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Aug 27, 2011

Dear John XI

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waste of $

Dear John,

I usually have something to say when I see you, but since I can’t always say it, I write it.

It irked me to see you scratching off lottery tickets when I came back out to the truck to give Tesla the dollar she earned helping around the house.  That was just a mild irk compared to how much Heather irked me later.

I’m sorry you arrived early to get Tesla and had to wait for her while she finished eating dinner.  It’s rare that she eats dinner at home when it’s your day to pick her up.  Friday nights dinner was special for her.  She and I went grocery shopping the day before and she helped pick out the groceries.  Two of her choices were fresh corn and cantaloupe.  While we were still in the store on Thursday, she husked the corn and bagged it.  As you know, her kindergarten orientation was that night so we didn’t have time to make dinner together.

Friday she was very excited to wash the corn and make it for dinner.  She was very hungry and I didn’t even give a thought to telling her we couldn’t cook dinner together.  Tesla ate four chicken nuggets, an ear of corn, a large helping of chicken alfredo and cantaloupe for desert.  Dale, Tesla and I had a very nice dinner even though I had to rush Tess a bit because you were outside waiting….scratching those lottery tickets.

The BIG irk of my evening was the text I received from you at 7:52 PM.

Can you please not feed Tesla on my nights we want to eat as a family.

Hmmm John, that’s what we were doing also.  Like I said, it’s rare I make dinner for her and I (and now Dale) on nights you pick her up.  My response back:

So did we.  Sorry.

Now I thought that would be the end of the text messaging but I was wrong.  Next came this:

Well on your night that would be nice for you all but please be respectful of our time and not make things hard on Tesla that has to sit at a table while everyone else eats…it’s not fair to her.  We will be respect ur time please respect ours.  Heather

Again with the girlfriend texting me?  Why do I have to get texts from your girlfriend about Tesla and respect?  My response:

Omg chill…I’m sorry.

Now this time I was certain I wouldn’t hear back from her and I was really trying hard not to lose my patience with a woman who has the nerve to request I not eat a special meal with my child the last day I have her before school starts.  Heather read my patience as showing an understanding of her need to sit everyone down for dinner.  I suppose you all use the dining room, now that it can be filled up properly.

Thanks for understanding….please feel free to come Monday.  Bus picks up at 7:25.  We will be out taking pictures around 7:10.

Actually Heather, I don’t understand.  There are so many levels of not understanding where the hell you are coming from that it just blows my mind you would even mention that I shouldn’t feed my daughter when she’s hungry and at home with her mother.  My response:

I don’t get the big blow up over dinner…nor her having to sit like it’s punishment….but I do appreciate seeing my child off to school her first day.

It really sucks having to get permission to see my daughter off to school.  You had texted me right after picking up Tesla that I could come Monday and to be there by 8:25.  Was that a text typo John?  Or did you really want me to show up an hour late just to hear you say I missed the bus?

It’s not a punishment but we r a family and act like one….and it’s not a blow up, just a request.

I don’t know John….seems like more that just a request.  Kinda came off as rude and belittling Tesla and I as being and acting like a family.  Just because you have 7 and up until recently, it’s just been Tesla and I doesn’t mean your new family outranks mine.  My response to Heather:

I don’t get why this is coming from you either.

Why do I continue to get texts from Heather from your phone?  You had something to say and you did.  It should have ended there.  Actually, I think it was uncalled for to even text me not to feed Tesla on the nights you pick her up.  Especially since I’ve never made a habit of doing so.  Friday’s dinner was special for Tesla, can I get some respect concerning that?  She ate a good meal and enjoyed preparing it with me.  Get over yourself.  Tell your woman to get over herself.  Stop trying to control my time with my child.

Heather’s final text was “goodnight” and my response was “Amen” and that wrapped up our texting for the night.  I view it all as making a mountain out of a mole hill.  I’m stressed out enough by all your bullshit with this custody and divorce nightmare.  I really don’t want to hear whining about family meals.

I appreciate the invitation to see Tesla off to school and I will be there with my camera.  I’m saving the text message granting me permission just in case you call the police and try to have me arrested.  You tricked me once like that and I don’t want another repeat of Tesla seeing the police come because you want me taken away in handcuffs.  Think about your actions and how they affect your child.

I suppose you didn’t win big on the lottery tickets.  Remember, if you do, half of it goes to your wife.

Keep on scratching,

~P.

 

 

Filed Under: Divorce, Heather, John, Tesla · Tagged: , , ,
Aug 26, 2011

Tear Control

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I hate crying.  I think of myself as a tough chick who can handle whatever life throws at me.  This week has been incredibly hard.

Back pain like I have never had before.

Heather making stupid accusations of why John and I split up. (Fueled by John)

John managing to get a judge to side with him even though he has a bad attitude.

Going to Tesla’s orientation at one of the oldest school in York County.

Trying to explain to Tesla that today may very well be her last day at daycare.

Calling Wallace school and telling them Tesla is enrolled at Eastern.

It is breaking my heart that my daughter isn’t going to school from our address.  She became very attached to her friends at daycare and this is her last day to see them.  Monday is yet another custody hearing.  I am glad I get another chance to plead my case and I hope it makes a difference.  This Monday is just a preliminary hearing, so another court date is in the future.  Meanwhile, I will spend my day periodically crying.

Tesla and I don’t deserve this.  She should be with her mother.  I am the one who devotes my time to her.  I don’t run a business anymore.  I don’t play softball or bowl.  I don’t run out at the drop of a hat to give an estimate or visit a job site.  I especially don’t focus on having someone (anyone) in my life so I don’t feel alone.  With Tesla by my side, I am never alone.  She is my number one and together her and I would focus on our school work.

My only consolation is IF her father does get majority custody, I am certain when Tesla is of age, she will choose to be with her mother.

I also figure in this…the divorce factor.  John can’t always be lucky enough to have things work in his favor.

Tough chicks cry,

~P.

 

Filed Under: Divorce, Heather, John, Tesla · Tagged: ,
Aug 24, 2011

Photographs

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What do people do with photographs?

In this digital age, many pictures are never printed out onto paper.   There are digital photo frames that scroll through your photos making printed copies unnecessary.  I favor pictures you can hold in your hand or pass on to friends and family.  I enjoy scrapbooking and framing photos also.

What do people do with photographs of their ex-spouse?

The past three days I’ve spent much of my time sitting on my broken lazy-boy chair seeking relief from my back pain.  Just a few minutes ago I was glancing at the collage of photos hanging on my wall.  I recalled my friend Kym who helped me move exclaiming “you have pictures of him on your wall!?” and I responded, “well, he is the father of my child.”

There are many pictures of John through out my house and even more in my scrapbooks.  Tesla enjoys paging through my photo albums and commenting on the pictures.  She gets especially excited when she sees pictures of her brothers and calls them “my Jarrid and Zeffie.”  She came across pictures of our family vacation on Hilton Head Island and pointed out a photo of John and I smiling for the camera.  “Look Mommy, you and Daddy were happy!”  Yes, there were happy times and I’m thankful some were caught on camera.

I haven’t removed photos of John from any of the multi-picture frames.  There is even a picture of John’s dad, a man I never met, in one of the collages.  I see no need to try to eliminate photos of Tesla’s father.  It’s not like that will make John not exist.  I have no intentions of ripping photos in half or burning my wedding album.  These pictures are snapshots of our history and I want Tesla to have access to them.  To remove them seems wrong and in my opinion would show a negative attitude to Tesla.

Does it bother me to see John’s face?  Nope.  I’d rather see a photo than see him in person!

My personal favorite

Just a Kodak moment,

~P.

Filed Under: John, Tesla · Tagged: , ,
Aug 23, 2011

Dear John X

By · 5 Comments

Dear John,

    Can you believe our baby is starting school?  Time just flies when you’re having fun or tied up in a divorce. 

    What I wanted to write to you about is your behavior after Tesla had her school physical.  You took her to the doctors and she had to have four shots in order to be ready to start school.  While you were at the doctor’s office I asked if I could pick Tesla up afterwards.  You said you were still at the office and would call me afterwards, which you did.

    Yes, Tesla was crying and in pain from the shots to her arms.  You agreed to let me pick her up at our house and I talked to Tesla on the phone.  She wanted her mommy and that was completely understandable.  Kids generally want their mom when they are hurting and I told her I was on my way.  What I didn’t expect was your reaction.  Suddenly you didn’t want to let me pick Tesla up after the appointment.  I had hung out in York to keep from wasting gas and was already on my way to get Tesla when you changed your mind.  Yes, you changed YOUR mind.  Tesla still wanted her mom but you didn’t like that.

    So there I was already on the way to get her and you tell me I can get her in an hour because you wanted her to take some Tylenol and lay down.  Why would you do that to her and I?  When I called you and pointed out how quickly you changed your mind, you became angry and said, “well now you can wait until 5 PM” and hung up on me, not once but twice.  Didn’t you learn anything in the Kid’s First session?  http://girlboxer1970.com/2011/07/11/kids-first/

   The arguing with me at the top of the driveway is just ridiculous.  Ordering me to leave and come back at 5 PM didn’t work out so well.  I shouldn’t have to point out that the Kid’s First class you just attended frowns on this type of behavior.  What really rubbed me the wrong way was Tesla wasn’t even laying down, she was swimming in our pool. 

    Money is tight for me.  All the driving around with this 2-2-3 schedule is a real gas drainer.  I am happy to hear you sent $600 towards your arrears.  I am not happy that you announce this in front of our daughter as a “bonus check.”  It is NOT a bonus check, it’s the money you have owed in arrears since 2009!  Don’t make it sound like you are the hero of the day by paying the debt you’ve owed for years now. 

   Instead of recycling Kelly’s engagement ring to Heather, why not pawn it and pay the remainder of your arrears?  I can’t believe Heather is good with wearing a ring that was on the finger of a previous girlfriend!  Isn’t that bad luck or something?  Then again, Heather may not be superstitious.  I guess the ring isn’t the worst thing she needs to worry about…

Imagine all the new DNA on our marital bed,

~P.

 

 

Filed Under: Divorce, Heather, John, Tesla · Tagged: , , ,
Aug 20, 2011

Holy Noah’s Ark

By · 1 Comment

Yard sales make my day. 

Where else can you get a bunch of toys that you would probably never buy at Walmart, dirt cheap and make your child happy at the same time?

$3 & plastic animals = happy kid

 We didn’t even have to travel far to find all these goodies.  Along with the animals, I also found a new pair of dress shoes for $1, huge container of play doh, water based paints, paint brushes, jumbo crayons and poster crayons (all for $5) and a huge box of beads and string for $1.

  Just $10 and Tesla is in heaven with her new to her toys!  Who says you can’t make kids happy cheap?!  Lunch for three on the road at McDonald’s cost more than the treasures Tesla picked out at local yard sales.

Yard sale junkies,

~P.

 

Filed Under: Tesla · Tagged: ,
Aug 19, 2011

Reading like Momma

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Big girl book and heels

There has been a huge debate about Tesla and my blogging. 

For the record, she is 5 and can not read.  Don’t let the big girl shoes and book fool you.  I asked her what she was reading and she said “Yinger jumped up and ate the french fries.”

I haven’t read my $1 yard sale, bargain book yet but I am pretty sure that is not a line from Patricia Cornwell’s “The Body Farm” novel.

Bargain books are awesome,

~P.

Filed Under: Tesla · Tagged: ,
Aug 18, 2011

Dear Dale III

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Dear Dale,

   Thank you for standing by my side during this incredibly stressful time.  I apologize that you are pulled into my drama by an angry man who wants everything for himself and is driven to keep happiness from me. 

    I feel you are a blessing in my life and I am so happy I met you.  Even if I had to go through years of believing there was never going to be a man in my life that I would allow myself to care about. 

   Attorney Kearney tried her best during the contempt hearing to put a smear on your name.  I could tell by the look on John’s face he was certainly hoping you had a criminal past so once again, he would control who could be in my life.  It was just so convenient after the contempt hearing for you to go to the Clerk of Courts and for $11 prove you have no record.  Perhaps John and his young attorney should do more research prior to rushing into the courtroom full of inaccurate information.

   Dale you are a wonderful, sweet man and I look forward to the day all this custody and divorce drama has passed so we can start a normal life together.  Tesla enjoys your company and the time you give us.  It didn’t surprise me when she asked why you didn’t “live” here too.   While I would never assume what Tesla thinks, she made it pretty clear when she said she thinks you should live here also.  At least Tesla and I are on the same page!

Glad you’re in my corner,

~P.

Filed Under: Dale, Divorce, Tesla · Tagged: , , ,
Aug 16, 2011

Big John

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Tess and I had been playing this game she found at a yard sale called Big John.  For fifty cents she now owns a big plastic toilet and little green “scuzzies” as the icky germs.  She thinks this game is a riot and I admit it is cute and silly.

We are enjoying our morning and time together.  She has no idea that later today Mom has to go to the courthouse and testify why she should live with me.  It is scary having the future decided for you by a complete stranger. 

Last night my future ex came up to my car at the top of the driveway of our home.  I was waiting for Tesla to get in, but Ying had jumped out the window so she was “fetching him.”  John had a razor tool in his hand, the kind you scrape paint, tape, etc off of something.  He was flicking the blade in and out and my eyes were glued on the knife.  I was on the verge of asking if he was trying to intimidate me when he said, “My lawyer said to offer you this.  If you let Tess live here at the house and go to school from here, I will never ask you for child support.”

I responded, “No, I’d rather a judge decide.”

Maybe he expects me to be rich someday,

~P.

Filed Under: Divorce, John, Tesla · Tagged: ,
Aug 15, 2011

Custody Court

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Tomorrow is another custody hearing, this time before a judge.  I really hope this wraps things up, but I don’t see a quick end.  Tesla is ready to start school and I know she will do well.  It’s just hung up right now with all these custody disputes.

I have valid points for why Tesla should live with me.  The first being is she wants to live with me.  Life at mom’s is a calmer atmosphere.  Tesla looks up to her mom as I take on new challenges at college.  We do our “homework” together and she thinks it’s fun.  🙂

God has a plan for me and I’m trying to work it out everyday of my life.  I trust God won’t let me fall flat on my face.  Each day can be a challenge and I take it on with great gusto and don’t look back, other than to write about it.

If you pray, please add me to your prayer list.  I believe God answers prayers and watches over his faithful.

Bless you and yours,

~P.

Filed Under: Divorce, Tesla · Tagged: ,
Aug 14, 2011

Dear Heather II

By · 2 Comments

Dear Heather,

    We were overdue for a short note.  I haven’t written in a while and I apologize.  You have started to grow on me and not in the fungus kind of way that may sound.  On Saturday I had Tesla so you and John could attend those parenting classes, Kids First.  What did you think? 

    I’m growing curious about you I guess, as time drags on with this divorce.  John says you two met in January of this year.  I think it was more like February but he may have been dating several people at once.  If you are really going to stick around, long term in my daughter’s life I would like to know more about you.  We chit chat and are at least on speaking terms now.  Friday night Tesla and I made brownies and I sent two in one package for you and John and Tess had her own package.  John said he ate his, did you enjoy yours?  Ying actually ate John’s first brownie and I had to wrap up another special one for him for Tesla.

   Anyway, back to getting to know each other as we both spend with my daughter.  I seriously am working on knowing all your children through my daughter and the little things Tesla and your girls make.  Tesla for the most part enjoys their company.  She also enjoys daycare and now these gymnastic lessons John is taking all our daughters to. 

   Let me ask you Heather, aren’t you ready for this divorce to just be over?  Are you ready to get on with your life, even get married to my husband?  I know I’ve met someone I really enjoy spending time with and I want to move on with my life.  Or are you ok with this divorce limbo situation because you’re living in my house, enjoying the fruits of my business?

   Probably see you tomorrow,

~P.

 

Filed Under: Divorce, Heather, Tesla · Tagged: ,
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