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Dear John~Messenger Service

Letters he never learns from

Letters he never learns from

Dear John,

I didn’t know what you might be calling me for as I pulled up at Tesla’s Girl Scout meeting.  I answered your call, as I usually do. (you should try it)  I can not imagine what could be SO urgent that you would call your wife that wants a divorce, to ask her to tell your girlfriend you must speak to her as soon as possible.

Let me get this straight.  When I text or call you, I might get an answer, or I might not.  I realize you only respond when you feel like it.  So it take some pretty big balls to call your wife and ask her to give your girlfriend a message to return your call.  Yep, that’s some big balls there John.  Huge.

I passed on the message and Heather got to calling you as soon as she possibly could.  She is rather busy on Monday nights as the assistant Girl Scout leader.  I really hope your need to interrupt involved something important.  But I doubt it.

Team player,


Heather Called

I got a call while I was in Rhetorical Theory class.  John wanted to tell me that there was a meeting for the parent’s of the girls that were joining Girl Scouts.  Heck, Tesla even joining Girl Scouts was news to me, but that didn’t surprise me.

I get to the meeting and learn Heather is the Assistant Girl Scout Leader of Tesla’s troop.  That didn’t surprise me.

I filled out papers for Tesla to join.  I gave it to Heather, so she could have John sign on his line.  She told me they already filled out Tesla’s membership paper.  Good, I hope they paid the fee too.  (So much for needing both parents signature) That didn’t surprise me.

John showed up later, stopping before heading into York to play softball.  Tesla was going home with Heather.  That didn’t surprise me.

He said Tesla had a doctor appointment  at 7:45 AM to have her nose cauterized.  This was the first I heard about it.  That didn’t surprise me.

We had a verbal spat about how he is to discuss things like, Girl Scouts and doctor appointments, with me. He blew me off.  That didn’t surprise me.

Heather called me while I was developing film on campus.  She wanted to extend the olive branch and hoped I would be involved in Girl Scouts with Tesla.  That we could get along for what is best for Tesla.  That she doesn’t put herself in the business of John and I getting divorced or the ongoing battle of custody.  I didn’t agree with her opinion and that didn’t surprise me.

She went on and on about how wonder her and her ex husband’s relationship is, and that she would write letters to glorify her ex husband’s new wife and even sign over her children to the new wife, if it were necessary.  I didn’t really follow her thought process.  That didn’t surprise me.

Finally, I just told her she didn’t need to blow smoke up my ass anymore than I needed to blow smoke up hers.  (Maybe she got that, maybe not)  That, while her divorce is final, mine has not even started, and I have no other intention but to pursue the divorce to court and eventually, take custody of Tesla.  That, beyond the entire divorce and custody nightmare, I am glad that Tesla is a happy child even though she was not given the choice of where she wanted to live and that John and I will never agree, and it will always be a matter of what the court decides, until Tesla is old enough to make the decision that the law will take into consideration.  I told Heather, she can say she isn’t “part of the problem” but unless she truly butts out, like Dale does, she will always be part of this three-ring-circus and the way I deal with this circus is to write about it, and go to college.  I told her I am happy to have Girl Scout time with Tesla (since I can barely squeeze any other time out) and that I am certain we can all get along for what is best for our children.  I told her I am tired of being the last person to know anything, and that John’s behavior with screaming at me over being 15 minutes late returning Tesla after the fair was just ridiculous, considering he can’t give me any information about Tesla in the way the courts laid out.  That he claims I am irresponsible, but he instigates problems by disrespecting me in front of Tesla.  While she wouldn’t agree that John acts like a complete Ahole and thinks he is always right, we did manage to have a conversation lasting nearly sixteen minutes where neither of us screamed at the other or hung-up pissed off.

Now that surprised me.


Update: Heather text messaged me that the paper I signed was holding me responsible for any fundraiser money, not giving permission for Tesla to join the Girl Scouts.  Silly me, thinking she might need her mother’s permission to join, not just be responsible for all the money from endless fundraisers.

Do you have Heather’s glove?

That’s a question I didn’t expect to hear.  Heather has a ball glove?  Where was it when she was out in the field with the kids and the ball came down, beaning her on the head?  It was a hard hit too!  I heard the resounding echo of impact from the stands.

Today, after Tesla’s practice, I just wanted 30 minutes to hang out with her.  Nope.  John had texted the reason i couldn’t have her is “You’re watch never works.”  Tesla asked me to ask her dad if she could go with me.  I told her I already had twice, but she was insistent.  I asked and he said, “no, dinner is waiting for us on the table.”

Then he asked if I had Heather’s glove.  I said no and gave him a weird look.  He said, “well her glove disappeared and I’m just asking.”

He THOUGHT I took his girlfriend’s ball glove!  I replied, “Do you want to look at it?” and held my glove out to him.

He said, “No, if you say it’s not hers, I believe you.”  (Now there is a fucking first.  He believes something I say?!)

I replied, still holding out my glove. “You can check it for her name.  I know she likes to write names on things…”

I couldn’t help myself.  All those people standing around looking at me like I had possibly stolen my husband’s, girlfriend’s ball glove.  Right after he told me I couldn’t have 30 minutes with Tesla after practice.  WHATEVER!

Also, tell your wacky, grammatically-challenged girlfriend to stop brushing my child’s teeth.


I was grilled and chewed up like a cheap hamburg

I was grilled tonight by John.  He is claiming I called and told Google that the business had closed.

About two years ago he claimed I purposely withheld mail to the company from Yellowbook.  He even took me to court (well tried to) over that.  It never made it before a judge because, surprise, I had nothing to do with it. Click here to read that fiasco.

Now John knows I’m refiling for a divorce hearing before the Divorce Master.  Can you imagine that being your career title?  It even sounds brutal so I’m not looking forward to having one decide my divorce.  But, I rather a Master decide than John.

So I have no idea who, if anyone, called Google.

If only I had my pen with me, you could hear his relentless badgering about Google, and if he finds out I had anything to do with the company “being closed” he will be contacting his lawyer to sue me.  Again with the suing.

I reminded him of the Yellowbook fiasco and I resumed playing with Tesla in the yard.  I had stopped just to say hello to Tesla.

Tesla said, “I want Ying to play with Biscuit and Scout.”  Heather’s dogs have collars that are supposed to contain them in the yard.  Those collars must not work.  At first the dogs just ran around the house.

Heather looked directly at Tesla and snapped, “Get that damn leash on your dog!”  Then she looked at me and I said, “Really?  Damn?”  She responded, “You’re not even allowed to be here.” A jab at the court order barring me from my own property.  “Wow, you have balls.” and she responded, “Bigger balls than yours.”

I’m not even sure what she means by that but, if she is implying she has big balls to move herself and four kids in while John is in the middle of a divorce, well, I guess she does have bigger balls.  I didn’t expect to get in an “I’m pretty than you!” fight and just kept walking with Tesla.

But Ying ran astray to the neighbors fenced in yard.  Biscuit followed.    While Tesla walked to the neighbors to collect our dogs, she asked if I would ask her dad if she could spend some time with me.  I noticed earlier Heather’s crew was loading up to leave.  I had even moved my car to be out of the way.  I told her I would ask but I never got the chance.

“Get in the car Tesla, we’re leaving.”  I looked at Tesla while we were still a distance away and said, “I think you are leaving.”  She said, “No, I’m staying here with my dad.”

How quickly things change.

Everyone was now switching to the truck instead of the van.  Her dad was suddenly leaving and Heather was firm they were all going.  She also informed me it was none of my business who was going where, showing that fake courage she stores up for an occasional outburst.    Wow…amusing.

I just wanted half an hour with my kid.  Instead I was served up and chewed out.





Dear Heather~Hey what’s up girlfriend?


Dear Heather,

See, I can even call you girlfriend and it has multiple meanings!

Let me tell you….I am just set on getting this divorce and custody taken back to the York Courthouse.  Tesla is on me every time we are alone about wanting to live with her momma.  She says she wants to live with me 14 days and John 2.  I’m not sure why she calls her dad John.  Weird huh?

It is gut wrenching to have Tesla ask me to please move home with her Daddy.  I didn’t expect John to tell her I told him she said this.  At least he didn’t “freak out” on her as she said he does do.  Tesla tells me about the trips you all take and I’m always happy for her.  I’m glad she likes you.  I’m not glad that she is so damn confused on who is married to who and the whole brother (whose name she can’t remember half the time) and sisters.  Your kids see their dad much more than I see Tesla.  Don’t you find that strange?  Or do you join in on “keeping my visits with Tesla in check?”

I take one day at a time.  Karma is driving a big rig.  He and you can’t dodge divorcing me and your husband.  Maybe your husband would like to marry his longtime girlfriend.  You and John don’t mind holding  everyone else’s lives hostage through your greediness.  You both will have to take whatever a divorce master decrees.  No matter what, I’m looking forward to my day in court and the truth will set me and Tesla free.

Courthouse parking sucks,


Dear Heather~Trick or Treat!

Dear Heather,

Your absence was noticeable tonight.  Sad your children miss out on trick or treating in their own neighborhood because you can’t handle my presence.  It’s ok though.  John called me Heather and everything!  It’s almost like you were there in spirit.  I told him he really needs to work on getting his woman’s names right.  I found it wildly amusing, but I’m sure you won’t.

Don’t worry, we didn’t stay out late having a good time without you.  Though you not being there made it so much easier to flirt with each other when Tesla and Blaine went to peoples doors.  Heck even our friends at Pizza Town thought John and I were still together.  We did look like one happy little family.  Damn we are good at fooling people…guess that was our little trick of the night.

Someday he might be over me.  But I doubt it.   Expect my presence every year…if you’re still in the picture.

Happy Halloween!


Dear Heather~Rent is due

Dear Heather,

John says you pay rent.  Is that why he’s not getting any coochie-coo?



Dear Heather~get in line

Dear Heather,

I realize you must insert yourself into every single part of my daughter’s life so you feel like you are someone.  You even have it in your head that you’re Tesla’s step-mom and all your kids are step-siblings.  Funny as Tesla only refers to Zeth and Jarrid as her brothers.  Even today, when you weren’t permitted to come back for Tesla’s surgery, no one mentioned your name because you are no one but the current girlfriend in a long line of women.

When you realize that, maybe you’ll understand.  In the meantime, stop telling me when Tesla goes to her father and that you are going to sue me.  You sound as ridiculous as the last girlfriend that used to do the same thing.  She cut ties with John when he decided to try out a boyfriend.  Then again, you already know about that side of him.

So, shut up and just play your part of fill-in wife.  Doesn’t make you a wife or a step-mom….just the next chick that’s laying in my bed.  At least you’re not a dude.

Trust me, you won’t be the last in line.


Dear Heather~Stupid Faces

Dear Heather,

Yesterday, after I dropped Tesla back off at 7:04, I had to restrain myself from laughing my ass off at you, as you made stupid faces at me.  WTH?  I was trying to get you to pull out onto the road because you were blocking my sight of view.  Imagine my joy when instead, you start making stupid faces.  Holy cow that was awesome!  Some might even say an amusing improvement.

Was this some twisted elementary school game of “You go first!  No YOU go first!”  I didn’t care who went first, but it would have made the most sense if you had waited until I pulled out of the driveway and left.  This way you could have avoided driving through the yard and spinning in the grass.  Did you get yelled at or didn’t John even notice the bare patches of dirt?

John was pretty pumped up for his game, wearing his green uniform; he looked like an elf.  It’s the ears.  Did you ever notice how his ears are pointy?  Tesla’s are like that too, well, one of them anyway.

So you were in such a rush to get out of there (I got a warning phone call from John so you must of been pitching a fit when I was 3 minutes late) but then you stop at the top of the yard and insist I pull out.  I swear you stopped because you knew you were tearing up my yard trying to drive a mini-van full of kids to the road.  What was the big hurry, other than leaving with my child as quickly as possible but making sure I knew YOU were in charge of Tesla and not me?  Later, when John told me you went to the park, I was annoyed.  Why don’t you go to John’s games?  Take the whole crew to the games…there is a park there!  It’s so crystal clear that you two are determined to limit my time with Tesla.  I can not wait for her school to let out.  And the stupid faces as I pulled out… just made me realize just how immature you are.  All this bullshit over Tesla’s clothes, sneakers, etc. is just your immaturity showing in a situation you shouldn’t even be in.

Keep up the faces….I enjoy them even more than your angry, indignant look.

Oh….if your mommy never told you…One of these times your face will stay like that.