DearJohn XX

Dear John,

I couldn’t help but notice you didn’t make it to gymnastics tonight.  When I didn’t see your truck I guessed Heather had all the kids and you were off somewhere very important.

Tess did great tonight.  Very enthusiastic about gymnastics, but not so enthusiastic about you not taking her.  Actually her exact words were “Daddy made me go with Heather.  I told him I didn’t want to but he said I couldn’t go to his ballgame.”

Way to push Tesla on Heather, or should I say Heather onto Tesla.  Let me spell this out for you, Tesla should come first and yourself second.  Tesla should always come first, over appointments when she is with you, over playing softball, etc.  You don’t want her pulling further away from you, then show her you have TIME for her.

Otherwise, I predict her requesting living with me at some point.  That is, if I don’t get custody this month.  October 26th @ 1:30 Court Room B.

See you there.  I’m sure Heather will be along for the show.

~P.

 

Dear John XII

 

Drama

Dear John,

    We just spoke on the phone.  I’m impressed it didn’t turn into the usual screaming match.  Also impressive was you didn’t argue with me about Tesla talking to a counselor.  I’m concerned about how she is handling life in your home and it will be good for her to talk to a professional. 

   You and Heather are packing so much extra-curricular activities into her schedule it’s making my head swim.  When I tried to explain that perhaps there was just too much going on, you said “then we will just exclude Tesla from swimming lessons.”  I don’t want to have to exclude my child from anything, but can we keep in mind she just started school, she is still getting to know Heather and her children and there is SO much commuting put on me that I feel I don’t get my share of time with Tesla. 

    I hope this counseling appointment allows her the ability to tell a third-party what’s on her mind.  The girlfriends you have brought into her life come and go and it’s easy to confuse them.  Just like I told you, now and then I refer to Heather as “Kelly” by mistake and your response was “how can you do that?  She was like 4 girlfriends ago.”  That’s my point John….

   So I’ve agreed to the swimming lessons on Mondays for the next 10 weeks and there’s the gymnastics on Wednesdays for as long as Heather can afford to send four girls.  You said she’s paying for the children’s swimming lessons and next month you want to start horse-back riding lessons.  I feel that is to many extra-curricular activities.  According to Eastern School District, Tesla needs Title I help in school.  Perhaps an activity that will  compliment her lessons in school would be better suited. 

     Finally, I am not signing off on our house.  Not today, not tomorrow, not ever.  If you can’t afford to keep the house and settle up this divorce, that’s not my problem.  It’s also not my problem you didn’t finish high school and don’t feel you can get a job.  If the moving industry no longer allows you to afford such luxuries as a huge house, gas guzzling trucks and the desire to buy the best of everything, then it’s time to face the facts and sell the house.  I can’t afford it, you can’t afford and no bank is going to refinance it.  Why delay the inevitable?

Still the wife…sigh.

~P.

 

Dear John XI

waste of $

Dear John,

I usually have something to say when I see you, but since I can’t always say it, I write it.

It irked me to see you scratching off lottery tickets when I came back out to the truck to give Tesla the dollar she earned helping around the house.  That was just a mild irk compared to how much Heather irked me later.

I’m sorry you arrived early to get Tesla and had to wait for her while she finished eating dinner.  It’s rare that she eats dinner at home when it’s your day to pick her up.  Friday nights dinner was special for her.  She and I went grocery shopping the day before and she helped pick out the groceries.  Two of her choices were fresh corn and cantaloupe.  While we were still in the store on Thursday, she husked the corn and bagged it.  As you know, her kindergarten orientation was that night so we didn’t have time to make dinner together.

Friday she was very excited to wash the corn and make it for dinner.  She was very hungry and I didn’t even give a thought to telling her we couldn’t cook dinner together.  Tesla ate four chicken nuggets, an ear of corn, a large helping of chicken alfredo and cantaloupe for desert.  Dale, Tesla and I had a very nice dinner even though I had to rush Tess a bit because you were outside waiting….scratching those lottery tickets.

The BIG irk of my evening was the text I received from you at 7:52 PM.

Can you please not feed Tesla on my nights we want to eat as a family.

Hmmm John, that’s what we were doing also.  Like I said, it’s rare I make dinner for her and I (and now Dale) on nights you pick her up.  My response back:

So did we.  Sorry.

Now I thought that would be the end of the text messaging but I was wrong.  Next came this:

Well on your night that would be nice for you all but please be respectful of our time and not make things hard on Tesla that has to sit at a table while everyone else eats…it’s not fair to her.  We will be respect ur time please respect ours.  Heather

Again with the girlfriend texting me?  Why do I have to get texts from your girlfriend about Tesla and respect?  My response:

Omg chill…I’m sorry.

Now this time I was certain I wouldn’t hear back from her and I was really trying hard not to lose my patience with a woman who has the nerve to request I not eat a special meal with my child the last day I have her before school starts.  Heather read my patience as showing an understanding of her need to sit everyone down for dinner.  I suppose you all use the dining room, now that it can be filled up properly.

Thanks for understanding….please feel free to come Monday.  Bus picks up at 7:25.  We will be out taking pictures around 7:10.

Actually Heather, I don’t understand.  There are so many levels of not understanding where the hell you are coming from that it just blows my mind you would even mention that I shouldn’t feed my daughter when she’s hungry and at home with her mother.  My response:

I don’t get the big blow up over dinner…nor her having to sit like it’s punishment….but I do appreciate seeing my child off to school her first day.

It really sucks having to get permission to see my daughter off to school.  You had texted me right after picking up Tesla that I could come Monday and to be there by 8:25.  Was that a text typo John?  Or did you really want me to show up an hour late just to hear you say I missed the bus?

It’s not a punishment but we r a family and act like one….and it’s not a blow up, just a request.

I don’t know John….seems like more that just a request.  Kinda came off as rude and belittling Tesla and I as being and acting like a family.  Just because you have 7 and up until recently, it’s just been Tesla and I doesn’t mean your new family outranks mine.  My response to Heather:

I don’t get why this is coming from you either.

Why do I continue to get texts from Heather from your phone?  You had something to say and you did.  It should have ended there.  Actually, I think it was uncalled for to even text me not to feed Tesla on the nights you pick her up.  Especially since I’ve never made a habit of doing so.  Friday’s dinner was special for Tesla, can I get some respect concerning that?  She ate a good meal and enjoyed preparing it with me.  Get over yourself.  Tell your woman to get over herself.  Stop trying to control my time with my child.

Heather’s final text was “goodnight” and my response was “Amen” and that wrapped up our texting for the night.  I view it all as making a mountain out of a mole hill.  I’m stressed out enough by all your bullshit with this custody and divorce nightmare.  I really don’t want to hear whining about family meals.

I appreciate the invitation to see Tesla off to school and I will be there with my camera.  I’m saving the text message granting me permission just in case you call the police and try to have me arrested.  You tricked me once like that and I don’t want another repeat of Tesla seeing the police come because you want me taken away in handcuffs.  Think about your actions and how they affect your child.

I suppose you didn’t win big on the lottery tickets.  Remember, if you do, half of it goes to your wife.

Keep on scratching,

~P.

 

 

Dear John VI

Drama

Dear John,

This one will be short as I’m dashing off to see my boyfriend, Dale Hollinger.  I’m sure you already have done your research, or at least had LaDonna fill you in.  Isn’t she just a great office manager?  Hopefully she is keeping the books very accurate for everyone’s sake.  Have you given her a raise since I did last?  Back in 2009?  You know she graduated top of her class and I can’t imagine she’s going to stick at the office forever.  Why would she?!

Back to me leaving my home to visit with friends; I miss Tesla.  If she were here tonight, she would get to visit my awesome friends also.  I hope you are spending quality time with Tesla in some fashion, or another.  I want Tesla to have the closeness she has with me, with you.

Our court date is approaching quickly, August 19th, I believe.  Will things get decided so Tesla can start school?  Once we can get over this hurdle, we can take the next leap over divorce.  I have to write Heather soon.  I see her so often with you and Tess.  Does she have a job?  I know how you like your women to stay in the home.

No longer caged,

~P.

 

Test

This colorblind test has nothing to do with my blog. Hopefully you see the number 3 there.

Text.  Test.  Test.

What the hell is that all about?  I have a math test due, but not until Monday.  So I’m not actually panicking, just reminding myself I should do it now.  I just finished writing my husband a letter (http://girlboxer1970.com/2011/07/21/dear-john-iv/ ) and should work on my math so I have all weekend to myself with Tesla.  But first, I want to write about something.

Sitting in my bedroom with my “new to me” air conditioner, I want to share a few thoughts while I wait for the gas man to arrive and give me gas.  Yes, it’s been a week since I moved in here and the gas man will finally cometh.

I marvel at the Commonwealth of PA’s welfare program.  While PA isn’t a state it’s often referred to as a State or PA State.  Regardless, there is a welfare system that can easily trap people into giving up in life, just letting the State pay their way.  By taking the time to learn how to use the State assistance program, I have made use of numerous benefits.

The Commonwealth of PA’s assistance program can work for someone who is having some bad luck in life.  My benefits are substantial, including medical insurance, mental health assistance with therapy for depression, dental, tuition money, grants, scholarships, loans, a car purchase, reimbursement of mileage, payment of textbooks and probably even more.  Not all just for me, but Tesla too.  The State will cover my daughter’s allergy tests at Hershey Medical Center because I am one of those people who have fallen on hard times.  My life is a wreck and seems stuck in a rut.

I did notice on the PA child custody website that John could be held accountable for all costs the State covers that they feel he should be attempting, instead of cancelling the little insurance policy Tesla and I did have.  Wouldn’t that be something if he has to reimburse the State?

Life is a test.  An endurance test.  Take it one day at a time.  🙂

Enduring life a little cooler,

~P.

Dear John IV

I love this pic I "stole" off the internet. She has an entire dear john website.

Dear John,

Thank you for letting me know the check I wrote for my move has been sent to domestics.  While it’s only $106, that’s significant in my little world.  Last night I had a few minutes to go online and check out the mortgages.  About a week or two ago you proudly told me you had caught up on the mortgages.  That was good to hear as it affects my credit as well as yours.  I even was happy for you and your gang to take a little vacation over the weekend I moved in. http://girlboxer1970.com/2011/07/17/dear-john-ii/

Of course, you weren’t telling me the truth.  I see you made many payments to get out of that $10k hole.  I would expect money will show up as earned income first, before you made enough payments to bring the balance down.  Regardless, the mortgages are still behind.  Though I haven’t received any foreclosure notices http://girlboxer1970.com/2011/03/13/act-91-notice/ recently.  Have you?  Maybe it’s this whole “changing my address” so often the Post Office can’t keep up.  At least I am keeping them on their toes.  Just spoke to my mailman yesterday and he updated the mailbox to Patricia A. Crider and I reluctantly added my previous name, Delauter, because I knew I would still get mail with your name in error.  It takes time to get all these little boo-boos fixed when your stuck in a divorce.

Whoops…sorry about that.  I kinda went off a bit over the whole name thing.  It’s just things like this letter from Wells Fargo http://girlboxer1970.com/2011/04/15/not-horsing-around/.  I want my name separated from you.  It’s so simple John.  Our marriage is over and you have started a new life with a new woman.  Our daughter would like both families to be happy.  If you and Heather can be happy together, that’s great.  Super Dooper Great!  Even if that means we all have to start over, or at least fall behind, then recover.  I can do that and so can you!

Okay, good writing to you.  Now and then I still miss you.  I’m not sure why.

Just looking in on the mortgages and finding your bs,

~P.

 

Dear John III

Dear John,

I was surprised when you told me you were sending my check written to the moving company to domestics.  “I’m not cashing it.” you told me.

Well, you can’t cash it really, it’s written to the company.  I asked you why you were doing this and you responded in a text (impressive) with “Because you just said you’re hurting for money so I’m not cashing the check and putting it towards my child support so you don’t have to be out of the money out-of-pocket right now.”

I texted you back “Tearing up the check would b better 🙂  Most helpful 2 TT n I.”

I wasn’t surprised with your text back, “That’s not gonna happen. :-)”

“Of course not.  You enjoy seeing me struggle.”  I replied.  Loved the smiley icon in your text.  Is there a snear smiley available in your phone?

I’ll struggle but survive, even in the 96 degree weather,with no air conditioning in my car or house.  I’m sure you have the AC on at home, chilling the house.  You can always jump in our swimming pool to cool off.  I really miss that pool these days!

So, I’ll get some child support out of the check I sent you.  Maybe $85 or so out of the $106 I wrote the check for.  You’ll get $106 credited towards your child support and somehow, I suppose, not have to claim that income on the business records.  Yes, had you forced me to pay cash it would have been much easier on you.  Sorry about wanting to follow the rules in running a business.

Tesla is checking out the new house.  She says it’s beautiful.  Isn’t she just a sweetie!  Gets that from her momma!

~P.

Dear John II

Dear John,

I realize you might not read this right away as you all are on vacation.  I hope it’s going great!

Things are going well back in PA for me.  I’m surrounded by half unpacked boxes that are staring me down, wondering when I’ll finish emptying them.  This weekend has been incredibly productive in many ways.  Tesla and I now have a house of our own.  My friends and family were here for me on moving day and one of our employees that I just met.  His name was Randy and he did fantastic work on the job.  I was happy to give him a $20 tip for this excellent work.  The actual cost of my move is on an invoice.  It’s a strange feeling signing an invoice as a customer instead of as the owner.  Remember when I ordered those first set of company invoices?   Instructed the printing company what the company name was, our address and phone number?  It was exciting seeing the company develop into a legitimate business!

Back to paying for my move, I began writing the check out to the company name and Randy stopped me saying I had to pay cash.  Where the hell is that coming from John?  Why do I have to pay cash?  You afraid my check might bounce as you know how little you send every other week for child support and alimony?

“I’m writing the check to the company.  I have an invoice.” I tell Randy, my A1 moving helper.

“John said you were to pay in cash.”  Randy suddenly looked like a deer caught in the headlights.  Poor guy, I could tell he was already shook up.

“I don’t care what John said, I’m writing a check, but I do have a $20 tip in cash for you.”  I responded, feeling bad for my employee.  I had become the unco-operative customer who was going to do what she wanted, regardless of what he said.

“I have to call John, because I need the cash and $40 of it goes for the fuel in the truck.” Randy said.  He looked absolutely miserable knowing he had to make this phone call.

“Okey Dokey,” I replied.  “If you want, I can call him.  I know the number.” I offered.

“No, I’ll call.”  He declined, but I knew I would wind up having to talk to John no matter who dialed the cell number.  I wonder if Randy has John listed as #2 on his speed dial?  Though I rarely use it other than calling Tesla, he still makes #2, after the voice mail.  Someday, Tesla’s phone number will be my #2.

Randy calls John and tells him I want to write a check.  Isn’t that how it IS supposed to work in the business of being a mover?  You move me, I write a check to pay you.  Sure I got a HUGE discount on my move.  Randy at his hourly rate and $40 fuel surcharge.  That was a great deal and I have no complaints, other than FREE would have been ever better.  I mean, I did find the truck we used, online for our company.  Infact, I think all 3 of our trucks in service, I picked out and you agreed they would make good business purchases for the company.  Heck, I issued the first check making the payments on it, at one time in life.  Regardless, the move was completed and I could not be happier with the results.

What I do have a problem with is you wanting me to write the check not to the company but to Randy himself.  I realize I am throwing a wrench in the works with you being away from the office, already on the road the camp.  (Wow, you are camping?  Remember this blog? http://girlboxer1970.com/2011/03/02/i-used-to-camp-then-the-sheraton-became-toughing-it/ )  Now wait a minute here, I couldn’t use the truck without having Randy because of workers compensation and if I would wreck….  Yeah, ok I didn’t argue as this move was as legit as I could afford.  $103 to move stuff 3/10 of a mile with a second trip to Dover for my shit that’s been in storage since Feb of 2009.  It’s a good deal, but one I’m writing a check for.

“Just let me talk to him,” I said for about the 3rd time, reaching my hand out to Randy for the damn cell phone.  I was seconds away from just calling myself if he didn’t part with his cell soon.

“Ok.”  Handing me his phone, Randy wasn’t looking happy at all.  Not only did he have to call the big boss because the “invisible boss from the past” was suddenly present and making things seem complicated, but he KNEW there was only a check in the near future.

“Hello John” I greeted you on Randy’s phone.  At this point, I really don’t remember if you got any words in.

Why?  Because I immediately reminded you that I had an invoice for my move and I was writing a check to the company.  There was no way in hell I was writing a check to the employee and nothing you said was changing my mind and I hung up.  Well, actually I just handed the phone back to Randy who was staring at me in disbelief.  I guess he never heard anyone tell the Boss John what was going to happen.

That’s the beauty of my life now.  I swear I am SO over being told by you how my life should be run.  Just enjoy how your life is now and let’s get this divorce over.  Then you can rush into marrying Heather and start all over again, like last time.

Back opening boxes of my life’s little treasures, and having the memories poke me with sharp little sticks.  No worries though, I am feeling fantastic about where I am in life.  I accept that meeting you was important in my life.  I think it’s sad our life didn’t work out but I can’t let that get me down.  I hope you and Heather are having an awesome time on vacation this weekend.  I’m glad Tesla has somewhere positive to be while I restart our life with a permanant address.  Someday I will have money to take her on a vacation.  I just have to be patient, like these boxes, randomly sitting through-out the house waiting for me to finish unpacking them.

Patience is a virtue, but empty boxes are the bomb!

~P.

Dear John Letter

Dear John,

I know my last post on your birthday wasn’t very nice, but sometimes in life you encounter someone who just deserves that type of birthday greeting. 🙂  I can’t take it back as it’s now on the worldwide web, but I can apologize sincerely.  That parenting class was very helpful.

Today, I found a townhouse for Tess and I.  Now I have a room for my daughter and a room for myself that is not under constant threat of flooding, mold etc.  No more basement living, isn’t that great?  I’m so damn excited!!  But, I had a moment just a few minutes ago.  As I was packing up my shit for the umpteenth time, I started to cry.  Not because I was moving again, but because my marriage failed.  I don’t like to fail.  Not acceptable in my world, and in yours, as I am fully aware of.  You are starting over just as I am, but with much better odds in the financial matters.  I get the child support and alimony pretty regularly.  The arrears are still around $1500, but that’s ok.  I realize my claiming Tesla last year screwed up your plans, but life’s a bitch.  My life’s been a real rollercoaster since meeting you.

So I’m patient.  Just waiting for my day in court.  I know, as my lawyer assured me it could be very costly.  We’re both having problems paying shit these days, huh?  Good to hear you caught up on that $10k you were behind on with the mortgages.  That’s a big relief, though I haven’t gone online to make sure you’re not telling another fib to me.  Credit scores aren’t looking great for either of us.  Sucks when the credit goes down the toilet.  We’re not the only ones.  Lots of people out there roughing it.  Depending on how life goes…the divorce, custody, marital assets,  college, the business, if Heather sticks around, if I ever give another person a chance in my life etc.  Yes, life is just so unpredictable.

Things used to be so much simpler.  We were happy for at least the first two years I suppose, and certainly had many great moments.  I found you so attractive, funny and caring.  I thought it was cute that you wanted to “save” me.  I guess the jokes on you as I actually didn’t need saved.  That’s okay though, like you’ve told me many times and in texts (that I still have) “it wasn’t all bad!” or something like that.  Another favorite text from you is that I’ve never apologized for all the things I’ve said and done to you.  Well, I’m sorry.  I am really.  I want to move on in life and this is how I’m doing it.

At times, you were all that.  After some time passed, you were that.  After getting quitting my job, getting married, selling my house, car and many other things, I REALLY hoped and prayed I could find a way to keep us from falling apart.  I truly believe in your eyes, you did the same.  If that was your best shot, I’m fine with that.  Do I still cry now and then? I sure do.  Not because I want us back together, but because our marriage was doomed from the day we met.  Silly me just didn’t realize it!

Anyway, enough for now.  I’ll write again, but I have to get back to packing.  I never heard back from you when I texted about using the 16 foot truck.  Maybe you’ll mention it when I pick up Tesla at 5PM.  Then again, maybe not.

~P