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Feb 26, 2012

Vegas Strip

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It’s 2 AM and I’m not real sleepy.  I’ve been sleeping off food poisoning for the past two days.

My friend Laurie has me hooked on Angry Birds on Facebook.  Laurie doesn’t know she started me on this version.  I think my sister Suz was the first to show me Angry Birds.  Thanks Suz,  I think.

While I’m playing, this show Vegas Strip is on tv.  It’s a reality show in Vegas following the police.  I am half paying attention.  I’ve been to Vegas several times with John and it is certainly an amazing city.

A police officer pulls over a truck that was driving slowly beside a woman, thinking hooker/jon.  She was actually the man’s wife and didn’t want to get in the truck with him because she was so pissed off.  He had lost $200 at a casino and she was irate and drunk.  I started to pay closer attention to the tv because it made me think of the time in Vegas that John lost $1000 in one hand of cards.  I was also irate, just not drunk.

The female officer was talking to the wife and told her she had a right to be mad at him.  The wife said, “My husband say, get in the truck, they think I’m hookering.”  The female officer giggled at that.

Next the wife said, “I know it’s not going to work with him.  I love him but I hate him.”  Wow, I could so relate to what this woman was saying.  The female officer asked why stay and she gave the classic answer, “for our kids.  Sixteen years with that man.”

There were no charges filed against wife and hubby.  The female officer looked genuinely concerned for the wife while the male officer encouraged her to kiss and make up with her husband.  The husband made his wife feel guilty and convinced her to give him a kiss and get in the truck.  As the couple drove away the male officer said, “They kissed and made up, a happy ending after all.”  The female officer looked at him like he was crazy.

Now, I can’t imagine being in a relationship with John anymore.  Why?  Because I loved him, but I didn’t like him.  How does that make sense?  I don’t know.

He just can’t guilt me anymore.

~P.

Filed Under: Divorce, Facebook, John · Tagged: , , ,
Feb 24, 2012

Maybe it’s just me

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but I doubt it.

 

I believe I have a right to be pissed off that the mortgage I hold with my husband is once again way behind.

He doesn’t have to pay child support or alimony anymore.  He apparently has plenty of money to go on vacation, buy another ATV, build all kinds of wooden structures in our back yard, redesign the inside of our house, redo the landscape of our property, enroll 4 kids in gymnastics at $44 each a month…I could go on, but the point is clear.

His girlfriend still gets alimony and child support….and welfare assistance while living in my house that is behind AGAIN in payments.

I take out school loans to make my rent.  Maybe Heather needs to hurry up and take out a school loan to make my house payments.  John’s explantion in court regarding his ability to come up with $15,000 to keep the house from foreclosured last year  just didn’t make sense.  He said he sold some stuff.  What the fuck is he selling to come up with $15k?  Telling Judge Dorney he had the mortgages current was bullshit and her believing him without making him prove it just shows how bad she screwed up.  The mortgage hasn’t been current since I lived there with John.

I get very little time with my child, yet the bitch living in my house sees Tesla like she is her mother.   I don’t see that Heather is even talented at taking care of her own children.  Just my opinion, of course.

Like I said, maybe it’s just me.  I have been sick for the past 12 hours.  Food poisoning I think and thank God I’m feeling better.

I’ve asked to see Tesla over and over.  My requests fall on deaf ears.  It’s all about John’s need to feel he is in control.

Divorce wanted,

~P.

 

Filed Under: Divorce, Heather, John, Tesla · Tagged: , , ,
Feb 24, 2012

Scheduled Control

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What is scheduled control?

When a person (A) in power feels he or she must strictly schedule another persons (B) day.   The amount of power held by A varies, depending on the relationship held with B.

For Example:

1.  John (A) has a large amount of power over Tesla (B) because A is the father of B and has a court order that A believes empowers him to:

a. Rigidly set B a schedule that allows very small amounts of personal time for B to make a choice in how her time is spent.

b. Making a schedule for B that is so vague it is clear A is exercising coercive power to avoid allowing B the opportunity to make a choice in how her time is spent.

2.  John (A) has a large amount of power over Pattie (C) because A is the husband of C and B is the daughter of A and C.

a.  Majority of  attempts by C to contact  A results in continual avoidance of answering the text messages, email and phone calls.

b. A regularly asserts power over B and C by changing the schedule of B at a moments notice to cause distress to C.

3.  Pattie (C) will in time, have a large amount of power over C because eventually A is going to fuck up so bad that B will be disgusted by his pathetic attempt to control her schedule.

a. Result hypothesis:  A and C= Happy    B=Sad

THAT is what scheduled control is!

~P.

P.S.  Yes, I wrote all that myself.  A little bit of psych, a little bit of human communication and a large dose of controlling personalities.   Maybe “scheduled control” will become a new psychology term.  I didn’t bother to look if it might be one already.  🙂

 

Filed Under: College, Divorce, John, Tesla · Tagged: , , ,
Feb 23, 2012

Communication Test

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Can you hear me now?

How Pattie studies for Human Communication Test

Verbal Communication is: words (spoken, written or coded) in an attempt to communicate with others.

Some people just fucking suck at this.

Power in Communication is: the ability to influence or control the behaviors of another person.

Some people should never have power.

Legitimate power-when people believe you have a right-by virtue of your position-to influence or control others’ behaviors.  Examples of this power: employer, judge, manager or police officer.

It goes to their head.

Referent power-when others wish to be like you.  (a younger brother looking up to an older brother)

I looked up to my mother.

Reward power-when a person controls the rewards others want. Examples would be: money, promotion, jewelry, love, friendship, respect…

I know someone who likes to control the rewards.

Coercive power– when you have the ability to administer punishment to or remove rewards from others if they do not do as you wish.  Usually this power is in conjunction with Reward power.  Examples would be teachers, supervisors, spouses.

Way too many assholes have this type of power.

Expert power– when you have expertise knowledge on a subject.

More of this power is needed.

Information power (also called “persuasion power”)-when others see you as having the ability to communicate logically and persuasively.

I know some seriously persuasive people, one impeticular.

Power is not static; it can be increased or decreased depending on what someone does and doesn’t do.

I am learning how the written word can be used to communicate intimately and publicly.  Lol  The pen is mightier than the sword…

You can decrease or lose power.  The most common way to lose power is by unsuccessfully trying to control another’s behavior.  Example:  If you threaten to do something then fail to carry out your threat, most likely, you will lose power.

Threatened with divorce…where the hell is it?

You can lose power by allowing other to control you or take unfair advantage of you.  When you don’t confront these power tactics, you lose power.

I remember feeling that way.  I no longer feel that way because I’ve taken my power back!  Amazing what the power of knowledge is and how it makes you feel about yourself. 

Next chapter please,

~P.

Oh btw….The sentences in italics are my own thoughts, everything else is right out of Essentials of Human Communication by Joseph A. DeVito

Filed Under: College, Divorce · Tagged: , , , , ,
Feb 22, 2012

communicating is easier with a 5 year old

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Here is a sample of the gut-wrenching bullshit I go through because of divorce and custody.

I’ve been working hard to finish two papers for class tomorrow.  I also have to study for a test in Human Communications.

Because of this I tried to communicate to my husband that I should probably stay home and continue working instead of driving to the gymnastics studio and having very little interaction with Tesla.  I didn’t bother to mention that I realize he is not going to let me drive Tesla back to the house after gymnastics and he may never let me drive Tesla home after any activity.

Along with communicating this thought, I also asked if I could get Tesla after school tomorrow for a few hours.  He said he would check his schedule and let me know.  Really, his schedule?

I decided to call (blocking my number) John so I could talk to Tesla.  I had to insist on talking to Tesla before gymnastics started.   First thing out of her mouth is she wants to see me.  I explained to her that I had a lot of homework and a test to study for and that I should stay home.  She wasn’t happy to hear that but did understand.  I told her that tomorrow after school I could probably get her and we could spend some time together.  She liked this idea but then said, “I know you won’t get me.  You won’t be allowed.”  I told her, “You don’t know that Tesla.  We will see.”  The line went quiet and then she came back on and said goodbye and the phone disconnected.

So, do I go to her gymnastics practice even though seeing her practice is difficult?  The viewing area is small and restrictive and no one is allowed inside the gymnasium.  I could go and hope I can talk to her for a few minutes without the usual drama.  I could hope he will let me drive her home.  That’s a lot of hoping.   Ahhhhh!!!!!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I didn’t go to gymnastics.  It makes more sense to stay home and study.  I’m not going to run out there tonight when tomorrow I could spend some real time with Tesla.

I’m hoping that tomorrow I will be granted a few hours with my daughter.

Here’s to hoping,

~P.

Filed Under: College, Divorce, Tesla · Tagged: , ,
Feb 21, 2012

Dear Heather~OMG!

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Come on out and chat!

Dear Heather,

Guess who popped up in my life?  Give up?  A skeleton of yours has come out of the closet and wow, I am in shock.

So much more makes sense to me now.  Things that were a mystery have been solved, and it’s not pretty.  Not pretty at all.

As far as I’m concerned you don’t deserve to be in my daughter’s life.  I wonder how much of your past you were honest about with my husband.  I can only imagine how that conversation went.

Heather:  I cheated on my husband.

John:  I cheated on my wife.

Heather:  I own a home with my husband.

John:  I own one with my wife.

Heather:  I have four children.

John:  I have one, but would love four more.

Heather:  I am still married.

John:  I am still married!

In unison: OMG!! We are perfect for each other!

How much does John know about your past?  He does like to think of himself as the “saver of women” so maybe that was part of the appeal.  He might even go as far as to think he is the “Savior of Women” in his mind.

You might not have a record Heather, but you do have skeletons in your closet.  I think I have been giving you credit you don’t deserve.  You and John could compete for the number of skeletons you have in the closets.

There are many closets to come out of.

Creeeeeeeeeeeek,

~P.

Filed Under: Divorce, Heather, John · Tagged: , , , , , , , ,
Feb 19, 2012

Jellybeans and Divorce

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Friday was a great day.  After my day on campus ended I drove to Windsor.  A brief stop to sign Tesla’s release papers and I was on my way to her school.

In Ms. Dettinger’s class we first worked on their journals.  I get a kick out of the students writing in their journals.  They come up with very creative sentences.

After journals, they worked on filling out graphs. Ms. Dettinger’s graphs were illustrated with Hershey Kisses, gum drops and jellybeans.  She made this more exciting by having real candy to fill the squares of the graph accordingly.  This type of learning the kids really were into: 4 Hershey Kisses, 6 jellybeans and 3 gumdrops.  Tesla shared hers with me!

Last night after her and I cleaned up from playing with playdoh, I posted pictures of two “doh sculptures.”  Tesla asked to watch the video of her stuffing speghetti into her mouth.  She recognized the island as the one in John and my house.

Tesla said, “I want you to live in the house with Daddy.” and I replied, “I did live there with your Daddy but not anymore.’

“Why?” she asked and I said, “We aren’t in love anymore, but we love you.”

This morning I woke up from a dream:

John and I had been arguing over many jellybeans were in our house.

Dreams are weird,

~P.

Filed Under: Divorce, Dreams, John · Tagged: , , , , ,
Feb 17, 2012

The Agreements

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The Agreements

If I wanted to visit with Tesla, I had to sign. My six short visits.

Sigh,
~P.

Filed Under: John, Tesla · Tagged: , ,
Feb 16, 2012

Who is smart?!

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John doesn’t read email and Heather doesn’t know how to open email. (yeah ok)  I would have believed it if she said “I can’t spell.”

 

LaDonna is on her honeymoon and John had to work today.  I’m surprised the world didn’t end….  Yes, John worked on a job!  Maybe he short on employees…I hope the job went better than some of the more recent ones.

 

Maybe my son is smarter than me, as John said to my face tonight.  Jarrid realized what a piece of —- John was way before I did.

Really, for not reading my blog or his emails, John sure knows what’s going on in my life.  John is just as obsessed with me now as the day he met me.  Sorry it didn’t work out.  Actually, I’m not sorry.  Thank God I got away.

Furthermore,  it’s sad that Tesla has to ride home in a work truck (must smell like stinky men) just because her dad has control issues and won’t let her ride with her cousin, Blaine and me.  Blaine and Tesla were in different gymnastic classes so they didn’t even get to talk.  The ride to back to her dad’s would have given them 10-15 minutes to chat.  But, no.  Daddy can’t let Tesla talk to her family.

 

Even though Tesla was in tears because she couldn’t ride with her mom, John didn’t care.  Of course he will blame it on me, saying I upset Tesla.  The child misses her mother but obviously her father and his current girlfriend don’t care.  Heather, you make me laugh when you tell people there is never a dull moment.  No shit, you signed up for it.  I almost can’t wait for your divorce and my divorce to go through.  Why?  Too see if the two of you actually get married.  Baaahaaaaahaaaaaa!  You know he is all yours!  I bet Dale and I marry before the two of you, because Dale is SINGLE and waiting to marry me!

 

Oh….I will never sign a divorce agreement that doesn’t completely remove my name from every document that currently holds John and I together.  So NO Heather, I won’t be signing off my house to you.  I realize that is your goal.

There should be NO reason Tesla can not go home with me right after school on Friday.  I will be at the school volunteering and Eastern has an dismissal making it much easier for her and I to be on our way after the school day.

Bullshit as usual,

~P.

Filed Under: Divorce, Heather, John · Tagged: , , ,
Feb 11, 2012

Dear John~ Thanks

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Dear John,

Just a quick note for you today.  I know you will get it as Heather is right on top of my writing.

Thank you for calling this morning and letting me know in a reasonable amount of time that you would not be taking Tesla to gymnastics.  I don’t blame the kids for wanting to play in the snow over going to the gym.  I guess my only concern would be, “if they are all sick, why play outside in the cold?”

So the girls are all going to gymnastics on Monday and Wednesday.  I’ve already asked if I can spend some time with Tesla on at least one of those days.  I realize it’s not part of her schedule, put it should be.

Also I have the Valentine’s Day cards her and I made for her class.  I’ll send them with Tesla on Monday, for school on Tuesday.

Please, let’s really focus on what’s best for Tesla.  She needs to regularly see me and her blood-related family that will never change over her life.  I will treat you with respect if you can do the same for me.  That includes keeping your girlfriend on a short leash.  I appreciate what she does do for Tesla, but I don’t appreciate her desire to tell me what I can and can’t do.

Thank you,

~P.

Filed Under: Divorce, Heather, John, Tesla · Tagged: , ,
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