Dear John~Again with the Control Issues

Letters he never learns from

Letters he never learns from

Dear John,

Time has flown by and summer has passed quickly.  The season is changing and school is just a few days away.  

You, however, haven’t changed a bit.

When you called Wednesday, the 14th, at 8:07 AM, and said I could have Tesla over the weekend, I requested getting her on Sunday, as Dale and I had actually made plans together, to go somewhere on a day-trip, maybe even overnight somewhere, you know, just him and I.  It sounds like “no big deal” to someone like you, but to us it was a special, little, “over-nighter”.

I asked to get Tesla on Sunday, anytime, even at 5 PM like the summer schedule states, but have her go back on Tuesday at 7, or earlier.  I was pretty much willing to go with whatever you said, beings a judge put you in charge and all.  What the hell was that judge thinking?  I just wanted to work this out between us.

So you suggest me picking Tesla up at 4 on Sunday and you retrieving her at 4 on Tuesday.  I immediately said that was fine, and meant it.  Sometimes I say “fine” to you just, because anything else would be inappropriate and you would most likely call the police.

Later, I’m guessing maybe Heather came home and heard we had agreed on the 4-4, Sunday to Tuesday agreement….let me consult my cellphone right now to be accurate….

1:15 PM Pic Message


Now mind you, I have a copy of this entire court order and don’t need you (and Heather) sending me pictures of the document.  When we were talking about this weekend and before Tesla starts school, it was trying to arrange more time for Tesla to be with me.  If you would like, I can take a picture of the court order where it states you should allow Tesla time with her mother beyond what is mandated.  Actually, I posted a copy of the entire court order online, and if you want, refer to it by page number there in the future.  That way, I won’t have to see Heather’s attempt of spelling Christmas and final decision to just write X-mas. <—custody order

At 1:27 PM I noticed your picture message and replied “We have an agreement.”  Seriously John, we HAD a verbal agreement.

AT 1:29 PM You responded “The court order clearly states what I thought that’s why I offered you the weekend so I guess we will just follow the court order.”

At 1:35 I responded “John 4 on Sunday to 4 on Tuesday is fine.  Why make a big deal out of what we already agreed on.”

You never responded to my text.  I think I called once, maybe twice.  Finally Tesla did call me Thursday and when I mentioned seeing her Sunday she immediately said she couldn’t come.  Do you hear the sound of her voice when she has to tell me such things?  Of course when you and I got on the phone you said I had my chance and passed.  What the hell John?!  Way to make it sound like I don’t want my child when you KNOW I do and you KNOW she is standing right there listening.  So I say, “Fine, I’ll get her Friday and she can just go where ever we go.”   Your response was exactly what I thought it would be…”I’ll let you know.”

What the hell do you mean you’ll let me know?  I don’t hear back from you for another day making it clear I wasn’t getting her on Friday.

Way to screw with my weekend, which I’m sure you enjoy.

I had texted you three times Friday, trying to get an answer.

August 16th 8:22 AM “Time I can get TT Friday?”

1:31 PM  “Are you letting TT come with me today?”

5:47 PM “Is Tesla allowed to come visit please?”

Finally, at 6:14 you text me this: “She said she like to stay here for the weekend.”  You also aren’t taking my phone calls, making it clear I can’t talk to Tesla.

At 6:34 I wrote you “So can I have her at all before school starts?  I’m sure she would like at least a day.  Please ask her.  Ty”

This morning I texted you at 8:54 AM “Are you going to let me see our daughter before school starts?”

At noon I texted you “Do you think ignoring me is appropriate?”

I still haven’t heard from you John and it is now Saturday night.  I don’t get you and I don’t appreciate being ignored.

Your controlling behavior will be your downfall.  Perhaps you should retake the kids first class because I don’t think you grasped a single concept of the “learning how to be a good co-parent for your child” program.

Will I see Tesla this weekend?  Monday?  Tuesday?  Technically, you can make me wait until next Friday at 5 to see Tesla again.

Will you do that, propping yourself up with the court order as justification to keep Tesla to yourself?

How about giving the “court order” bullshit a rest?  And if Tesla doesn’t want to visit with me, she is capable of telling me herself.

That way I will believe it, because I don’t believe even half the shit you tell me.

You and your usual ways.




I guess Disney is over-rated

I found this amusing

I found this amusing

I waited in my car after texting “here” to announce my presence.  John came out on the porch and motioned for me to come to the house.  That is a bad sign as he technically has me court ordered to not even step onto our land.  I entered my house.  John was standing at the island and his girlfriend, Heather, was seated across from him.  John had a document in his hand for me to sign.  He insists on this paper signing when Tesla is with me at any time other than my weekends.  “What are you going to do about this dog situation?” he asked.  I was confused, not sure what he was referring to.  He continued, “I heard about Ying biting Dale.  I learned today he bit Blaine.”  John was referring to my dog Ying biting my boyfriend and a few years ago, biting my nephew.  “Ying would never bite Tesla.  It’s not even a possibility.” I replied.  I quickly signed my name to his over-night agreement and tore off my copy.  Tesla and I were anxious to exit.

“I wanted to talk to you a minute about Disney.” Heather said to me.  I couldn’t believe she was even bringing Disney up again.  After the rude texts she sent to me about being John’s sugar mama and she’s not using her divorce money to pay the mortgage but to take them all to Disney World.  Apparently John can’t go to Disney this time around.  He’s been there twice, once with his first wife and once with his ex-girlfriend Kelly.  So Heather has it in her head she should take Tesla to Disney.  I let Heather give her spiel while I kept one eye on Tesla to see her facial reactions.  Tesla didn’t seem interested in what Heather was saying which seemed strange to me.  I would have thought she would be excited, agreeing she wanted to take this trip, maybe even begging me to say yes.  Heather handed me an envelope with the dates she intends to fly to Florida and where they will stay.  As if this would suddenly make a difference, she volunteered, “Tesla can call you every day on my phone while we are away.”  I had to laugh.  “Come on Tess,” as I reached for her hand to leave.  I couldn’t listen to anymore of this woman’s babble.  After the hatefulness Heather has displayed in situations that had nothing to do with her and the jealously she holds over a man who refuses to divorce me, why would I let her take my child anywhere?

Tesla and I finally got her signed out and we both sighed in relief in the car.  I asked her what is up with this whole Disney trip and she said, “Heather says I have to go.  She said it will be fun.  She talks about it all the time.”  I digested these three sentences and thought about Tesla’s lack of input during the Heather spiel.  “You don’t want to go to Disney?” I asked, as things began to add up in my head.  “Heather will be mad.” She answered, twisting her lips into a frown.  Now I had a clear picture and that clarity was going to make this a touchy situation.  “Heather is an adult and she will get over being disappointed that you don’t go.  I’m surprised you don’t want to go.”  Tesla, speaking maturely looked me in the eyes and said, “It’s far away and too long.  I’ve been there.”  Her argument made sense and I was at a loss for words.  Only my child can let me speechless.  She didn’t want to discuss it further so I let the subject drop for the time being.

Our over-night stay was coming to a close.  Her father called because he was running late coming back from somewhere.  He wanted to know if I was going to be able to drop Tesla off at 2 pm.  He had originally said he would pick Tesla up.  I failed to notice he had it typed in the weekend agreement that I had to pick up Tesla and drop her off the next day.  He also wanted to keep Tesla the following Friday until 8:30 pm and I must pick her up.  The whole Disney World chat through me off, under normal circumstances, when I’m not drawn into their lair, I read, sign and leave.

Knowing we didn’t have much time left to our visit, I sat on the couch with Tesla and turned off the television.  “Why are you turning my show off?” she asked.  “I want to talk to you a little bit before I take you back to your dad.” I answered.  “About Disney?” she rolled her eyes.  “Yes, about Disney.” I replied.  “I just want to be sure I understand what you want to do because I’m going to have to give Heather an answer.”  “Can you just tell her I can’t go?” Tesla asked.  “I want to go away with you.”  This child knows how to tug at my heart strings without even trying.  I would love to take her to Disney World.  I’ve never even been to Disney.  “I can’t take you to Disney honey.  Maybe in a few years we can.  How about somewhere else?  Like Hershey Park?”  She smiled and asked if it was far away.  I told her no and we could probably visit grandma the same day.  “That sounds really good Mom.”

I turned the television back on and began writing my text to Heather.  Tesla reminded me she didn’t want to be in trouble for not wanting to go.  It concerned me she is that worried about the consequences of not agreeing with what her father and Heather (an adult figure, as Tess refers to her) tell her she must do.  It is just ironic that I had decided prior to even talking to Tesla that if she wanted to go, I would let her, even if I wasn’t completely comfortable with the idea.  Honestly, I was terrified of the idea of my child traveling that far away with a stranger.  In my world, Heather is a stranger.  Now I deny the trip at Tesla’s request.  I made it clear, without a doubt, that it was her decision.

I wrote my reply to Heather on my cell phone, to her cell phone, even though the last text message I received from her was, “Do not text this number again.  I’m done asking.”  I’m surprised I don’t have whiplash from these two whipping me around with their assholery.

“I talked to Tesla and she doesn’t want you or her dad to be sad or angry because she doesn’t want to go to FL.  I’m sorry but, I try to respect her decisions and based on that she won’t be going.  I trust neither of you will make this situation an issue because she make it clear to me and to pass on to you and John not to keep asking about it.  I appreciate your desire to make Tesla feel part of your trip but it just wasn’t a good idea.”

Tesla read the text as I was writing it and then I read it aloud to her to make sure she agreed with the message.  She did and I sent it.  Tesla was satisfied.  I didn’t get a response and was relieved.  More discussion was unnecessary but I realize, like with everything else, John is bound to have more to bring to my attention.  When the results are not his desires, there will be turmoil.


Dear John~ If your nose grew from all the lies you tell it would circle the world twice

Letters he nevers learns from

Letters he never learns from

Dear John,

All I wanted was to spend an hour or two with Tesla today.  Such a simple request, yet it was shot down immediately.  According to you I couldn’t pick-up Tesla because Heather had plans with her.  I don’t give a damn if Heather has plans with her, she’s not Heather’s child.  And your response that Heather treats Tesla like she is hers makes no difference.  It was a losing argument for me as you are “in control.”

I KNOW Tesla did nothing special after school today because I asked her what fun thing Heather did with her and the girls.  The highlight of Tesla’s afternoon with Heather was playing Uno.  You didn’t want to interrupt those precious plans Heather made….. Oh please!  There were no special plans.  Even if there were, Mom trumps live-in girlfriend.

And last night, when your phone supposedly wasn’t working and you didn’t get my calls or texts…..come on!  You just didn’t answer the phone.  Trying to hide that you are not even WITH our child.  You disgust me.  You have no respect for your daughter’s desire to see her mother.  Instead, you push her on whoever the current girlfriend happens to be or getting double duty out of LaDonna as a secretary and child care.  Does it make you feel like a big man to deny your child her mother?

On top of your big, fat lies, Tesla tells me you have been out of town for days.  Over and over, Tesla tells me how much she misses me and then I have to learn you’re not even with her.  What ever happened to how flexible your schedule was and you are always available to care for Tesla?  It’s all bullshit and when the time comes, it will all fly back into your lying face.

I have determined that God only allowed you to procreate with me because anyone else would have lost their patience with you by now.  If it wasn’t for my even-temper, I would have long lost it on your  arrogant ass.

Lastly, for you to tell me I might “hurt” Tesla with what I write is a joke.  There is no doubt in my mind that the games you and Heather play with my child is much more painful for her than someday reading what she already knows.   That her daddy isn’t nice.

Keeping track of all your lies,


Dear Heather~get in line

Dear Heather,

I realize you must insert yourself into every single part of my daughter’s life so you feel like you are someone.  You even have it in your head that you’re Tesla’s step-mom and all your kids are step-siblings.  Funny as Tesla only refers to Zeth and Jarrid as her brothers.  Even today, when you weren’t permitted to come back for Tesla’s surgery, no one mentioned your name because you are no one but the current girlfriend in a long line of women.

When you realize that, maybe you’ll understand.  In the meantime, stop telling me when Tesla goes to her father and that you are going to sue me.  You sound as ridiculous as the last girlfriend that used to do the same thing.  She cut ties with John when he decided to try out a boyfriend.  Then again, you already know about that side of him.

So, shut up and just play your part of fill-in wife.  Doesn’t make you a wife or a step-mom….just the next chick that’s laying in my bed.  At least you’re not a dude.

Trust me, you won’t be the last in line.


Dear John~sad sad sad

Letters he nevers learn from

Dear John,

I went all the way to Windsor for Tesla’s May Fair this morning.  You knew you had to work, but still wouldn’t let me pick up Tesla insisting Heather was keeping her.

Why did you say to me, “It’s open to the public.  You can go.”?   I only wanted to go with Tesla….

So I go, only to be told Heather isn’t taking Tesla.  I didn’t want to attend the May Fair without my child.

After 3 hours, I left.  Heather wouldn’t answer my calls or texts and you were busy working so that meant zero help as usual.  This could have ALL been arranged days ago when I asked to take her to the May Fair.  Your flexible schedule you brought up so many times in court hasn’t really panned out John.

There was NO reason I couldn’t pick Tesla up at 11AM for the May Fair, other than you and Heather didn’t want me to.  Instead, Tesla had to attend all the practices of the children you and Heather keep telling her are sisters and a brother.



Dear John~confusing who?

Letters he nevers learn from

Dear John,

Tesla and I were happy she spent the night last night.  That was so much better than just getting two hours together.  She naturally complained for a little, but I finally got across to her that we will just have to enjoy the time we get.  One overnight wasn’t enough, she wanted more.  It’s  hard to explain to Tesla why she has to live with mostly you (and the gang) when she wants to live with me.  Telling her a judge decided means nada to Tesla.  I might as well tell her the Wizard of Oz decided.

Enjoy your time with Tesla and stop being so damn rigid with your ridiculous, unrealistic rules and schedule.  Your world revolves around yourself.  It’s so obvious, yet you don’t see it.  I know you better than you know yourself.  I even understand why you are the way you are.  I get why you filed for divorce….and don’t start with the cheap bags of pot you bought for me or the diet pills I was taking back in 2008.  Neither are your reason for filing for divorce.  You know it.  I know it and a select number of people know it.  Obviously Heather doesn’t know or doesn’t get it yet.  It all depends on how honest you were with her about the dissolving of our relationship.

So back to this morning and Tesla, what was the big deal about Tesla and I doing her homework before school?  It wasn’t like she asked if I could come inside my home and help do it.  She was fine with bringing it out to the car and writing on a book or the hood of my car.  You and I both know it is very simple homework.  Well, I assume you know but Tesla does say it’s mostly Heather who does homework with her.  We could have done the homework and I would have been on my way.  Tesla would have her homework done with plenty of time before the bus came to spend with you if you so wished.  I saw Heather’s vehicle in the drive so I suppose she could have even had time with Tesla.

Sadly, Tesla had to come outside in tears because you wouldn’t let her do her homework away from the island in the kitchen.  I was confused.  Why can’t she do her homework with me?  What is the big fucking deal this time?  You take such pleasure in telling me what I can and can’t do with my child just because a judge decided that Tesla should continue living in our house.  You thrive on it I swear.  Thank God the stupid signing for Tesla bullshit has ceased.  I never did hear from my lawyer that your lawyer, or even Heather’s lawyer, sent him a damn thing.

That’s ok, eventually you’ll hear from my lawyer.


Dear Heather~ You’re uncomfortable

Dear Heather,

Yes, I saw you at the school today.  I’m sure you saw your child talking to me.  When your children speak to me, I talk to them.  Isn’t that how “being nice to others” works?

So this afternoon, when you had to come up to my car to talk to me, I was surprised at what you had to say.   (you really want that step-mom roll don’t you?)

You don’t “feel comfortable” with me talking to your children.  I don’t seek out your children to talk to them.  When they see me at the school, gym, etc. I would think you could appreciate that I go out of my way to be nice and show your children that Tesla’s mom is not the “psycho-bitch, money spending, lazy, drug-dealing, lying, cheating whore of a mother” that my husband paints me to be.

Do you think I will pull your child aside and say negative things?  What do you think I would say?  I know my name gets bashed at the house, but that doesn’t mean I would do the same to you.

So Heather, you don’t feel comfortable?  Big fucking deal!  I don’t feel comfortable with you talking to my child.

Side tangent——> especially since I’ve learned how tragic your children’s lives have been since you became separated from your hubby.  Really, the nerve of you to insinuate I am doing something negative, hurtful or dangerous in my writing.  You raise the privacy issue, but you had no problem identifying who you are on my blogsite.  Since it’s not to hard to figure out who my husband is, it shouldn’t take a rocket scientist to realize people already know where you live.  Duh.

So as I suggested, you tell your children that they can’t talk to me.  You explain what the fuck your problem is, other than it bothers you that your children (especially your youngest) talk to me and like me.  If they talk to me, I am going to respond, because that’s what is polite.  Can’t you and John recall learning all this simple shit in kindergarten?  The children in the house have a better head on their shoulder’s than you two do.  Acting like this Heather just makes you look bad to your kids and Tesla.  I remember meeting you the week you and John hooked up….you wanted us to be friends.  Jesus, Mary and Joseph….you were priceless.

Not only am I uncomfortable with you talking to my child, I have a whole list things I am uncomfortable with, but I’ll save it for another time.

Tesla’s coat really needs laundered.  Could you use my washing machine and dryer and take care of that please?

Thanks g/f


I’ll call the police

“I will call the police,” I heard, walking towards the gymnastic center’s doors.  I could not believe Heather was threatening to call the cops on me.  Well, actually I can.  She sounded just like John.  His voice was still on my mind.

John and I ran into each other earlier that day, at our family doctor’s office.  John had Heather’s son at the office.  I was just leaving after a follow-up concerning my meds.  My stomach was nauseated almost daily for a month and I couldn’t control when I might throw-up.  It didn’t even have to involve John.  It crossed my mind I might be pregnant, but the test clearly showed only one line.  Anyone need the other pregnancy test?

I asked my future ex-beloved to explain why our doctor had no record of Tesla’s atv accident and he said he had not spoken to John about any possible injuries.  John insisted our doctor would put that in writing for him and I said, I will believe it when I see it.  Which is worse?  Not telling me Tesla had an accident on the atv or telling me he had her checked by a doctor when he hadn’t?

Tesla has gymnastics once a week.  My time with Tesla on a personal level is severely restricted.  When I do get time with Tesla one-on-one, I have to sign an agreement that it’s a one time visit.  John is adamant that this is how the judicial system wants our custody agreement handled.  I think he is just a control freak.  Now this week at gymnastics, Heather had Tesla and her girls at the gym but John wasn’t present.  He texted me “sick” after I asked twice why he wasn’t there.  Now I had just seen him earlier in the day at our doctor’s office.  Less than four hours later he is too sick to take Tesla to gymnastics?  Why wasn’t I contacted so I had the opportunity to spend more time with Tesla while her dad was “sick?”

Gymnastics is over….the waiting room is jammed to the hilt with squealing children in spandex and parents trying to get them in or out.  Tesla’s coat was on and I took her hand to walk towards the door.  I had already asked John twice if I could take Tesla home because, I knew she would ask me.  No go…he was fixated on Heather taking Tesla home.  When changing clothes, Tesla asked me in the bathroom if she could go home with me.  I told her I couldn’t take her home with me.  Next, of course, she asked me to take her to her dad’s.  I told her I couldn’t, she would have to ride with Heather.  Tesla was not happy, but I told her I would see her again, as soon as possible.

“Pattie!  Pattie!  Stop, Tesla is going home with me! I’ll call the police!”

Now I am no fool and I have no interest in having the cops come to my daughter’s gymnastics studio.  Heather must have had it in her head (or it was put in her head) that I would sail out of there with Tesla in tow and she would be left behind with only her daughters.  How the hell would she explain that to “The Man?”  What made me giggle inside, though I was nearly at my boiling point on the outside, was “what the hell would she say to the cops after I left to take Tesla home?”

9-1-1 Operator:  911, what is your emergency?

Heather:  I need the police to chase down Patricia Crider.  She left with her daughter, Tesla and is driving her home.

9-1-1 Operator:  Your name is?

Heather:  Heather King.

9-1-1 Operator:  Your relationship to Patricia?

Heather:  She is my boyfriend’s wife and he told me not to let Patricia drive her daughter home because…..we just don’t want her to…..

Obviously, Heather did not call the police, even after I told her to “go right ahead.”  Just more ridiculous threats in front of all four children.  Heather insisted I started the drama because I yelled at her.  Seriously, I barely speak to Heather and she was the one “chasing me down.”

Heather has no business telling me what I can or can’t do with my child.  I don’t want to hear her telling me to “take it back to court if I don’t like the decision.”  What I don’t like is her big mouth filling my ears with what she thinks.  I don’t care what she thinks.  She is just a tool and hasn’t realized it yet.

I wonder what people at church think about Heather and John’s newly formed family.  Does the pastor dance around the fact that they are both married to other people?  I am embarrassed that I can’t get John to go forward with the divorce proceedings.  I don’t want my child growing up thinking it’s ok to be married to one person but screwing someone else.  Neither of them seem to mind that they are setting a terrible example for their offspring.

No shortage of writing material here.


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