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Sep 2, 2011

Issues to be Addressed

By · 3 Comments
The issues in question

So now the whole world can see what is being called into question concerning my daughter and which parent would best be suited to have majority custody.

 
1.  I have a years lease at my townhouse.  I am paying my rent with STUDENT LOANS.  Yes, that bites big time but, I have to do, what I have to do, to have a place to live.  The house I own is a bit full with the new family.
 
2. This one is concerning the “Happy Birthday John” blog and I’m sure they are going to point out some other ones.  I will be pointing out the remarks made by John’s girlfriend, Heather.  It’s a two-way street. 
 
3.YES, I think it should be taken into consideration that Tesla wants to live with her mom!
 
4.  Father’s schedule is flexible?  PLEASE…anyone who knows John and the moving business will tell you he can never plan anything because the business tends to screw things up daily.  Also, I would like to point out that it’s not JUST father’s company, it’s 50% mother’s also.  Not that I get paid for all my years of work put into this business.
 
5.  I can communicate just fine.  He only seems to be able to yell and degrade me, make me feel threatened and anxious.
 
6.Every little girl wants to live with their momma.
 
This document is available to the public so there is no reason I can’t share it on my blog.  My court date is October 24th and is open to the public.  Anyone interested is welcome to come check out the hearing. 
 
Courtroom 8,
~P.
Filed Under: Divorce · Tagged: , , ,
Sep 2, 2011

20,000

By · 5 Comments

I began seriously blogging when I realized my husband just wasn’t going to go forward with the divorce he started in 2008.  I decided to “shut my mouth and write” to get the pent-up feelings out.  My therapist encouraged me to express how I felt through writing, so I ran with it.

Since beginning this blog through the guidance of my writing professor, I have shared many pieces of my life, ranging from short stories both fiction and non-fiction to college and my personal life dealing with divorce.  Some people have supported me, others have shot me down.  Either way, I enjoy sharing little slices of my life.

Tonight my blog hit 20,000 visits and I am thrilled to know that number of people read what I write.  It is every citizens right to have freedom of speech.  My freedom is being trampled on and put under a microscope because I write my opinion of my future ex-husband and his string of girlfriends.

Am I seriously concerned about what others think?  Uh, no.  Should writing my thoughts and opinions cause me to lose the joint custody of my daughter?  Uh, no.  My blog is my opinion and everyone gets to have an opinion.  People give their opinion on my writing, my life, my choices, my past and my future.  Even my husband’s girlfriend gives her opinion of me and I don’t bat an eye.  Why would I?  It’s just HER opinion.

I have broad shoulders and thick skin.  Bring it on!

Thank you for reading my blog.  I realize it is entertaining to others and I hope it is insightful and educational at the same time.

Laugh and cry with me,

~P.

Filed Under: College, Divorce · Tagged: ,
Sep 1, 2011

Ring Ring Ring

By · 2 Comments

I’m not talking about a phone!  Nor boxing!  Or a doorbell…

Today, my sweet boyfriend Dale did what I asked him not to do.  He gave me a diamond ring.

Dale obviously gave thought to what he would say when he presented me with the gift.

“I’m not asking you to marry me, I just want you to know I love you.”

Those words are the sweetest I’ve ever heard. 

Not engaged,

~P.

Filed Under: Dale, Divorce · Tagged: ,
Aug 29, 2011

Downhill Day

By · 15 Comments

Tesla getting on the bus was the highlight of my day, from there it went downhill.

Court didn’t amount too much.  John’s lawyers (two today) basically said he should get custody because I have had to move so many times since John decided he wanted a divorce, three years ago.  They also plan to prove my blog is making John seem like a jerk.  Like my blog is to blame….

After court I tried to talk to John and Heather like adults.  I asked if we could work out some where half way to meet so I’m not doing all the picking up and dropping off of Tesla.  Gas ain’t cheap ya know?  John and Heather quickly shot that down because she leaves for school at 6:30 AM and John has to be home to get her kids on the bus.  What the heck does that have to do with John and I and our child?  He can’t work out a schedule with me concerning Tesla because the woman he moved in has four kids and now he is responsible for getting them on the bus?!  She had the nerve to say to me “well it’s not our fault you couldn’t get an apartment in Eastern.”  EXCUSE ME?! 

I told John I wanted to pick up Tesla after the bus comes because I didn’t want to drive all the way home, turn around and drive back to Windsor.  I parked my car in the grass to wait for the bus and he came up to my car.  He told me I had to leave because it would be stressful on Tesla.  I was confused….everything went so smoothly this morning and now I can’t see her get off the bus?  He ordered me to leave and “go around the corner” for 15 minutes and then I could come back after the bus drops Tesla at 3:30.  He even claimed I intentionally made Tesla uncomfortable at the Kindergarten Orientation!  

Fine!  I left because I was afraid he would call the police.  I parked up the road at the mobile home park and was reading my book.  Several busses passed and then one stopped.  I wasn’t paying attention but when I turned around Tesla was at the end of the mobile home park driveway.  I was so surprised I didn’t know what to do.  I started walking towards her, afraid she might just bolt across the street. (This was her first day on a bus)

I see Heather come up to the bus and say something to the bus driver.  I looked at Heather, not knowing what to think.  Next thing I know John is screaming at me that this is just what he was talking about because Tesla started to cry.  I did as he ordered and left the property.  I was told in the morning that the bus would stop in front of the house.  How was I supposed to know the bus driver wasn’t going to stop?!  John yelled that he is sick of my “shit” even though I had no control over the stupid bus.  There were people outside witnessing him degrading me and then he wrapped it up with “now you can’t get her until 5 PM!” 

Yes I was pissed!  So much drama and all the blame is put on me. 

But I’m the one with issues?

~P.

Filed Under: Divorce, Heather, John, Tesla · Tagged: , , ,
Aug 29, 2011

First Day of Kindergarten

By · 7 Comments

She looks like her mama...even has my cowlick.

Tesla was off to school with only a small delay.  There was a tree down so the bus had to take an alternate route and didn’t pass by our house.  That wound up giving us extra time before she started her first day.  
 
   

TT and Daddy

 
We had plenty of time before the bus arrived and Tesla loves to take pictures.  Here are a few of her snapshots.
 

Mom sitting on Dad's truck waiting for the bus

 

 

Momma and Dale

 
 

At Tesla's request, Mom and Dad

 
Everyone was bright and cheery and there were no first day of school issues among the adults.  All the kids were dressed so cute, I should have snapped a picture of all the kids at the bus stop.
 
Finally the bus arrived!

Marching Munchkins

 

 

And she's off

 
 
 Tesla’s first day of school was smooth and trouble-free, other than a fallen tree.  I sincerely hope some type of agreement can be worked out between her father and I concerning custody until the divorce is final.  I was thrilled to see her off to school and told John I appreciated being there and no drama.
 
Court today at 1:30….stayed tuned.
 
The wheels on the bus go round and round,
~P.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Filed Under: John, Tesla · Tagged: , ,
Aug 27, 2011

Dear John XI

By · 6 Comments

waste of $

Dear John,

I usually have something to say when I see you, but since I can’t always say it, I write it.

It irked me to see you scratching off lottery tickets when I came back out to the truck to give Tesla the dollar she earned helping around the house.  That was just a mild irk compared to how much Heather irked me later.

I’m sorry you arrived early to get Tesla and had to wait for her while she finished eating dinner.  It’s rare that she eats dinner at home when it’s your day to pick her up.  Friday nights dinner was special for her.  She and I went grocery shopping the day before and she helped pick out the groceries.  Two of her choices were fresh corn and cantaloupe.  While we were still in the store on Thursday, she husked the corn and bagged it.  As you know, her kindergarten orientation was that night so we didn’t have time to make dinner together.

Friday she was very excited to wash the corn and make it for dinner.  She was very hungry and I didn’t even give a thought to telling her we couldn’t cook dinner together.  Tesla ate four chicken nuggets, an ear of corn, a large helping of chicken alfredo and cantaloupe for desert.  Dale, Tesla and I had a very nice dinner even though I had to rush Tess a bit because you were outside waiting….scratching those lottery tickets.

The BIG irk of my evening was the text I received from you at 7:52 PM.

Can you please not feed Tesla on my nights we want to eat as a family.

Hmmm John, that’s what we were doing also.  Like I said, it’s rare I make dinner for her and I (and now Dale) on nights you pick her up.  My response back:

So did we.  Sorry.

Now I thought that would be the end of the text messaging but I was wrong.  Next came this:

Well on your night that would be nice for you all but please be respectful of our time and not make things hard on Tesla that has to sit at a table while everyone else eats…it’s not fair to her.  We will be respect ur time please respect ours.  Heather

Again with the girlfriend texting me?  Why do I have to get texts from your girlfriend about Tesla and respect?  My response:

Omg chill…I’m sorry.

Now this time I was certain I wouldn’t hear back from her and I was really trying hard not to lose my patience with a woman who has the nerve to request I not eat a special meal with my child the last day I have her before school starts.  Heather read my patience as showing an understanding of her need to sit everyone down for dinner.  I suppose you all use the dining room, now that it can be filled up properly.

Thanks for understanding….please feel free to come Monday.  Bus picks up at 7:25.  We will be out taking pictures around 7:10.

Actually Heather, I don’t understand.  There are so many levels of not understanding where the hell you are coming from that it just blows my mind you would even mention that I shouldn’t feed my daughter when she’s hungry and at home with her mother.  My response:

I don’t get the big blow up over dinner…nor her having to sit like it’s punishment….but I do appreciate seeing my child off to school her first day.

It really sucks having to get permission to see my daughter off to school.  You had texted me right after picking up Tesla that I could come Monday and to be there by 8:25.  Was that a text typo John?  Or did you really want me to show up an hour late just to hear you say I missed the bus?

It’s not a punishment but we r a family and act like one….and it’s not a blow up, just a request.

I don’t know John….seems like more that just a request.  Kinda came off as rude and belittling Tesla and I as being and acting like a family.  Just because you have 7 and up until recently, it’s just been Tesla and I doesn’t mean your new family outranks mine.  My response to Heather:

I don’t get why this is coming from you either.

Why do I continue to get texts from Heather from your phone?  You had something to say and you did.  It should have ended there.  Actually, I think it was uncalled for to even text me not to feed Tesla on the nights you pick her up.  Especially since I’ve never made a habit of doing so.  Friday’s dinner was special for Tesla, can I get some respect concerning that?  She ate a good meal and enjoyed preparing it with me.  Get over yourself.  Tell your woman to get over herself.  Stop trying to control my time with my child.

Heather’s final text was “goodnight” and my response was “Amen” and that wrapped up our texting for the night.  I view it all as making a mountain out of a mole hill.  I’m stressed out enough by all your bullshit with this custody and divorce nightmare.  I really don’t want to hear whining about family meals.

I appreciate the invitation to see Tesla off to school and I will be there with my camera.  I’m saving the text message granting me permission just in case you call the police and try to have me arrested.  You tricked me once like that and I don’t want another repeat of Tesla seeing the police come because you want me taken away in handcuffs.  Think about your actions and how they affect your child.

I suppose you didn’t win big on the lottery tickets.  Remember, if you do, half of it goes to your wife.

Keep on scratching,

~P.

 

 

Filed Under: Divorce, Heather, John, Tesla · Tagged: , , ,
Aug 26, 2011

Tear Control

By · 5 Comments

I hate crying.  I think of myself as a tough chick who can handle whatever life throws at me.  This week has been incredibly hard.

Back pain like I have never had before.

Heather making stupid accusations of why John and I split up. (Fueled by John)

John managing to get a judge to side with him even though he has a bad attitude.

Going to Tesla’s orientation at one of the oldest school in York County.

Trying to explain to Tesla that today may very well be her last day at daycare.

Calling Wallace school and telling them Tesla is enrolled at Eastern.

It is breaking my heart that my daughter isn’t going to school from our address.  She became very attached to her friends at daycare and this is her last day to see them.  Monday is yet another custody hearing.  I am glad I get another chance to plead my case and I hope it makes a difference.  This Monday is just a preliminary hearing, so another court date is in the future.  Meanwhile, I will spend my day periodically crying.

Tesla and I don’t deserve this.  She should be with her mother.  I am the one who devotes my time to her.  I don’t run a business anymore.  I don’t play softball or bowl.  I don’t run out at the drop of a hat to give an estimate or visit a job site.  I especially don’t focus on having someone (anyone) in my life so I don’t feel alone.  With Tesla by my side, I am never alone.  She is my number one and together her and I would focus on our school work.

My only consolation is IF her father does get majority custody, I am certain when Tesla is of age, she will choose to be with her mother.

I also figure in this…the divorce factor.  John can’t always be lucky enough to have things work in his favor.

Tough chicks cry,

~P.

 

Filed Under: Divorce, Heather, John, Tesla · Tagged: ,
Aug 24, 2011

Dear Heather V

By · 12 Comments

Just an example...Not Kelly or Heather's ring

Dear Heather,

Hi!  Though we didn’t talk when I picked up Tesla at gymnastics, I couldn’t help but notice the hand-me-down ring was missing from your finger.  Even though it’s none of my business, I would love to know why you’re not wearing it anymore.  I have a few guesses.

1.  You didn’t know it was a left-over and now you are very embarrassed to be seen wearing it.

2. You lost weight and it doesn’t fit.

3. Someone stole it.

4.  You gained weight and it doesn’t fit.

5. It’s lost.

6. It’s been traded in at Gordon’s Jewelers and your new one is being sized.

7. You no longer want to be engaged to my husband.

8. You did know it was a hand-me-down, but now that everyone else knows, you are too embarrassed to wear it.

These are just my guesses of course.  Remember, it’s not the gift, it’s the thought that counts.

Diamonds are a girl’s best friend,

~P.

Filed Under: Divorce, Heather · Tagged: ,
Aug 24, 2011

Photographs

By · 4 Comments

What do people do with photographs?

In this digital age, many pictures are never printed out onto paper.   There are digital photo frames that scroll through your photos making printed copies unnecessary.  I favor pictures you can hold in your hand or pass on to friends and family.  I enjoy scrapbooking and framing photos also.

What do people do with photographs of their ex-spouse?

The past three days I’ve spent much of my time sitting on my broken lazy-boy chair seeking relief from my back pain.  Just a few minutes ago I was glancing at the collage of photos hanging on my wall.  I recalled my friend Kym who helped me move exclaiming “you have pictures of him on your wall!?” and I responded, “well, he is the father of my child.”

There are many pictures of John through out my house and even more in my scrapbooks.  Tesla enjoys paging through my photo albums and commenting on the pictures.  She gets especially excited when she sees pictures of her brothers and calls them “my Jarrid and Zeffie.”  She came across pictures of our family vacation on Hilton Head Island and pointed out a photo of John and I smiling for the camera.  “Look Mommy, you and Daddy were happy!”  Yes, there were happy times and I’m thankful some were caught on camera.

I haven’t removed photos of John from any of the multi-picture frames.  There is even a picture of John’s dad, a man I never met, in one of the collages.  I see no need to try to eliminate photos of Tesla’s father.  It’s not like that will make John not exist.  I have no intentions of ripping photos in half or burning my wedding album.  These pictures are snapshots of our history and I want Tesla to have access to them.  To remove them seems wrong and in my opinion would show a negative attitude to Tesla.

Does it bother me to see John’s face?  Nope.  I’d rather see a photo than see him in person!

My personal favorite

Just a Kodak moment,

~P.

Filed Under: John, Tesla · Tagged: , ,
Aug 23, 2011

90 days

By · 1 Comment

The more I think about losing the contempt hearing over not giving 90 days notice of moving, the more it pisses me off. 

Yes, I have moved quite a bit since the split between John and I.  Not by my choice, but at times, you have to do what you have to do to survive.

When I moved from East York back to the marital home I didn’t give notice.  John didn’t give me notice he was moving to a townhouse with his girlfriend Kelly.  He wouldn’t even give me the address.

After Judge Ness evicted Tesla and I from my house I wasn’t given 90 days notice to move.  I moved across the street for two weeks and didn’t give 90 days notice.

Moving from Newcomer Road to my parents in Dover, I didn’t give 90 days notice.  John didn’t say a word about Tesla and I living in my parents basement for over a year.

It wasn’t until I moved from my parents to the West York cabin that suddenly 90 days notice became so important.  Also the dampness of the basement was suddenly an issue.  I blogged several times about my parents basement flooding but not once did John show any concerns about Tesla and I suffering any health problems.  http://girlboxer1970.com/2011/03/06/floodits-really-coming-down/

The only time that 90 days notice became important was when John was desperate to find me in contempt of court in some fashion in order to have a judge grant him permission to start Tesla in kindergarden from our house address.

Talk about grasping at straws!  Talk about using the bad situation you put your wife in to your advantage!  It just makes me sick!

No notice needed cause I won’t be moving anytime soon,

~P.

 

Filed Under: Divorce, John · Tagged: , ,
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