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Aug 23, 2011

Dear John X

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Dear John,

    Can you believe our baby is starting school?  Time just flies when you’re having fun or tied up in a divorce. 

    What I wanted to write to you about is your behavior after Tesla had her school physical.  You took her to the doctors and she had to have four shots in order to be ready to start school.  While you were at the doctor’s office I asked if I could pick Tesla up afterwards.  You said you were still at the office and would call me afterwards, which you did.

    Yes, Tesla was crying and in pain from the shots to her arms.  You agreed to let me pick her up at our house and I talked to Tesla on the phone.  She wanted her mommy and that was completely understandable.  Kids generally want their mom when they are hurting and I told her I was on my way.  What I didn’t expect was your reaction.  Suddenly you didn’t want to let me pick Tesla up after the appointment.  I had hung out in York to keep from wasting gas and was already on my way to get Tesla when you changed your mind.  Yes, you changed YOUR mind.  Tesla still wanted her mom but you didn’t like that.

    So there I was already on the way to get her and you tell me I can get her in an hour because you wanted her to take some Tylenol and lay down.  Why would you do that to her and I?  When I called you and pointed out how quickly you changed your mind, you became angry and said, “well now you can wait until 5 PM” and hung up on me, not once but twice.  Didn’t you learn anything in the Kid’s First session?  http://girlboxer1970.com/2011/07/11/kids-first/

   The arguing with me at the top of the driveway is just ridiculous.  Ordering me to leave and come back at 5 PM didn’t work out so well.  I shouldn’t have to point out that the Kid’s First class you just attended frowns on this type of behavior.  What really rubbed me the wrong way was Tesla wasn’t even laying down, she was swimming in our pool. 

    Money is tight for me.  All the driving around with this 2-2-3 schedule is a real gas drainer.  I am happy to hear you sent $600 towards your arrears.  I am not happy that you announce this in front of our daughter as a “bonus check.”  It is NOT a bonus check, it’s the money you have owed in arrears since 2009!  Don’t make it sound like you are the hero of the day by paying the debt you’ve owed for years now. 

   Instead of recycling Kelly’s engagement ring to Heather, why not pawn it and pay the remainder of your arrears?  I can’t believe Heather is good with wearing a ring that was on the finger of a previous girlfriend!  Isn’t that bad luck or something?  Then again, Heather may not be superstitious.  I guess the ring isn’t the worst thing she needs to worry about…

Imagine all the new DNA on our marital bed,

~P.

 

 

Filed Under: Divorce, Heather, John, Tesla · Tagged: , , ,
Aug 22, 2011

Dear Heather IV

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Dear Heather,

  Let’s take some of your comments piece by piece so I can respond properly.

 Was it not you and John that had an affair, was it not you that was engaged to a married man that was still living with his WIFE, was it not you Pattie that pushed another women out of HER own home that SHE build and OWNED!!!

   When I met John I didn’t know he was married.  He didn’t volunteer that information and I actually found out by accident.  I met his wife at Sam Lewis Park about a week after I met John.  I had no idea he had this mad plan in his head to move me and my sons into the house with his wife, step-son and his best friend, Craig.  When he proposed this ridiculous idea, both Diane and I looked at him like he was insane. 

   Now fast forward a little.  There’s only so much I want to write in my blog.  You see Heather, it’s just so bizarre that I have to save it for the book.  

  Diane is living at her sisters and John has packed up what he decided she should take with her.  He effectively moved her out in about a day and immediately pushed for me to move in.  I was caught up in a whirlwind and had no control over what John did.  His actions were reckless and not well thought out but I accepted that he was distraught over the stress of accepting his marriage was over.  He even had me read letters Diane had written him that were proof enough to me that their marriage was already over and it had nothing to do with me.

  Because I am not a judgemental person, I stuck by his side and I fell in love with him, fast and hard.  No one could talk me out of wanting to be with John and he was assertive in wanting me by his side at all times.  Later in life I realized that all this should have been warning signs but I just missed them.   

  John bought Diane and Todd (who was not a child but actually in his 20’s) a mobile home (with cash) and Craig, Diane and Todd all moved there.  John moved my boys and I out of my house in Red Lion into his house in Windsor.  When my sons and I moved in, Diane already had a new home.  She signed off on the house and John and I mortgaged it together because we had to.  He could not mortgage the house without my income. 

Have you said I’m sorry to Johns step-son and ex-wife and meant it?

Actually I have told Diane I was sorry for helping John steam roll over her during the divorce.  We don’t have bad feelings towards each other because she is happy they divorced.  Imagine that?!

The fact is John is SINGLE and has been single for 3 years.

John may act like he is single but trust me, he is married.  Even when we were trying to work things out he was still knocking boots with other people.  John and SINGLE will never exist because he can not handle being single.

You have lived with boyfriends and have a man that lives at your home now.

Wrong….I have never lived with boyfriends and there is not a man who lives in my home now.  Just because his name is on the lease and we would LIKE to live together does not mean he lives here.  Dale visits often but does not live with us….yet.

I am happy for you Heather and I’m glad you could care less about money.  That will make it much easier for you when the divorce does take place.  If I have to pay my lawyer to force John to move forward with the divorce, I will.  It’s just that I don’t have any money sitting around to use right now.

Congratulations on having full custody of your children.  If it were up to Tesla and I, she would live with her momma also!  

This letter is much longer than I normally like to write.  Really, I didn’t even get to comment on all your comments but this is good enough for now.  I see you have an ex-friend who doesn’t mind bringing up your past.  My past is an open book….you’ll be able to buy it one day.  Heck, I’ll even sign it for ya!  I am not ashamed or scared to write about my past, nor would I change it. 

 I have yet to meet one,ONE person that knew Pattie and John during there marriage that has a GOOD thing to say about her (including her father and mother).

Please girlfriend….I don’t believe that for one second and neither will anyone else who reads my blogs.  My dad and I might bang heads often but he is not going to bad-mouth me and my mom has a multitude of good things to say about me.  I am her number one go to when she needs anything.  Don’t you find it strange that John has little to no contact with his family?  John’s mom doesn’t even know Tesla.  Why? Because she doesn’t want to have to deal with John.  How sad is that?!

Just touching on a few of your comments,

~P.

P.S.  Wrecker is spelled with a W.

P.S.S.  Are you and John engaged?  How exciting!!!

Filed Under: Divorce, Heather, John · Tagged: ,
Aug 21, 2011

Dear Heather III

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Dear Heather,

      Now that you are giving your opinion on my life, I wanted to drop you a quick note.  You are really hung up on the fact that John and I are still married.  Well, that makes two of us.  Do you understand the reason why he is not moving forward with the divorce?  If you don’t, let me spell it out for you.

M O N E Y

Yes, it’s all about money now.  See in Pennsylvania when two people divorce it’s 50/50.  That’s fifty percent of the assets and fifty percent of the debt.  John and I own a house and business together.  John doesn’t see it that way, but in reality, it’s true.  While the business is still up and running (amazing….I credit LaDonna for that) I don’t receive any income other than the roughly $170.00 deposited into my child support and alimony fund every other week.

I’m not remaining married to John to continue getting alimony.  That $52 a month is pathetic when you consider he just made $17,000 in payments over three months to the mortgage company.  He doesn’t want to move forward with the divorce BECAUSE he would rather just keep all our income for himself.

The most important thing in John’s life is money.  “It’s all about making the donuts” is his favorite phrase.  I never felt the need to throw around money or act like I’m better than others because our business was successful.  People drifted out of my life because they couldn’t deal with hearing the constant banter about money coming  from my husband’s mouth.

I really don’t have an issue with you Heather.  I think you need to butt out when it comes to custody and divorce because you don’t have any say in it.  I see you as just another victim to the “wolf in sheep’s clothing.”  You’ll realize this one day.

Until then….baaah baaah,

~P.

 

 

 

Filed Under: Divorce, Heather, John · Tagged: ,
Aug 18, 2011

Interesting Mix

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  Checking out my schedule for fall at York College of PA, I am amazed at the choices I have in my education.  Being an English major I just love anything that requires reading and writing.  Most students hate the reading and writing required during college.  To me, the English language is fascinating.  It has rules concerning how words are formed and used, yet contradicts itself over and over.

   You remember the i before e except after c rule right?  Also, how words become plural and really don’t follow any set rule.  House become houses, yet mouse become mice.  Many words are spelled the same but have different meanings or sound the same but are spelled different.  English is just a confusing mess and I believe considered the hardest language to learn.  I feel fortunate to know and understand English.

   My upcoming classes are Spanish I, Literature of Terror, Cults: New Religious Movements, Writing in Professional Cultures, Art in Sculpture and finally, Square Dancing.  Spanish is a repeat of the summer class I took and passed with a C.  I don’t feel prepared for Spanish II so I chose to repeat Spanish I.  Square Dancing is a gym credit and will wrap up the required 2 credits I need for physical education.  I hope square dancing is as much fun as recreational shooting.

   My meaty classes are Literature, Religion and Writing.  Scary books are my favorite so I determined Literature of Terror should be an awesome class.  I am very interested in religion and just couldn’t pass up the new class Professor Christa Shusko was offering.  A class about new religious movements and with the year 2012 approaching, the timing couldn’t be better!  Finally, my writing class covers writing on the internet, web design etc.

  I am pumped up and can’t wait for classes to start.  My thoughts and energy is being wasted on stressful things like court, divorce and future ex-husbands.  I’d much rather read and think about scary stories and religion!  Keep an eye out for my articles in The Spartan!

Ready to hit the books,

~P.

Filed Under: College, Divorce, Religion, York College Spartan · Tagged: , , , , ,
Aug 18, 2011

Dear Dale III

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Dear Dale,

   Thank you for standing by my side during this incredibly stressful time.  I apologize that you are pulled into my drama by an angry man who wants everything for himself and is driven to keep happiness from me. 

    I feel you are a blessing in my life and I am so happy I met you.  Even if I had to go through years of believing there was never going to be a man in my life that I would allow myself to care about. 

   Attorney Kearney tried her best during the contempt hearing to put a smear on your name.  I could tell by the look on John’s face he was certainly hoping you had a criminal past so once again, he would control who could be in my life.  It was just so convenient after the contempt hearing for you to go to the Clerk of Courts and for $11 prove you have no record.  Perhaps John and his young attorney should do more research prior to rushing into the courtroom full of inaccurate information.

   Dale you are a wonderful, sweet man and I look forward to the day all this custody and divorce drama has passed so we can start a normal life together.  Tesla enjoys your company and the time you give us.  It didn’t surprise me when she asked why you didn’t “live” here too.   While I would never assume what Tesla thinks, she made it pretty clear when she said she thinks you should live here also.  At least Tesla and I are on the same page!

Glad you’re in my corner,

~P.

Filed Under: Dale, Divorce, Tesla · Tagged: , , ,
Aug 17, 2011

Holding onto my faith

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Looking back on the last few years, I struggle to understand why I must continue to live in frustration while the divorce proceedings drag on.  I can not grasp why God would let my daughter wind up going to school at Eastern.  But, I know God is in control and I have deep faith that He knows what He is doing.

I, on the other hand, am lost.  I never wanted all this drama in my life.  I hate having to fight with my future ex-husband on what’s best for our child.  Worse, I have people making decisions in my daughter’s life that I have no control over.

My nights end the same, in prayer.  I pray that God watches over my children, friends and family.  I often fall asleep praying to keep other thoughts from overwhelming me.  Why did I meet this man who has made it his personal goal to make my life hell?

I put my faith in God that there IS a reason for all this.  It just takes time to figure it all out.

Praying hard,

~P.

 

Filed Under: Divorce · Tagged: ,
Aug 16, 2011

A day in court

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Just when I think the worst is over, I’m wrong.  WRONG!  WRONG! WRONG!

Court today was incredibly stressful as I was run through the gamut.  The proceedings  were certainly lively as Judge Dorney spent a lot of time yelling at John Ott, John Delauter and John’s lawyer, Lauren Kearney.  At one point she threatened to find John’s lawyer in contempt if she didn’t move on to the point at hand.

Basically, because I moved to West York and couldn’t give 90 days notice, I was in contempt.  I didn’t drag him into court every time he had someone move into our house with him.  I didn’t drag him into court when he was living with Kelly and refused to give me the address.  And finally, I didn’t drag him into court when he moved Heather into our house with her children.  Maybe I should have….

In the judges closing statement she said something like “If this were to be decided by a parents attitude, Mr. Delauter would lose.  He has a bad attitude.”  Everyone there already knew that fact.

Who wants to live with someone that has a bad attitude? 

~P.

Filed Under: Divorce, John · Tagged: ,
Aug 16, 2011

Big John

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Tess and I had been playing this game she found at a yard sale called Big John.  For fifty cents she now owns a big plastic toilet and little green “scuzzies” as the icky germs.  She thinks this game is a riot and I admit it is cute and silly.

We are enjoying our morning and time together.  She has no idea that later today Mom has to go to the courthouse and testify why she should live with me.  It is scary having the future decided for you by a complete stranger. 

Last night my future ex came up to my car at the top of the driveway of our home.  I was waiting for Tesla to get in, but Ying had jumped out the window so she was “fetching him.”  John had a razor tool in his hand, the kind you scrape paint, tape, etc off of something.  He was flicking the blade in and out and my eyes were glued on the knife.  I was on the verge of asking if he was trying to intimidate me when he said, “My lawyer said to offer you this.  If you let Tess live here at the house and go to school from here, I will never ask you for child support.”

I responded, “No, I’d rather a judge decide.”

Maybe he expects me to be rich someday,

~P.

Filed Under: Divorce, John, Tesla · Tagged: ,
Aug 15, 2011

Custody Court

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Tomorrow is another custody hearing, this time before a judge.  I really hope this wraps things up, but I don’t see a quick end.  Tesla is ready to start school and I know she will do well.  It’s just hung up right now with all these custody disputes.

I have valid points for why Tesla should live with me.  The first being is she wants to live with me.  Life at mom’s is a calmer atmosphere.  Tesla looks up to her mom as I take on new challenges at college.  We do our “homework” together and she thinks it’s fun.  🙂

God has a plan for me and I’m trying to work it out everyday of my life.  I trust God won’t let me fall flat on my face.  Each day can be a challenge and I take it on with great gusto and don’t look back, other than to write about it.

If you pray, please add me to your prayer list.  I believe God answers prayers and watches over his faithful.

Bless you and yours,

~P.

Filed Under: Divorce, Tesla · Tagged: ,
Aug 14, 2011

Dear Heather II

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Dear Heather,

    We were overdue for a short note.  I haven’t written in a while and I apologize.  You have started to grow on me and not in the fungus kind of way that may sound.  On Saturday I had Tesla so you and John could attend those parenting classes, Kids First.  What did you think? 

    I’m growing curious about you I guess, as time drags on with this divorce.  John says you two met in January of this year.  I think it was more like February but he may have been dating several people at once.  If you are really going to stick around, long term in my daughter’s life I would like to know more about you.  We chit chat and are at least on speaking terms now.  Friday night Tesla and I made brownies and I sent two in one package for you and John and Tess had her own package.  John said he ate his, did you enjoy yours?  Ying actually ate John’s first brownie and I had to wrap up another special one for him for Tesla.

   Anyway, back to getting to know each other as we both spend with my daughter.  I seriously am working on knowing all your children through my daughter and the little things Tesla and your girls make.  Tesla for the most part enjoys their company.  She also enjoys daycare and now these gymnastic lessons John is taking all our daughters to. 

   Let me ask you Heather, aren’t you ready for this divorce to just be over?  Are you ready to get on with your life, even get married to my husband?  I know I’ve met someone I really enjoy spending time with and I want to move on with my life.  Or are you ok with this divorce limbo situation because you’re living in my house, enjoying the fruits of my business?

   Probably see you tomorrow,

~P.

 

Filed Under: Divorce, Heather, Tesla · Tagged: ,
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