Why do I have to go?

Tesla has started asking when she goes back to her dads.  I told her Monday night after dance.  The new custody schedule is going to be very hard for her and I.  She won’t be spending the night with her mom and that really bothers her.

She asked me why she has to live with her dad during the week.  I explained that her dad and I could not agree on who she should live with so a judge in a courthouse decided that she should live with her dad.  She looked right at me and said, “That’s not what I wanted.  I want to live with you.”

This is probably the hardest pill I’ve ever had to swallow.  It didn’t get any easier when Tesla told me “you didn’t try your best to win” while tears streamed down her face.

I tried and I had Tesla’s best interest in mind.  I feel I failed her at this point, but there is always tomorrow.

I dried her tears and assured her we will see each other plenty.  There will never be a doubt in her mind that her momma loves her.

Someday she will understand.  He who has the $$$$ manages to get his way.  I doubt he will continue to pay anything towards support except his arrears.  Since we are not divorced he will still have that $52 a month spousal support.  What a JOKE!?

For now, she’s back to smiling.


Update:  Since John picked Tesla up I have been allowed to talk to Tesla 4 very brief times while John and Heather sat beside TT.  So far he has refused to let me see her in person.

What a dick.


  1. How old is she? Does she have a liaison? My children did. That liaison is supposed to be the judges eyes and ears in the situation. They sit down and talk with the child, the go to the homes, they get both sides of the story. If that child wants to live with you, there should be absolutely no fucking reason why she shouldn’t. Period.

  2. Tears for you both. I can’t imagine your pain Pattie and tesla’s. It was hard enough when my 17 year old went ti live with his dad after being with me full time for 17 years. I think of you two everyday. Sending hugs everyday. I wish I lived closer to be there physically for you. Hang in there and I agree get tesla a liasion!!!!!!

  3. I was wondering the samething. Tesla should of had a liason. Why didn’t the asign you her one. If I were you I ask my attorney why and see about getting one to appeal it. Tesla isn’t happy and I don’t think that will change any time soon. luv ya both keep chin up. oh and liason is provide by the court and is free.

  4. I’m so sorry for you. I know I’d be in great pain if I was without my son this much.

  5. Anonymous says:

    Patti…my son had a liason when he was adopted by the man who is now his Dad. I think it cost us $75. That was just for 2 court appearances though. Im sure it would probably be more if they were visiting in the households… but I agree….you should appeal and get Tesla a liason. I have been through a similar situation such as yours where the child is just used as a tool to put one of the parents in a position where they feel like “they won” or where the one parent feels they have power over the other parent….and its sad cus they end up hurting their own child and making their child suffer. They get so caught up in their games they’re playing that their child goes by the way side. Then one day before they know it….their child is like a complete stranger and is all closed up to them and they wonder what happened and why…..the child doesnt though, they will never forget how their one parent didnt care that they wanted to see the other parent. The child holds the parent “who had the power” accountable because they didnt account for them when they were busy thinking of ways to get at the “powerless” parent. I was one of these children..and my Dad now realizes what he did and wishes he would have done things differently. I think the woman who is in your husbands life right now… should be asking herself this… Why would a parent act this way? And I say that because research has shown that the parents who act that way are so hurt and angry that the only way they feel they can gain control of the ex who hurt them is through the kids. Blinded by anger and in deep emotional pain, the needs of their children are put aside and they will do anything to ease the pain they feel inside. Hurting the other parent by destroying his or her relationship with the children satisfies their need for revenge. The only problem with that though….is that they are actually just hurting themselves more in the end ….the child starts to resent them and their newly inherited…and sometimes forced upon family. You end up with all the power in the end anyways because of their negative way they handled the situation.

  6. Why would a parent act this way? These parents are so hurt and angry that the only way they feel they can gain control of the ex who hurt them is through the kids. Blinded by anger and in deep emotional pain, the needs of their children are put aside and they will do anything to ease the pain they feel inside. Hurting the other parent by destroying his or her relationship with the children satisfies their need for revenge.

    I was Tesla years ago….and I didn’t need the experts to do research and write a paragraph such as the one above to figure out I was being used as a weapon. Children are very smart … and they rarely forget when an adult hurts them…whether intentionally or unintentionally. In their eyes, adults are suppossed to know whats right and wrong and whats best. My Dad regrets now….how he chose to act back then and regrets how he handled the situation. His exact words “I wish I would have done things differently with my girls”…. while he was busy using us as weapons, we were wondering why he was hurting us by trying to keep us from our Mom. He forgot about his kids and ruined his relationship with us. Where if he would have let us have equal time with our mom…there would have been no reason for us to fault him. He lost in the end…Two of his daughters don’t even talk to him…he has never seen 90% of his grandchildren…and he is ashamed when people ask him if he has any kids, grandkids, etc. and he has to answer yes but knows nothing about them because he ruined his relationship with them years ago because he thought we were used best as a tool in a divorce war that had nothing to do with us personally. We were just the victims. .. Love is always the answer….and always brings the best results. Being angry and resentful and trying to wage war and use a child as a weapon can bring no good. I pray that he realizes this and salvages his relationship with Tesla and lets her spend time with you as she does him……before she realizes that her Daddy is hurting her by trying to hurt you and it is too late for him. Then he is hurting not only her…..but people she loves also….that is a double whammy that often children have a hard time getting over and forgiving. Im hoping Tesla gets a very special gift for Christmas this year…..Love for her…..unselfish love….the kind that says shes more important …..along with her need for both of her parents to be a part of her life without her feeling like the only reason she is here or there is because then the other parent can feel better about themselves.

    • Thank you for your comments. I am reading people’s comments right now over a cup of coffee and yours really moved me. I am so sad for Tesla because if she were living with me, I would not deny her the chance to talk with her dad or visit with him. I left a message on his phone this morning that what he is doing is wrong. He didn’t call back. He feels he is King Control and he is on top of the world. Sadly he is trampling over his child to achieve this. ~P.

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