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Apr 17, 2011

Cut your hair, show you care event

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York College of PA’s SIFE team (Students in Free Enterprise) held a fundraiser for Relay for Life cancer research on April 17th.  Held on Jackson Street in York, people gathered outside eating, playing games, tie-dying t-shirts and listening to music.  Inside, The Dollhouse Salon employee’s gave haircuts with all proceeds going to Relay for Life.  The event was a success and at the last count prior to leaving, 9 people had their locks trimmed.   If you didn’t stop by you missed out on all the food, fun and the chance to tame your unruly hair.

I took my sister Suz, son Zeth and daughter Tesla and we all had a blast.  Hope you enjoy the pictures and GREAT JOB SIFE!!

~P.

Filed Under: classmates, College, Tesla, Zeth · Tagged: , , , ,
Apr 17, 2011

Duh Ying

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       My mom made beef vegetable soup today and it was delicious.  I set my half eaten bowl of soup down and went up stairs to get a drink.  While pouring my ice-cold glass of milk I heard Ying begin to yelp.  Immediately I knew he was in pain and I bolted downstairs.  Tesla was still downstairs playing with her Dora the Explorer cards.  When I reached the bottom of the steps I said “What did you do to hurt Ying?!”  She responded with her eyes wide open, “It wasn’t me, he tried to eat your soup!”  I had set the soup bowl on top of the pellet stove to keep it warm.  Little to warm for the paws eh?   Duh Ying!!   ~p.

Filed Under: Pets, Tesla · Tagged:
Apr 16, 2011

April 17 2007 revisited

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This is a blog from 2007  that doesn’t tell the full story of what happened the day I miscarried.  I was embarrassed to tell what really happened after I lost the baby.  Not embarrassed by the loss of my baby, but by the actions of my husband.  This is the story I shared then:

I said “what doesn’t kill me makes me stronger” so many times in my short 36 years.  It usually applied to men in some form or another but yesterday was a different story.  I’d been having problems for about a week with spotting and contacted my doctor.  I had an appointment on Monday to see her at the clinic.  Since finding out I was pregnant, I also found out my insurance wouldn’t cover any maternity.  Insurance sucks for those self-employed unless you can afford to drop about $1k a month, just on health insurance.

We went to see the doctor Monday and I was pretty sure there wouldn’t be good news.  I was right.  She did an ultrasound and there was no heartbeat.  Actually, there really wasn’t anything but a dark hole showing.  We went home and I was to take it easy.  Tuesday, John and I visited my dad and gave him a birthday present.  While at my parents I suddenly got horrible cramps and started to bleed heavy.  By the time we got home I was hurting bad.  Within an hour I had  passed everything.  It was awful.  There’s no other words to describe it.  I put it somewhere between almost losing both my sons shortly after birth and almost dying myself after having Tesla.  I would rather go through almost dying then losing a baby again.  While it didn’t kill me it did break my heart.  I know these things happen for a reason and that there was most likely something wrong with the baby but it doesn’t help with the pain I feel inside. 

Having another child now or in the future is looking bleek.  I can’t put myself through the stress for the 5th time.  I have 3 beautiful children who all seem to be healthy and happy at this time in their life so I don’t feel the need to push my luck again.   I have the next 18 years of a little girl counting on her Momma so I better shape up cause I can’t ship out.

Story addition:

AFTER I miscarried, my doctor insisted that John take the fetus into the hospital.  I showered while he was gone and Tesla was napping.  When John returned from the hospital he came into our bedroom where I was lying in bed, still in pain.  He said he took the fetus into the hospital and noone seemed to know what to do about it.  I didn’t have much to say until he said he was leaving again. 

 “What do you mean you’re leaving?!  Tesla is going to wake up soon and I am in no shape to take care of a 1 year old!” 

 He responded he had a softball game he HAD to pitch at 6pm.  It was just after 5pm at that moment.

“Are you serious?!  You’re leaving me here with Tesla after I just lost our baby so you can play softball?!?!”

I was crushed at his lack of sympathy and empathy for me, his wife, mother of his living and now passed child.  I realized then John only thought of himself first and always would.  After I expessed my feelings, he did stay home.  I guess guilt managed to affect him.

It’s almost been 4 years since the day I lost a pregnancy.  I don’t anguish like I had in the past, but I will always be saddened by losing my child and realizing how little feelings my husband had.

~P

Filed Under: Divorce, John, Tesla ·
Apr 7, 2011

L:Brackish Water

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L: Brackish Water-“No! Don’t get in that water Tesla!”  A little pool of water remained after the creek flooded.  The water was dark as oil and appeared just as slick.  Tesla halted suddenly at the edge, aware of how icky the water actually was.  “That’s disgusting Mommy!” she squealed in delight, proud of the fact she knew what disgusting meant.  “Yes, it is.” I replied, thrilled she didn’t stomp through it like other rain puddles she can’t seem to avoid. 

Filed Under: Beaver Hole Bridge, Tesla · Tagged: ,
Apr 4, 2011

Child exchange drama

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Note: exchange time is at 5PM unless agreement of earlier or later time has been made.

April 4, 2011 4:36 PM

I receive a text from Mr. Delauter “my truck broke down heather is getting tesla she might be there a little early”

I respond “I am not comfortable with that.  Sorry. Call me when u can get here.”

Mr. Delauter calls me immediately screaming at me to send Tesla with Heather.  I tried to tell him to just come when he has a vehicle but he begins swearing at me and threatening to not let Tesla’s brothers or aunt pick her up anymore.  I hang up. 

5:14 PM  Heather arrives and states I need to “stop playing games” and let her have Tesla.  I told her I don’t know her or anything about her and will not make my daughter leave with her.  Heather refuses to leave my parents and says she will wait for John to show up and put Tesla in her van.  She was quick to point out that this was not my property. (Yeah, no shit!  You’re already living in my property!)  I tell my dad who is out there and why.  He could see that Tesla was upset.  He asked me if I knew her and I said her name is Heather and she’s John’s new girlfriend.  Dad rolled his eyes..lol

5:30 PM John arrives on his motorcycle flying up the driveway like a madman.  He begins yelling at me immediately.  Saying I put in Tesla head she shouldn’t go with Heather.  Tesla told her dad she didn’t want to go with Heather but would ride on his cycle. (he rode her around at the house and to the neighbors in the past)  John tells her she has to get in the van.  John tells Heather that I put it in Tesla head not to go with her.  He continues yelling at me, upsetting Tesla even more until she was in tears again.  He says I should have “made Tesla go with Heather because Heather lives in HIS house.”  Sorry, but no where does it say I must let Tesla go with a stranger.

 I told him to quit yelling at me and that I didn’t put anything in Tesla’s head.  Tesla finally gets in the van and John tells me not to send anyone to the house for Tesla because he is not going to let anyone (meaning Tesla’s blood-related family) pick her up for me.  This conversation of course contained him swearing at me, accusing me of putting in Tesla head she doesn’t have to go with Heather.   Tesla saw Heather and was clearly unwilling to leave with her by her own rights.

At no time, did I say anything like that to Tesla.  She has known Heather approximately 5 weeks.  Maybe Tesla just isn’t comfortable either!

~P.

Filed Under: Divorce, John, Tesla · Tagged: ,
Mar 21, 2011

Delauter/Crider Domestics tomorrow

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Great….Monday at York County Courthouse. What a pain in the ass just finding parking in York City, then going through the security check and to top it off losing the remainder of Monday with Tesla.   Because I have to go to domestics and repeat for the fourth time that: I live in my parent’s basement, I am a full-time student at York College and I have no income because Mr. Delauter has not been paying what the court has instructed him to pay.  Even though he’s not paying, he’s taking ME to domestics. 

Tomorrow is for his plea to domestics that his support obligations should be dismissed or diminished due to his income reduction.  Business is slow, I’m told.    The only change in my life is I’ve been using my student loan funds to survive.  I see no way domestic is going to change the support orders, but who really knows.

Somehow I survive all this bullshit and drama.  All the court dates, lawyer fees, new girlfriends, new people moving in.  Is a girlfriend with four kids going to SAVE Mr. Delauter money?  I don’t see why the hell she would want to move in with a man who is soooo broke the house is foreclosure, the car has been repossessed, the timeshare is in foreclosure, the line of credit is behind, second mortgage is behind, credit cards were never paid, he can’t pay his own child support or alimony to the woman he is STILL married to…..it goes on and on and on. 

Not that his lifestyle will reflect what a financial mess our current situation is.  I am already receiving state assistance, I have nothing left to lose but my child and this meeting has NOTHING to do with custody, nor do I really think he will get majority custody when Tesla starts school.

I imagine tomorrow will go something like this:

Mr. Delauter: I shouldn’t have to pay support because my business is not making enough money (not that he has looked for a job.)  Pattie claimed Tesla on her taxes last year and it wasn’t her turn.

Domestic:  Mr. Delauter, the filing of taxes makes no difference.  You are instructed by the court to pay your support obligations.

Mr. Delauter: But it wasn’t Pattie’s turn to claim Tesla!

Domestics: Again, that makes no difference.

Mr. Delauter: But now I owe money to the IRS and I am broke, even though I seem to afford eating out, my truck payments, clubbing with my new woman, moving her and her four kids in because I know, this one is it.  SHE is my soulmate…  I love her kids just as much as I love Tesla and I want to  have Tesla all the time because I am what’s best for her and it doesn’t matter what Tesla thinks.  Yes, Pattie is a good mom, but I am so self-centered and greedy that I want Tesla all the time and don’t want to pay child support or alimony, even though I haven’t divorced Pattie yet.  I am holding off on that divorce issue as long as possible so I can convince my new girlfriend how wonderful I am.  Once I know she is in my hooks, I will find a way to get her to help me buy Pattie and my house so I don’t have to sell it.  Pattie seems to have made up her mind.  She doesn’t want to agree to settlement payments.  She says it’s because she’s “not going to be taken advantage of by a big asshole like me”.  I would make the payments.  Really, I would.  Don’t pay any attention to my past record of refusing to pay and letting Pattie’s Mercedes be repoed while I went out and bought a new truck.  Yes, I knew I didn’t have the money to afford it, but what the fuck, I am “the man” and I will do as I please!

Domestic: Pay your support orders, Mr. Delauter.  Your hearing with the enforcement officer is April 1st.  You’ll be a fool to miss it.

HAHAHA!

~P.

Filed Under: Divorce, John, Tesla · Tagged:
Mar 12, 2011

Plans with the “new family”

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Family pick up time

Tesla didn’t want to go to daycare this morning because her cousin Blaine didn’t have school. 
 Her Aunt Suz said it was fine for her to stay home with Blaine.
  I texted John that Tess didn’t go to daycare at 10:48 AM. 
 
The last I had heard from John was 3/9/11 at 3:36 PM. 
His text was: not sure of the time I will let you know probably around lunch time.
 
TODAY from John I get a text at 12:29 PM.
 gonna pick us up at 1 o’clock this you still at your parents house.
 
I translated this as he wanted to get Tess really early.
  I texted she was there, but when I got home, beating John to the house, Tess wasn’t home. 
 She had gone with her Aunt Suz and brother, Jarrid to drop Blaine off with his dad. 
 Neither Suz nor Jarrid have a phone.
I was yelled at and received a text message that I screwed up his plans with his girlfriend and kids.
I read his text as he would let me know around lunchtime when he would get her.
  So now Tess couldn’t go because he didn’t know when she would be back, and neither did I.
Sorry!!!!
 Now he couldn’t get her until after 6pm.
 
I wasn’t really surprised when my dad said John was outside for Tess at 6:08. 
 What slightly surprised me is he had the nerve to show up with the truck and trailer loaded to the hilt. 
 I guess the family outing was going to the new woman’s house and loading up her shit.
 To move into my house, while Tess and I continue to live in my parents basement.
 
He’s so broke he can’t pay his child support and alimony but he is moving in a new girlfriend?
 And her 4 children!
 That has known for tops, 3 weeks? 
 John thinks this is perfectly acceptable behaviour. 
 I think any rational person would disagree?!?
Filed Under: Divorce, Jarrid, Tesla · Tagged: , ,
Mar 7, 2011

Play Doh Mushrooms

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Tess and I broke out the play doh to entertain ourselves.  I’m on drain duty, making sure my bedroom/basement doesn’t fill with water.  Joy.

So what a better way to pass time…Play Doh.  We created a mushroom farm on my bookshelf.

Cheap play doh…sucks.

~P

Filed Under: Tesla · Tagged: , , , , ,
Mar 6, 2011

Flood~It’s really coming down

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Not my basement, Thank God!

 

I called up to my brother Sam, “Hey where’s Dad? The basement is flooding.”

Sam consulted with father, who knows best, and was sent to the basement for the portable pump.  The utility pump found, electric source with a three prong adapter found and….nothing.  The pump motor was frozen.  Sam, being the smart guy of the family, grabs my shop vac.  Presto!  Problem solved….

except I HAVE to keep turning the shop vac on and it’s filling rather quickly as the water level is constantly rerising.  Do other people still have this water drainage issue or am I the only one left, shop vaccing water from a drain hole?

So far Tesla has been distracted and not noticed the drainage issue.  I could see her digging out the rubber duckies in her toy box, and declaring it her pond.

~P.

Now imagine about an hour or more passing.  The shop vaccum didn’t hold enough water to keep the flood back.  Squeegies as my father calls them, were necessary to push back the flow of water towards our sleeping area and dressers.  Dad has finished eating and left for a new pump.  Suz, Sam and I have carried at least 10 buckets of nasty water.  Yes, it smells now.  Nothing like a flood to ruin a day.  Unless you were Noah and had an ark.

I have to go suck water again.  “Hurry Walt, my back is killing me!” Sigh..

Ironically, I had started a story for writing class with the title of a Jars of Clay song, “Flood.”  For some reason that song made me think of all the times the basement flooded when I was a child.

The first line of my story is “It never occurred to me that my pink  bedroom slippers would float.”

Currently, my slippers are safe….

No ark here,

Pattie

Filed Under: College, Family, Tesla, Zeth · Tagged: , ,
Mar 6, 2011

that wasn’t very nice

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Finishing up with the usual bedtime routine, bath, teeth and that last drink before bed, I casually bring up calling Daddy to Tesla. 

“How about you call your Dad before we go downstairs?” I asked.

(I had asked earlier in the day, twice I think and she declined.  She doesn’t ask to call very often.  The more I push her to call the more she refuses.  Must be the bull in her.  She gets it honestly.)

“No thank you.” she responded, taking a drink from her cup.

“I think it hurts your Daddy’s feelings when you don’t call him, Tess.” I spoke gently, not wanting to start an argument with an almost 5-year-old over calling her dad.

“Daddy doesn’t have feelings.” she responded just as sweetly as I had just spoken.

I was speachless. 

~P.

Filed Under: John, Tesla · Tagged:
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