“I talked to Tesla and she doesn’t want you or her dad to be sad or angry because she doesn’t want to go to FL.  I’m sorry but, I try to respect her decisions and based on that she won’t be going.  I trust neither of you will make this situation an issue because she make it clear to me and to pass on to you and John not to keep asking about it.  I appreciate your desire to make Tesla feel part of your trip but it just wasn’t a good idea.”

Tesla read the text as I was writing it and then I read it aloud to her to make sure she agreed with the message.  She did and I sent it.  Tesla was satisfied.  I didn’t get a response and was relieved.  More discussion was unnecessary but I realize, like with everything else, John is bound to have more to bring to my attention.  When the results are not his desires, there will be turmoil.


Dear John~I get it now

Letters he nevers learns from

Letters he never learns from

Dear John,

Seriously, I get it now.   The planets aligned last evening and I came to a startling conclusion in the midst of a agonizing headache.  It was a brutal headache, felt like worms were nibbling their way through my brain and tap dancing with their legless bodies on every nerve ending.  Yes John, it hurt that bad.  Anyway, back to the conclusion.  Relationships that die can’t be brought back to life.  And if they are, they probably aren’t going to be as good as they were before.  This was really painful for me to wrap my head around.

Every serious relationship I’ve ever been in, beginning with my sons’ father and ending with you ended for a reason.  Attempts to repair  my three relationships ended in failure.  I wasn’t meant to be with the boys’ dad, my girlfriend or you.  Our relationship breakdown has been significantly different than my prior two.  Yours has been the most ugliest, hateful, extreme breakup and on-going divorce process imaginable.  For all the love you professed to hold for me has become laughable except it hurts so bad to be blind-sided as I was. There was so much determination within me to make this marriage work that…well, it doesn’t matter.  You are a past relationship now.  You know I still hurt.  Tesla knows I still hurt.  She can read me like a preschool book.

Do I miss our good relationship moments?  Of course.  It’s the only thing that keeps me from hating you.

I am NOT tearing up.  I refuse to waste tears on you.


P.S.  I pray, if nothing else you learned some good things during our relationship and though it can’t be saved, maybe your experiences and mistakes can help you have a sounder relationship with Heather.

P.S.S. Get out of my dreams.  They feel like nightmares.

Dear John~Selfish as always

Letters he nevers learns from

Letters he never learns from

Dear John,

Why do you have to be so damn selfish?  Our child is not property.  You have had Tesla for the past 3 weekends and yes, you allowed me to spend more than the 24 hours the custody order grants over Christmas.  I suppose you are looking for accolades.  Sorry, not going to get them from me.

Even after you know how sick I was in the hospital and how little time Tesla and I had together, you still want to throw in my face that you are following the custody order to the T.  You love being the enforcer but what are you really enforcing?  Some bullshit custody order that greatly restricts Tesla’s visitation with me without your approval.  You eat that shit up.

Here is what your downfall will be:

1.  Your need to be in control of everything.

2.  Your need to make yourself the most important person in the room.

3.  Your desire to withhold your only child from her mother for no sound reason.

4.  Your lack of moving forward with our divorce.

5.  Your endless disregard for Tesla’s wishes.

It will all come back to bite you in the ass, as it should.  After almost dying once again at a hospital, I would think you would realize just how short life can be.

All I asked is if I could see Tesla a few hours and you said no.  You don’t care how much I miss her, especially after a near death experience.  You don’t care how much Tesla misses me.

While I can’t read your mind I can take a guess at what you thought.

“Damn, if only the bitch had died my life would be so much easier.”

The world didn’t end and I’m not dead.

Chalk two up for me.


P.S.  Has lightning ever struck Chapel Church or don’t you attend with Heather, Tesla and crew?

P.S.S.  The bigger you are, the harder you fall.  Try not to create a crater.

P.S.S.S.  I checked the mortgage today.  It’s about $8k in the arrears.  Will Heather be taking out another student loan to catch things up?


Can’t sleep~too many naps

Yes I know.  It’s my own fault.  I napped in the library on the ugly green couch and dozed off reading a short story on my comfy red couch.  It happens.

Now I can’t sleep and the wheels in my head are turning, unlike the wheels on my car.  I must fix my car and hopefully, I can.  That 1992 Honda Accord must last at least two more years minimum.  Even longer if possible since my credit is shot in the ass and the chances of getting a loan for even a used car are slim to none.

How ironic that John just bought another truck.  I guess Kelly was up his ass to get her name off the truck she bought with him.  You know, back when they were SO in love and life was grand.  Like the ten grand she dropped on renovating the house.  That worked out good for Heather you know.  She has twice as many kids as Kelly so the renovations really made moving in with John a no-brainer.  Just add house and instant family!

Back to the truck…The only reason John would get rid of the truck he had, all blinged out with Delauter’s A1 Moving Helpers on the windows, would be because Kelly and him had it titled together.  So yeah, that pisses me off.  Why does Kelly get to free her name up from that jackass and I don’t?  I can not wait for our divorce to go before the divorce master.  It’s impossible not to see the delay is because he doesn’t want to or can’t settle up what he started.  Don’t file for divorce if your bark turns into a whimper and you piss on yourself rolling onto your back.  Unless you mean to piss on yourself…Hey to each their own.

So I will work on my car today.  I watched YouTube videos on how to remove the master fuel fuse whatcha-ma-call-it and how to repair it with the solder thinger.  It has been years since I soldered but I’m sure it’s like riding a bike.  Speaking of bike, I am hoping for nice weather so I can ride my cycle to school.  Riding is fun and I really enjoy it.  My Harley is one thing I’d like to keep post divorce.  Of course, John’s name is on the title also.  He is SO about having joint accounts.  Hell, his first wife is still on the title to his Harley.  How’s all that joint account shit working out for you now John?  Not so great I bet.  Trust me, the feeling is mutual.

I thought writing might tire me out.  It’s not working…and the tires on my car are starting to look bare, like my checking account.  No worries though.  I’ll get through.  It’s not like the day my Mercedes was repossessed.  No one is taking my Honda away, or my Harley.  I just fixed my Harley so I’m feeling confident.  At least until I pull the bottom of my dashboard off.  🙂

Seriously, Dale and I just finished fixing all the rust spots that plague Honda’s so  it has to run again.  All that bondo can not go to waste.  The grinding and mixing and sanding and sweating and blood it took to make it pass inspection must prevail!  Maybe I should have just let it rust.  I show it some love and attention and it just lets me sit.  At least I was close to home and not in say….Georgia.

I’ll figure something out, I always do.


Hoping to see Tesla on Wednesday.  I have asked several times now…


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