Dear John XIII


Dear John,

No, I didn’t forget that Tesla had an appointment with a counselor today.  I was under the impression a parent was to be there to fill out the paperwork, not sit in during her session.  I find it appalling that you would take Heather along and think it would be acceptable for her to sit in during the session.  I’m her mother and had no expectations or desire to invade Tesla’s private time with her counselor.  I’m GLAD the counselor made Heather leave as she had no business attending to start with.

I have an appointment next week to speak with Tesla’s counselor.  The counseling appointments are not to have a professional decide who Tesla should live with, they are to give Tesla the opportunity to talk, in private, to a third-party.  She should feel safe and free to talk about her feelings without having the concern of upsetting her parents.

The LAST person who should have shown up for this appointment is your current girlfriend.  I will share my thoughts and opinions with this counselor, as you did.  I can’t imagine that us sitting together would have accomplished anything anyway.  To date, we have yet to sit down together, alone or with a mediator, and reach any type of agreement.  Why is that?  Because, if it’s not what you want, you will not even try to reach a compromise.

Give our child some breathing room.  She has a brain, her own thoughts and opinions.  While you may not want her to voice them, she will eventually.  You may not like what she has to say, but it’s not about you.  It’s about her and her future.

Promoting freedom of thought,


P.S. As Tesla told me tonight, you are still playing softball.  What happened to Tesla being in bed at 8 PM?  That schedule you insisted we should follow….guess it doesn’t apply when you’re out having your extra curricular activities.  At 9:28 PM she still wasn’t home, much then yet in bed.  Roll your activities and the ones you have taken the liberty to enroll Tesla in, when does she have time to be a kid?  Dad plays softball, runs a business, gives estimates, (still bowling?  Playing poker?)  Tesla takes gymnastics and dance lessons.  You wanted her to take swim lessons and mentioned her taking riding lessons next month and tonight Tesla said she will be old enough to start T-ball next year.  Talk about over-filling a childs schedule!

Dear John XII



Dear John,

    We just spoke on the phone.  I’m impressed it didn’t turn into the usual screaming match.  Also impressive was you didn’t argue with me about Tesla talking to a counselor.  I’m concerned about how she is handling life in your home and it will be good for her to talk to a professional. 

   You and Heather are packing so much extra-curricular activities into her schedule it’s making my head swim.  When I tried to explain that perhaps there was just too much going on, you said “then we will just exclude Tesla from swimming lessons.”  I don’t want to have to exclude my child from anything, but can we keep in mind she just started school, she is still getting to know Heather and her children and there is SO much commuting put on me that I feel I don’t get my share of time with Tesla. 

    I hope this counseling appointment allows her the ability to tell a third-party what’s on her mind.  The girlfriends you have brought into her life come and go and it’s easy to confuse them.  Just like I told you, now and then I refer to Heather as “Kelly” by mistake and your response was “how can you do that?  She was like 4 girlfriends ago.”  That’s my point John….

   So I’ve agreed to the swimming lessons on Mondays for the next 10 weeks and there’s the gymnastics on Wednesdays for as long as Heather can afford to send four girls.  You said she’s paying for the children’s swimming lessons and next month you want to start horse-back riding lessons.  I feel that is to many extra-curricular activities.  According to Eastern School District, Tesla needs Title I help in school.  Perhaps an activity that will  compliment her lessons in school would be better suited. 

     Finally, I am not signing off on our house.  Not today, not tomorrow, not ever.  If you can’t afford to keep the house and settle up this divorce, that’s not my problem.  It’s also not my problem you didn’t finish high school and don’t feel you can get a job.  If the moving industry no longer allows you to afford such luxuries as a huge house, gas guzzling trucks and the desire to buy the best of everything, then it’s time to face the facts and sell the house.  I can’t afford it, you can’t afford and no bank is going to refinance it.  Why delay the inevitable?

Still the wife…sigh.



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