Amish Mafia: More of the Circus Mob Tonight

‘Amish Mafia’ star Alan Beiler sentenced to prison for state trooper car chase – NY Daily News.

Amish Mafia is back on the Discovery Channel tonight!  I admit it, I’m excited.  Let’s be honest…this creative nonfiction, reality television show is entertaining.  They are all real people, acting out what Discovery wants portrayed.  Every now and then there is a hiccup in the filming, and reality steps in, but it’s a welcome from the network.  Nothing makes a made-up story about Amish Mafia seem more realistic than having cast member fleeing and alluding the police.  I hear we will see coverage of Alan at the courthouse.  Really, though, Alan isn’t that important to the show.  Just my opinion. 😉

Alan can always perform as the mobster who was taken down after several run-ins with the police.  The chases just had to be for his own excitement.  Discovery channel wasn’t there to film that…what a shame.  Where was Alan racing off to hide?  It’s not like the police didn’t know his car and face.  He could have just stopped and been charged with the little bit of weed and Xanax.  Duh.  I hope 21 months is enough time to sit and think about what a stupid move that was.

I’m excited to see what Esther will be up to and if we will see more of the strange brother, called by his last name, Freeman.  Esther’s other brother, John, was in trouble with the law not too long ago.  I think John fled from the police also, this time in a car owned by a Discovery employee.  Why are they letting John drive any vehicle?  He doesn’t even have a license for his scooter!

Amish Mafia 001

Levi has been working hard at his “English” business of roofing, siding and the general.  He has made several appearances for charity in the Lancaster area.  I think I might invite him to next years 150th Anniversary of Dover, PA Borough.  Many of our ancestors in this area came from Europe, fleeing religious persecution.  Particularly an Anabaptist sect that fled Germany and relocated in Lancaster, PA.  Dover Township is nearly identical to Lancaster’s agricultural resources.

And what will that evil, complete whack-job, champagne to his horse, Mennonite in Ohio, Merlin be up to?  Other then causing grief and over drama in Lancaster, of course.  Is he really the narcissist portrayed on our television screens?  I don’t care if he can quote the Bible and speak in half-ass Dutch.  No way would I want to work with someone at his level of insanity.

Will we see Jolin this season?  He is the eye-candy of the show.  Big Steve and the angry little guy, just can’t take Jolin’s place in our eyes.

Ok, enough already.  I’ll be watching…  ~P.

More Amish Mafia:

Amish Mafia

What ya gonna do when they come for you?

What ya gonna do when they come for you?

What’s that you say?  Amish Mafia is fake?  Well outten the light, I’m in shock.

It doesn’t matter if the skirmishes are re-enacted from past events.  It doesn’t matter if the skirmishes are made up from scratch.  What matters is the entertainment value found within the show highlighting a town I could drive to in less than an hour.

Lebanon Levi, Esther, John, Merlin, Jolin, Allen and the rest of the cast: I don’t care if the show is scripted.  I get a kick out of seeing an area I recognize combined with outrageous antics involving horse and buggies, hookers and very scary guns.  They are all on Twitter #Amishmafia     Find them.  Brush up on your Pennsylvania Dutch.

If you haven’t tuned in to the Discovery Channel to check out Lancaster, PA and its “mafia” you better do so soon.  If not, they might come looking for you!

Seen the show?  What do you think?

Maybe Dutch Wonderland will have a surge in attendance…just add an Amish Mafia ride.


UPDATE: I’ve emailed The Discovery Channel about covering their show as part of my Creative Non-Fiction course and my junior internship in Professional Writing.  I just received an amazing Canon Rebel T3 for Christmas and would love to take photos….Lancaster is just a hop-skip and jump away…

More written this this original post.

Foam What?

Since I didn’t stay in Georgia, I decided to drive until I couldn’t drive anymore then get a room for the night.  I hadn’t eaten or showered since I left PA and I stunk bad.  Ying didn’t mind though.  One thing about traveling with a dog…at least they don’t mind if you smell and they don’t keep asking if we are there yet.  We stayed at the Blue Jay Motel…a complete dive, but I was allowed to have Ying in my room.  When I took him out in the morning I was startled by all the vultures right outside our room.  I swear they were watching us!

Not Blue Jays

On my way home from Georgia, I made a detour in Virginia to check out the Natural Bridge. I quickly realized the entire town is centered round this bridge.  There was a Natural Bridge zoo, cave, haunted wax museum, café, hotel, etc.  By far, the best Natural Bridge spin-off was the trailer park.

I wanted a picture of this Natural Bridge so I followed the signs to the location.  There was a purple minivan in the parking lot that caught my eye.  Every step I took toward it, the van seemed to shimmer in a different color.  The paint job was awesome….who the hell paints a minivan like this?!

Soccer Mom Minivan

I didn’t see the Natural Bridge of Virginia because they wanted $17 just to walk through the door.  Oh well, I saw the billboard of the Natural Bridge and let’s not forget the trailer park.  There were other things on display from the wax museum so I snapped pictures and was on my way.




My trusty GPS directed me towards the main highway.  I was on a back road about two miles from the highway when out of the corner of my eye I spotted a sign off to my left.  “Foamhenge” I hit the brakes recognizing the name on the sign.  My Religions professor, Christa Shusko, had told me about this foam replica of the Stonehenge located in England but I had no idea where it was located.  I couldn’t pass this up so I turned around and drove up the dirt road.  The further I drove the worse the road became.  There were huge ruts crisscrossing the “road” and I hesitated to keep driving.  I didn’t want to rip the bottom of my car apart after she had so faithfully got me to Georgia.

I parked along the woods so Ying would have some shade.  There just doesn’t seem to be as many trees down south.  I was still shaking my head, amazed I stumbled across Foamhenge by luck.  I even giggled thinking my Prof would be jealous…I saw the Georgia Guidestones and Foamhenge!

Looks like the real deal from a distance….okay maybe not.

I didn’t stay at Foamhenge more than half an hour.  My Facebook status announced I had jumped on a plane with Ying and flown to England.  From a distance, Foamhenge was convincing.  Once I was closer I could see how the weather had worn the foam rocks down.  Pieces of metal, rebar I suppose, were sticking out the top of the rocks.  A couple of the stones had been vandalized but not anything serious.  The foam replica of Stonehenge was very cool.  Not spiritually moving, but cool.  I didn’t realize there was a theory about Merlin moving the huge stones with magic.  I think that sounds more believable than the human theory.


Wizard Merlin

Merlin moving the rocks

Maybe Merlin was an alien wizard….he would have loved the minivan and vultures.


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