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Sep 2, 2011

That Bonus Check

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A few blogs back I mentioned John telling me I was getting a $600 “bonus check” towards my child support.  It irked me that he would say this in front of Tesla and make it sound like he was doing me a favor by paying on his arrears owed since 2009. http://girlboxer1970.com/2011/08/23/dear-john-x/

Today I got a letter from the Domestics Office stating the IRS made adjustments to John’s income tax return and $601.72 was deposited to my account.  This payment wasn’t voluntary as he made it sound to Tesla and I.  The government took it from him.

No wonder I don’t believe anything he says,

~P.

 

Filed Under: Divorce, John · Tagged: ,
Aug 29, 2011

Downhill Day

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Tesla getting on the bus was the highlight of my day, from there it went downhill.

Court didn’t amount too much.  John’s lawyers (two today) basically said he should get custody because I have had to move so many times since John decided he wanted a divorce, three years ago.  They also plan to prove my blog is making John seem like a jerk.  Like my blog is to blame….

After court I tried to talk to John and Heather like adults.  I asked if we could work out some where half way to meet so I’m not doing all the picking up and dropping off of Tesla.  Gas ain’t cheap ya know?  John and Heather quickly shot that down because she leaves for school at 6:30 AM and John has to be home to get her kids on the bus.  What the heck does that have to do with John and I and our child?  He can’t work out a schedule with me concerning Tesla because the woman he moved in has four kids and now he is responsible for getting them on the bus?!  She had the nerve to say to me “well it’s not our fault you couldn’t get an apartment in Eastern.”  EXCUSE ME?! 

I told John I wanted to pick up Tesla after the bus comes because I didn’t want to drive all the way home, turn around and drive back to Windsor.  I parked my car in the grass to wait for the bus and he came up to my car.  He told me I had to leave because it would be stressful on Tesla.  I was confused….everything went so smoothly this morning and now I can’t see her get off the bus?  He ordered me to leave and “go around the corner” for 15 minutes and then I could come back after the bus drops Tesla at 3:30.  He even claimed I intentionally made Tesla uncomfortable at the Kindergarten Orientation!  

Fine!  I left because I was afraid he would call the police.  I parked up the road at the mobile home park and was reading my book.  Several busses passed and then one stopped.  I wasn’t paying attention but when I turned around Tesla was at the end of the mobile home park driveway.  I was so surprised I didn’t know what to do.  I started walking towards her, afraid she might just bolt across the street. (This was her first day on a bus)

I see Heather come up to the bus and say something to the bus driver.  I looked at Heather, not knowing what to think.  Next thing I know John is screaming at me that this is just what he was talking about because Tesla started to cry.  I did as he ordered and left the property.  I was told in the morning that the bus would stop in front of the house.  How was I supposed to know the bus driver wasn’t going to stop?!  John yelled that he is sick of my “shit” even though I had no control over the stupid bus.  There were people outside witnessing him degrading me and then he wrapped it up with “now you can’t get her until 5 PM!” 

Yes I was pissed!  So much drama and all the blame is put on me. 

But I’m the one with issues?

~P.

Filed Under: Divorce, Heather, John, Tesla · Tagged: , , ,
Aug 29, 2011

First Day of Kindergarten

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She looks like her mama...even has my cowlick.

Tesla was off to school with only a small delay.  There was a tree down so the bus had to take an alternate route and didn’t pass by our house.  That wound up giving us extra time before she started her first day.  
 
   

TT and Daddy

 
We had plenty of time before the bus arrived and Tesla loves to take pictures.  Here are a few of her snapshots.
 

Mom sitting on Dad's truck waiting for the bus

 

 

Momma and Dale

 
 

At Tesla's request, Mom and Dad

 
Everyone was bright and cheery and there were no first day of school issues among the adults.  All the kids were dressed so cute, I should have snapped a picture of all the kids at the bus stop.
 
Finally the bus arrived!

Marching Munchkins

 

 

And she's off

 
 
 Tesla’s first day of school was smooth and trouble-free, other than a fallen tree.  I sincerely hope some type of agreement can be worked out between her father and I concerning custody until the divorce is final.  I was thrilled to see her off to school and told John I appreciated being there and no drama.
 
Court today at 1:30….stayed tuned.
 
The wheels on the bus go round and round,
~P.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Filed Under: John, Tesla · Tagged: , ,
Aug 27, 2011

Dear John XI

By · 6 Comments

waste of $

Dear John,

I usually have something to say when I see you, but since I can’t always say it, I write it.

It irked me to see you scratching off lottery tickets when I came back out to the truck to give Tesla the dollar she earned helping around the house.  That was just a mild irk compared to how much Heather irked me later.

I’m sorry you arrived early to get Tesla and had to wait for her while she finished eating dinner.  It’s rare that she eats dinner at home when it’s your day to pick her up.  Friday nights dinner was special for her.  She and I went grocery shopping the day before and she helped pick out the groceries.  Two of her choices were fresh corn and cantaloupe.  While we were still in the store on Thursday, she husked the corn and bagged it.  As you know, her kindergarten orientation was that night so we didn’t have time to make dinner together.

Friday she was very excited to wash the corn and make it for dinner.  She was very hungry and I didn’t even give a thought to telling her we couldn’t cook dinner together.  Tesla ate four chicken nuggets, an ear of corn, a large helping of chicken alfredo and cantaloupe for desert.  Dale, Tesla and I had a very nice dinner even though I had to rush Tess a bit because you were outside waiting….scratching those lottery tickets.

The BIG irk of my evening was the text I received from you at 7:52 PM.

Can you please not feed Tesla on my nights we want to eat as a family.

Hmmm John, that’s what we were doing also.  Like I said, it’s rare I make dinner for her and I (and now Dale) on nights you pick her up.  My response back:

So did we.  Sorry.

Now I thought that would be the end of the text messaging but I was wrong.  Next came this:

Well on your night that would be nice for you all but please be respectful of our time and not make things hard on Tesla that has to sit at a table while everyone else eats…it’s not fair to her.  We will be respect ur time please respect ours.  Heather

Again with the girlfriend texting me?  Why do I have to get texts from your girlfriend about Tesla and respect?  My response:

Omg chill…I’m sorry.

Now this time I was certain I wouldn’t hear back from her and I was really trying hard not to lose my patience with a woman who has the nerve to request I not eat a special meal with my child the last day I have her before school starts.  Heather read my patience as showing an understanding of her need to sit everyone down for dinner.  I suppose you all use the dining room, now that it can be filled up properly.

Thanks for understanding….please feel free to come Monday.  Bus picks up at 7:25.  We will be out taking pictures around 7:10.

Actually Heather, I don’t understand.  There are so many levels of not understanding where the hell you are coming from that it just blows my mind you would even mention that I shouldn’t feed my daughter when she’s hungry and at home with her mother.  My response:

I don’t get the big blow up over dinner…nor her having to sit like it’s punishment….but I do appreciate seeing my child off to school her first day.

It really sucks having to get permission to see my daughter off to school.  You had texted me right after picking up Tesla that I could come Monday and to be there by 8:25.  Was that a text typo John?  Or did you really want me to show up an hour late just to hear you say I missed the bus?

It’s not a punishment but we r a family and act like one….and it’s not a blow up, just a request.

I don’t know John….seems like more that just a request.  Kinda came off as rude and belittling Tesla and I as being and acting like a family.  Just because you have 7 and up until recently, it’s just been Tesla and I doesn’t mean your new family outranks mine.  My response to Heather:

I don’t get why this is coming from you either.

Why do I continue to get texts from Heather from your phone?  You had something to say and you did.  It should have ended there.  Actually, I think it was uncalled for to even text me not to feed Tesla on the nights you pick her up.  Especially since I’ve never made a habit of doing so.  Friday’s dinner was special for Tesla, can I get some respect concerning that?  She ate a good meal and enjoyed preparing it with me.  Get over yourself.  Tell your woman to get over herself.  Stop trying to control my time with my child.

Heather’s final text was “goodnight” and my response was “Amen” and that wrapped up our texting for the night.  I view it all as making a mountain out of a mole hill.  I’m stressed out enough by all your bullshit with this custody and divorce nightmare.  I really don’t want to hear whining about family meals.

I appreciate the invitation to see Tesla off to school and I will be there with my camera.  I’m saving the text message granting me permission just in case you call the police and try to have me arrested.  You tricked me once like that and I don’t want another repeat of Tesla seeing the police come because you want me taken away in handcuffs.  Think about your actions and how they affect your child.

I suppose you didn’t win big on the lottery tickets.  Remember, if you do, half of it goes to your wife.

Keep on scratching,

~P.

 

 

Filed Under: Divorce, Heather, John, Tesla · Tagged: , , ,
Aug 26, 2011

Tear Control

By · 5 Comments

I hate crying.  I think of myself as a tough chick who can handle whatever life throws at me.  This week has been incredibly hard.

Back pain like I have never had before.

Heather making stupid accusations of why John and I split up. (Fueled by John)

John managing to get a judge to side with him even though he has a bad attitude.

Going to Tesla’s orientation at one of the oldest school in York County.

Trying to explain to Tesla that today may very well be her last day at daycare.

Calling Wallace school and telling them Tesla is enrolled at Eastern.

It is breaking my heart that my daughter isn’t going to school from our address.  She became very attached to her friends at daycare and this is her last day to see them.  Monday is yet another custody hearing.  I am glad I get another chance to plead my case and I hope it makes a difference.  This Monday is just a preliminary hearing, so another court date is in the future.  Meanwhile, I will spend my day periodically crying.

Tesla and I don’t deserve this.  She should be with her mother.  I am the one who devotes my time to her.  I don’t run a business anymore.  I don’t play softball or bowl.  I don’t run out at the drop of a hat to give an estimate or visit a job site.  I especially don’t focus on having someone (anyone) in my life so I don’t feel alone.  With Tesla by my side, I am never alone.  She is my number one and together her and I would focus on our school work.

My only consolation is IF her father does get majority custody, I am certain when Tesla is of age, she will choose to be with her mother.

I also figure in this…the divorce factor.  John can’t always be lucky enough to have things work in his favor.

Tough chicks cry,

~P.

 

Filed Under: Divorce, Heather, John, Tesla · Tagged: ,
Aug 24, 2011

Dear Heather V

By · 12 Comments

Just an example...Not Kelly or Heather's ring

Dear Heather,

Hi!  Though we didn’t talk when I picked up Tesla at gymnastics, I couldn’t help but notice the hand-me-down ring was missing from your finger.  Even though it’s none of my business, I would love to know why you’re not wearing it anymore.  I have a few guesses.

1.  You didn’t know it was a left-over and now you are very embarrassed to be seen wearing it.

2. You lost weight and it doesn’t fit.

3. Someone stole it.

4.  You gained weight and it doesn’t fit.

5. It’s lost.

6. It’s been traded in at Gordon’s Jewelers and your new one is being sized.

7. You no longer want to be engaged to my husband.

8. You did know it was a hand-me-down, but now that everyone else knows, you are too embarrassed to wear it.

These are just my guesses of course.  Remember, it’s not the gift, it’s the thought that counts.

Diamonds are a girl’s best friend,

~P.

Filed Under: Divorce, Heather · Tagged: ,
Aug 24, 2011

Photographs

By · 4 Comments

What do people do with photographs?

In this digital age, many pictures are never printed out onto paper.   There are digital photo frames that scroll through your photos making printed copies unnecessary.  I favor pictures you can hold in your hand or pass on to friends and family.  I enjoy scrapbooking and framing photos also.

What do people do with photographs of their ex-spouse?

The past three days I’ve spent much of my time sitting on my broken lazy-boy chair seeking relief from my back pain.  Just a few minutes ago I was glancing at the collage of photos hanging on my wall.  I recalled my friend Kym who helped me move exclaiming “you have pictures of him on your wall!?” and I responded, “well, he is the father of my child.”

There are many pictures of John through out my house and even more in my scrapbooks.  Tesla enjoys paging through my photo albums and commenting on the pictures.  She gets especially excited when she sees pictures of her brothers and calls them “my Jarrid and Zeffie.”  She came across pictures of our family vacation on Hilton Head Island and pointed out a photo of John and I smiling for the camera.  “Look Mommy, you and Daddy were happy!”  Yes, there were happy times and I’m thankful some were caught on camera.

I haven’t removed photos of John from any of the multi-picture frames.  There is even a picture of John’s dad, a man I never met, in one of the collages.  I see no need to try to eliminate photos of Tesla’s father.  It’s not like that will make John not exist.  I have no intentions of ripping photos in half or burning my wedding album.  These pictures are snapshots of our history and I want Tesla to have access to them.  To remove them seems wrong and in my opinion would show a negative attitude to Tesla.

Does it bother me to see John’s face?  Nope.  I’d rather see a photo than see him in person!

My personal favorite

Just a Kodak moment,

~P.

Filed Under: John, Tesla · Tagged: , ,
Aug 23, 2011

90 days

By · 1 Comment

The more I think about losing the contempt hearing over not giving 90 days notice of moving, the more it pisses me off. 

Yes, I have moved quite a bit since the split between John and I.  Not by my choice, but at times, you have to do what you have to do to survive.

When I moved from East York back to the marital home I didn’t give notice.  John didn’t give me notice he was moving to a townhouse with his girlfriend Kelly.  He wouldn’t even give me the address.

After Judge Ness evicted Tesla and I from my house I wasn’t given 90 days notice to move.  I moved across the street for two weeks and didn’t give 90 days notice.

Moving from Newcomer Road to my parents in Dover, I didn’t give 90 days notice.  John didn’t say a word about Tesla and I living in my parents basement for over a year.

It wasn’t until I moved from my parents to the West York cabin that suddenly 90 days notice became so important.  Also the dampness of the basement was suddenly an issue.  I blogged several times about my parents basement flooding but not once did John show any concerns about Tesla and I suffering any health problems.  http://girlboxer1970.com/2011/03/06/floodits-really-coming-down/

The only time that 90 days notice became important was when John was desperate to find me in contempt of court in some fashion in order to have a judge grant him permission to start Tesla in kindergarden from our house address.

Talk about grasping at straws!  Talk about using the bad situation you put your wife in to your advantage!  It just makes me sick!

No notice needed cause I won’t be moving anytime soon,

~P.

 

Filed Under: Divorce, John · Tagged: , ,
Aug 23, 2011

Dear John X

By · 5 Comments

Dear John,

    Can you believe our baby is starting school?  Time just flies when you’re having fun or tied up in a divorce. 

    What I wanted to write to you about is your behavior after Tesla had her school physical.  You took her to the doctors and she had to have four shots in order to be ready to start school.  While you were at the doctor’s office I asked if I could pick Tesla up afterwards.  You said you were still at the office and would call me afterwards, which you did.

    Yes, Tesla was crying and in pain from the shots to her arms.  You agreed to let me pick her up at our house and I talked to Tesla on the phone.  She wanted her mommy and that was completely understandable.  Kids generally want their mom when they are hurting and I told her I was on my way.  What I didn’t expect was your reaction.  Suddenly you didn’t want to let me pick Tesla up after the appointment.  I had hung out in York to keep from wasting gas and was already on my way to get Tesla when you changed your mind.  Yes, you changed YOUR mind.  Tesla still wanted her mom but you didn’t like that.

    So there I was already on the way to get her and you tell me I can get her in an hour because you wanted her to take some Tylenol and lay down.  Why would you do that to her and I?  When I called you and pointed out how quickly you changed your mind, you became angry and said, “well now you can wait until 5 PM” and hung up on me, not once but twice.  Didn’t you learn anything in the Kid’s First session?  http://girlboxer1970.com/2011/07/11/kids-first/

   The arguing with me at the top of the driveway is just ridiculous.  Ordering me to leave and come back at 5 PM didn’t work out so well.  I shouldn’t have to point out that the Kid’s First class you just attended frowns on this type of behavior.  What really rubbed me the wrong way was Tesla wasn’t even laying down, she was swimming in our pool. 

    Money is tight for me.  All the driving around with this 2-2-3 schedule is a real gas drainer.  I am happy to hear you sent $600 towards your arrears.  I am not happy that you announce this in front of our daughter as a “bonus check.”  It is NOT a bonus check, it’s the money you have owed in arrears since 2009!  Don’t make it sound like you are the hero of the day by paying the debt you’ve owed for years now. 

   Instead of recycling Kelly’s engagement ring to Heather, why not pawn it and pay the remainder of your arrears?  I can’t believe Heather is good with wearing a ring that was on the finger of a previous girlfriend!  Isn’t that bad luck or something?  Then again, Heather may not be superstitious.  I guess the ring isn’t the worst thing she needs to worry about…

Imagine all the new DNA on our marital bed,

~P.

 

 

Filed Under: Divorce, Heather, John, Tesla · Tagged: , , ,
Aug 22, 2011

Dear Heather IV

By · 8 Comments

Dear Heather,

  Let’s take some of your comments piece by piece so I can respond properly.

 Was it not you and John that had an affair, was it not you that was engaged to a married man that was still living with his WIFE, was it not you Pattie that pushed another women out of HER own home that SHE build and OWNED!!!

   When I met John I didn’t know he was married.  He didn’t volunteer that information and I actually found out by accident.  I met his wife at Sam Lewis Park about a week after I met John.  I had no idea he had this mad plan in his head to move me and my sons into the house with his wife, step-son and his best friend, Craig.  When he proposed this ridiculous idea, both Diane and I looked at him like he was insane. 

   Now fast forward a little.  There’s only so much I want to write in my blog.  You see Heather, it’s just so bizarre that I have to save it for the book.  

  Diane is living at her sisters and John has packed up what he decided she should take with her.  He effectively moved her out in about a day and immediately pushed for me to move in.  I was caught up in a whirlwind and had no control over what John did.  His actions were reckless and not well thought out but I accepted that he was distraught over the stress of accepting his marriage was over.  He even had me read letters Diane had written him that were proof enough to me that their marriage was already over and it had nothing to do with me.

  Because I am not a judgemental person, I stuck by his side and I fell in love with him, fast and hard.  No one could talk me out of wanting to be with John and he was assertive in wanting me by his side at all times.  Later in life I realized that all this should have been warning signs but I just missed them.   

  John bought Diane and Todd (who was not a child but actually in his 20’s) a mobile home (with cash) and Craig, Diane and Todd all moved there.  John moved my boys and I out of my house in Red Lion into his house in Windsor.  When my sons and I moved in, Diane already had a new home.  She signed off on the house and John and I mortgaged it together because we had to.  He could not mortgage the house without my income. 

Have you said I’m sorry to Johns step-son and ex-wife and meant it?

Actually I have told Diane I was sorry for helping John steam roll over her during the divorce.  We don’t have bad feelings towards each other because she is happy they divorced.  Imagine that?!

The fact is John is SINGLE and has been single for 3 years.

John may act like he is single but trust me, he is married.  Even when we were trying to work things out he was still knocking boots with other people.  John and SINGLE will never exist because he can not handle being single.

You have lived with boyfriends and have a man that lives at your home now.

Wrong….I have never lived with boyfriends and there is not a man who lives in my home now.  Just because his name is on the lease and we would LIKE to live together does not mean he lives here.  Dale visits often but does not live with us….yet.

I am happy for you Heather and I’m glad you could care less about money.  That will make it much easier for you when the divorce does take place.  If I have to pay my lawyer to force John to move forward with the divorce, I will.  It’s just that I don’t have any money sitting around to use right now.

Congratulations on having full custody of your children.  If it were up to Tesla and I, she would live with her momma also!  

This letter is much longer than I normally like to write.  Really, I didn’t even get to comment on all your comments but this is good enough for now.  I see you have an ex-friend who doesn’t mind bringing up your past.  My past is an open book….you’ll be able to buy it one day.  Heck, I’ll even sign it for ya!  I am not ashamed or scared to write about my past, nor would I change it. 

 I have yet to meet one,ONE person that knew Pattie and John during there marriage that has a GOOD thing to say about her (including her father and mother).

Please girlfriend….I don’t believe that for one second and neither will anyone else who reads my blogs.  My dad and I might bang heads often but he is not going to bad-mouth me and my mom has a multitude of good things to say about me.  I am her number one go to when she needs anything.  Don’t you find it strange that John has little to no contact with his family?  John’s mom doesn’t even know Tesla.  Why? Because she doesn’t want to have to deal with John.  How sad is that?!

Just touching on a few of your comments,

~P.

P.S.  Wrecker is spelled with a W.

P.S.S.  Are you and John engaged?  How exciting!!!

Filed Under: Divorce, Heather, John · Tagged: ,
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