Dear John~She Called You Out

Letters he never learns from

Letters he never learns from

Dear John,

I knew your text that Tesla wanted to stay there over the weekend was bullshit.  When I asked Tesla what she did that was exciting over the weekend, she said “Nothing really.  We went swimming.  I got bit by a mule yesterday.”  As I opened the door to Rutter’s, taking Tesla in for lunch after the briefest of meeting with you, I was preparing myself to hear the truth, straight from a seven-year-old.

“I thought maybe you did something special since you didn’t want to come to my house this weekend.” I said.

“I didn’t say that.  I’d never say that, Mom.”

“I tried to call you but your dad didn’t answer.”

“He said I didn’t want to come?  Cause that’s not true.”

“He sent me a text.”

“Let me see it.” she said while we were eating sandwiches, so I handed it to her.  She opened my messages and went right to your name listed as “John the Man” which she finds funny, by the way.  I scrolled down for her, because there were many texts from me to you.  And, I showed it to her, and she was pissed.

You remember when she had me send you photos of her being silly in Rutter’s?  Well she wasn’t being silly in the last photo.  She was pissed because she just realized you lied and put words into her mouth that she never said.  She was mad enough to tell me to text you that she never said that.

Nothing like being called out by your kid.  Ouch.

Now, why is Tesla on some farm, getting bitten by a mule on her ankle and there was no adult in sight?


Suddenly, not so happy.

Suddenly, not so happy.  She looks more like you when she’s angry. 


Do you have Heather’s glove?

That’s a question I didn’t expect to hear.  Heather has a ball glove?  Where was it when she was out in the field with the kids and the ball came down, beaning her on the head?  It was a hard hit too!  I heard the resounding echo of impact from the stands.

Today, after Tesla’s practice, I just wanted 30 minutes to hang out with her.  Nope.  John had texted the reason i couldn’t have her is “You’re watch never works.”  Tesla asked me to ask her dad if she could go with me.  I told her I already had twice, but she was insistent.  I asked and he said, “no, dinner is waiting for us on the table.”

Then he asked if I had Heather’s glove.  I said no and gave him a weird look.  He said, “well her glove disappeared and I’m just asking.”

He THOUGHT I took his girlfriend’s ball glove!  I replied, “Do you want to look at it?” and held my glove out to him.

He said, “No, if you say it’s not hers, I believe you.”  (Now there is a fucking first.  He believes something I say?!)

I replied, still holding out my glove. “You can check it for her name.  I know she likes to write names on things…”

I couldn’t help myself.  All those people standing around looking at me like I had possibly stolen my husband’s, girlfriend’s ball glove.  Right after he told me I couldn’t have 30 minutes with Tesla after practice.  WHATEVER!

Also, tell your wacky, grammatically-challenged girlfriend to stop brushing my child’s teeth.


Dear John~aka Mr. Know It All

Dear John,

You wonder why I get so pissed off at you.  Did you ever stop to think it’s because you firmly believe you know everything but when it’s convenient, you plead ignorance?  This morning is a great example.

Dale and I stayed up late watching movies (which you probably know since my Facebook is so closely followed by you and your minions) and I forgot to plug my cellphone in.  So this morning when you have Tesla at the playground (and I’m really curious if it was you or Heather since I know Heather takes Tesla to church, not you) and she falls off the monkey bars, you resort to calling Walt to notify me that Tesla is injured.

Really, the only person you know how to get in contact with is my father?  Not that long ago, you had your lawyer pursing Dale as a convicted felon.  You knew his first, middle and last name, birthday, address etc. in an attempt to keep Tesla away from me, yet you don’t have Dale’s phone number?  I know I’ve called you from Dale’s phone.  He’s also in the phone book.  It’s also all over his truck in large letters advertising his computer business.  Amazing how you manage to know everything you possible can about Dale and I except how to contact him if there is an emergency and I can’t be reached.

So you have Dale’s number now that I’ve called you and made a point of you saving it for emergency purposes.  Dale would never have a problem with you calling his cell to relay a message about Tesla.  Unlike that bitch of a girlfriend you continue to entertain.  Heather doesn’t want me to EVER call or text her cell, even when she has Tesla because your off doing whatever it is that makes you happy at the moment.  It’s well-known how you do what you want, when you want.  Hell, you even do who you want with no consequences because you are the king, top dog and big man of your universe.

Now Tesla has a broken left arm.  Not just broken and a cast, but broken so badly she has to have surgery tomorrow.  You knew how much I wanted to see my baby girl this morning at the hospital but would you allow me to come in and see her.  Oh hell no.  She was being discharged and you were leaving immediately even though I was already on the way in.  I said I’d come get her at the house if you weren’t going to wait and you shot that down also.

Our daughter breaks her arm and you won’t even let me see her.  That’s sad John.  Instead, you make her and I wait until the court appointed time of 7PM tonight.  Does that make you feel like you’re in control?  Not allowing mother and daughter to see one another after she suffers a traumatic experience.

The only thing that kept me from completely losing my temper was speaking to Tesla and hearing the pain medication was helping her.  I guess until I pick her up tonight I will remain in the dark concerning what really happened.  Tesla reassured me I can get her at 7 PM, clearly you already pumped that into her head.

I managed to raise two boys who never broke a bone, yet you and your lawyer are constantly doubting my parenting abilities.  Every serious injury Tesla has had happened on your watch.  From four-wheeler accidents to broken arms….maybe it’s time custody is heard by a judge once again.  This time, I’m bringing back-up.  ~P.

Dear Heather~Stupid Faces

Dear Heather,

Yesterday, after I dropped Tesla back off at 7:04, I had to restrain myself from laughing my ass off at you, as you made stupid faces at me.  WTH?  I was trying to get you to pull out onto the road because you were blocking my sight of view.  Imagine my joy when instead, you start making stupid faces.  Holy cow that was awesome!  Some might even say an amusing improvement.

Was this some twisted elementary school game of “You go first!  No YOU go first!”  I didn’t care who went first, but it would have made the most sense if you had waited until I pulled out of the driveway and left.  This way you could have avoided driving through the yard and spinning in the grass.  Did you get yelled at or didn’t John even notice the bare patches of dirt?

John was pretty pumped up for his game, wearing his green uniform; he looked like an elf.  It’s the ears.  Did you ever notice how his ears are pointy?  Tesla’s are like that too, well, one of them anyway.

So you were in such a rush to get out of there (I got a warning phone call from John so you must of been pitching a fit when I was 3 minutes late) but then you stop at the top of the yard and insist I pull out.  I swear you stopped because you knew you were tearing up my yard trying to drive a mini-van full of kids to the road.  What was the big hurry, other than leaving with my child as quickly as possible but making sure I knew YOU were in charge of Tesla and not me?  Later, when John told me you went to the park, I was annoyed.  Why don’t you go to John’s games?  Take the whole crew to the games…there is a park there!  It’s so crystal clear that you two are determined to limit my time with Tesla.  I can not wait for her school to let out.  And the stupid faces as I pulled out… just made me realize just how immature you are.  All this bullshit over Tesla’s clothes, sneakers, etc. is just your immaturity showing in a situation you shouldn’t even be in.

Keep up the faces….I enjoy them even more than your angry, indignant look.

Oh….if your mommy never told you…One of these times your face will stay like that.


Just ride your motorcycle then!

I know it’s the same shit, just a different day.  This could be looked at as endless writing material but let’s face it, Tesla will always be in my life, and assuming she chooses to remain in her fathers, he will be a part of our lives.  Oh the joys of our lives…

Monday 5/28 after he picked up Tesla, I text John “Tesla has a little blister on her finger from being on the tire swing over at my friends house and also a little rash from jumping on the rope.  I think both should be fine.  Her allergy appointment has been canceled.  Is Ladonna still working?  If I send you email I want to make sure you get it.”

No response.  (See why I have little faith in him reading an email?)

Tuesday 5/29 at 8:30 PM I texted “Tess calling?”

No response

5/30 1 PM I texted can I get TT.  He texts he will let me know.  He never does.

      Duplicate   6:15 PM &  7:15 PM “Tomorrow after school?”

          8 PM  “Hey…can I get tt tomorrow?  She calling me?”

           She will be calling.       And tomorrow?    Not sure yet.   Of course you’re not.    

Tesla called and we had 3 minutes and 13 seconds to talk with at least John and Bria right there beside her.  I don’t consider anything until 5 minutes a conversation.

Today 10:30 AM “Can I get Tesla this afternoon please?”

No response so I call him at 11 AM and he answers.

“Can I please get Tesla this afternoon?”

“I don’t think she has anything going on.  Her and the girls were talking about playing after school.”

(I’m sure they talk about playing after school every day.)

“Ok, if she doesn’t have anything going on I’ll take my car to my doctor appointment.”

“I’ll ask her if she wants to go with you or play with the girls as soon as she gets off the bus.”

“Why are you going to ask her that?  I am certain she will want to see me.”

“I’m letting it up to her and I’ll ask her as soon as she gets off the bus.”

Funny, suddenly it’s all up to Tesla.  It didn’t matter where Tesla wanted to go to live did it?  Otherwise, she would be living with me, right?

“Just ride your motorcycle then, smartass!”

No, I’ll take my car.  She will want to see me.  Have a good day.

It wasn’t an “all-screaming at each” other phone call.  No one even “hung-up’ on the other.

I just spoke the truth, which of course poked a sore spot on John with a stick.  If it were not true, why would he be so pissy?  Threatening to not allow me to see her at all, so to speak.  Tesla and I are puppets, hell while I’m at it, Heather and crew are puppets too.  It would make for a heck of a reality show, just not one I want to be starring in.  Sigh…. 

Taking my car,


Scheduled Control

What is scheduled control?

When a person (A) in power feels he or she must strictly schedule another persons (B) day.   The amount of power held by A varies, depending on the relationship held with B.

For Example:

1.  John (A) has a large amount of power over Tesla (B) because A is the father of B and has a court order that A believes empowers him to:

a. Rigidly set B a schedule that allows very small amounts of personal time for B to make a choice in how her time is spent.

b. Making a schedule for B that is so vague it is clear A is exercising coercive power to avoid allowing B the opportunity to make a choice in how her time is spent.

2.  John (A) has a large amount of power over Pattie (C) because A is the husband of C and B is the daughter of A and C.

a.  Majority of  attempts by C to contact  A results in continual avoidance of answering the text messages, email and phone calls.

b. A regularly asserts power over B and C by changing the schedule of B at a moments notice to cause distress to C.

3.  Pattie (C) will in time, have a large amount of power over C because eventually A is going to fuck up so bad that B will be disgusted by his pathetic attempt to control her schedule.

a. Result hypothesis:  A and C= Happy    B=Sad

THAT is what scheduled control is!


P.S.  Yes, I wrote all that myself.  A little bit of psych, a little bit of human communication and a large dose of controlling personalities.   Maybe “scheduled control” will become a new psychology term.  I didn’t bother to look if it might be one already.  🙂


The Agreements

The Agreements

If I wanted to visit with Tesla, I had to sign. My six short visits.


Who is smart?!

John doesn’t read email and Heather doesn’t know how to open email. (yeah ok)  I would have believed it if she said “I can’t spell.”


LaDonna is on her honeymoon and John had to work today.  I’m surprised the world didn’t end….  Yes, John worked on a job!  Maybe he short on employees…I hope the job went better than some of the more recent ones.


Maybe my son is smarter than me, as John said to my face tonight.  Jarrid realized what a piece of —- John was way before I did.

Really, for not reading my blog or his emails, John sure knows what’s going on in my life.  John is just as obsessed with me now as the day he met me.  Sorry it didn’t work out.  Actually, I’m not sorry.  Thank God I got away.

Furthermore,  it’s sad that Tesla has to ride home in a work truck (must smell like stinky men) just because her dad has control issues and won’t let her ride with her cousin, Blaine and me.  Blaine and Tesla were in different gymnastic classes so they didn’t even get to talk.  The ride to back to her dad’s would have given them 10-15 minutes to chat.  But, no.  Daddy can’t let Tesla talk to her family.


Even though Tesla was in tears because she couldn’t ride with her mom, John didn’t care.  Of course he will blame it on me, saying I upset Tesla.  The child misses her mother but obviously her father and his current girlfriend don’t care.  Heather, you make me laugh when you tell people there is never a dull moment.  No shit, you signed up for it.  I almost can’t wait for your divorce and my divorce to go through.  Why?  Too see if the two of you actually get married.  Baaahaaaaahaaaaaa!  You know he is all yours!  I bet Dale and I marry before the two of you, because Dale is SINGLE and waiting to marry me!


Oh….I will never sign a divorce agreement that doesn’t completely remove my name from every document that currently holds John and I together.  So NO Heather, I won’t be signing off my house to you.  I realize that is your goal.

There should be NO reason Tesla can not go home with me right after school on Friday.  I will be at the school volunteering and Eastern has an dismissal making it much easier for her and I to be on our way after the school day.

Bullshit as usual,



I used to refer to my husband as my stalker.  “I married my stalker” I would say.

John would listen to my phone calls or hide and listen in on my conversation.  He was an expert at sneaking around for being such a big guy.  Of course he could always get someone to “spy” on me if he couldn’t do the “checking up” himself.  I thought once I managed to escape my “prison guard” I wouldn’t have to worry about feeling like I was in prison.

Sure, John let me have a little freedom.  He preferred to go where every I was going or have me in his presence 24-7.  Even after 3 years of separation, he still can’t let go of me and move on.  Maybe it’s the divorce holding him up also.

John invades my dreams and my reality.  Almost every night I dream about John.  Lucky me huh?  Sometimes it’s fighting, sometimes his girlfriends are involved.  Kelly still pops into dream land now and then.  Usually Heather isn’t part of my dreams.  Whew!

Don’t ask me why I dream about my stalker.  I guess I just haven’t shaken him from my subconscious yet….if that is even possible.

I checked my cellphone not to long after I got up from bed.  At 8:58 AM John sent me a text:  “I see your resume classes tomorrow.”

I find that creepy.  Like when he sent me a text at a Revolution’s ballgame that Tesla, Jarrid and I were attending with friends.  John was there too and shortly after I arrived he sent me this text:  “I see you.”  Can you say creeper?????  I can’t believe I married this guy!!

So I sent him a reply to his creepy class text:  “yes” and a little later “how do you see that?”  He never replied.  I’m sure he’s trying to get me to say I won’t have Tesla with me tomorrow and his response will be “then you can’t have her because the court order says she must be in your presence while in my custody.”  Would that surprise me?  NOT AT ALL.

I don’t look into where John is while he has Tesla.  I already know he gets lots of different people to babysit while he is out doing God knows what.  He is just obsessed with this never-ending relationship and how he can control me and Tesla every chance he gets.  You would think with Heather and her 4 children he would be too busy to pay attention to my schedule.

Apparently not,


Dear John XIII


Dear John,

No, I didn’t forget that Tesla had an appointment with a counselor today.  I was under the impression a parent was to be there to fill out the paperwork, not sit in during her session.  I find it appalling that you would take Heather along and think it would be acceptable for her to sit in during the session.  I’m her mother and had no expectations or desire to invade Tesla’s private time with her counselor.  I’m GLAD the counselor made Heather leave as she had no business attending to start with.

I have an appointment next week to speak with Tesla’s counselor.  The counseling appointments are not to have a professional decide who Tesla should live with, they are to give Tesla the opportunity to talk, in private, to a third-party.  She should feel safe and free to talk about her feelings without having the concern of upsetting her parents.

The LAST person who should have shown up for this appointment is your current girlfriend.  I will share my thoughts and opinions with this counselor, as you did.  I can’t imagine that us sitting together would have accomplished anything anyway.  To date, we have yet to sit down together, alone or with a mediator, and reach any type of agreement.  Why is that?  Because, if it’s not what you want, you will not even try to reach a compromise.

Give our child some breathing room.  She has a brain, her own thoughts and opinions.  While you may not want her to voice them, she will eventually.  You may not like what she has to say, but it’s not about you.  It’s about her and her future.

Promoting freedom of thought,


P.S. As Tesla told me tonight, you are still playing softball.  What happened to Tesla being in bed at 8 PM?  That schedule you insisted we should follow….guess it doesn’t apply when you’re out having your extra curricular activities.  At 9:28 PM she still wasn’t home, much then yet in bed.  Roll your activities and the ones you have taken the liberty to enroll Tesla in, when does she have time to be a kid?  Dad plays softball, runs a business, gives estimates, (still bowling?  Playing poker?)  Tesla takes gymnastics and dance lessons.  You wanted her to take swim lessons and mentioned her taking riding lessons next month and tonight Tesla said she will be old enough to start T-ball next year.  Talk about over-filling a childs schedule!

%d bloggers like this: