Off to class

Just had breakfast with Tesla and chatted about what we want to do tomorrow.  She requested the “big rooster” puzzle and I instantly knew she meant Big Bird puzzle, the character from Sesame Street.  Second on her list is brownies that she picked out at the grocery store.  Tesla picked out the really expensive ones and that’s fine by me. 

That was about it on her list.  My list included going through all her toys and organizing her room.  I told her we would make piles of her toys to keep, throw away and donate.  She smiled and asked, “Can we jump over them?”  🙂  She’s soo funny! 

We discussed her hair-length and she informed me she wants to grow it long, like Mommy’s.  She only wants LaDonna to cut her bangs. 

Ok, Tess just brought Ying up from the garage.  I gotta get to class, and put Ying back in the garage.  He ate an entire ear of corn minus some cob.  Hard to say what his digestive track may be like. 

Math here I come,

~P.

Dear John VI

Drama

Dear John,

This one will be short as I’m dashing off to see my boyfriend, Dale Hollinger.  I’m sure you already have done your research, or at least had LaDonna fill you in.  Isn’t she just a great office manager?  Hopefully she is keeping the books very accurate for everyone’s sake.  Have you given her a raise since I did last?  Back in 2009?  You know she graduated top of her class and I can’t imagine she’s going to stick at the office forever.  Why would she?!

Back to me leaving my home to visit with friends; I miss Tesla.  If she were here tonight, she would get to visit my awesome friends also.  I hope you are spending quality time with Tesla in some fashion, or another.  I want Tesla to have the closeness she has with me, with you.

Our court date is approaching quickly, August 19th, I believe.  Will things get decided so Tesla can start school?  Once we can get over this hurdle, we can take the next leap over divorce.  I have to write Heather soon.  I see her so often with you and Tess.  Does she have a job?  I know how you like your women to stay in the home.

No longer caged,

~P.

 

Dear Dale

Dear Dale,

You have treated my daughter and I with kindness that I would have never expected.  While you were married to my sister, Suz’s, highschool best friend, I had never met you.  Even, your cousin, Joey Keefer, was my friend and neighbor.  Was that confusing?

Joey and I chatted about you and he put in very good words for.  “It’s amazing he’s alive!” he said.  “I remember when we were kids and he was hit by that car.  He turned out to be a great guy.”

I told Joey about meeting you and how you are helping me get settled in.  He said, “That doesn’t surprise me.  Dale’s like that to people he feels close to.”

I am like that with people I care about, and I care about you very much.  You are a brave man not only for wanting to be involved in helping me with life, but wanting to be in my life.  Unfortunately, there is a rather large problem.  I can’t get divorced from John, or at least that is how it feels.  This divorce issue has been dragging my life out for too long.   http://girlboxer1970.com/2011/07/13/dear-john-letter/

What I can do, is show my daughter the proper way to build a relationship.  My answer to your question “if you could marry me, would you?” is yes.  I would.  That’s the great news!! 🙂   The bad news is, I actually have to wait until I’m divorced.  So while I’m waiting, and paying my rent, we have time to get to know each other.

Right now honey, you are the sweetest man I ever met and don’t get frustrated when I keep you from helping me even more.  I can do this, but I appreciate your help.  Maybe in less than a year we could move in together, we just have to be patient!

Not “John’s Good Girl” for much longer, (especially if I agree to get that covered up by your tattoo friend)

Love,

~P.

 

Dear Dad

Walt,

You have Suz pretty upset with you today.  She said you were raising hell about Tesla visiting at the Crider household.  Does it ever occur to you that Tesla wants to see her Grandmother, aunt and cousin?  Why do you have such a problem with your only granddaughter coming to visit?  Do you hold it against her that I am her mom?  I know you and I don’t get along, but give my kid a break.  The heat got to her and she had to throw up.  Was it necessary to scream at Suz that there was to much noise for you to sleep, while Tesla barfed?  The child was SICK!  Tesla doesn’t want to talk to you because you are mean.

I find it amazing that you sat with my future ex-husband at the Revolutions Game.  You know, that night you sang the National Anthem.  Tesla missed hearing you sing, because her dad and the rest of the gang were late.  Didn’t you have anyone else to sit with?

My child hasn’t done anything to you.  If you cause your granddaughter to not like you, it’s your loss.  Just like it’s your loss your offspring don’t want to talk to you.  I guess moving FAR away will solve all the problems with having to see your family.  It’s sad my mother has so little say in where she will live.

Why is it I can get along with anyone BUT my husband and father?  I married a man just like my dear old dad I suppose.

Just how I see it,

~P.

Dear John V

Drama

Dear John,

Last night I learned you called my former room-mate, John Ott.  It is outrageous that you are calling around, looking for anything to make up a story, for court.  I don’t call your people….. they call, text, email and message me.  Please stop causing drama and wild rumors to spread.  It’s just not following the rules of Kid’s First. http://girlboxer1970.com/2011/07/11/kids-first/

Tesla is what is most important and she has a same, normal home.  Back out of my life and stop this endless drama so I can enjoy writing about all the stupid, mean, backstabbing things you did in the past.

I’m sure as I blog, I will work through my depression, developed after meeting you.  My therapist, Cathy Snelbaker at T.W. Ponessa has been supportive in any decisions I made.  You had the opportunity to attend counseling to work on our marriage.  You chose to stop going saying I would never change and admitting to knowing you couldn’t.  I’ve accepted that, so let’s move on.

I don’t bother any of your peeps, I treat Heather with respect when I see you.  I am nice to her kids and encourage Tesla to think of them as family.  I hope you can keep it together this time.

Stop calling people in my life.  I have enough to write about as life is.

Thank you,

Pattie

Test

This colorblind test has nothing to do with my blog. Hopefully you see the number 3 there.

Text.  Test.  Test.

What the hell is that all about?  I have a math test due, but not until Monday.  So I’m not actually panicking, just reminding myself I should do it now.  I just finished writing my husband a letter (http://girlboxer1970.com/2011/07/21/dear-john-iv/ ) and should work on my math so I have all weekend to myself with Tesla.  But first, I want to write about something.

Sitting in my bedroom with my “new to me” air conditioner, I want to share a few thoughts while I wait for the gas man to arrive and give me gas.  Yes, it’s been a week since I moved in here and the gas man will finally cometh.

I marvel at the Commonwealth of PA’s welfare program.  While PA isn’t a state it’s often referred to as a State or PA State.  Regardless, there is a welfare system that can easily trap people into giving up in life, just letting the State pay their way.  By taking the time to learn how to use the State assistance program, I have made use of numerous benefits.

The Commonwealth of PA’s assistance program can work for someone who is having some bad luck in life.  My benefits are substantial, including medical insurance, mental health assistance with therapy for depression, dental, tuition money, grants, scholarships, loans, a car purchase, reimbursement of mileage, payment of textbooks and probably even more.  Not all just for me, but Tesla too.  The State will cover my daughter’s allergy tests at Hershey Medical Center because I am one of those people who have fallen on hard times.  My life is a wreck and seems stuck in a rut.

I did notice on the PA child custody website that John could be held accountable for all costs the State covers that they feel he should be attempting, instead of cancelling the little insurance policy Tesla and I did have.  Wouldn’t that be something if he has to reimburse the State?

Life is a test.  An endurance test.  Take it one day at a time.  🙂

Enduring life a little cooler,

~P.

Mystery, wonder and intrigue

Because I have been so open about my life online, people are asking and wondering how the hell I managed to get this townhouse.  A very good question indeed.  I know I would be asking the very same.  At one point I was seeking an apartment on Craig’s List, desperate to find a place for Tesla and I to live.  My credit is shot in the ass.  My name is on the deed and mortgage of the house the future ex-hubby is living in.  Said house has been behind on the mortgage payment in upwards of $10,000.  My car was taken back, I couldn’t return to my career working for the state..wound up at my parents house for a year after living two weeks across the street with a neighbor.  (That’s a whole other blog someday)

A year living in the basement of my parents was survived by Tesla and I.  Then Dad announces on Mother’s Day weekend that we have to move because he is selling the Crider house and my brother Sam’s property right below it.  That threw a wrench in things.  I would have somehow survived three more years at my parents….don’t know if my dad would have.  🙂

So, we move to a basement in a Log Cabin.  My new roommate, John put in rugs and walls and made it look as close to a bedroom as possible.  Early concerns of many people was the dampness, mildew or mold.  For a month and a half the basement “aka: Pat Cave” was good as gold.  Then the heavy rains came and the Cave flooded and I knew I needed to find a new home.  Just wasn’t sure how I was going to pull this one off.

During my month and a half stay, I was introduced to the neighbors, Jeff, Jody and Dale.  I also met the children of Jeff and Jody.  These were the best neighbors you could ask for.  Their kids were awesome and played well with Tesla and John’s son, Matthew.  Jeff and Jody were a sweet, out-going couple that laughed easy and kept good company.  Dale we saw only now and then but as time passed he started visiting more often.  I liked talking to him because he was funny and sweet.  After telling him about my flooded bedroom he mentioned we should get an apartment together.  Dale is the 3rd wheel next door, so to speak.  .

“Sure, just has to be three bedrooms.” I replied.  Thinking if I could live with roommate John, a man who doesn’t even like himself, living with Dale would be a breeze!

“What about a two bedroom?” he asked.

“Where are you going to sleep then?” I asked, guessing where this conversation was going.

“One room for TT and one for just you.” he answered.

“Are you serious?  You’ll lease an apartment with me but not move in?”  I was dumb-founded and certain he was just messing with me.

“Yes, I am serious.  I wouldn’t offer if I didn’t think you were trustworthy.  You have to make the rent payments.”  He was looking at me like I was dense.

“Oh right!  Of course!” I burst out laughing.

Talk about God looking out for someone.  I know God watches over me.  With his guidance, family and friends I know Tesla and I have a bright future.  Meeting people that will give a hand to someone in need changes both person’s lives.  My ex-roommate’s life changed, as did his sons, while Tesla and I lived there.  Tesla and I met Dale while living at the cabin.  Dale helped change my life and get out of feeling “homeless.”

So that that ends the “was wondering how you got your townhouse” curiousity and introduces new people into my blog world.

Thank you Dale Hollinger for helping me get a roof over our heads.  You are a kind, trusting man and I appreciate all that you have done.  Also….Tesla thinks your cool.

Blogging from my own dining room table,

~P.

 

Vic ran away

Bruiser (rip) Boo (given away) Vic (MIA)

Remember that blog titled Disposable Pets?  http://wp.me/p1j2Ur-cF

Tesla noticed I hung up the picture of her and her black lab, Vic.  She was so excited to see the photo. “That’s my Victors!” she said grinning from ear to ear, followed by,  “He is gone now.”

WHOA!  Where did that come from?  “Where did he go?” I asked.

“He ran away and didn’t get along with the new puppies.  Daddy said he is gone.”  she answered.

Vic ran away?  PLEASE….that dog was to lazy to run away.  Give me a break!  I’m not 5 years old, just Tesla.

~P.

When life is good

How often do you give a quick reply of “good” when asked how your life is?  “Good” is probably the most often response used.  When we respond is it automatic?  It’s certainly the easiest answer.  People really don’t want to hear about your problems do they?

My friend from highschool, Kym Guss Buchanan wrote in her status update:

Oh Happy Day! Tests came
back…still cancer free! So ready for my fabulous future! Bring it on…so
ready to rumble! Working on making some career goals a reality! Planning more
into the future now. Sharing special times with my hubby and daughter…spending
time with my terrific friends and family…
so much to enjoy!!!! I feel
fabulous and Life is SO good!!!!

That was SO good to read because I get how short life can be.  The wonderful news that Kym is cancer free renews my faith in God and reminds me that good things do happen.

While I struggle daily with not a physical illness, but a mental illness, I love and appreciate all the support I get from my family and friends.  It’s good to know, especially in dealing with depression for the past 3 years, that I have my peeps out there backing me.  Everyday I feel stronger and excited for the future.  I couldn’t do that without my family and friends and that is exactly what I was missing out on in life during my 5 year marriage.

Still unpacking the damn boxes,

~P.

Dear John III

Dear John,

I was surprised when you told me you were sending my check written to the moving company to domestics.  “I’m not cashing it.” you told me.

Well, you can’t cash it really, it’s written to the company.  I asked you why you were doing this and you responded in a text (impressive) with “Because you just said you’re hurting for money so I’m not cashing the check and putting it towards my child support so you don’t have to be out of the money out-of-pocket right now.”

I texted you back “Tearing up the check would b better 🙂  Most helpful 2 TT n I.”

I wasn’t surprised with your text back, “That’s not gonna happen. :-)”

“Of course not.  You enjoy seeing me struggle.”  I replied.  Loved the smiley icon in your text.  Is there a snear smiley available in your phone?

I’ll struggle but survive, even in the 96 degree weather,with no air conditioning in my car or house.  I’m sure you have the AC on at home, chilling the house.  You can always jump in our swimming pool to cool off.  I really miss that pool these days!

So, I’ll get some child support out of the check I sent you.  Maybe $85 or so out of the $106 I wrote the check for.  You’ll get $106 credited towards your child support and somehow, I suppose, not have to claim that income on the business records.  Yes, had you forced me to pay cash it would have been much easier on you.  Sorry about wanting to follow the rules in running a business.

Tesla is checking out the new house.  She says it’s beautiful.  Isn’t she just a sweetie!  Gets that from her momma!

~P.