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Feb 24, 2012

Scheduled Control

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What is scheduled control?

When a person (A) in power feels he or she must strictly schedule another persons (B) day.   The amount of power held by A varies, depending on the relationship held with B.

For Example:

1.  John (A) has a large amount of power over Tesla (B) because A is the father of B and has a court order that A believes empowers him to:

a. Rigidly set B a schedule that allows very small amounts of personal time for B to make a choice in how her time is spent.

b. Making a schedule for B that is so vague it is clear A is exercising coercive power to avoid allowing B the opportunity to make a choice in how her time is spent.

2.  John (A) has a large amount of power over Pattie (C) because A is the husband of C and B is the daughter of A and C.

a.  Majority of  attempts by C to contact  A results in continual avoidance of answering the text messages, email and phone calls.

b. A regularly asserts power over B and C by changing the schedule of B at a moments notice to cause distress to C.

3.  Pattie (C) will in time, have a large amount of power over C because eventually A is going to fuck up so bad that B will be disgusted by his pathetic attempt to control her schedule.

a. Result hypothesis:  A and C= Happy    B=Sad

THAT is what scheduled control is!

~P.

P.S.  Yes, I wrote all that myself.  A little bit of psych, a little bit of human communication and a large dose of controlling personalities.   Maybe “scheduled control” will become a new psychology term.  I didn’t bother to look if it might be one already.  🙂

 

Filed Under: College, Divorce, John, Tesla · Tagged: , , ,
Feb 21, 2012

Dear Heather~OMG!

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Come on out and chat!

Dear Heather,

Guess who popped up in my life?  Give up?  A skeleton of yours has come out of the closet and wow, I am in shock.

So much more makes sense to me now.  Things that were a mystery have been solved, and it’s not pretty.  Not pretty at all.

As far as I’m concerned you don’t deserve to be in my daughter’s life.  I wonder how much of your past you were honest about with my husband.  I can only imagine how that conversation went.

Heather:  I cheated on my husband.

John:  I cheated on my wife.

Heather:  I own a home with my husband.

John:  I own one with my wife.

Heather:  I have four children.

John:  I have one, but would love four more.

Heather:  I am still married.

John:  I am still married!

In unison: OMG!! We are perfect for each other!

How much does John know about your past?  He does like to think of himself as the “saver of women” so maybe that was part of the appeal.  He might even go as far as to think he is the “Savior of Women” in his mind.

You might not have a record Heather, but you do have skeletons in your closet.  I think I have been giving you credit you don’t deserve.  You and John could compete for the number of skeletons you have in the closets.

There are many closets to come out of.

Creeeeeeeeeeeek,

~P.

Filed Under: Divorce, Heather, John · Tagged: , , , , , , , ,
Feb 19, 2012

Jellybeans and Divorce

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Friday was a great day.  After my day on campus ended I drove to Windsor.  A brief stop to sign Tesla’s release papers and I was on my way to her school.

In Ms. Dettinger’s class we first worked on their journals.  I get a kick out of the students writing in their journals.  They come up with very creative sentences.

After journals, they worked on filling out graphs. Ms. Dettinger’s graphs were illustrated with Hershey Kisses, gum drops and jellybeans.  She made this more exciting by having real candy to fill the squares of the graph accordingly.  This type of learning the kids really were into: 4 Hershey Kisses, 6 jellybeans and 3 gumdrops.  Tesla shared hers with me!

Last night after her and I cleaned up from playing with playdoh, I posted pictures of two “doh sculptures.”  Tesla asked to watch the video of her stuffing speghetti into her mouth.  She recognized the island as the one in John and my house.

Tesla said, “I want you to live in the house with Daddy.” and I replied, “I did live there with your Daddy but not anymore.’

“Why?” she asked and I said, “We aren’t in love anymore, but we love you.”

This morning I woke up from a dream:

John and I had been arguing over many jellybeans were in our house.

Dreams are weird,

~P.

Filed Under: Divorce, Dreams, John · Tagged: , , , , ,
Feb 17, 2012

The Agreements

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The Agreements

If I wanted to visit with Tesla, I had to sign. My six short visits.

Sigh,
~P.

Filed Under: John, Tesla · Tagged: , ,
Feb 16, 2012

Who is smart?!

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John doesn’t read email and Heather doesn’t know how to open email. (yeah ok)  I would have believed it if she said “I can’t spell.”

 

LaDonna is on her honeymoon and John had to work today.  I’m surprised the world didn’t end….  Yes, John worked on a job!  Maybe he short on employees…I hope the job went better than some of the more recent ones.

 

Maybe my son is smarter than me, as John said to my face tonight.  Jarrid realized what a piece of —- John was way before I did.

Really, for not reading my blog or his emails, John sure knows what’s going on in my life.  John is just as obsessed with me now as the day he met me.  Sorry it didn’t work out.  Actually, I’m not sorry.  Thank God I got away.

Furthermore,  it’s sad that Tesla has to ride home in a work truck (must smell like stinky men) just because her dad has control issues and won’t let her ride with her cousin, Blaine and me.  Blaine and Tesla were in different gymnastic classes so they didn’t even get to talk.  The ride to back to her dad’s would have given them 10-15 minutes to chat.  But, no.  Daddy can’t let Tesla talk to her family.

 

Even though Tesla was in tears because she couldn’t ride with her mom, John didn’t care.  Of course he will blame it on me, saying I upset Tesla.  The child misses her mother but obviously her father and his current girlfriend don’t care.  Heather, you make me laugh when you tell people there is never a dull moment.  No shit, you signed up for it.  I almost can’t wait for your divorce and my divorce to go through.  Why?  Too see if the two of you actually get married.  Baaahaaaaahaaaaaa!  You know he is all yours!  I bet Dale and I marry before the two of you, because Dale is SINGLE and waiting to marry me!

 

Oh….I will never sign a divorce agreement that doesn’t completely remove my name from every document that currently holds John and I together.  So NO Heather, I won’t be signing off my house to you.  I realize that is your goal.

There should be NO reason Tesla can not go home with me right after school on Friday.  I will be at the school volunteering and Eastern has an dismissal making it much easier for her and I to be on our way after the school day.

Bullshit as usual,

~P.

Filed Under: Divorce, Heather, John · Tagged: , , ,
Feb 11, 2012

Dear John~ Thanks

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Dear John,

Just a quick note for you today.  I know you will get it as Heather is right on top of my writing.

Thank you for calling this morning and letting me know in a reasonable amount of time that you would not be taking Tesla to gymnastics.  I don’t blame the kids for wanting to play in the snow over going to the gym.  I guess my only concern would be, “if they are all sick, why play outside in the cold?”

So the girls are all going to gymnastics on Monday and Wednesday.  I’ve already asked if I can spend some time with Tesla on at least one of those days.  I realize it’s not part of her schedule, put it should be.

Also I have the Valentine’s Day cards her and I made for her class.  I’ll send them with Tesla on Monday, for school on Tuesday.

Please, let’s really focus on what’s best for Tesla.  She needs to regularly see me and her blood-related family that will never change over her life.  I will treat you with respect if you can do the same for me.  That includes keeping your girlfriend on a short leash.  I appreciate what she does do for Tesla, but I don’t appreciate her desire to tell me what I can and can’t do.

Thank you,

~P.

Filed Under: Divorce, Heather, John, Tesla · Tagged: , ,
Feb 10, 2012

Reviews

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Recent reviews for Delauter’s A1 Moving Helpers.

Report Date: October 28, 2010

Company Name:
DELAUTER’S A-1 MOVING HELPERS
Category:
Moving
Services Performed:
Yes
* More Weight is given to a report where work has been completed.
Work Completed Date:
October 07, 2010
Last Modified Date:
November 23, 2010
Hire Again:
No
Approximate Cost:
$4,100.00
Home Build Year:
1994
Description Of Work:
I originally met and spoke with the owner, John Delauter.  During our first meeting he brought his 4-year-old daughter that I had to entertain just to keep her quite so that he could do his estimate/job.  That should have been my first red flag but having a daughter myself, I understand how children can be.   But come on this is your business; find a sitter while you’re out doing your quotes…. Now before I go any further with my complaints, I will tell you that I am the easiest person to get along with and to work with.  Now with that being said, we came up with a price originally he quoted me $4,300.00.  Which I thought was outrageous.  He said ok then if you pay cash I will give you a break and charge $4,100.00.  He thought giving me one flat rate would be best. (I wanted to make note that I wrote my check out to his name at 11 am for the full amount and he had already cashed it before 12 noons.)  And that was before anything had taken place.  My move was from York, Pa.  To Crisfield, Md., which is about a 4 hour, drive.  So for that price, it included packing up my one bedroom apartment, which is only less than 400 square feet total.  I don’t keep a lot of clutter so the packing really didn’t take long.  It included 3 packers that came the following day, October 7, 2010. They had me packed up within a few hours.  I wasn’t around to see them pack up and when I returned, all the boxes were already stacked in the hallway so I couldn’t see what they had written on them.  The price included a 24ft truck, and 3 movers. With stops and pickup of additional furniture at Windsor (sectional sofa) which was up the street from him, then another stop on Carlisle road, (dining room set) then our final pick up was in Hanover, pa to pick up my roommates belongings which consisted of boxes, a grill and some additional smaller pieces of furniture.  Well when we got to Hanover, they quickly informed me that they didn’t have much room left so we had to end of leaving most of my new roommates boxes/furniture behind.  So I will now have to hire someone else to move those items and pay even more money on top of all the money I just paid out to John Delauter A1 Moving Helpers.   From Hanover we were on our way to Maryland.  To our new house, which they were supposed to go to and deliver our furniture in the rooms, provided for boxes/furniture that should have been marked for easy delivery.  It was anything but.
Member Comments:
Now the real problems.  I was elated with this company in the beginning I couldn’t praise them enough… then it all turned around, it all began when we were about to leave and I ask them do they know where they were going??  They looked at each other as if was crazy or something…and said no one gave use any direction.  Now as a professional company that I had assumed had done many of moves before would of had a GPS or something…no.they had nothing… so I told them to follow me… well they were driving about 40 miles per hour and at that rate we would of gotten at our destination at midnight.  So after I got to where I knew where I was going, I called them and told them to take my GPS and I would meet them there.  Immediately they got lost cause they didn’t know how to use the very user friendly GPS.  I helped them get back on track and continued on…. As I was pulled over waiting for them to find us so that we could give them my GPS, a women was broke down with her car…. her phone was dead so I elected to stay behind to help them till AAA got there.  Well that put them about a 1/2 hour ahead of me…so I call my sister-in-law ahead of time and ask her to ask them to please wait 15 mins that I would soon be there…they said no we are going to start moving her stuff/boxes into the house… she can move them where ever she wants them when she decides … they have a job at 6am in the morning and they have a long drive home cause they have over a 1000 boxes they have to move tomorrow morning…When I did arrived as indicated 15 to 20 mins later I walked into my house, which was my first time ever being in the house, it looked like a bomb had went off.  Boxes were scattered everywhere… furniture just sitting in the middle of each room… I ask the guys if they were going to help me put the furniture where it should be and they looked at each other like I was crazy for even asking them…I was scared to ask them to do anything cause if I did I felt they were going to bite my head off…There was absolutely no supervision whatsoever…I was later told that the one that one playing catch/ball with the neighborhood kids while passing my furniture to the other two guys, was suppose to be the supervisor.  This was a big surprise to me.  They finally got all my furniture/boxes in my house but not before causing damage, which I took many pictures of including the way everything looked when they were done.  The boxes were marked so bad that it literally took 2 weeks to sort thought the boxes to figure out where everything was suppose to go.  My hardwood floors that had just been rebuffed and shined had scratches and marks from dragging stuff instead of picking up the furniture/boxes.  There were nicks and scratches on most of the walls… I had to hire painters at my expense to get things back to the way the landlord had it.  Again another expense out of my pocket.   I have to hire someone to rebuff the hardwood floors, which is another expense to me.  They also cracked the showerhead, which now leaks, and the shower rod that was a special order, which cost over $200.00, was bent and had to be replaced.  They bent this probably rushing to take it down.  This move by far has cost me more than a down payment on a new house.  Let me give you an example of how some of the boxes were labeled.  Curtins (yes that is how it was spelled.) and instead of taking my curtains down, folding them and putting the rods in separate box…they wrapped the curtains around the rods and stuffed the in a box altogether.  Another box labeled: Cloth? Odds and ends, Kitchen but never put what was in box. Pantry, Food, cloths from bedroom. Cleaners, living room, again non-specific, Connie’s Stuff.  Everything was Connie’s stuff…so that made no sense.  So you can see why it took 2 weeks to go through everything…I had to start putting my own bed together cause if I didn’t I wouldn’t of had a place to sleep.  They were very little help…so that I could motivate them I ran out and got them drinks, offered food. Anything to keep them from complaining…. this has been by far the worst experience I have ever had with a company… So all in all they did about 20 hours worth of work.  When it was time for them to leave they were so worried that they were going to get lost so I even had to give the my GPS so that they wouldn’t get lost.  However, If I didn’t keep calling/texting, I don’t think they would of even of sent me back my GPS.  Just where do these companies come from????   So the way I see it they charged me $200.00 per hour.  So I went on line and also call a couple of other companies only to be told of how I got ripped off…that they saw me coming a mile away.  I understand that the going rate for 3 packers and one truck is about 95.00 per hour.   So I should have been charge only $1805.00 at the most.  And then on top of it they didn’t complete the entire move.   So I still have to go back to PA and hire someone to get the rest of my roommate’s items that they didn’t have room on the truck.  What also really angers me is I could of paid my 3 brothers $500.00 each.  And rented a Pensky Truck. (Which is what they pulled up in) so I could of done this whole move for under 1500.00 not $4100.00.  These people really ripped me off.   Had I got good service, and they didn’t do damage and had the called me back when I called to complain, and resolved my complaints then I wouldn’t be so angry about this whole situation.  The owner of the company won’t return my calls, all he has done is throw me onto one of his packers, which she promise she would talk with him and call me back.  When I didn’t hear back from her for a week, I decided to text him and then he responded to my text and when I ask him to call me he stopped texting.  That has been the extent of our conversation.  He hasn’t offered to take care of damages even though he claims to be insured and has offered no refund what so ever… I will never, ever use them nor refer them to anyone…. and every change I get unless I get some resolution, I will tell as many people as I can about this company… don’t let those testimonies fool you.  I made the mistake in believing them…don’t you do the same…thanks. This company completely misrepresented themselves.  Please just so you don’t end up kicking  yourself iyour you know what daily…DO NOT AND I REPEAT DO NOT EVER USE THESE PEOPLE…EVER!!!

                      Stay As Far Away As Possible

Would give negative stars if possible. Hungover; broke items, took multitude breaks,complained, etc. all while being paid BY THE HOUR. Nice scam if you can get it.

September 30, 2011 by Lise Morin in York, PA

BAD, BAD, BAD Unethical owner & Company

Unfortunately you can’t give 0 stars to this sham of a company. John DeLauter makes all kinds of claims about the people he has moved, mostly attorneys & judges. He broke into my home without a court order and removed premarital items. After the judge ordered the items returned to the inside of my home to be inventoried for 30 days, he dumped them all of them in my driveway. DON’T TRUST HIM WITH ANYTHING HE SAYS.

January 14, 2012 by Frank Ferrentino in York, PA

 

Terrible Company and owner

He defied a court order to move the entire contents from a garage into the basement of an enclosed area, instead dumped the entire contents in the driveway of our property where the Judge had ordered we had 30 days to inventory it. We had to hire a reputable Company at our expense to move the items to our basement through Bilco doors. He wanted more money to perform a task he was supposed to do from the start. When you hear the name of John DeLauter, run as fast as possible!!!

January 16, 2012 by Madeline Mastro in Millville, NJ
Overall F
Price F
Quality F
Responsiveness F
Punctuality F
Professionalism F
Dispute Status: Penalty Box
Filed Under: John ·
Feb 9, 2012

Is she sick?

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I went to gymnastics tonight, looking forward to seeing Tesla practice.  I arrived early and was working on my Spanish while I waited for Tesla to arrive with her father. (Originally, I thought I would get her after school.  That was not permitted.)  Then I thought I would at least get to drive her home  after practice.

Well, that didn’t happen either.  At 5:52 PM I get a text from John.

“No gymnastics tonight all children have upset stomachs.”

Are you serious?  Eight minutes before gymnastics starts he texts me they aren’t coming.  I wrote back, “Why did you wait until now to tell me!?  I am at gym already.”  He didn’t respond which I expected. I called.  Voicemail.  😦

I texted him “Please let tt call me.”  No response.

I tried calling again.  Voicemail.  I let a message asking what is wrong with all the children?  Tesla had been complaining of stomach pains over my weekend with her.  I let her father know about the pain, low grade fever and what medication I gave her.  He called me later, asking again because Tesla was still hurting.

At 8:10 I texted “Please have tt call me.”  No response.

I have the right to speak to my daughter.  The right to know what is wrong with her and if she is going to be taken to see our doctor.

AND

I want to say goodnight to my child, especially if she doesn’t feel good.

 

~P.

 

Filed Under: John, Tesla · Tagged: , ,
Feb 8, 2012

Dear John~ domestics debacle

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Letters he nevers learns from

Dear John,

It wasn’t good to see you this morning.  I’m sure you felt the same way.

I was surprised when you came alone.  No lawyer in tow today?  I wonder why that is…did you feel you had everything under control yourself?  Or your lawyers weren’t available?  Your lawyers quit?  My lawyer sent him a letter back in December and so far, no response.  You know, I had a lawyer quit a couple of years back when this divorce process was started….by you.  He quit shortly after you emptied our entire house of everything and didn’t tell me.  Was I really surprised you did that?  No.  I didn’t have Tesla with me when I went there for the first time.  I thank God I didn’t because I don’t know how I would have explained where everything was.  You took out everything in 24 hours, even Tesla’s belongings.  I have pictures of this pathetic attempt to control things in the house.  Any respect I still had for you vanished that day.

Back to domestics, did you notice this time Carla was actually showing interest in what exactly our marriage situation is?  Perhaps they are going to look a little deeper at our case?  Or, maybe she was just being nosey ya know?  Asking the questions she did.  You have to admit, it is all fascinating.  The only draw back: it’s our life and what’s left of “our life” is just wrapping it up.  It really pisses me off that I am no longer entitled to alimony because I have a man living in my home. What kind of bullshit is that?  I’m not married to Dale, I’m married to YOU.  It’s not even about the money since it wasn’t that much.  It’s just the damn point.

What blows my mind is that you are going to file for child support.  Even Carla seemed surprised that you are insisting on holding me to pay you support.  You really do want it all don’t you?  The business, the house, our child and support payments to boot.  I tried to talk to you about support and you just refuse to even listen.  All you have to do is sign a piece of paper saying you do not request support.  Is that really asking too much?  The amount you would receive will be just as sad as my hourly rate.  It’s ironic that when we met, you told me to tell my son’s father he didn’t have to pay me the $200 a month support for Jarrid and Zeth.  Do you remember?  Saying to me, “$200 dollars a month is nothing.”  When I asked you what you thought I should have to pay you, your response was, “That’s up to the courts to decide.”  Since when do you want a court to decide anything?!

SO,  instead of me  wasting my time “looking for a job” or making a pitiful hourly wage, just realize how this will affect Tesla.    This will take away my availability to see Tesla, to study hard to keep my GPA high, and take care of my home.  Those are my “jobs” and  I have taken school loans out to the tune of $15,000 so far just to pay rent and live.  Oh, since we are still married, you are responsible for half….

Please take a moment and really think this over.  What’s best for Tesla is to spend time with her parents.  What is best for any child is to spend time with their parents and since we are separated we have to split her time.  It should be as equal as we can make it while living in different school districts.  I’ve never kept Tesla from you and ask that you would do the same for me.  She needs her mother to be part of her schedule, not an after-thought, every other weekend.  The more she sees me, the easier it will be for her to accept that she has to live with you.  She said to me that she told you she wanted to live with me and you told her “no.” Yes, legally, she is in your “custody” and you don’t have to share that time with me.   It is just selfish that you don’t want to.  I don’t ask for unreasonable amounts of time to see Tesla or even over night.  That threat you made, “You better drop this or I won’t let you see her except for every other weekend.”  You are threatening me with seeing her less, because I am asking to see her more than every other weekend.  Why would I drive there if she had no interest in going away with me?  She wants to see me.

There is no reason we can’t work out a schedule for Tesla and I to spend time together on a regular basis.

There is no reason I should have to get a part-time job to pay you support when every cent our moving company makes, you keep.

There is no reason Dale should be held responsible for me when I am still fucking married to you.

I am not saying I think you should have to pay child support to me.  What I am saying is: I think you are requesting child support just to be a jerk.  To make my life harder, which seems to make you happy.  I get that you want me to know you are “in control” of Tesla.  The person who doesn’t get it, is Tesla.  Our divorce is causing too much stress on her.

Let’s make a goal for 2012.  All four of us should try to get divorced from our spouses so we can get on with our lives.  Maybe then, Dale and I CAN get married!

I pray every night for this part of our lives to be finalized.  God doesn’t answer my prayers any faster than your lawyer answers letters.

See you tomorrow 🙂

~P.

Tesla and I are looking forward to Wednesday afternoon and spending time together.  Please allow her and I to spend a few hours together before gymnastics.  It really means a lot to her.

P.S.  I just got off the phone with you.  How dare you tell me to get a job and help support our daughter?  The nerve of you to tell me times are tough when you just took a week’s vacation before Christmas.  You haven’t paid any support since November yet I survived.  Now you don’t have to pay support at all and I will survive.   I can not believe you said “all this time you have to volunteer in Tesla’s class, you could be working.”  It’s crystal clear you are limiting my time with Tesla because you have been “granted” power by Judge Dorney.   You said it yourself on the phone, just now, because you don’t want me part of her routine.

It saddens me that you just don’t get that you are hurting Tesla.  What she says is HER words.  I don’t “tell” her what to say nor do I put ideas in her head.  I give her honest answers to her questions and anything I say, she is free to tell you.    I don’t listen in on your conversations, nor limit how long you talk to Tesla.  You on the other hand, do both.    You have given me permission to take Tesla home after gymnastics.  If that’s all the time you will allow me, I guess there is nothing I can do.  It’s Tesla who will be disappointed she can’t go to dinner with her cousin Blaine because she has to eat dinner at home, on schedule, as a family.  In my humble opinion (which I realize means nothing to you) she should have a night during the week when I can pick her up and we can do things with her cousin, brothers, friends, etc.

Like I said at domestics today, in the long run you’ll see the error in your ways.  You should retake the Kids First Class.  http://girlboxer1970.com/2011/07/11/kids-first/  I really don’t think you learned a damn thing.

Also, since you claim not to read my blog, I will email this to you.  That way you, Heather and LaDonna can all have the opportunity to read it together.

~P.

Filed Under: Dale, Divorce, Family, John, Tesla · Tagged: , , , , , ,
Feb 3, 2012

Volunteering

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This is just a little bit weird to me but…..nothing surprises me.

I just spoke with the principal at Tesla’s school.  Suddenly, there is no restriction to my volunteering.  I may come anyday, whether John volunteers that day or not.  The principal made it sound as though there had been miscommunication between her and Ms. Dettinger.  I don’t think it was a communication problem between the two of them….but Ms. Dettinger seems to have been thrown under the bus.

The principal said, “You both are equally allowed to come to the school.  As adults, there should not be an issue.”

I most certainly agreed with her.  I am relieved and thrilled to feel welcome in Tesla’s classroom again.

One in my favor,

~P.

Filed Under: Divorce, John, Tesla · Tagged: ,
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