Itty bitty nonexistent feelings

So much for freedom of speech

Went to court on Monday and of course, nothing was accomplished.  Now the mediator is telling John and I that if we can’t decide on Tesla’s school on our own, a judge will decide.  If a judge doesn’t hear our case prior to school starting, Tesla won’t start kindergarten.  John gave me “the look” and rolled his eyes like I am causing all this drama.  If Tesla wanted to go to kindergarten and live in our house with her father and his girlfriend (and 4 other children) she would say so.

John’s lawyer had print out of my blog (I guess she could be a daily reader also!)  Her first example was my birthday wish for the future ex.  The mediator didn’t see the humor in the middle finger cake.  Ironic as I didn’t see humor in being called a “horrible fucking mother” and a “fucking bitch” in front of my daughter and sons.  I can’t copy and paste a middle finger cake into a blog, but he can call me whatever he wants as long as no one hears him.

My lawyer and I are strategically planning our counter suit.  In the meantime, I will no longer call John any of my awesome, well thought out nicknames.   Suddenly I’m hurting his itty-bitty, non-existent feelings.  Guess his skin isn’t as thick as he thought it was because at one time, he didn’t give a damn what I was going to write about.  If the blog is upsetting him…..what’s the book going to do?!?

Back to studying my Spanglish….this summer class will never end!

~P.

 

 

court again this month

Well, I’m charged with contempt again.  John is dragging me into court with a laundry list of complaints against me.  Yesterday when I asked him about it he said “I didn’t even know about it.  My lawyer must have filed it.”  Yeah, ok John.

So what are the charges?

1.  I didn’t tell him where I was moving to or my new phone number.

Actually, I did tell him I was moving.  In fact my dad told him I was going to be moving because my parents were selling the house.  John knew I was looking at apartments well before I found my current home.  Also, my phone number never changed.

Prior to moving in, on Wednesday, May 25th John asked to pick up Tesla early.  I told him I was at the house Tess and I would be moving to and he was welcome to pick her up and see where we would be living.  He came and picked her up so obviously he knew where I was going to be living with Tesla.

2.Mother has established a blog on which she violates the stipulated order “take all measures deemed advisable to foster a feeling of affection between the child and other party.  In direct violation of this provision, she continues to post insults, negative comments and inappropriate statements about Father for the public to view and comment on, including people that have direct interaction with the child.”

Tesla isn’t reading my blog.  No one is reading it to her.  The dramatic change in Tesla’s demeanor, personality and attitude towards her father is because Tesla is catching on to the type of person her father is.  What I’m blogging about is the truth and he can blog about his point if he would like!

3. Mother may be residing with a third party that Mother only recently met on Craigs list.

He has met my room mate.  I told John he can see where we live (just John and not the whole circus.)  Funny how where I move is under a microscope, yet he can move anyone into our home and I am not to question it.

4. Father believes it is in the child’s best interest to be enrolled in the school district where he resides, as he has more flexibility with his job to be available and flexible in transporting the child to and from school and other activities.

This is a man who lives on his cell phone and at a moments notice will have to run out the door for some issue concerning the business.  He has no problem using Tesla’s daycare when he doesn’t have anyone to watch Tesla.  I go to school in the late morning and I’m done in the early afternoon.  I am ALWAYS available to my daughter.

5. Mother has failed to communicate with Father regarding important information concerning the child and has potentially placed the child in danger by moving into a residence with someone she recently met on Craigslist.

My room mate is an upstanding member of the community.  He has friends high on the food chain in Pennsylvania.  He is a widower and retired from serving our country.  I don’t get in his business and I’m trying to keep him from being forced into my business.  Unfortunately, the future ex is hell bent on making life difficult.

Will this actually go to court….who knows.  Does he actually have anything that can be held against me….hell no.  Am I ready to point out all his character flaws….hell yeah!

~P.

About 5

I still get anxious when the child exchange takes place.  I love having my daughter, but dread the exchange.  One would think by now I would be over that anxiousness in picking up Tesla  knowing John is on his way.

I just can’t seem to shake it though.  My shrink and I see it occurring for several reasons.  Here’s five:

1. Seeing John causes intense negative feelings.  Yes, I am angry.  What woman wouldn’t be?

2.  John can not seem to resist walking UP the driveway where I have to park, to talk to me.  Wasn’t the POINT of me parking at the top of the drive when picking up Tesla, to avoid having to speak?

3. Hearing John say ridiculous things such as: A.  Make sure you check her head for ticks.  B. Did you tell Mommy you liked Disney World?  C.  Please make sure you send her swim suit back.  (Only to have Heather give me two of her daughters old swim suits to keep two days later.  WTF does someone remotely nice want to do with my husband?  Run while you still can!!!)

4.  Being greeted at my front door by John and Heather, like I might remotely invite them in.  Just TEXT ME and let me know Tesla’s ride has arrived.  She will magically appear at the door in just a few minutes.  Me, not seeing either of you, is a good thing in my world.

5.  The less I have to SEE you, TALK to you and interact with your latest girlfriend, THE BETTER.  This keeps me happy and doesn’t cause me to laugh in either of your faces or make a sarcastic but truthful statement, as I patiently wait for this long process of custody and marital goods to be settled.

What is necessary, in my humble opinion, is to get the inevitable over with so Tesla will remember as little as possible about this whole divorce process.  Unfortunately, it’s probably to late.  I know I can remember things that happened in the past when I was about 5.

~P.

 

 

Disposable Pets

It’s been years since my cousin wrote me a letter during my mid-teens telling me she received disposable pets for Christmas that year.  I knew immediately that she actually meant posable pets but I didn’t correct her.  Recently that term popped into my head again because I learned John just acquired two poodle puppies.

Now this is on the word of my five-year old but I’m pretty sure she knows the difference between real puppies and stuffed animals.  I asked John in text messages if it were true but he doesn’t respond.  That confirms in my opinion that he did buy his families love in the form of puppies.  By new family, I mean the one he has taken into our house… this brings the total living creatures at my house to two adults, five children, 3 dogs and a rabbit.  I find this just shocking because John doesn’t even want Vic, the dog we rescued shortly after we were married.  In fact, during our relationship, he gave away my Great Dane puppy to a friend of his while I wasn’t home.  Nothing like walking in the door and instead of being greeted by my puppy, I hear “I gave Boo away today.”  What husband gives away his wifes new puppy?  His reason for doing this….her shit was too big.  Now mind you, he didn’t poop scoop, I did.  What difference did it make to him how large her poop was?

While I was living in East York and we were “working things out” I came to find out John called the SPCA to pick up Tesla’s cat Sparky and my cat Emily.  I was heartbroken as Emily had been my cat for years before meeting the self-centered husband of mine.  I imagine he even said they were strays so he wouldn’t have to pay a donation fee.

Next disposable pet to go was Bella.  Bella was a yellow lab that John bought just days after my puppy Peanut was hit by  the neighbor’s truck because John was too cheap to call the electric dog fence company in to see what the connection problem was.  Amazingly, the DAY after Peanut was killed, the fence guy came and for $100 the broken connection was located and fixed.  The following day, I located Yinger online in Texas and told John I really want this puppy who was hairless and born on my birthday.  He gave me the ok (most likely out of guilt as everyone blamed him for Peanut’s death) to buy him and I had two weeks to wait until he could be shipped from Texas.  Shortly after I paid for Ying, John came home with Bella, a yellow lab,  who was more than a handful.

Her behavior never improved as John couldn’t be bothered to train her, brush her, or take her to the vet.  While I was living in the house and he was court ordered to stay out of the house, he and his girlfriend at the time, Kellie, booked a vacation to Florida using our timeshare.  I could have really thrown a wrench in their vacation plans by going online and canceling it on them, but I didn’t.  The day before they leave for vacation, John tells his brother Mike to take both Bella and Vic up to a kennel run by our neighbor.  Not to be cared for while he and his girlfriend were away, but to have them delivered to the SPCA.  (Mike didn’t have a car or I’m sure he would have just had Mike drop them off.)  I was in shock….once again, his desire for instant happiness outweighed the importance of the pets he bought!  A former employee took in Bella, who was in heat and had a severely infected tooth.  I knew about the tooth as Mike was trying his best to improve her inflamed mouth himself.  John had money for Florida, just not to pay for the care of HIS dog (or his child support.)  I insisted Vic remain at the house with me as Tesla would have been crushed if she came home and her dog was gone.  I even had to agree to pay for Vic’s dogfood in order to keep him for Tesla.  While they were off on vacation, I pooped scooped for DAYS filling a five gallon bucket at least ten times and had to listen to my ignorant brother-in-law yell rude comments at me.

The next pet on the chopping block was his girlfriend Kellie’s dog Clover.  A beautiful Golden retriever that apparently did not like John.  No surprise there!  When Clover bit John he insisted Clover had to go.  Had Clover bit anyone else I would have understood but with biting John she was just making her opinion clear.  Hell, if I were a dog, I’d bite John too!  After the abrupt break up between Kellie and John, she was very bitter to have lost her 4 pawed Clover.  Keeping the dog and getting rid of John would have been in her better interest.

So this boils down to the new puppies.  I was never allowed to have a dog in the living portion of the house.  I wonder if these two pups will be confined to outside and the workshop?  This is where Bella was kept and never learned the concept of being housebroken.  How long will these puppies make it in John’s world?  Does his newest girlfriend, Heather, realize how many pets this man has purchased then given away?

Gives a whole new meaning to an accidental spelling error I remember from years ago.

Maybe their names are Recycle and Donate.

~P.

 

Greed makes his world go round

$20 dollars made me hollar!

I don’t think of myself as a greedy person.  Most people who know me wouldn’t say I’m a greedy person.  John and his girlfriend might say I’m greedy but hey, $20 is $20.  I pay $10 a day for Tesla to go to daycare at Weiglestown Child Care Center, an excellent daycare facility.  In the past when John hasn’t had someone to babysit for him so he can go do an estimate, work on a job or get laid, he has taken Tesla to daycare and reimbused me the $10 fee.  The last time he suddenly had no one available he called and asked if he could drop Tess off and I said “of course.”

Now last week before bed,  when Tesla called her dad after my repeated prompting, he didn’t answer and she left a message.  In the morning I talked her into calling him but again, he didn’t answer.  Trying one more time before dropping her off at daycare, his voice mail kicked in and I dropped her off without her talking to her father.  About ten minutes after the last call to him, he called back and I told him he just missed her.  He asks if he can pick Tess up from daycare today and since I was in the process of moving to West York, I said he could.

Around 10 AM I was filling up my dad’s gas guzzling truck at Turkey Hill right down from the daycare and who passes by but John, his girlfriend, her kids and Tess.  Now that pissed me off as Tess was looking forward to seeing her friends at daycare.  He couldn’t answer the phone the night before, or that morning and had some lame excuse that I didn’t listen to, but he could pick up Tess half an hour after I dropped her off.

I called his phone and his reason for picking her up was because they were going swimming at our home in our pool.  I said “I just dropped her off John!” and he responded with “What do you want me to say?”  I answered with “You can pay me the $10 for the daycare asshole!” and hung up.

When it came my time to pick Tess up from him, I yelled down from the top of the driveway (where I have to park) “Did you send my $20?” and he yelled back “Take it to domestics!”  I answered “Domestics doesn’t have anything to do with that.” and his “unable to mind her own damn business” girlfriend yells back “yes they do!”  Who the hell is talking to her?!  Certainally not me!  I yelled back “shut up! I’m not talking with you!”

As if my money isn’t stretched tight enough trying to live on a pathetic $441 a month while John keeps all the business income and supports his girlfriend and her 4 kids, I have to listen to her big mouth?!  I don’t need to hear jack shit from her….she’s just another chick on John’s list to cheat on.  Trust me, it will happen.

If withholding that $20 makes John feel like “the big man” then fine, don’t pay me back.  You’re only hurting your daughter and without me telling her anything, she has her dad all figured out.  Today I had to MAKE her leave for her weekend with him.  It breaks my heart to see her leave and breaks it even more that she doesn’t want to leave me.

~P.

Bulldog attack

West York Bulldogs

It’s official!  Tesla is registered for kindergarten in West York!  She may be the only kindergartener registered for school in two different districts but that’s just fine.  I am ready to fight for custody of my daughter and act like a bulldog if necessary.

I find the whole custody court interesting….expensive but interesting.  I can’t wait to see what stories come out in court that will be used to sway a judge towards one parent or another.  I already know what my ammunition is and my lawyer says it’s in the bag.  In fact, my lawyer said he can’t believe John would even take it to court with his unbelievable history.  I can believe it, as he will stop at nothing to get his way all the time.

Secrets come out in court and become public record…..and even more titillating blog material!

~P.

 

Settled In

Moving sucks….and it sucks twice as much when you’re a co-owner of a moving company yet can’t make use of the trucks you personally found online to purchase for your business.

Instead I borrowed my dad’s 1970’s pickup and made multiple trips in that gas guzzling, ancient truck.  My sister and I nicknamed it “Big Red” a long time ago.  It actually belonged to my first husband’s dad and he sold it to my dad.  It’s not nearly as pretty as it used to be as my dad is a terror on vehicles.  Just a few weeks ago he backed into my sister’s Ford Focus and put a huge dent in it.  Not that he offered to have it repaired…don’t be silly!

So I’m pretty settled in and excited to get Tesla this afternoon.  She’s already seen the house but now that her room is set up she will be twice as excited.  I changed my address and have to wait for that to come in the mail so I can finish registering her for kindergarten.  It will be awesome to be in school myself while she is just starting.  My world revolves around her and I miss her so much when she’s away.

Everything I do is for her and she knows that.  Spoiled, perhaps a little, but isn’t that what kids are for?  Jarrid and Zeth are going to my parents this weekend to visit and I want them to come check out my new digs.  It’s close to everything, yet back in the woods on a road no one has ever heard of.  The only downside is I can’t let Ying run loose like he was used to because there are too many other dogs in the neighborhood and he will want to visit.  He was picked up once by the police for jay walking on Market Street when I lived in East York.  It cost $50 to get him released from the dog catcher!  Fortunately, the backyard is fenced in for Tesla and Ying so they still can run around and play.

Things are looking up and I am in good spirits.  Summer classes start in a week and I’m anxious to get back at the books.  On an even better note, with all the stress with divorce, custody, moving, etc….I received a letter from York College, I made the Dean’s List!!!  Woohoo!!!  Nothing and no one can keep me down!!

~P.

Kick in the gut

CHEATERS NEVER WIN!!

I wanted to believe while John and I were together he was faithful to me.  Never once did I ever cheat on him or even think about having an affair.  During our marriage he swore he would never cheat on me and even after he filed for divorce he stuck to his story that he never had cheated on me.

So it was a kick in the gut tonight to learn that once again, he lied to my face.  I guess I shouldn’t be surprised as he cheated on his first wife, cheated on his last girlfriend back in October ’10 and as I learned tonight, he cheated on me while we were still “happily married.”  Some people just can’t be faithful….

So, call me gullible…because I certainly was.  Now I just stockpile all this information for my day in court.  This divorce can not come soon enough!

~P.

Eastern or WY?

Will eat an East York Knight for a snack

Now that I have a place to live, a custody battle will be the next war.  It never dawned on me that the divorce would be dragged out from the time Tesla was 2 and a half, to the age she starts kindergarten.  John has her registered at Eastern and I, in West York.  Both are good school districts sooooo…that being the case, I am ready for a judge to decide where Tesla will reside.  I have nothing to hide and actually hope a judge making the decision will push the divorce forward.

At this point, the mortgage for John and my house is so far behind, short of an act of God, I see no way of digging out.  I don’t care how many times John says “business is picking up” it’s not going to make a difference.  Maybe if God sends a tornado the business could actually be picked up, other than that, I see no hope.

Now if business does pick up that means John’s income increases, correct?  That’s how it should work, but in the world of self employment, one can easily manipulate the books to make it appear things are still slow or other costs are high.  Just cash those checks and pay the employees under the table and “presto” no income change.  Another instant income reducer, write of your divorce fees as business related and gross income drops $10,000.00.  Domestics takes whatever numbers are thrown infront of them, even when they don’t make sense or add up.   Bookkeeping was a huge issue in the running of our business and will be a huge issue in divorce court.  (If he risks taking it that far)

At some point, won’t the government question how the books are kept?  It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out things are a bit shady.  Meanwhile, my accountant is STILL waiting for the lawyer requested financial statements and Quickbooks program.  Guess that legal move of subpoenaing documents for court will come in handy!

Now if it will make it to court before the house is foreclosed on is the question….

Never gonna give up or in as long as I’m still breathing!!

~P.

New Crib

Good Luck Cabin Penny

It’s been an exhausting search for a new place to live.  My prayers and those praying for me seem to be answered, an adorable log cabin in West York with a fenced in yard for Tesla and Ying and a garage to keep my Harley out of the bad weather.  It’s not available for about two weeks, but that’s a time frame I can deal with.  Classes start again in three weeks so I am crossing my fingers to have all the moving completed before heading back to campus.

Thank you to my friends and family for keeping the Crider’s in your thoughts and prayers.  I will be registering Tesla for school in West York and pray that she gets what she wants, which is to live with her mommy.  It will be great to see her florish in school while I also continue my education.  Transcripts were issued yesterday and I raised my GPA from a 3.2 to a 3.5.  How that is possible with all the stress in the household, with my family and the pending divorce, I’m not sure!  I want to be a role model for Tesla and make her proud of her mom as I am proud of her.  She is my sunshine during these rough times in life.

~P.