Dear John Letter

Dear John,

I know my last post on your birthday wasn’t very nice, but sometimes in life you encounter someone who just deserves that type of birthday greeting. 🙂  I can’t take it back as it’s now on the worldwide web, but I can apologize sincerely.  That parenting class was very helpful.

Today, I found a townhouse for Tess and I.  Now I have a room for my daughter and a room for myself that is not under constant threat of flooding, mold etc.  No more basement living, isn’t that great?  I’m so damn excited!!  But, I had a moment just a few minutes ago.  As I was packing up my shit for the umpteenth time, I started to cry.  Not because I was moving again, but because my marriage failed.  I don’t like to fail.  Not acceptable in my world, and in yours, as I am fully aware of.  You are starting over just as I am, but with much better odds in the financial matters.  I get the child support and alimony pretty regularly.  The arrears are still around $1500, but that’s ok.  I realize my claiming Tesla last year screwed up your plans, but life’s a bitch.  My life’s been a real rollercoaster since meeting you.

So I’m patient.  Just waiting for my day in court.  I know, as my lawyer assured me it could be very costly.  We’re both having problems paying shit these days, huh?  Good to hear you caught up on that $10k you were behind on with the mortgages.  That’s a big relief, though I haven’t gone online to make sure you’re not telling another fib to me.  Credit scores aren’t looking great for either of us.  Sucks when the credit goes down the toilet.  We’re not the only ones.  Lots of people out there roughing it.  Depending on how life goes…the divorce, custody, marital assets,  college, the business, if Heather sticks around, if I ever give another person a chance in my life etc.  Yes, life is just so unpredictable.

Things used to be so much simpler.  We were happy for at least the first two years I suppose, and certainly had many great moments.  I found you so attractive, funny and caring.  I thought it was cute that you wanted to “save” me.  I guess the jokes on you as I actually didn’t need saved.  That’s okay though, like you’ve told me many times and in texts (that I still have) “it wasn’t all bad!” or something like that.  Another favorite text from you is that I’ve never apologized for all the things I’ve said and done to you.  Well, I’m sorry.  I am really.  I want to move on in life and this is how I’m doing it.

At times, you were all that.  After some time passed, you were that.  After getting quitting my job, getting married, selling my house, car and many other things, I REALLY hoped and prayed I could find a way to keep us from falling apart.  I truly believe in your eyes, you did the same.  If that was your best shot, I’m fine with that.  Do I still cry now and then? I sure do.  Not because I want us back together, but because our marriage was doomed from the day we met.  Silly me just didn’t realize it!

Anyway, enough for now.  I’ll write again, but I have to get back to packing.  I never heard back from you when I texted about using the 16 foot truck.  Maybe you’ll mention it when I pick up Tesla at 5PM.  Then again, maybe not.

~P