Homeless but happy

The word is the parental homestead is going up for sale.  God Bless the person who buys this straw house.  So, once again, I am mortgaged to the hilt with my husband, yet homeless.  Now I contemplate the options I have of getting a new place to live. 

I could move onto campus, but there are no overnight visitors aloud.  I can’t live somewhere that I am not permitted to take my daughter.  I could get an apartment close to campus but have to consider Tesla starting school.  John has taken the liberty of enrolling her in the school district of our home in Windsor.  When I brought up registering her for Dover he had a meltdown.  He told me today he had his lawyer send a letter to my lawyer concerning Tesla.  He wants her to go to school from our house but will agree to let me have her 3 days a week or something like that.  For that to work, I would need to live close to Windsor or in Windsor. 

I’m not giving up parental rights to my daughter.  Not going to happen.  With that thought in mind, I struggle to do what’s best.  I refuse to remain on a mortgage of a house I don’t live in, especially with the latest girlfriend and her 4 kids residing there.  The mortgage is way behind and now our credit is ruined so I don’t see how John thinks he can keep our house to himself.  He has warned me if I make him sell the house he will ruin me….how much more ruined can I get?  At least I’m not scared!!

So, my options: 

Should I use my school loan to get an apartment?  Try to get an apartment near the house I own with John and keep the 50-50 custody agreement?  Give in to his demand of having majority custody and patiently wait for Tesla to announce she wants to live with her mom?  Get an apartment in Dover and fight for custody?  Get an apartment in Dallastown and move Zeth in before his father boots him out over the summer?  Rent a house with my sister and nephew?  That would be four people and two dogs and probably, very expensive.

  My God this is a mess and I only have one person to thank.  Myself, for falling in love with an asshole.

Thoughts and comments appreciated!  House and apartment rental leads also appreciated!!

~P.

Happy Birthday John

The perfect cake that I didn't have to bake!

Since I know I have one dedicated reader to my blog, I decided to give him a world-wide Happy Birthday wish.  

You said you worked today and I’m so sorry to hear that.  I know how much you hate going out and actually doing work on a job site.  It is so much easier to send out employees to do the dirty work.  The fact that it’s your birthday must have made it particularly rough.

I know a couple of years ago when I was super bitter I wished you would get herpes on your birthday.  I won’t wish that again as it kinda lost its punch after the first time.  At the pace you move through women, there is always the chance you may still get the gift that keeps on giving.

What does someone give you for your birthday?  In the past I always had difficulties finding the right gift.  I just didn’t know what to buy for a man who gets himself everything he wants on his own.  You liked to say our daughter was your best birthday gift ever as she was born just 3 days before your birthday.  At least I can agree with you on that one.

Well, I can’t say I have a gift for you.  You’ll just have to keep on counting Tesla as my gift from here on out.  I’m sure your latest girlfriend will have spent some money on you or at least take you out to eat now that you’re done working for the day.  I wish I could give you something special for your birthday like you did me back in 2008.  Your filing for divorce on my birthday was quite a surprise for me!  I appreciate that gift now and I’m pleased it wasn’t herpes instead.

Happy 45th Birthday John!  Maybe by Christmas we can agree on divorce as a mutual gift.

Your hopefully soon, X-wife,

Pattie

The hold up

No, I haven’t held up a bank, or Rutters, or Exxon in desperation. Instead I found out what the hold up is at the courthouse. Apparently, after John and I both signed the consent for divorce, they closed the case. Now why close a divorce case when it obviously ISN’T closed. John may have known this and was content to let things continue on as I had no clue York County Courthouse wasn’t going to pursue the division of maritial property. Fortunately for me, I have a kick ass attorney who is on top of things now. After letting John’s new young lawyer know she need to check into John’s lame ass contempt charges before joining him on his campaign to ruin my life. Things will be rock and rolling soon and it’s about freaking time!!! Sadly our daughter turns 5 this Sunday and half her life has been during the process of John saying he wants a divorce. I think he wants to just stay married now that his child support and alimony is down to less than 400 a month. Of course the state takes a portion of that right off the top. I have no problem with a judge telling me what steps will be taken with the maritial residence, maritial goods and business. I’d rather hear it from a judge than be told by my backstabbing husband what he wants done. F that! He’s screwed up enough in my life and for that matter all the other women he’s screwed since. Might as well put out a red light on the goddamn porch. I predict, if this happens soon enough, the house will be put up for sale. If not soon, it will be foreclosed on. So in the long run, did filing for divorce really get you want you wanted? I think not!!!

Liberal Education

York College offers a diverse course selection.  How diverse?  Here’s my schedule:

SUMMER

Critical Thinking and Problem Solving (Math)

If only this class could help me solve the problem of still being married.

Elementary Spanish

I’ll be able to curse like a sailor and it will sound SEXY!

Recreational Shooting

Pistols, shotguns and rifles….Hells Yeah!  A country girl’s dream class!!!!!!

 

FALL

Spanish II

Maybe I’ll start dreaming in Spanish…

History of Terrorism

I can’t imagine this class will be boring.

Terror in Literature

Should prepare me for writing a novel about my life.

Religious Cults and Alien Theory

Hot Damn, I love this college!!

Square Dancing

No, I will not be wearing plaid and cowboy boots.

Sculpture Art

Perhaps a sculpture of aliens terrorizing earth with rifles, shotguns and pistols while singing the Beer Barrel Polka in Spanish.   🙂

~P. 

April 17 2007 revisited

This is a blog from 2007  that doesn’t tell the full story of what happened the day I miscarried.  I was embarrassed to tell what really happened after I lost the baby.  Not embarrassed by the loss of my baby, but by the actions of my husband.  This is the story I shared then:

I said “what doesn’t kill me makes me stronger” so many times in my short 36 years.  It usually applied to men in some form or another but yesterday was a different story.  I’d been having problems for about a week with spotting and contacted my doctor.  I had an appointment on Monday to see her at the clinic.  Since finding out I was pregnant, I also found out my insurance wouldn’t cover any maternity.  Insurance sucks for those self-employed unless you can afford to drop about $1k a month, just on health insurance.

We went to see the doctor Monday and I was pretty sure there wouldn’t be good news.  I was right.  She did an ultrasound and there was no heartbeat.  Actually, there really wasn’t anything but a dark hole showing.  We went home and I was to take it easy.  Tuesday, John and I visited my dad and gave him a birthday present.  While at my parents I suddenly got horrible cramps and started to bleed heavy.  By the time we got home I was hurting bad.  Within an hour I had  passed everything.  It was awful.  There’s no other words to describe it.  I put it somewhere between almost losing both my sons shortly after birth and almost dying myself after having Tesla.  I would rather go through almost dying then losing a baby again.  While it didn’t kill me it did break my heart.  I know these things happen for a reason and that there was most likely something wrong with the baby but it doesn’t help with the pain I feel inside. 

Having another child now or in the future is looking bleek.  I can’t put myself through the stress for the 5th time.  I have 3 beautiful children who all seem to be healthy and happy at this time in their life so I don’t feel the need to push my luck again.   I have the next 18 years of a little girl counting on her Momma so I better shape up cause I can’t ship out.

Story addition:

AFTER I miscarried, my doctor insisted that John take the fetus into the hospital.  I showered while he was gone and Tesla was napping.  When John returned from the hospital he came into our bedroom where I was lying in bed, still in pain.  He said he took the fetus into the hospital and noone seemed to know what to do about it.  I didn’t have much to say until he said he was leaving again. 

 “What do you mean you’re leaving?!  Tesla is going to wake up soon and I am in no shape to take care of a 1 year old!” 

 He responded he had a softball game he HAD to pitch at 6pm.  It was just after 5pm at that moment.

“Are you serious?!  You’re leaving me here with Tesla after I just lost our baby so you can play softball?!?!”

I was crushed at his lack of sympathy and empathy for me, his wife, mother of his living and now passed child.  I realized then John only thought of himself first and always would.  After I expessed my feelings, he did stay home.  I guess guilt managed to affect him.

It’s almost been 4 years since the day I lost a pregnancy.  I don’t anguish like I had in the past, but I will always be saddened by losing my child and realizing how little feelings my husband had.

~P

Not horsing around

Wells Fargo Home Equity Solutions sent me a very sincere letter apologizing for the denial of a home equity modification I applied for.

Holy shit!  I didn’t even know I was applying for a home equity modification!  What the hell is Jhole trying to do now?

According to Beverly, Wells based this denial on the following reason: Based on their review of the current financial documentation you provided, your current income is unable to support a modified payment of the existing account at this time.

I’d claim to be surprised, except I was just at domestics with the hubby.  He boo-hooed about how bad business has been and the documentation he provided backed it up.  I wonder how well documentation will stand up during an audit?  Hmmm,  I really question some figures for the business he provided to domestics. 

 If your situation ever changes, we may be able to reconsider qualifying you for a modification.

I just don’t see this situation changing.  I hate to be negative but, if the first mortgage is 4 months behind, is there a possibility of ever qualifying?  Besides, I don’t want to remortgage! 

If there is a change in your employment or income, please call us right away…

Dear Beverly at Wells Fargo Bank,

   Please do not hold your breath for this call.  While your hours of service offer incredible opportunities to give you a ring, there is no money in my pocket going jing-a-ling-ling.

Pitifully indebted to you,

Patricia

Reflecting on Creative Writing

Reflecting on Creative Writing Course         

Through-out this semester I believe my writing skills have improved.  The credit for this improvement goes to the Creative Writing course.  I have always had interest in creative literary pieces but prior to enrolling in this class, I never read outside of the genres I enjoy.  This semester allowed me to step out of my comfort zone of novel reading and realize the enormous amount of genre themes and forms of writing available.  The general terminology provided in the Creative Writing Textbook and classroom discussion greatly assisted in my understanding of the language of writers and meaning of literary terms.

            The Creative Writing course also calmed my fears concerning my major in Professional Writing.  I wanted to feel comfortable writing my own non-fiction stories but did not know how to go about accomplishing this.  Often I would doubt my ability to make what has happened or is happening in my life interesting to others.  I did not want my short stories to have a whiney sense about them that would cause a negative reaction from a reader.  My goal was to find a way to share clips of my life in a humorous and/or shocking fashion that would hold a reader’s attention as a compelling piece of work. 

            At times the writing workshops were interesting beyond words.  The creativeness of my classmates really pushed me to give serious thought to what I would be presenting during my workshop timeslot.  Assumptions I made at the beginning of the semester were crushed by the abilities of my fellow students.  Never again will I jump to the conclusion that someone who appears uninterested in class discussion won’t have the ability to write captivating stories.  Of all the works presented during workshop, the piece that impressed me the most was that of a student that appeared to be lost in his own thoughts during class.

            Workshop also taught me the fine art of constructive criticism.  This is very important because I now have the ability to look deeper into a written piece of work and not only critique it but realize how differently people can interpret a story or poem.  I have a stronger appreciation for poetry and enjoy reading a poem several times to see if I can interpret it differently.  Classroom discussion of my essay opened my eyes to all the different avenues I could take concerning an aging bridge in York County. 

            I also credit visiting writers for creating excitement outside of the classroom setting.  Marcy Dermansky, Curtis Smith and especially    David Shields passion for writing was contagious.  Meeting these authors and hearing their personal stories as struggling artists was inspirational.  I literally felt like I could burst with happiness when Shields both praised and critiqued my hermit crab essay.  Also this semester, I attended the Professional Writers Forum at Gettysburg College.  The amount of information I acquired will undeniably assist me in the future.

The greatest development for me personally is blogging on the WordPress.com website.  When my professor said “For nineteen bucks you can get your own blog site” my ears perked up.  I have been blogging regularly since early March and now have a following of people reading my work.  Recently my site surpassed five thousand hits and has generated comments on my site and to my email.  My plan for the future is to publish a creative non-fiction book containing slices of my life.  This blog site has become a preview to what my book will contain.  I believe loyal readers of my blog site will have interest in reading my published story. 

With these hopes of publishing a national best-seller, I will continue working on my drafts from class.  Using the knowledge I have gained this semester during class from my professor, visiting writers and classmates I will continue to push myself to “write what I can’t shut up about” to the best of my ability.

Write and he shall read

I finally got the call I’ve been waiting for!  It’s a message but so worth posting.  Tomorrow I was scheduled for an contempt hearing concerning the business Yellowbook ad.  If you have read any of my previous posts, you know I was very ticked at being accused of something I didn’t do.  This has happened so often in my marriage that it doesn’t even surprise me.

Apparently the easiest way to explain your problems away is to blame them on your wife, whether you are together or not.

Message from my fine lawyer Rob Krug:

Hi Pattie, wanted to let you know over the weekend I received a fax from John’s attorney withdrawling the contempt charges against you.  Apparently whatever you said to his attorney prompted her to look into it further and realize John was not telling her all the facts.

HAHAHAHAHAHA!  LIKE JOHN IS EVER HONEST WITH FACTS!!!

I can imagine him freaking out trying to find a way to pin this on me.  I don’t know this for a fact, but I envision him screaming in the office at LaDonna or anyone else nearby for his own inability to know the facts before trumping up charges on me.

My lawyer can send John’s lawyer his bill for all this court drama.

P~ 

Better than a call from Mickey!!!

P.S. I’m also pissed he sold my gazebo I found on Craig’s List. I sanded, stained and sealed it myself.  John has a lot of experience with Craig’s List.

Child exchange drama

Note: exchange time is at 5PM unless agreement of earlier or later time has been made.

April 4, 2011 4:36 PM

I receive a text from Mr. Delauter “my truck broke down heather is getting tesla she might be there a little early”

I respond “I am not comfortable with that.  Sorry. Call me when u can get here.”

Mr. Delauter calls me immediately screaming at me to send Tesla with Heather.  I tried to tell him to just come when he has a vehicle but he begins swearing at me and threatening to not let Tesla’s brothers or aunt pick her up anymore.  I hang up. 

5:14 PM  Heather arrives and states I need to “stop playing games” and let her have Tesla.  I told her I don’t know her or anything about her and will not make my daughter leave with her.  Heather refuses to leave my parents and says she will wait for John to show up and put Tesla in her van.  She was quick to point out that this was not my property. (Yeah, no shit!  You’re already living in my property!)  I tell my dad who is out there and why.  He could see that Tesla was upset.  He asked me if I knew her and I said her name is Heather and she’s John’s new girlfriend.  Dad rolled his eyes..lol

5:30 PM John arrives on his motorcycle flying up the driveway like a madman.  He begins yelling at me immediately.  Saying I put in Tesla head she shouldn’t go with Heather.  Tesla told her dad she didn’t want to go with Heather but would ride on his cycle. (he rode her around at the house and to the neighbors in the past)  John tells her she has to get in the van.  John tells Heather that I put it in Tesla head not to go with her.  He continues yelling at me, upsetting Tesla even more until she was in tears again.  He says I should have “made Tesla go with Heather because Heather lives in HIS house.”  Sorry, but no where does it say I must let Tesla go with a stranger.

 I told him to quit yelling at me and that I didn’t put anything in Tesla’s head.  Tesla finally gets in the van and John tells me not to send anyone to the house for Tesla because he is not going to let anyone (meaning Tesla’s blood-related family) pick her up for me.  This conversation of course contained him swearing at me, accusing me of putting in Tesla head she doesn’t have to go with Heather.   Tesla saw Heather and was clearly unwilling to leave with her by her own rights.

At no time, did I say anything like that to Tesla.  She has known Heather approximately 5 weeks.  Maybe Tesla just isn’t comfortable either!

~P.

Seriously, court AGAIN

The check isn't in the mail...

So court this morning was just to determine if there would actually be a hearing for contempt.  My lawyer pointed out (in my absence) that any female, including John’s girlfriend could have called and made the address change.  I KNOW it wasn’t me, but John insists on continuing with this so now it’s scheduled for next Tuesday.  Even Judge Ness told him he would have a hard time proving that it was me!

After school I went to the post office in Windsor.  The clerk explained to me that she told John this morning what happened with the mail being changed automatically in Harrisburg, at the request of Yellowbook.  The clerk said she would get the post master, Sandy to come out and talk to me.  When she went back, I could hear the postmaster say she “didn’t want to hear anymore about it.”  Apparently things did not go well this morning when John stopped in.  The clerk told her it was Mrs. Delauter (gag me) and she came out and nicely told me the same thing the clerk told me and obviously the same thing they told John.  Automatic address change request on behalf of Yellowbook.  The post master and clerk both said “you husband didn’t seem to get what we were telling him.”

That is clear as he is continuing this Yellowbook drama….

~P