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Dec 12, 2011

Little Ballerina

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This afternoon was Tesla’s dance recital.  We had so much fun getting ready before the show!  Usually she doesn’t like her hair done, but for dance she was excited.  Not really for the hair bun I had to attempt, but because she could wear make-up!

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My brother and sister, Sam and Susan went with Dale, Tesla and I.  York Catholic High School was packed with people attending the recital.  Two of John’s brothers also came, Mike and Tim.  Tim brought along his girlfriend Vonnie.  Heather, John, Heather’s husband and his girlfriend were present too.  I could have lived with not seeing Mike (ass clown) but it was good to see Tim and Vonnie.

Heather and I were civil, almost friendly to each other in the girl’s locker room.  I used some of her hairspray to glue Tesla’s hair down.  As I was helping Tesla get in costume, I realized my “John’s good girl” tattoo was in plain view.  I almost started giggling at the thought of Heather seeing it in the flesh.  🙂  I held back the giggles and after I had Tesla’s leotard on, Heather came over and said “She needs her tights first.”  Then I did start laughing, just because I didn’t put the tights first.  Tesla thought it was funny too.

The first three rows were saved by John and Heather.  I asked him why he didn’t save a seat for me and he was just overwhelmed with saving the 10 he had for people coming to the show.  I rolled my eyes and said “I am her mom.”  About fifteen minutes later while I was with Tesla, John told Dale him and I could move up to the third row.  What a nice gesture!  John does have an occasional “nice” moment.  When Tesla was on stage I went to the front row and sat next to John to snap some pictures.  John recorded the kids dancing and Heather reminded him to record her children.  LOL  John needs poked like that at times.

All the children were adorable and tried hard.  The youngest ones were the most entertaining.  A few of them just stood in the limelight, frozen in front of the huge audience.  Tesla had a wonderful time along with Abigail, Gabrielle, Katelyn and Casey.  I am looking forward to the copy John promised to make me.

Here’s to an excellent show and an afternoon supporting all the kids at York Dance Arts!

~P.

P.S. My only critique:  The Ludachristmas song was an inappropriate song choice.

Filed Under: Dale, Heather, John, Tesla · Tagged: ,
Dec 10, 2011

Dressed tree, naked dog

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Usually I put up the Christmas tree the day after Thanksgiving.  I greatly delayed it until Tesla came home this weekend.  We had so much fun decorating the tree.  This is the first year that she has been old enough to appreciate all the pretty ornaments without breaking them.  🙂

My princess

 

Tesla is silly

 

Tesla took this silly picture of her Momma

Mr. sunshine with braids

Dale was not in the best of moods after Ying jumped up on the counter and ate his dinner….

 

My little elf

 Tesla and I sang Christmas songs while we decorated. 
 

Ying...the Chritmas rat

 
 
 

"Do I look fat?"

 I wrapped up the night taking Yinger for a walk.  He is self-conscious when isn’t wearing a tshirt or sweater.

 Christmas is coming soon!

~P.

 
Filed Under: Dale, Tesla · Tagged: ,
Dec 9, 2011

Protected: A Response

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Filed Under: Divorce, John, Tesla · Tagged: ,
Dec 8, 2011

The tough questions

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Kids ask their moms questions all the time.  For example:

1. Can I have a piece of candy?

2. Do I have to get a shower right now?

3. Why does it get dark?

4. Where do babies come from?

5.  What is today?

6.  Where are the stars?

7.  Why do I have to turn off the tv?

8.  Can I get a pony?

9.  How do you spell insert word?

10.  Why can’t I come to your house?

Wait….clearly number ten doesn’t fit in with the others.  Why can’t a five and a half year old visit her mother?  She is begging  to see me and to talk to her dad, but he won’t talk to me.  He said “She is adjusting to her new schedule and routine.”  Why would a father withhold a child from her mother? 

When I said, “I feel like you are keeping Tesla from me” John flipped out.  Yelling I shouldn’t say that in front of her. 

What the hell should I say then?   “Daddy is trying to squeeze me out of your life.  He feels he has complete control now.” 

I really don’t have to “say” anything to give her an answer. 

This is how it looks to her: Tesla is asking her mom to talk to her dad about visiting with me.  Her dad is hanging up on mom.

He might as well say to Tesla, “I’m not talking to your mom, or letting you talk to her very often without listening to what you are saying.  I don’t want you to cry about it Tesla.  Don’t cry, you are here with me and Heather and the kids.  You should be happy!  You have your puppies, a swimming pool, four-wheelers, vacations and so much more.  You don’t really need your mom.  Forget about her.” 

That will never happen,

~P.

Filed Under: Tesla · Tagged: , ,
Dec 6, 2011

Dear Tesla

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Easter 1975

Dear Tesla,

    I know you can’t read this yet, but someday you will be able to.  There is an awful lot of stuff going on in your life and at the tender age of five, I realize you don’t understand.  Honestly, as your mother, I don’t understand either.

    You, my precious daughter, are one tough cookie.  I applaud you for having a strong personality.  When I was your age, I too had a strong personality.  Mixed in with that personality…..a dose of independence and a large portion of humor.

   I understand your personality.  Mommy danced to the beat of a different drum too.  My mom never tried to change me.  She didn’t tell me how I should dress and act.  I was allowed to let my dynamic personality shine through. 

    There is nothing wrong with wearing mismatched clothing or even boys clothing.  People have been dressing in the clothes of their opposite sex for centuries.  As a child your age, I never thought about my clothes as being all that important.  I liked picking out my own outfits.  I thought back then the thrift stores were great and now I think they are superdooper great!  🙂  I loved trying on outfits.  I may have even dressed up my little brother…

   For example, this is a picture of Mommy and your uncle Joe at ages five and three.  Look at how we dressed and where we lived.  I apparently never wanted my clothing to match and uncle Joe cheerfully wore one of my hand-me-down sweaters.  Joe just looked at me with amusement.  I was always sticking my tongue out at the camera and waving my hands.  I still wear mis-matched clothes to school and act silly.  My classmates find my individuality refreshing. 😉  Oh…when you are in college, you can wear your pajamas to class.  I don’t do that, but lots and lots of kids do!!

Joe and I 1975

 

The bottom line was we had our mom and she made us happy. 

Some day Tesla, you will have your mom back too.

I love you,

Mommy

 

Filed Under: Tesla · Tagged: , , , , ,
Dec 5, 2011

I miss her smile

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I can’t describe the pain I feel with a week passing by and not seeing my daughter.  Making it even more painful is the fact that any day over the past week, I could have seen her.

I miss her silly smile, her songs and storys.  She likes to make up a story and really get me going then say “I’m only kidding!” which is cute right?!  Well, not so much the other night when she told me Bria bit her.  She went on and on about it then suddenly said she was kidding.  Was she kidding?  I really don’t know.

This afternoon on the phone, Tesla told me I could come get her tomorrow and we would make cupcakes at the house.  I said “Really? Your dad said that?” and she replied, “No, Heather did.”  Instantly in the background I could hear Heather saying, “I didn’t say that Tesla.”  That glimmer of hope was quickly extinquished.

Imagine your child, at the age of 5 asking when she can come home again and you have to tell her it will be another week.  I did reassure her that I will see her tomorrow at dance class and that seemed to soothe her.  Without even seeing her in person or talking to her privately, I can tell she knows what’s holding her back from seeing her mother.  Everyone can see it but that person themself.

She told me she missed me.  I told her I missed her.  We sang four songs and I told her to call me before bed.

She never called.

~P.

Filed Under: Tesla · Tagged: , ,
Dec 2, 2011

Taking the chick from the mama hen

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Mamma and her little chicken Tesla

Ok, I’ve had it.  I can’t get more than a few minutes to talk to my daughter.  Her father is “following the court order” to the letter and I know that is not how it was intended.

I last saw Tesla Monday night and watched her practice ballet.  I have yet to get any type of response that I can visit her since.  “You’re not cutting into my time with Tesla.”

What the fuck is wrong with a parent that for no good reason he is not letting me see or really even talk to Tesla.  She didn’t go to gymnastics last night.  Tesla said she had dance practice.  Tonight she said she was practicing gymnastics at home with Bria. (Heather’s daughter)  I very much wanted Tesla to go to Spartapalooza with me.  Blog on YCP Spartapalooza coming soon.

I have a real issue with my child being withheld from me for no good reason and John’s refusal to return my texts messages and phone calls.  This is selfish and immature behavior and in no way showing support for Tesla to see her mother.

Upsetting me is that John is refusing to allow her to go to the Lehman Center for art therapy.  It doesn’t cost him anything and it is to teach her coping skills during this period stressful situation for Tesla.  I don’t know what John is afraid of learning but it’s not about John, it’s about Tesla.

Stop denying me my child!

~P.

Filed Under: Divorce, John, Tesla · Tagged: , ,
Nov 30, 2011

My phone rang in gym

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My phone rang in gym class, right after we finished our square dance number.  We actually had to dance it 1.5 times because the first try the cd started to skip.  That’s a good way to ruin square dancing.

So the call was from a woman named Holland.  She is now assigned to my case because Mr. Flynn wasn’t returning any of my calls concerning Tesla and my health insurance and  food card.  Imagine my relief learning that we were not losing our benefits after all!

There is someone above looking over me.  It may take time, but everything will work out eventually.

My spirits are lifted,

~P.

Filed Under: College, Tesla · Tagged: , ,
Nov 29, 2011

Dear John and Heather

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Dear John and Heather,

    I decided it would be much easier just to address you both in this post.  Though I have made this painfully clear in the past, stop harassing my friends and family.  This includes my boyfriend Dale. 

   You have no business talking to him.  John, if you must speak to me about something concerning Tesla, I am all ears.  There should be no conversation between you and Dale or Heather and Dale. 

   The police told you not to harass me.  I didn’t realize I would have to include Dale on the list.  My friends and family don’t care to hear or see you.  (for that matter, no one wants to hear or see Heather either)  Don’t question anyone about Tesla, other than me.  You want to know something, check with her mother. 

    We all know you are a tough guy and love to be the bully.  Well that must stop.  Making a scene at Tesla’s dance class was just ridiculous.  Yes, I called Dale away from the two of you because I know how you treat people.  Heather is a great copycat of your drama king status.  Neither of you had any business questioning Dale about my where-abouts today. 

    Heather, I don’t want you throwing your useless and senseless comments in when John and I are trying to have a civil conversation.  I realize you would rather see John and I at each others throats.

  The two of you seem set on making this as difficult as possible for me to see Tesla.  You are quick to cause problems that just are trivial and then threaten to sue me for contempt for attending my classes.  That says so much about the two of you.  It saddens me that you both will go out of your way to be negative, hateful and bitter about the wonderful relationship Tesla and I have.  A relationship that neither of you can completely control.  In the end, you will just ruin any thread of a relationship you ever had with Tess, all on your own.

Karma,

~P.

 

 

Filed Under: College, Dale, Heather, John, Tesla · Tagged:
Nov 27, 2011

Why do I have to go?

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Tesla has started asking when she goes back to her dads.  I told her Monday night after dance.  The new custody schedule is going to be very hard for her and I.  She won’t be spending the night with her mom and that really bothers her.

She asked me why she has to live with her dad during the week.  I explained that her dad and I could not agree on who she should live with so a judge in a courthouse decided that she should live with her dad.  She looked right at me and said, “That’s not what I wanted.  I want to live with you.”

This is probably the hardest pill I’ve ever had to swallow.  It didn’t get any easier when Tesla told me “you didn’t try your best to win” while tears streamed down her face.

I tried and I had Tesla’s best interest in mind.  I feel I failed her at this point, but there is always tomorrow.

I dried her tears and assured her we will see each other plenty.  There will never be a doubt in her mind that her momma loves her.

Someday she will understand.  He who has the $$$$ manages to get his way.  I doubt he will continue to pay anything towards support except his arrears.  Since we are not divorced he will still have that $52 a month spousal support.  What a JOKE!?

For now, she’s back to smiling.

~P.

Update:  Since John picked Tesla up I have been allowed to talk to Tesla 4 very brief times while John and Heather sat beside TT.  So far he has refused to let me see her in person.

What a dick.

Filed Under: Tesla · Tagged: ,
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