Dear Heather,
John says you pay rent. Is that why he’s not getting any coochie-coo?
ROFLMAO,
~P.
Sep 26, 2012
Dear John~It is NOT about you
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Dear John,
I realize you probably like when I cry. Makes you feel good. I realize as much as you tell me you don’t read my blog, you most likely do. You tell me you just have to hear about it from 5 to 10 people. In reality that narrows it down to 1. You are known for your exaggerations. (Sorry to hear you’re not getting laid-you’ll remedy that)
You keep bringing up the past, while I push for the present. You claim I hurt you in the past, that I didn’t want to spend time with our daughter, that I was a drug addict, that I spent money wildly. Seriously, even if it were 100% true, what does any of that have to do with now? Our past is OVER and I have moved on. I realize you have not and you are waiting for me to say I was the one who caused our break-up. That will never happen.
Tonight you asked if I thought you were stupid. Well, I do think you are stupid but not due to the reason you asked. You seem to believe if you let Tesla spend time with me, I will file for custody. I can file whether you let her spend time with me outside the custody order or not. It’s not about what you want, it’s about what she wants. I know you listen to our conversations and hear her counting off how many days until she is with me. I’m not putting that into her head, she puts it into mine. I don’t ask her if she wants to live with me, she tells me every chance she gets. It’s not that she doesn’t love her father, she just wants to live with her mother.
You bring up how you were married for 18 years. Please -spare me, it’s already come out in court that you easily broke your marriage of 18 years to have a chance to be a father. I seriously believed you loved me and I was special.
Call me naivete or just plain stupid. I accept either.
~P.
Why do I blog about my life? To get me through it. I have a super supportive man in my life, unlike the past.
Sep 25, 2012
Can’t sleep~too many naps
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Yes I know. It’s my own fault. I napped in the library on the ugly green couch and dozed off reading a short story on my comfy red couch. It happens.
Now I can’t sleep and the wheels in my head are turning, unlike the wheels on my car. I must fix my car and hopefully, I can. That 1992 Honda Accord must last at least two more years minimum. Even longer if possible since my credit is shot in the ass and the chances of getting a loan for even a used car are slim to none.
How ironic that John just bought another truck. I guess Kelly was up his ass to get her name off the truck she bought with him. You know, back when they were SO in love and life was grand. Like the ten grand she dropped on renovating the house. That worked out good for Heather you know. She has twice as many kids as Kelly so the renovations really made moving in with John a no-brainer. Just add house and instant family!
Back to the truck…The only reason John would get rid of the truck he had, all blinged out with Delauter’s A1 Moving Helpers on the windows, would be because Kelly and him had it titled together. So yeah, that pisses me off. Why does Kelly get to free her name up from that jackass and I don’t? I can not wait for our divorce to go before the divorce master. It’s impossible not to see the delay is because he doesn’t want to or can’t settle up what he started. Don’t file for divorce if your bark turns into a whimper and you piss on yourself rolling onto your back. Unless you mean to piss on yourself…Hey to each their own.
So I will work on my car today. I watched YouTube videos on how to remove the master fuel fuse whatcha-ma-call-it and how to repair it with the solder thinger. It has been years since I soldered but I’m sure it’s like riding a bike. Speaking of bike, I am hoping for nice weather so I can ride my cycle to school. Riding is fun and I really enjoy it. My Harley is one thing I’d like to keep post divorce. Of course, John’s name is on the title also. He is SO about having joint accounts. Hell, his first wife is still on the title to his Harley. How’s all that joint account shit working out for you now John? Not so great I bet. Trust me, the feeling is mutual.
I thought writing might tire me out. It’s not working…and the tires on my car are starting to look bare, like my checking account. No worries though. I’ll get through. It’s not like the day my Mercedes was repossessed. No one is taking my Honda away, or my Harley. I just fixed my Harley so I’m feeling confident. At least until I pull the bottom of my dashboard off. 🙂
Seriously, Dale and I just finished fixing all the rust spots that plague Honda’s so it has to run again. All that bondo can not go to waste. The grinding and mixing and sanding and sweating and blood it took to make it pass inspection must prevail! Maybe I should have just let it rust. I show it some love and attention and it just lets me sit. At least I was close to home and not in say….Georgia.
I’ll figure something out, I always do.
~P.
Hoping to see Tesla on Wednesday. I have asked several times now…
Sep 7, 2012
Dear John~Softball
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Dear John,
I just didn’t have time to write yesterday. See my life is really busy with school, homework and the like. Though I planned on being at Tesla’s appointment no matter what.
I’m still shaking my head about that phone call you made to me. Something about me coming to pick up Tesla, take her to the surgeon and then run her back to the house. Oh that’s right….it’s coming back to me now. You had softball and that’s so important you didn’t want to miss it. Tesla’s appointment…eh, not so important huh?
I told Zeth you called me asking if I could pick up Tesla for her appointment.
Zeth said, “Let me guess….he has softball.” I said yep and they didn’t have a coach. Zeth’s response, “If he would have called you when he was playing softball she wouldn’t have a broken arm to start with.”
I don’t know if you moved practice up or just left early or what…..I don’t even care. What comforts me is my daughter counting down the days until we are together again.
You asked if I will be able to make her appointment when they cut the cast off and remove the pins. I certainly will make it. The real question?
Will you?
~P.
Aug 24, 2012
Dear Heather~get in line
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Dear Heather,
I realize you must insert yourself into every single part of my daughter’s life so you feel like you are someone. You even have it in your head that you’re Tesla’s step-mom and all your kids are step-siblings. Funny as Tesla only refers to Zeth and Jarrid as her brothers. Even today, when you weren’t permitted to come back for Tesla’s surgery, no one mentioned your name because you are no one but the current girlfriend in a long line of women.
When you realize that, maybe you’ll understand. In the meantime, stop telling me when Tesla goes to her father and that you are going to sue me. You sound as ridiculous as the last girlfriend that used to do the same thing. She cut ties with John when he decided to try out a boyfriend. Then again, you already know about that side of him.
So, shut up and just play your part of fill-in wife. Doesn’t make you a wife or a step-mom….just the next chick that’s laying in my bed. At least you’re not a dude.
Trust me, you won’t be the last in line.
~P.
Aug 22, 2012
Dear John~You may not want to read this
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Dear John,
There, I told you why I hurt and only asked you try to make it less. Our conversation only lasted a minute at most as it was no huge request requiring a lengthy explanation. The anger that boils over when I see you is what filled me when the love was emptied. I want to feel nothing. I wait to feel nothing. But I feel.
I’m told it’s a thin line between love and hate. I can’t say I hate you, yet I know I’m not in love. Instead, unfair and unwanted emotions fill me, torment me. Poking me like hot sticks pulled out of the fire. A fire that burned so hot and never went out, but instead is smoldering. The fuel that makes the emotions rise back into a flame are confusing and unwanted. Pain, anger and lost love.
No relationship is perfect but I tried my best. To have a marriage fail when I truly was in love is painful beyond explanation. I look back in doubt, wondering if you ever really loved me. Was I just the vehicle you controlled to reach your goals in life? I find it hard to believe you were in love with me as deeply as I loved you. It was just too easy for you to move on as I sank deeper and deeper into depression. You replaced me with woman after woman, declaring each one to be your new love, while I sat back wondering what happened to your love for me.
I made mistakes, perhaps even falling deeper into depression before seeking medical attention to help me cope with my near death experiences and the loss of our second child. It tore me up inside, feeling like a failure and hearing your voice confirm it. Why couldn’t you be there for me when I needed you the most? I never felt like I was your most important and I was right in that feeling. My tears and fears were warranted yet your focus was always on the business and making money. If I couldn’t receive a quick-fix to be a “good wife” in your eyes, you just didn’t have the time to work on the marriage. My disappointment swallows me up. The bitterness we both feel doesn’t surprise me. We had it all and it stolen from us. Pride and blame stepped in and tore us apart, letting a broken home for our child. A true shame as I believed we shared a special bond that could never be broken.
This may cause no emotion in you. If it does, most likely you will hide or deny it. You may ignore my request to not bring your girlfriend along when we have appointments and meetings concerning Tesla. I’m at least honest when I tell you it hurts having it shoved in my face. Tesla may not have her parents together anymore but in all fairness, your girlfriend does not need to be present. I’m not chasing you, begging you to remain married in some desperate wish that the pain and anger can once again be happiness and love. I don’t care to cry after every encounter that involves seeing and speaking with you. Getting through situations where we are together for the sake of Tesla is much easier without a girlfriend there. I tell myself no one will ever love you as I did because I accepted you for who and how you are. I knew all your secrets, your temper and your fears and I still loved you.
You once said your biggest fear was losing me and you couldn’t live without me. I know that is no longer true. I am sure your biggest fear now is losing Tesla. Tesla will always be our daughter and because of her, I will always have love for you. Not the deep, in love, passion I felt years ago. But the smoldering love that I cannot escape, no matter how much I pray for the fire to be extinguished.
Aug 20, 2012
It’s my blog and I’ll bitch if I want to
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I bought this blog site to write what’s on my mind. Of course it’s all my thoughts and opinions. That’s what a blog is.
Some people feel I use it to bash my future ex. Big deal! He loves to bash people right and left. The minute you’re not doing him any good, he doesn’t need you anymore.
I make friends in hopes of it being a life-long relationship. John makes friends to use them. I spent many years with this man listening to him bash his friends behind their backs.
Not just his friends but his family, employees and anyone else he wants to bash. John can look you in the face and tell you how great you are and two minutes later have a list of what’s wrong with you, your life, you career, your work ethics, your children, your looks, where you live…etc. etc. etc.
I should have realized this when I first met him: When a man’s momma wants nothing to do with him (and now his grandchild because of him) that’s a telltale sign. Those family members who do talk to him, are just using him in return. How often did people call and want to come visit us when we were together? Never. In fact, people would tell me the reason they didn’t come around is because of who I married.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Interestingly the sheriff was just here. I was served papers a few days ago by a different sheriff for the credit card accounts that have been left unpaid. This time they were looking for someone else. I wouldn’t have been surprised if they were serving me papers for another outstanding loan, one that is part of the marital debt.
Wells Fargo keeps sending me notices that the mortgage isn’t paid. John has money for trips, softball, girlfriends, jewelry, clothes, new truck, and Lord knows what else that I’m not aware of. Just no money to pay the mortgage, credit card debts and loans on the four-wheelers he insisted on buying when we were still together. He’s even added more four-wheelers to his collection as the household has exploded in size with his current girlfriend and her children.
Am I angry? Hell yeah. I didn’t quit my career of 11 years with the state, sell my house and car to be treated like shit. I gave this man everything I had in me and he took it and expected more. He is impossible to please and will throw anyone under the bus to save his ass.
Want to comment and defend John…feel free. The only people who have ever claimed I was the problem in the marriage were those under John’s thumb.
The only people who come to John defense (other than his overpaid lawyers) are his girlfriend, secretary and softball players. Pretty sad.
My blog, my opinion.
~P.
Aug 19, 2012
Dear John~aka Mr. Know It All
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Dear John,
You wonder why I get so pissed off at you. Did you ever stop to think it’s because you firmly believe you know everything but when it’s convenient, you plead ignorance? This morning is a great example.
Dale and I stayed up late watching movies (which you probably know since my Facebook is so closely followed by you and your minions) and I forgot to plug my cellphone in. So this morning when you have Tesla at the playground (and I’m really curious if it was you or Heather since I know Heather takes Tesla to church, not you) and she falls off the monkey bars, you resort to calling Walt to notify me that Tesla is injured.
Really, the only person you know how to get in contact with is my father? Not that long ago, you had your lawyer pursing Dale as a convicted felon. You knew his first, middle and last name, birthday, address etc. in an attempt to keep Tesla away from me, yet you don’t have Dale’s phone number? I know I’ve called you from Dale’s phone. He’s also in the phone book. It’s also all over his truck in large letters advertising his computer business. Amazing how you manage to know everything you possible can about Dale and I except how to contact him if there is an emergency and I can’t be reached.
So you have Dale’s number now that I’ve called you and made a point of you saving it for emergency purposes. Dale would never have a problem with you calling his cell to relay a message about Tesla. Unlike that bitch of a girlfriend you continue to entertain. Heather doesn’t want me to EVER call or text her cell, even when she has Tesla because your off doing whatever it is that makes you happy at the moment. It’s well-known how you do what you want, when you want. Hell, you even do who you want with no consequences because you are the king, top dog and big man of your universe.
Now Tesla has a broken left arm. Not just broken and a cast, but broken so badly she has to have surgery tomorrow. You knew how much I wanted to see my baby girl this morning at the hospital but would you allow me to come in and see her. Oh hell no. She was being discharged and you were leaving immediately even though I was already on the way in. I said I’d come get her at the house if you weren’t going to wait and you shot that down also.
Our daughter breaks her arm and you won’t even let me see her. That’s sad John. Instead, you make her and I wait until the court appointed time of 7PM tonight. Does that make you feel like you’re in control? Not allowing mother and daughter to see one another after she suffers a traumatic experience.
The only thing that kept me from completely losing my temper was speaking to Tesla and hearing the pain medication was helping her. I guess until I pick her up tonight I will remain in the dark concerning what really happened. Tesla reassured me I can get her at 7 PM, clearly you already pumped that into her head.
I managed to raise two boys who never broke a bone, yet you and your lawyer are constantly doubting my parenting abilities. Every serious injury Tesla has had happened on your watch. From four-wheeler accidents to broken arms….maybe it’s time custody is heard by a judge once again. This time, I’m bringing back-up. ~P.
Jul 27, 2012
Dear John~you suck at lying
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Dear John,
By now I would think you’d realize lying to me is a waste of time. I can see right through your bullshit, even if it’s the thickest bullshit ever. Did you think I was going to get a big surprise when you showed up at Tesla and my doctor appointment? I wasn’t surprised. You’ll always be my stalker, married to you or divorced. How do I know that? Because you’ll never get over the fact that I don’t want you.
Did you think I would say, “Oh, sure! Come on in with Tesla and I for our doctor appointment!” as if we are still happily married and share personal information as married couples do? I only told you I was taking Tesla to the doctor because the custody order states I must do so. Obviously you called the doctors to find out what time our appointments were so you could just show up. When I said you should try notifying me when you take Tesla to the doctor, you response was, “Oh, one time I didn’t tell you.” I lost count of how many times you whisked her off to the doctor without informing me.
I can pull out her medical records and check. See I get informed when you take her and I’m not present. Dr. Carl feels strongly that I should have copies of the appointments because you like to give me incorrect information.
For example, you told me you took her when she fell off the four-wheeler and Dr. C said she was fine. That was a lie. In fact, Carl said you never even mentioned she fell or that she had pain in her neck. Of course you insisted he did diagnose her concerning the fall. Dr. C gave me a print-out of Tesla’s visit as proof that you never mentioned it.
Then there was that rush appointment concerning the bruising on her arms. You took her out of school to rush her to the doctors telling Carl I was accusing you of abusing Tesla. Wow, that was a lie too. I didn’t say YOU were doing it, but then again, you never had a problem grabbing a hold of me when I didn’t see things your way.
Most recently was the appointment for poison ivy. It says right in the notes that Tesla got tangled up in the woods riding four-wheelers and caught a very nasty rash. Before I even knew about the appointment, Tesla told me this: “Daddy says not to tell you I got poison riding in the woods because you will say I can’t ride the four-wheeler.” Now you want Tesla to lie for you? Wow, there’s parenting skills. Teaching your child how to lie to her mother.
When I commented on your new truck today, I couldn’t help but wonder how the hell you can afford a new vehicle. Our mortgage is still way behind to the tune of over $5,000. Not that it would stop you from spending money. You LOVE money and spending it. It always bothered you that I wasn’t on board to blow wads of money on frivolous items. I’ve been pretty good at making predictions since you filled for divorce almost four years ago. I predict my future to be sunny and bright, landing a job after I complete college with flying colors and Tesla is living with me, as she has requested since day one. I’m not seeing that for you…but keep spending that money you don’t report on your taxes. It will catch up to you eventually.
You’ll need to pay for Tesla’s lunches once school starts again. You get enough freebies from the state by putting me in the situation where I can’t get a divorce from your sorry ass. What freebies? Tesla’s doctors appointments and medications are all covered by welfare. Remember when you had to pay out-of-pocket for all our doctor appointments and medications? Very costly so keeping me in divorce limbo has more benefits to you than going forward with the divorce. Once that divorce
If you can afford to have a girlfriend and her four kids in our house, you certainly can afford you own child’s lunch. You were able to afford dragging me to court and lying to get custody. That means you are responsible for the costs incurred from having custody of Tesla. I could be a complete asshole and cancel all assistance Tesla gets, but that wouldn’t be fair to her. I have her best interest in mind. You only think of yourself and your head and I’m not talking about the one on your shoulders.
Tesla also told me for the second time that you are not letting her call me when she asks. I never restrict her calls to you. If anything I urge her to call you. You should be doing the same instead of trying to make her forget she has a mother. Heather is NOT her step-mother and her kids aren’t Tesla’s step-siblings. At the rate you are going they never will be. Even Heather says she doesn’t know if she would marry you. I guess living with you is good enough….if she even still wants to do that. Tough when you learn about the dark side of your boyfriend but you have no where else to go.
Stick to lying to Heather. She might believe you.
~P.
girlboxer1970 