Just a girl writing in the blogging ring
I feel blah. Not really inspired to write. That makes me sad.
Maybe its the season.
Maybe it’s because I miss my children.
Maybe it’s the never-ending divorce process.
Depression sucks.
It affects my life.
It affects the people in my life.
No one wants to see a friend or family member down.
I keep going forward though.
Backwards is not an option.
~P.
We did it! We did it!
Tesla and I took down the Christmas tree and decorations. She chatted away about the ornaments and separating the glass from the plastic so they don’t break. I love having conversations with her because she can be so colorful with her story telling.
Tesla is up in her room now. Enjoying some quiet time. It seems to be a luxury for her now. Trust me, she won’t be up there long and will wander down to see what’s going on. So I am finishing up packing the Christmas decorations. I thought about Heather as I folded up the holiday theme kitchen items she took Tesla to buy. Deep down, she is probably a good person…blinded by love. What I don’t get is, if she is such a good person over all, why is she with my future ex?
What he yelled at me Christmas day, “we don’t want anything that makes us think of you in the house” shut me down. There are so many things in that house that must remind Heather and John me on a daily basis. Hell John probably thinks about Kelly on a daily basis. She kicked off all the changes to my house. I think what it boils down to is, the entire flipping house should be a daily reminder of me.
So back to packing up the decorations and I will discontinue thinking about my husband’s girlfriend. I am sure Heather has many good qualities. I’ve learned more about Heather and her children than any other of John’s previous attempts to replace me.
So a thank you shout out to Heather…..The gifts were great and next year maybe we can attempt a gift exchange in person since John had serious issues accepting a gift. He was too busy berating me in front of both our children about not wanting to think about me. Though I do remember you Heather, yelling at me that when you are all home I am the last person all you would talk about. Someone’s doing a lot of talking….John tells me about it all the time. It’s hard for him to forget me. Breaking up is hard to do.
I was clearly to make a huge deal over the gifts Heather purchased confirming to John that he has chosen well since dumping me. It’s just hard to do as my time with Tesla is severely cut, I don’t get to talk to her more than a few minutes, this divorce is a drain of time and money and a distraction from school. Yes, the possible future “step-mom” bought a few cute gifts, but that same person is the cause of many problems in my life. She is living in my house with my child. A house that I want sold and a child that should be living with her mother.
Oh well, I just have to be patient as usual. John said I can never get anything right…Someday, he will learn.
I may be wrong, but I doubt it. 🙂
~P.
Christmas was in high gear at my parents house when John came for Tesla at 11:45. Tess was still opening gifts from Uncle Joe and Aunt Kathy but we hurried through so she could leave.
I walked Tesla out to her dad’s truck. He had all the kids with him and I was excited to give them the little gifts we had for each of Heather’s kids. It wasn’t any big deal, just snacks and candy in their own gift bag. John put those gifts in the truck and the kids waved to me. I had another gift in the car for John, Tesla, Heather, Abbie, Bria, Casey and Katie but John wouldn’t take it. It’s this type of drama that reminds me why we are no longer together. The kids would have loved the gift and there was something special inside for John. Oh well…..
Apparently he is offended by my blog about the gifts from Tesla. I thought it was incrediably nice of Heather to take Tesla shopping. Tesla picked the gifts out and I didn’t care if the dates on the ornaments were wrong. That isn’t a big deal. What is a big deal to me is why John is mad at me and says he won’t take a Christmas gift because they don’t want anything in the house that going to make them think of me. REALLY? I imagine the exception would be Tesla of course. It’s funny to me….whoever John is with on a holiday always gives gifts to me. Maybe to make up for the fact that John sure isn’t going to give me a gift. I doubt he even remembers what Tesla and I gave him last year. That or he threw it out because it reminded him of me.
Besides John’s usual drama, Christmas was wonderful. At my parents house with my sons, Tesla, Dale, Suz, Blaine, Sam, Joe, Kathy and Sawyer. It was a full house!
I wish everyone a wonderful Christmas and hope everyone got what they asked Santa for!
Hohoho,
~P.
It’s Christmas Eve day and I had two pieces of mail. A very delayed letter from the Dept of Welfare and a copy of my lawyer’s letter to John’s lawyer.
The letter to Doug France is my lawyers attempt to get things moving along. At this point, France may have put more time into John’s stupid filing for divorce than he did in defending the ax murder who killed the woman from Red Lion and dumped her body at Beaver Hole. France was disappointed when the murder hung himself in jail. Apparently France managed to get the murderer a life sentence. More about that in my Beaver Hole blog.
So the letter requests more time for Tesla and I together, her going to art therapy and to proceed with the divorce (house appraisal, business records, debts, etc.) The divorce information has been requested several times now. My accountant has been hanging onto records for years now!!
Can’t wait for Christmas!
~P.
I picked up Tesla at 5 PM tonight. I was a little bit early but it took another 15 minutes or so for her to come out. I walked up to the door three times, and rang the bell. I saw Heather in the house. John saw me at the door and yelled out “she will be out soon” through the glass. A little bit later John and Tesla came out, John carrying a large bag of gifts and Tesla’s school papers. He said he would pick up Tesla at my parents at 11:45. He’s on a tight schedule with Heather’s kids and all.
The gifts inside were for Dale: a cute stocking with a ginormous summer bologna stick, Hershey’s chocolates and walnuts. There was a coupon for Chili’s, buy and adult meal, get a kid’s meal free. It was expired. Not expired, were McD’s coupons. McD’s is his favorite place for quick food and a sweet tea.
I received a huge glass peanut jar. Inside was Christmas tea towels, oven mitt, pot holder, cookie mix, icing, sprinkles, and a cookie cutter. A second small gift was a Christmas ornament. It says Mother & Daughter with a hole for a picture. Hanging from the bottom is beautiful beading and a decorative tag that states: 2004 Hell, that was my first Christmas with John. No baby yet…
There is a gift for Grandma and Grandpa in the bag too.
So at 11:45, Tesla and I will give John and his new girlfriend and kids the gifts we have for them.
Santa,
I need a divorce for Christmas.
Sincerely and seriously,
~P.
Only four days are left until Christmas day. Where does time go!?
Now that the fall semester at YCP is over and we are just waiting patiently for our grades, it dawns on me how close Christmas Day is. Tesla is with her Dad, Heather, and all her kidlings. Somewhere in Erie they are in a water wonderland. It looks awesome and I’m glad Tesla is having this experience. Though not receiving any child support since November 23 is frustrating to say the least.
Meanwhile I am home organizing all these notes, bills, school work and more. It seems endless! I love seeing the pictures of Tesla and can not wait to see her on Friday. Christmas Day we are going to my parents. I only have Tesla until noon. I would love for John to extend my time until two but I doubt he will agree to that. We are texting about exchange time now. I asked him to pick up Tesla at my parents. I don’t know if he will even agree to that.
sigh…Hohoho
At least Tesla will wake up here Christmas morning!!!
Have you been naughty or nice?
~P.
Oh, for shits and giggles…here is what I signed to visit with Tesla for three hours.
On September 4th I blogged about having 20,000 visits to my website. Today, roughly three months later the blogsites visits doubled. Yes doubled. It feels great to have so many people ringside.
I just finished my New Religious Movements final on cult development. It took me an extra day after I lost my fucking thumb drive. I wanted to rip my hair out. The thumb drive was never located so I started with my three page bullshit draft I posted in October. http://girlboxer1970.com/2011/10/17/the-church-of-lady-gaga/
Now it is finished and I have to turn it in to Christa Shusko in person by 12:15 PM tomorrow. I am pretty happy with my final but I won’t be publishing it online. I have plans to submit it to a magazine or creative writing book.
What else is new….Tesla called me this evening. She is on her way to Erie with her Dad and rest of the clan. I visited with Tesla yesterday after school. I had to pick her up at the house because John doesn’t want me taking Tesla home when I volunteer. Perhaps he thinks I will show up at Canadocaly and kidnap Tesla. Like I would ruin my life by breaking the court order. What good would that do Tesla?
So I signed the paper under duress. If I didn’t agree to sign it, he was not going to let Tesla leave and if I did leave, I’m sure he would call the police on his cell phone. Lower Windsor Township is number 3 on his speed dial. It basically said John was giving me permission to take Tesla away from the house for three hours and I agree to return her at the stated time. Blah, blah, blah…what the hell is that all about. It sucks having Tesla see me “sign” to see her. What kind of message does that send? I fail to see any section of the custody order that states I have to sign something every time we get some time together. Yes, I get that any time not on my 2 weekends a month is “technically John’s” but wtf is up with signing?
I feel like I’m checking Tesla out of prison. I know she feels our time away is now an escape. She says to me, I can’t stay with you for long. Daddy said I have to come home. I told her I knew that and I was sorry but she will visit with me in a week. A week is a long time she answered and I agreed again. Then a smile came to her face and she said but we are together now! I immediately broke out into Tesla’s trophy song.
I get a trophy! I get a trophy! Tesla and I are together. Tesla gets a trophy too! We giggled our asses off on the way to Chuck E, Cheese and had a blast playing games and eating pizza.
It’s going to a long week until I see my baby girl again. John said he will let her call me everyday. Let’s see if he sticks to his promise.
Schools out for Christmas and I wanna blog!
Merry Christmas to my readers! I love all of you and especially when you comment. Even if someone says something not so nice, I’m fine with that. Why? Because I don’t care what other people think. 🙂 Here’s to 40K visits. Let’s see how long until it doubles again!
Tired…like barely holding up my head.
Zzzzzz,
~P.
Today I received a notice from Domestics that John wants the child support order adjusted. I realized after he was awarded majority custody he would stop paying child support, at least after his arrears were caught up.
John sites he no longer has an obligation to pay child support per Judge Dorney’s decision. He wrote on the “other specific changes” line she has a live in boyfriend. I’m not sure what he is implying, perhaps that Dale pays the bills?
What kills me about this notice is the reason he gave for “said change in circumstances, the Order should be modified as follows:” Support be paid by mother
My only income previously was the support John paid for Tesla and a little bit of alimony. Did he ever hear you can’t get blood from a turnip? No income is no income.
We took Tesla to have allergy testing today. She had a little bit of reaction to outside mold and that was all. Finally some good news. I hope to see Tesla again on Wednesday. She was sad that she couldn’t go home with me. She’s going to a funeral with her dad tonight. I would rather be with my mom than a funeral too.
To pass the time, Tesla took pictures before her test was administered. The actual testing process did not go great. Tesla shrieked in fear at the tiny wand that looked like a fancy toothpick. It didn’t even break the skin. The fall she took earlier in the day while with John was more painful than what John had to hold her still for. It went quickly and she did calm down.
Unreal,
~P.
WOW a truck just hit an electric line across the street. Posting pictures soon. There is hazardous liquid running all over the road from the transformer.
This afternoon was Tesla’s dance recital. We had so much fun getting ready before the show! Usually she doesn’t like her hair done, but for dance she was excited. Not really for the hair bun I had to attempt, but because she could wear make-up!
My brother and sister, Sam and Susan went with Dale, Tesla and I. York Catholic High School was packed with people attending the recital. Two of John’s brothers also came, Mike and Tim. Tim brought along his girlfriend Vonnie. Heather, John, Heather’s husband and his girlfriend were present too. I could have lived with not seeing Mike (ass clown) but it was good to see Tim and Vonnie.
Heather and I were civil, almost friendly to each other in the girl’s locker room. I used some of her hairspray to glue Tesla’s hair down. As I was helping Tesla get in costume, I realized my “John’s good girl” tattoo was in plain view. I almost started giggling at the thought of Heather seeing it in the flesh. 🙂 I held back the giggles and after I had Tesla’s leotard on, Heather came over and said “She needs her tights first.” Then I did start laughing, just because I didn’t put the tights first. Tesla thought it was funny too.
The first three rows were saved by John and Heather. I asked him why he didn’t save a seat for me and he was just overwhelmed with saving the 10 he had for people coming to the show. I rolled my eyes and said “I am her mom.” About fifteen minutes later while I was with Tesla, John told Dale him and I could move up to the third row. What a nice gesture! John does have an occasional “nice” moment. When Tesla was on stage I went to the front row and sat next to John to snap some pictures. John recorded the kids dancing and Heather reminded him to record her children. LOL John needs poked like that at times.
All the children were adorable and tried hard. The youngest ones were the most entertaining. A few of them just stood in the limelight, frozen in front of the huge audience. Tesla had a wonderful time along with Abigail, Gabrielle, Katelyn and Casey. I am looking forward to the copy John promised to make me.
Here’s to an excellent show and an afternoon supporting all the kids at York Dance Arts!
~P.
P.S. My only critique: The Ludachristmas song was an inappropriate song choice.
girlboxer1970 