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Sep 12, 2011

Dear John XII

By · 8 Comments

 

Drama

Dear John,

    We just spoke on the phone.  I’m impressed it didn’t turn into the usual screaming match.  Also impressive was you didn’t argue with me about Tesla talking to a counselor.  I’m concerned about how she is handling life in your home and it will be good for her to talk to a professional. 

   You and Heather are packing so much extra-curricular activities into her schedule it’s making my head swim.  When I tried to explain that perhaps there was just too much going on, you said “then we will just exclude Tesla from swimming lessons.”  I don’t want to have to exclude my child from anything, but can we keep in mind she just started school, she is still getting to know Heather and her children and there is SO much commuting put on me that I feel I don’t get my share of time with Tesla. 

    I hope this counseling appointment allows her the ability to tell a third-party what’s on her mind.  The girlfriends you have brought into her life come and go and it’s easy to confuse them.  Just like I told you, now and then I refer to Heather as “Kelly” by mistake and your response was “how can you do that?  She was like 4 girlfriends ago.”  That’s my point John….

   So I’ve agreed to the swimming lessons on Mondays for the next 10 weeks and there’s the gymnastics on Wednesdays for as long as Heather can afford to send four girls.  You said she’s paying for the children’s swimming lessons and next month you want to start horse-back riding lessons.  I feel that is to many extra-curricular activities.  According to Eastern School District, Tesla needs Title I help in school.  Perhaps an activity that will  compliment her lessons in school would be better suited. 

     Finally, I am not signing off on our house.  Not today, not tomorrow, not ever.  If you can’t afford to keep the house and settle up this divorce, that’s not my problem.  It’s also not my problem you didn’t finish high school and don’t feel you can get a job.  If the moving industry no longer allows you to afford such luxuries as a huge house, gas guzzling trucks and the desire to buy the best of everything, then it’s time to face the facts and sell the house.  I can’t afford it, you can’t afford and no bank is going to refinance it.  Why delay the inevitable?

Still the wife…sigh.

~P.

 

Filed Under: Heather, John, Tesla · Tagged: , ,
Sep 5, 2011

You can make a baby

By · 7 Comments

Tesla and I were in the kitchen and she noticed Heather’s volunteer name tag sticking on the freezer door.  I had pasted it there when it stuck to my fingers going through Tesla’s co-parent folder.   THAT is how I knew about Heather volunteering in Tesla’s room.  I didn’t expect Tesla to recognize what the name tag was, an error on my part.

Heather King  (new last name?)  Sept 1. 2010  9:10 AM  Destination:  Ms. Dettinger

Tesla said “You came to my class mom.” and I responded, “Yes, but not that day and that isn’t my tag.”  She said “Yes it is.”  I said, “No that was Heather’s tag when she came to help in your class.”  She immediately denied Heather being there and said, “no, it was you mom.”  I didn’t argue with her but said, “I’ll just throw it away ok?” and she nodded her head.

Suddenly told me I needed to go up to her room with her.  I asked why and she “we need to talk.”  My thought, this will be interesting…

So we went up and sat on her bed and she said, “I want you to have a baby.”

WHOA!  Where is that coming from?  My best guess is she was loving all the babies at the block party we attended yesterday here at the townhouses.  She was fascinated by me feeding the neighbor’s granddaughter a bottle.

I asked her if she liked the babies at the party and she said “yes” followed by “you have one!”

I told her, “I can’t have a baby.”  She retorted with “yes you can” tilting her head and raising her palms.

I said “It takes two people to make a baby, I can’t do it myself.”   She responded, “Yes you can, you made me.”

I supposed I could make a baby myself.  She doesn’t know this, but it took insemination at a fertility clinic to “make” her.

I replied, “Yes, but 50% of you came from Daddy.  Half of you was made by Daddy.”

She thought that over for a little bit and I half expected her to say “Dale can be the daddy” but she didn’t.  Instead she asked again, why I can’t have a baby and I replied with the truth.

“I’m too old.”  She seemed to accept that and I was off the hook.  We read a couple of books with her knowing many of the words.  I find it hard to believe she needs “Title 1” support.  What I really think is she needs more one on one with her mother, who loves to read and write.  She could quickly become gifted at reading if I had more time during the week to work with her.

So my daughter is trying to put ideas of babies in my head.  Who is supposedly influencing who here??  Honestly, I would love to have another baby, but I am old and financially, I can not support another child.  Though welfare would cover my medical costs and lots of other needs, I will not be taking advantage.  Also, I don’t want to get pregnant while I’m married to someone else.  At this point I have the most reliable form of birth control, an IUD.  That will keep me from getting pregnant until 2015!

No pregos,

~P.

 

Filed Under: Heather, Tesla · Tagged: ,
Sep 3, 2011

She’s “like” a stepmom, but still the girlfriend

By · 17 Comments

Self-portrait

My daughter and I are setting up her “yard sale special” toys of the day, also included is the $5 stuffed dalmatian puppy she bought with her $2 and Mom’s donation of $3.29.  Now Tesla is practicing and showing amazing improvements, in her photography skills.  Ying also makes an excellent subject for this photo opportunity.

Dog obedience class

We love doing things together, one on one.  She feels so good when we are giggling at silly songs, making play-doh animals and baking brownies.  Tesla loves being the center of attention and her time with me always puts her, spot on.  She is the only child at my house and she knows this. 

Ying and my $5 "new to me" VCR

The current issue is where Tesla falls in at her dads.  Heather, John’s girlfriend, wants Tesla to view her as a “step-mom” figure as they all live under the same roof.  That roof also happens to have my name on the deed.  Tesla is going to school from that address, against my wishes.  Why do I have an issue with Tesla going to school at Eastern?  Because I don’t live there anymore and one way or another I want my name severed from John’s.  Severed, as not slowly rotting away, fraying and twisting until it snaps.  The cart is put before the horse in assuming John’s permanant residence will remain at our house.

Note the chocolate pudding lips

So there is Heather, living at my house and attending every function of Tesla’s life as a “step-mom” figure, yet she is the girlfriend.  She has been acting as the “step-mom” since February of this year and moved in full-time on March 11, 2011.  Keep in mind the previous, previous girlfriend who had lived in my house also, had just moved out on October 7, 2010.  At least one woman in-between that I met was named Shirley.  I didn’t see much of her but John seemed to have her car on a regular basis.  Better on gas, I’m sure.

Anyway, back to Heather. She is volunteering in Tesla’s Kindergarten class at school.  I haven’t even had a chance to volunteer, yet she has jumped right in there.  She may very well only have good intentions but come on, give Momma a break here.  Heather has 4 children of her own.  She can volunteer in their classes.

Tesla asked me today if I was her mom!  I told her “yes, sweetie, I’ll always be your mom” and didn’t question her why she might think I wouldn’t be.

Mom

I carried her for nine months, lost consciousness during birth, came back from the fuzzy clouds and still pushed her out.

No doubts here,

~P.

P.S. Tesla has no idea that I know Heather helped in her classroom and I have no intentions of mentioning it to her.

Filed Under: Divorce, Heather, John, Tesla · Tagged: ,
Aug 29, 2011

Downhill Day

By · 15 Comments

Tesla getting on the bus was the highlight of my day, from there it went downhill.

Court didn’t amount too much.  John’s lawyers (two today) basically said he should get custody because I have had to move so many times since John decided he wanted a divorce, three years ago.  They also plan to prove my blog is making John seem like a jerk.  Like my blog is to blame….

After court I tried to talk to John and Heather like adults.  I asked if we could work out some where half way to meet so I’m not doing all the picking up and dropping off of Tesla.  Gas ain’t cheap ya know?  John and Heather quickly shot that down because she leaves for school at 6:30 AM and John has to be home to get her kids on the bus.  What the heck does that have to do with John and I and our child?  He can’t work out a schedule with me concerning Tesla because the woman he moved in has four kids and now he is responsible for getting them on the bus?!  She had the nerve to say to me “well it’s not our fault you couldn’t get an apartment in Eastern.”  EXCUSE ME?! 

I told John I wanted to pick up Tesla after the bus comes because I didn’t want to drive all the way home, turn around and drive back to Windsor.  I parked my car in the grass to wait for the bus and he came up to my car.  He told me I had to leave because it would be stressful on Tesla.  I was confused….everything went so smoothly this morning and now I can’t see her get off the bus?  He ordered me to leave and “go around the corner” for 15 minutes and then I could come back after the bus drops Tesla at 3:30.  He even claimed I intentionally made Tesla uncomfortable at the Kindergarten Orientation!  

Fine!  I left because I was afraid he would call the police.  I parked up the road at the mobile home park and was reading my book.  Several busses passed and then one stopped.  I wasn’t paying attention but when I turned around Tesla was at the end of the mobile home park driveway.  I was so surprised I didn’t know what to do.  I started walking towards her, afraid she might just bolt across the street. (This was her first day on a bus)

I see Heather come up to the bus and say something to the bus driver.  I looked at Heather, not knowing what to think.  Next thing I know John is screaming at me that this is just what he was talking about because Tesla started to cry.  I did as he ordered and left the property.  I was told in the morning that the bus would stop in front of the house.  How was I supposed to know the bus driver wasn’t going to stop?!  John yelled that he is sick of my “shit” even though I had no control over the stupid bus.  There were people outside witnessing him degrading me and then he wrapped it up with “now you can’t get her until 5 PM!” 

Yes I was pissed!  So much drama and all the blame is put on me. 

But I’m the one with issues?

~P.

Filed Under: Divorce, Heather, John, Tesla · Tagged: , , ,
Aug 27, 2011

Dear John XI

By · 6 Comments

waste of $

Dear John,

I usually have something to say when I see you, but since I can’t always say it, I write it.

It irked me to see you scratching off lottery tickets when I came back out to the truck to give Tesla the dollar she earned helping around the house.  That was just a mild irk compared to how much Heather irked me later.

I’m sorry you arrived early to get Tesla and had to wait for her while she finished eating dinner.  It’s rare that she eats dinner at home when it’s your day to pick her up.  Friday nights dinner was special for her.  She and I went grocery shopping the day before and she helped pick out the groceries.  Two of her choices were fresh corn and cantaloupe.  While we were still in the store on Thursday, she husked the corn and bagged it.  As you know, her kindergarten orientation was that night so we didn’t have time to make dinner together.

Friday she was very excited to wash the corn and make it for dinner.  She was very hungry and I didn’t even give a thought to telling her we couldn’t cook dinner together.  Tesla ate four chicken nuggets, an ear of corn, a large helping of chicken alfredo and cantaloupe for desert.  Dale, Tesla and I had a very nice dinner even though I had to rush Tess a bit because you were outside waiting….scratching those lottery tickets.

The BIG irk of my evening was the text I received from you at 7:52 PM.

Can you please not feed Tesla on my nights we want to eat as a family.

Hmmm John, that’s what we were doing also.  Like I said, it’s rare I make dinner for her and I (and now Dale) on nights you pick her up.  My response back:

So did we.  Sorry.

Now I thought that would be the end of the text messaging but I was wrong.  Next came this:

Well on your night that would be nice for you all but please be respectful of our time and not make things hard on Tesla that has to sit at a table while everyone else eats…it’s not fair to her.  We will be respect ur time please respect ours.  Heather

Again with the girlfriend texting me?  Why do I have to get texts from your girlfriend about Tesla and respect?  My response:

Omg chill…I’m sorry.

Now this time I was certain I wouldn’t hear back from her and I was really trying hard not to lose my patience with a woman who has the nerve to request I not eat a special meal with my child the last day I have her before school starts.  Heather read my patience as showing an understanding of her need to sit everyone down for dinner.  I suppose you all use the dining room, now that it can be filled up properly.

Thanks for understanding….please feel free to come Monday.  Bus picks up at 7:25.  We will be out taking pictures around 7:10.

Actually Heather, I don’t understand.  There are so many levels of not understanding where the hell you are coming from that it just blows my mind you would even mention that I shouldn’t feed my daughter when she’s hungry and at home with her mother.  My response:

I don’t get the big blow up over dinner…nor her having to sit like it’s punishment….but I do appreciate seeing my child off to school her first day.

It really sucks having to get permission to see my daughter off to school.  You had texted me right after picking up Tesla that I could come Monday and to be there by 8:25.  Was that a text typo John?  Or did you really want me to show up an hour late just to hear you say I missed the bus?

It’s not a punishment but we r a family and act like one….and it’s not a blow up, just a request.

I don’t know John….seems like more that just a request.  Kinda came off as rude and belittling Tesla and I as being and acting like a family.  Just because you have 7 and up until recently, it’s just been Tesla and I doesn’t mean your new family outranks mine.  My response to Heather:

I don’t get why this is coming from you either.

Why do I continue to get texts from Heather from your phone?  You had something to say and you did.  It should have ended there.  Actually, I think it was uncalled for to even text me not to feed Tesla on the nights you pick her up.  Especially since I’ve never made a habit of doing so.  Friday’s dinner was special for Tesla, can I get some respect concerning that?  She ate a good meal and enjoyed preparing it with me.  Get over yourself.  Tell your woman to get over herself.  Stop trying to control my time with my child.

Heather’s final text was “goodnight” and my response was “Amen” and that wrapped up our texting for the night.  I view it all as making a mountain out of a mole hill.  I’m stressed out enough by all your bullshit with this custody and divorce nightmare.  I really don’t want to hear whining about family meals.

I appreciate the invitation to see Tesla off to school and I will be there with my camera.  I’m saving the text message granting me permission just in case you call the police and try to have me arrested.  You tricked me once like that and I don’t want another repeat of Tesla seeing the police come because you want me taken away in handcuffs.  Think about your actions and how they affect your child.

I suppose you didn’t win big on the lottery tickets.  Remember, if you do, half of it goes to your wife.

Keep on scratching,

~P.

 

 

Filed Under: Divorce, Heather, John, Tesla · Tagged: , , ,
Aug 26, 2011

Tear Control

By · 5 Comments

I hate crying.  I think of myself as a tough chick who can handle whatever life throws at me.  This week has been incredibly hard.

Back pain like I have never had before.

Heather making stupid accusations of why John and I split up. (Fueled by John)

John managing to get a judge to side with him even though he has a bad attitude.

Going to Tesla’s orientation at one of the oldest school in York County.

Trying to explain to Tesla that today may very well be her last day at daycare.

Calling Wallace school and telling them Tesla is enrolled at Eastern.

It is breaking my heart that my daughter isn’t going to school from our address.  She became very attached to her friends at daycare and this is her last day to see them.  Monday is yet another custody hearing.  I am glad I get another chance to plead my case and I hope it makes a difference.  This Monday is just a preliminary hearing, so another court date is in the future.  Meanwhile, I will spend my day periodically crying.

Tesla and I don’t deserve this.  She should be with her mother.  I am the one who devotes my time to her.  I don’t run a business anymore.  I don’t play softball or bowl.  I don’t run out at the drop of a hat to give an estimate or visit a job site.  I especially don’t focus on having someone (anyone) in my life so I don’t feel alone.  With Tesla by my side, I am never alone.  She is my number one and together her and I would focus on our school work.

My only consolation is IF her father does get majority custody, I am certain when Tesla is of age, she will choose to be with her mother.

I also figure in this…the divorce factor.  John can’t always be lucky enough to have things work in his favor.

Tough chicks cry,

~P.

 

Filed Under: Divorce, Heather, John, Tesla · Tagged: ,
Aug 24, 2011

Dear Heather V

By · 12 Comments

Just an example...Not Kelly or Heather's ring

Dear Heather,

Hi!  Though we didn’t talk when I picked up Tesla at gymnastics, I couldn’t help but notice the hand-me-down ring was missing from your finger.  Even though it’s none of my business, I would love to know why you’re not wearing it anymore.  I have a few guesses.

1.  You didn’t know it was a left-over and now you are very embarrassed to be seen wearing it.

2. You lost weight and it doesn’t fit.

3. Someone stole it.

4.  You gained weight and it doesn’t fit.

5. It’s lost.

6. It’s been traded in at Gordon’s Jewelers and your new one is being sized.

7. You no longer want to be engaged to my husband.

8. You did know it was a hand-me-down, but now that everyone else knows, you are too embarrassed to wear it.

These are just my guesses of course.  Remember, it’s not the gift, it’s the thought that counts.

Diamonds are a girl’s best friend,

~P.

Filed Under: Divorce, Heather · Tagged: ,
Aug 23, 2011

Dear John X

By · 5 Comments

Dear John,

    Can you believe our baby is starting school?  Time just flies when you’re having fun or tied up in a divorce. 

    What I wanted to write to you about is your behavior after Tesla had her school physical.  You took her to the doctors and she had to have four shots in order to be ready to start school.  While you were at the doctor’s office I asked if I could pick Tesla up afterwards.  You said you were still at the office and would call me afterwards, which you did.

    Yes, Tesla was crying and in pain from the shots to her arms.  You agreed to let me pick her up at our house and I talked to Tesla on the phone.  She wanted her mommy and that was completely understandable.  Kids generally want their mom when they are hurting and I told her I was on my way.  What I didn’t expect was your reaction.  Suddenly you didn’t want to let me pick Tesla up after the appointment.  I had hung out in York to keep from wasting gas and was already on my way to get Tesla when you changed your mind.  Yes, you changed YOUR mind.  Tesla still wanted her mom but you didn’t like that.

    So there I was already on the way to get her and you tell me I can get her in an hour because you wanted her to take some Tylenol and lay down.  Why would you do that to her and I?  When I called you and pointed out how quickly you changed your mind, you became angry and said, “well now you can wait until 5 PM” and hung up on me, not once but twice.  Didn’t you learn anything in the Kid’s First session?  http://girlboxer1970.com/2011/07/11/kids-first/

   The arguing with me at the top of the driveway is just ridiculous.  Ordering me to leave and come back at 5 PM didn’t work out so well.  I shouldn’t have to point out that the Kid’s First class you just attended frowns on this type of behavior.  What really rubbed me the wrong way was Tesla wasn’t even laying down, she was swimming in our pool. 

    Money is tight for me.  All the driving around with this 2-2-3 schedule is a real gas drainer.  I am happy to hear you sent $600 towards your arrears.  I am not happy that you announce this in front of our daughter as a “bonus check.”  It is NOT a bonus check, it’s the money you have owed in arrears since 2009!  Don’t make it sound like you are the hero of the day by paying the debt you’ve owed for years now. 

   Instead of recycling Kelly’s engagement ring to Heather, why not pawn it and pay the remainder of your arrears?  I can’t believe Heather is good with wearing a ring that was on the finger of a previous girlfriend!  Isn’t that bad luck or something?  Then again, Heather may not be superstitious.  I guess the ring isn’t the worst thing she needs to worry about…

Imagine all the new DNA on our marital bed,

~P.

 

 

Filed Under: Divorce, Heather, John, Tesla · Tagged: , , ,
Aug 22, 2011

Dear Heather IV

By · 8 Comments

Dear Heather,

  Let’s take some of your comments piece by piece so I can respond properly.

 Was it not you and John that had an affair, was it not you that was engaged to a married man that was still living with his WIFE, was it not you Pattie that pushed another women out of HER own home that SHE build and OWNED!!!

   When I met John I didn’t know he was married.  He didn’t volunteer that information and I actually found out by accident.  I met his wife at Sam Lewis Park about a week after I met John.  I had no idea he had this mad plan in his head to move me and my sons into the house with his wife, step-son and his best friend, Craig.  When he proposed this ridiculous idea, both Diane and I looked at him like he was insane. 

   Now fast forward a little.  There’s only so much I want to write in my blog.  You see Heather, it’s just so bizarre that I have to save it for the book.  

  Diane is living at her sisters and John has packed up what he decided she should take with her.  He effectively moved her out in about a day and immediately pushed for me to move in.  I was caught up in a whirlwind and had no control over what John did.  His actions were reckless and not well thought out but I accepted that he was distraught over the stress of accepting his marriage was over.  He even had me read letters Diane had written him that were proof enough to me that their marriage was already over and it had nothing to do with me.

  Because I am not a judgemental person, I stuck by his side and I fell in love with him, fast and hard.  No one could talk me out of wanting to be with John and he was assertive in wanting me by his side at all times.  Later in life I realized that all this should have been warning signs but I just missed them.   

  John bought Diane and Todd (who was not a child but actually in his 20’s) a mobile home (with cash) and Craig, Diane and Todd all moved there.  John moved my boys and I out of my house in Red Lion into his house in Windsor.  When my sons and I moved in, Diane already had a new home.  She signed off on the house and John and I mortgaged it together because we had to.  He could not mortgage the house without my income. 

Have you said I’m sorry to Johns step-son and ex-wife and meant it?

Actually I have told Diane I was sorry for helping John steam roll over her during the divorce.  We don’t have bad feelings towards each other because she is happy they divorced.  Imagine that?!

The fact is John is SINGLE and has been single for 3 years.

John may act like he is single but trust me, he is married.  Even when we were trying to work things out he was still knocking boots with other people.  John and SINGLE will never exist because he can not handle being single.

You have lived with boyfriends and have a man that lives at your home now.

Wrong….I have never lived with boyfriends and there is not a man who lives in my home now.  Just because his name is on the lease and we would LIKE to live together does not mean he lives here.  Dale visits often but does not live with us….yet.

I am happy for you Heather and I’m glad you could care less about money.  That will make it much easier for you when the divorce does take place.  If I have to pay my lawyer to force John to move forward with the divorce, I will.  It’s just that I don’t have any money sitting around to use right now.

Congratulations on having full custody of your children.  If it were up to Tesla and I, she would live with her momma also!  

This letter is much longer than I normally like to write.  Really, I didn’t even get to comment on all your comments but this is good enough for now.  I see you have an ex-friend who doesn’t mind bringing up your past.  My past is an open book….you’ll be able to buy it one day.  Heck, I’ll even sign it for ya!  I am not ashamed or scared to write about my past, nor would I change it. 

 I have yet to meet one,ONE person that knew Pattie and John during there marriage that has a GOOD thing to say about her (including her father and mother).

Please girlfriend….I don’t believe that for one second and neither will anyone else who reads my blogs.  My dad and I might bang heads often but he is not going to bad-mouth me and my mom has a multitude of good things to say about me.  I am her number one go to when she needs anything.  Don’t you find it strange that John has little to no contact with his family?  John’s mom doesn’t even know Tesla.  Why? Because she doesn’t want to have to deal with John.  How sad is that?!

Just touching on a few of your comments,

~P.

P.S.  Wrecker is spelled with a W.

P.S.S.  Are you and John engaged?  How exciting!!!

Filed Under: Divorce, Heather, John · Tagged: ,
Aug 21, 2011

Dear Heather III

By · Leave a Comment

Dear Heather,

      Now that you are giving your opinion on my life, I wanted to drop you a quick note.  You are really hung up on the fact that John and I are still married.  Well, that makes two of us.  Do you understand the reason why he is not moving forward with the divorce?  If you don’t, let me spell it out for you.

M O N E Y

Yes, it’s all about money now.  See in Pennsylvania when two people divorce it’s 50/50.  That’s fifty percent of the assets and fifty percent of the debt.  John and I own a house and business together.  John doesn’t see it that way, but in reality, it’s true.  While the business is still up and running (amazing….I credit LaDonna for that) I don’t receive any income other than the roughly $170.00 deposited into my child support and alimony fund every other week.

I’m not remaining married to John to continue getting alimony.  That $52 a month is pathetic when you consider he just made $17,000 in payments over three months to the mortgage company.  He doesn’t want to move forward with the divorce BECAUSE he would rather just keep all our income for himself.

The most important thing in John’s life is money.  “It’s all about making the donuts” is his favorite phrase.  I never felt the need to throw around money or act like I’m better than others because our business was successful.  People drifted out of my life because they couldn’t deal with hearing the constant banter about money coming  from my husband’s mouth.

I really don’t have an issue with you Heather.  I think you need to butt out when it comes to custody and divorce because you don’t have any say in it.  I see you as just another victim to the “wolf in sheep’s clothing.”  You’ll realize this one day.

Until then….baaah baaah,

~P.

 

 

 

Filed Under: Divorce, Heather, John · Tagged: ,
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