communicating is easier with a 5 year old

Here is a sample of the gut-wrenching bullshit I go through because of divorce and custody.

I’ve been working hard to finish two papers for class tomorrow.  I also have to study for a test in Human Communications.

Because of this I tried to communicate to my husband that I should probably stay home and continue working instead of driving to the gymnastics studio and having very little interaction with Tesla.  I didn’t bother to mention that I realize he is not going to let me drive Tesla back to the house after gymnastics and he may never let me drive Tesla home after any activity.

Along with communicating this thought, I also asked if I could get Tesla after school tomorrow for a few hours.  He said he would check his schedule and let me know.  Really, his schedule?

I decided to call (blocking my number) John so I could talk to Tesla.  I had to insist on talking to Tesla before gymnastics started.   First thing out of her mouth is she wants to see me.  I explained to her that I had a lot of homework and a test to study for and that I should stay home.  She wasn’t happy to hear that but did understand.  I told her that tomorrow after school I could probably get her and we could spend some time together.  She liked this idea but then said, “I know you won’t get me.  You won’t be allowed.”  I told her, “You don’t know that Tesla.  We will see.”  The line went quiet and then she came back on and said goodbye and the phone disconnected.

So, do I go to her gymnastics practice even though seeing her practice is difficult?  The viewing area is small and restrictive and no one is allowed inside the gymnasium.  I could go and hope I can talk to her for a few minutes without the usual drama.  I could hope he will let me drive her home.  That’s a lot of hoping.   Ahhhhh!!!!!!!

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I didn’t go to gymnastics.  It makes more sense to stay home and study.  I’m not going to run out there tonight when tomorrow I could spend some real time with Tesla.

I’m hoping that tomorrow I will be granted a few hours with my daughter.

Here’s to hoping,

~P.