Dear John III

Dear John,

I was surprised when you told me you were sending my check written to the moving company to domestics.  “I’m not cashing it.” you told me.

Well, you can’t cash it really, it’s written to the company.  I asked you why you were doing this and you responded in a text (impressive) with “Because you just said you’re hurting for money so I’m not cashing the check and putting it towards my child support so you don’t have to be out of the money out-of-pocket right now.”

I texted you back “Tearing up the check would b better 🙂  Most helpful 2 TT n I.”

I wasn’t surprised with your text back, “That’s not gonna happen. :-)”

“Of course not.  You enjoy seeing me struggle.”  I replied.  Loved the smiley icon in your text.  Is there a snear smiley available in your phone?

I’ll struggle but survive, even in the 96 degree weather,with no air conditioning in my car or house.  I’m sure you have the AC on at home, chilling the house.  You can always jump in our swimming pool to cool off.  I really miss that pool these days!

So, I’ll get some child support out of the check I sent you.  Maybe $85 or so out of the $106 I wrote the check for.  You’ll get $106 credited towards your child support and somehow, I suppose, not have to claim that income on the business records.  Yes, had you forced me to pay cash it would have been much easier on you.  Sorry about wanting to follow the rules in running a business.

Tesla is checking out the new house.  She says it’s beautiful.  Isn’t she just a sweetie!  Gets that from her momma!

~P.

Math, M&Ms and more

How to calculate in chocolate

Done!  Done!  Done!

Just finished up my math homework.  My professor lent me his extra calculator this afternoon.  How kind is that?!  I had one that someone else had bought me, but that one wasn’t “scientific” enough to handle these advanced math problems.  I decided to use M&Ms to calculate but that didn’t last long.  Too Tempting!

A friend brought me the M&M’s yesterday, the ones with pretzels inside.  They are pretty damn good.  On a completely different note,  I’m currently experiencing gas problems. (Not to be confused with the gas on the first day I blogged at http://girlboxer1970.com/2011/01/21/its-just-gas-it-to-will-pass/ )  Columbia Gas was called on Thursday about my gas needs.  What do they say?  They can have it hooked up in a week.  A week?

It has been less than 3 days since I moved here and I am over the cold showers and stove that just won’t light.  It is hot out, but straight cold showers over the past 3 days SUCKS!  My entire body gets covered in goosebumps and I try to not bite myself as I shiver.  Forget about shaving!  I could die a slow death from all the nick marks on my legs!

Just half an hour and I leave to get Tesla.  I miss her so much!  Of course there’s always that feeling I get when I have to drive to my old house to pick her up. (http://girlboxer1970.com/2011/03/30/that-sinking-feeling/ )  Tesla is worth driving to my old home, talking to John, talking to John’s girlfriend, rarely seeing my dog I couldn’t take, Vic.

Everything I do is to improve my life for my daughter’s sake.

TT time soon!

~P.

Dear John II

Dear John,

I realize you might not read this right away as you all are on vacation.  I hope it’s going great!

Things are going well back in PA for me.  I’m surrounded by half unpacked boxes that are staring me down, wondering when I’ll finish emptying them.  This weekend has been incredibly productive in many ways.  Tesla and I now have a house of our own.  My friends and family were here for me on moving day and one of our employees that I just met.  His name was Randy and he did fantastic work on the job.  I was happy to give him a $20 tip for this excellent work.  The actual cost of my move is on an invoice.  It’s a strange feeling signing an invoice as a customer instead of as the owner.  Remember when I ordered those first set of company invoices?   Instructed the printing company what the company name was, our address and phone number?  It was exciting seeing the company develop into a legitimate business!

Back to paying for my move, I began writing the check out to the company name and Randy stopped me saying I had to pay cash.  Where the hell is that coming from John?  Why do I have to pay cash?  You afraid my check might bounce as you know how little you send every other week for child support and alimony?

“I’m writing the check to the company.  I have an invoice.” I tell Randy, my A1 moving helper.

“John said you were to pay in cash.”  Randy suddenly looked like a deer caught in the headlights.  Poor guy, I could tell he was already shook up.

“I don’t care what John said, I’m writing a check, but I do have a $20 tip in cash for you.”  I responded, feeling bad for my employee.  I had become the unco-operative customer who was going to do what she wanted, regardless of what he said.

“I have to call John, because I need the cash and $40 of it goes for the fuel in the truck.” Randy said.  He looked absolutely miserable knowing he had to make this phone call.

“Okey Dokey,” I replied.  “If you want, I can call him.  I know the number.” I offered.

“No, I’ll call.”  He declined, but I knew I would wind up having to talk to John no matter who dialed the cell number.  I wonder if Randy has John listed as #2 on his speed dial?  Though I rarely use it other than calling Tesla, he still makes #2, after the voice mail.  Someday, Tesla’s phone number will be my #2.

Randy calls John and tells him I want to write a check.  Isn’t that how it IS supposed to work in the business of being a mover?  You move me, I write a check to pay you.  Sure I got a HUGE discount on my move.  Randy at his hourly rate and $40 fuel surcharge.  That was a great deal and I have no complaints, other than FREE would have been ever better.  I mean, I did find the truck we used, online for our company.  Infact, I think all 3 of our trucks in service, I picked out and you agreed they would make good business purchases for the company.  Heck, I issued the first check making the payments on it, at one time in life.  Regardless, the move was completed and I could not be happier with the results.

What I do have a problem with is you wanting me to write the check not to the company but to Randy himself.  I realize I am throwing a wrench in the works with you being away from the office, already on the road the camp.  (Wow, you are camping?  Remember this blog? http://girlboxer1970.com/2011/03/02/i-used-to-camp-then-the-sheraton-became-toughing-it/ )  Now wait a minute here, I couldn’t use the truck without having Randy because of workers compensation and if I would wreck….  Yeah, ok I didn’t argue as this move was as legit as I could afford.  $103 to move stuff 3/10 of a mile with a second trip to Dover for my shit that’s been in storage since Feb of 2009.  It’s a good deal, but one I’m writing a check for.

“Just let me talk to him,” I said for about the 3rd time, reaching my hand out to Randy for the damn cell phone.  I was seconds away from just calling myself if he didn’t part with his cell soon.

“Ok.”  Handing me his phone, Randy wasn’t looking happy at all.  Not only did he have to call the big boss because the “invisible boss from the past” was suddenly present and making things seem complicated, but he KNEW there was only a check in the near future.

“Hello John” I greeted you on Randy’s phone.  At this point, I really don’t remember if you got any words in.

Why?  Because I immediately reminded you that I had an invoice for my move and I was writing a check to the company.  There was no way in hell I was writing a check to the employee and nothing you said was changing my mind and I hung up.  Well, actually I just handed the phone back to Randy who was staring at me in disbelief.  I guess he never heard anyone tell the Boss John what was going to happen.

That’s the beauty of my life now.  I swear I am SO over being told by you how my life should be run.  Just enjoy how your life is now and let’s get this divorce over.  Then you can rush into marrying Heather and start all over again, like last time.

Back opening boxes of my life’s little treasures, and having the memories poke me with sharp little sticks.  No worries though, I am feeling fantastic about where I am in life.  I accept that meeting you was important in my life.  I think it’s sad our life didn’t work out but I can’t let that get me down.  I hope you and Heather are having an awesome time on vacation this weekend.  I’m glad Tesla has somewhere positive to be while I restart our life with a permanant address.  Someday I will have money to take her on a vacation.  I just have to be patient, like these boxes, randomly sitting through-out the house waiting for me to finish unpacking them.

Patience is a virtue, but empty boxes are the bomb!

~P.

Dear Heather

Heather,

It was good to talk to you today at the top of my driveway.  You of course know I am not to drive further down to get Tesla.  I was impressed by how important it was to you for Tesla to find the heart-shaped rock she found for me, then lost.  In that 10 minutes, it was actually a relief to apologize to you if I’ve come off as an ass.  I realize on occasion I act that way.  It was just so much easier to just ignore you until you move on in your life.  But, like I was (wifey #2) …and Diane (wifey #1)….and Kelli (was gonna be wifey #3) we get that you think everything is going to be peachy keen in your life.  I’ll cross my fingers for you, but not hold my breath.  Sorry if my expectations are awfully low in any relationship John is having.  He doesn’t exactly have a great track record, if you know what I mean.

But, again I’m happy to hear all is good under the roof of my house, at least for you and John.  You and I both want to see the drama end, but it could take a while.  This divorce just isn’t going so smoothly.  Not every woman who John takes it upon himself to crash into their life ends up holding the bigger stick.  Actually, none of us have so far.  I’m getting good vibes that will change though.  I’m sure you’re happy to hear that.  The divorce will come sooner or later and everyone’s life will move on.  My guess is, not exactly the way we all would like, but it will move on.  I could have sworn I saw an engagement ring on your finger at the parenting classes.  Are you and my husband engaged?  How exciting!!

Write to you soon!

Best wishes to the future wifey #3,

~P.

Dear John Letter

Dear John,

I know my last post on your birthday wasn’t very nice, but sometimes in life you encounter someone who just deserves that type of birthday greeting. 🙂  I can’t take it back as it’s now on the worldwide web, but I can apologize sincerely.  That parenting class was very helpful.

Today, I found a townhouse for Tess and I.  Now I have a room for my daughter and a room for myself that is not under constant threat of flooding, mold etc.  No more basement living, isn’t that great?  I’m so damn excited!!  But, I had a moment just a few minutes ago.  As I was packing up my shit for the umpteenth time, I started to cry.  Not because I was moving again, but because my marriage failed.  I don’t like to fail.  Not acceptable in my world, and in yours, as I am fully aware of.  You are starting over just as I am, but with much better odds in the financial matters.  I get the child support and alimony pretty regularly.  The arrears are still around $1500, but that’s ok.  I realize my claiming Tesla last year screwed up your plans, but life’s a bitch.  My life’s been a real rollercoaster since meeting you.

So I’m patient.  Just waiting for my day in court.  I know, as my lawyer assured me it could be very costly.  We’re both having problems paying shit these days, huh?  Good to hear you caught up on that $10k you were behind on with the mortgages.  That’s a big relief, though I haven’t gone online to make sure you’re not telling another fib to me.  Credit scores aren’t looking great for either of us.  Sucks when the credit goes down the toilet.  We’re not the only ones.  Lots of people out there roughing it.  Depending on how life goes…the divorce, custody, marital assets,  college, the business, if Heather sticks around, if I ever give another person a chance in my life etc.  Yes, life is just so unpredictable.

Things used to be so much simpler.  We were happy for at least the first two years I suppose, and certainly had many great moments.  I found you so attractive, funny and caring.  I thought it was cute that you wanted to “save” me.  I guess the jokes on you as I actually didn’t need saved.  That’s okay though, like you’ve told me many times and in texts (that I still have) “it wasn’t all bad!” or something like that.  Another favorite text from you is that I’ve never apologized for all the things I’ve said and done to you.  Well, I’m sorry.  I am really.  I want to move on in life and this is how I’m doing it.

At times, you were all that.  After some time passed, you were that.  After getting quitting my job, getting married, selling my house, car and many other things, I REALLY hoped and prayed I could find a way to keep us from falling apart.  I truly believe in your eyes, you did the same.  If that was your best shot, I’m fine with that.  Do I still cry now and then? I sure do.  Not because I want us back together, but because our marriage was doomed from the day we met.  Silly me just didn’t realize it!

Anyway, enough for now.  I’ll write again, but I have to get back to packing.  I never heard back from you when I texted about using the 16 foot truck.  Maybe you’ll mention it when I pick up Tesla at 5PM.  Then again, maybe not.

~P

Kids First

Yesterday I attended the court ordered Kids First workshop.  It is designed to teach parents how to help their children with separation and divorce.  I chose the first class on a Saturday that was available.  Guess who also chose the same day?  If you guessed John, you would be correct!  Also joining John was his girlfriend, Heather.  Oh the irony….

So the group of 30 parents sat around a huge table and our instructor asked how many were attending with a co-parent.  I raised my hand, but John didn’t.  The numbers didn’t work out evenly and she asked again.  This time she thought John’s co-parent was the woman beside me.  I volunteered that he was my husband to clear things up.  Our instructor complimented the 6 of us who were attending the same time as our co-parents.  Shortly after that, John asked the instructor to step outside.  When they returned, John ordered Heather to get up because they were leaving.  Her response was “I don’t think that’s a good choice.”  What she thought didn’t matter because out the door they went.

The rest of us started with the workshop and I have to admit, it was very educational.  I hope that John and Heather both attend.  I actually think it’s great that Heather is going also.  This class may open both their eyes….it did open mine.

There were serious rain storms over the weekend.  My newly carpeted and linoleum floors were ruined and water was everywhere.  My room-mate was certain there wouldn’t be any flooding issues, but he was wrong.  I’m looking at apartments again and this time I’m NOT moving into a basement!  I hope to find an apartment in Eastern York school district so custody is no longer an issue.  Tesla’s health is most important to me and I can not stay living here now that I know it will flood.

My never dull life….

~P.

 

Itty bitty nonexistent feelings

So much for freedom of speech

Went to court on Monday and of course, nothing was accomplished.  Now the mediator is telling John and I that if we can’t decide on Tesla’s school on our own, a judge will decide.  If a judge doesn’t hear our case prior to school starting, Tesla won’t start kindergarten.  John gave me “the look” and rolled his eyes like I am causing all this drama.  If Tesla wanted to go to kindergarten and live in our house with her father and his girlfriend (and 4 other children) she would say so.

John’s lawyer had print out of my blog (I guess she could be a daily reader also!)  Her first example was my birthday wish for the future ex.  The mediator didn’t see the humor in the middle finger cake.  Ironic as I didn’t see humor in being called a “horrible fucking mother” and a “fucking bitch” in front of my daughter and sons.  I can’t copy and paste a middle finger cake into a blog, but he can call me whatever he wants as long as no one hears him.

My lawyer and I are strategically planning our counter suit.  In the meantime, I will no longer call John any of my awesome, well thought out nicknames.   Suddenly I’m hurting his itty-bitty, non-existent feelings.  Guess his skin isn’t as thick as he thought it was because at one time, he didn’t give a damn what I was going to write about.  If the blog is upsetting him…..what’s the book going to do?!?

Back to studying my Spanglish….this summer class will never end!

~P.

 

 

court again this month

Well, I’m charged with contempt again.  John is dragging me into court with a laundry list of complaints against me.  Yesterday when I asked him about it he said “I didn’t even know about it.  My lawyer must have filed it.”  Yeah, ok John.

So what are the charges?

1.  I didn’t tell him where I was moving to or my new phone number.

Actually, I did tell him I was moving.  In fact my dad told him I was going to be moving because my parents were selling the house.  John knew I was looking at apartments well before I found my current home.  Also, my phone number never changed.

Prior to moving in, on Wednesday, May 25th John asked to pick up Tesla early.  I told him I was at the house Tess and I would be moving to and he was welcome to pick her up and see where we would be living.  He came and picked her up so obviously he knew where I was going to be living with Tesla.

2.Mother has established a blog on which she violates the stipulated order “take all measures deemed advisable to foster a feeling of affection between the child and other party.  In direct violation of this provision, she continues to post insults, negative comments and inappropriate statements about Father for the public to view and comment on, including people that have direct interaction with the child.”

Tesla isn’t reading my blog.  No one is reading it to her.  The dramatic change in Tesla’s demeanor, personality and attitude towards her father is because Tesla is catching on to the type of person her father is.  What I’m blogging about is the truth and he can blog about his point if he would like!

3. Mother may be residing with a third party that Mother only recently met on Craigs list.

He has met my room mate.  I told John he can see where we live (just John and not the whole circus.)  Funny how where I move is under a microscope, yet he can move anyone into our home and I am not to question it.

4. Father believes it is in the child’s best interest to be enrolled in the school district where he resides, as he has more flexibility with his job to be available and flexible in transporting the child to and from school and other activities.

This is a man who lives on his cell phone and at a moments notice will have to run out the door for some issue concerning the business.  He has no problem using Tesla’s daycare when he doesn’t have anyone to watch Tesla.  I go to school in the late morning and I’m done in the early afternoon.  I am ALWAYS available to my daughter.

5. Mother has failed to communicate with Father regarding important information concerning the child and has potentially placed the child in danger by moving into a residence with someone she recently met on Craigslist.

My room mate is an upstanding member of the community.  He has friends high on the food chain in Pennsylvania.  He is a widower and retired from serving our country.  I don’t get in his business and I’m trying to keep him from being forced into my business.  Unfortunately, the future ex is hell bent on making life difficult.

Will this actually go to court….who knows.  Does he actually have anything that can be held against me….hell no.  Am I ready to point out all his character flaws….hell yeah!

~P.

About 5

I still get anxious when the child exchange takes place.  I love having my daughter, but dread the exchange.  One would think by now I would be over that anxiousness in picking up Tesla  knowing John is on his way.

I just can’t seem to shake it though.  My shrink and I see it occurring for several reasons.  Here’s five:

1. Seeing John causes intense negative feelings.  Yes, I am angry.  What woman wouldn’t be?

2.  John can not seem to resist walking UP the driveway where I have to park, to talk to me.  Wasn’t the POINT of me parking at the top of the drive when picking up Tesla, to avoid having to speak?

3. Hearing John say ridiculous things such as: A.  Make sure you check her head for ticks.  B. Did you tell Mommy you liked Disney World?  C.  Please make sure you send her swim suit back.  (Only to have Heather give me two of her daughters old swim suits to keep two days later.  WTF does someone remotely nice want to do with my husband?  Run while you still can!!!)

4.  Being greeted at my front door by John and Heather, like I might remotely invite them in.  Just TEXT ME and let me know Tesla’s ride has arrived.  She will magically appear at the door in just a few minutes.  Me, not seeing either of you, is a good thing in my world.

5.  The less I have to SEE you, TALK to you and interact with your latest girlfriend, THE BETTER.  This keeps me happy and doesn’t cause me to laugh in either of your faces or make a sarcastic but truthful statement, as I patiently wait for this long process of custody and marital goods to be settled.

What is necessary, in my humble opinion, is to get the inevitable over with so Tesla will remember as little as possible about this whole divorce process.  Unfortunately, it’s probably to late.  I know I can remember things that happened in the past when I was about 5.

~P.

 

 

Disposable Pets

It’s been years since my cousin wrote me a letter during my mid-teens telling me she received disposable pets for Christmas that year.  I knew immediately that she actually meant posable pets but I didn’t correct her.  Recently that term popped into my head again because I learned John just acquired two poodle puppies.

Now this is on the word of my five-year old but I’m pretty sure she knows the difference between real puppies and stuffed animals.  I asked John in text messages if it were true but he doesn’t respond.  That confirms in my opinion that he did buy his families love in the form of puppies.  By new family, I mean the one he has taken into our house… this brings the total living creatures at my house to two adults, five children, 3 dogs and a rabbit.  I find this just shocking because John doesn’t even want Vic, the dog we rescued shortly after we were married.  In fact, during our relationship, he gave away my Great Dane puppy to a friend of his while I wasn’t home.  Nothing like walking in the door and instead of being greeted by my puppy, I hear “I gave Boo away today.”  What husband gives away his wifes new puppy?  His reason for doing this….her shit was too big.  Now mind you, he didn’t poop scoop, I did.  What difference did it make to him how large her poop was?

While I was living in East York and we were “working things out” I came to find out John called the SPCA to pick up Tesla’s cat Sparky and my cat Emily.  I was heartbroken as Emily had been my cat for years before meeting the self-centered husband of mine.  I imagine he even said they were strays so he wouldn’t have to pay a donation fee.

Next disposable pet to go was Bella.  Bella was a yellow lab that John bought just days after my puppy Peanut was hit by  the neighbor’s truck because John was too cheap to call the electric dog fence company in to see what the connection problem was.  Amazingly, the DAY after Peanut was killed, the fence guy came and for $100 the broken connection was located and fixed.  The following day, I located Yinger online in Texas and told John I really want this puppy who was hairless and born on my birthday.  He gave me the ok (most likely out of guilt as everyone blamed him for Peanut’s death) to buy him and I had two weeks to wait until he could be shipped from Texas.  Shortly after I paid for Ying, John came home with Bella, a yellow lab,  who was more than a handful.

Her behavior never improved as John couldn’t be bothered to train her, brush her, or take her to the vet.  While I was living in the house and he was court ordered to stay out of the house, he and his girlfriend at the time, Kellie, booked a vacation to Florida using our timeshare.  I could have really thrown a wrench in their vacation plans by going online and canceling it on them, but I didn’t.  The day before they leave for vacation, John tells his brother Mike to take both Bella and Vic up to a kennel run by our neighbor.  Not to be cared for while he and his girlfriend were away, but to have them delivered to the SPCA.  (Mike didn’t have a car or I’m sure he would have just had Mike drop them off.)  I was in shock….once again, his desire for instant happiness outweighed the importance of the pets he bought!  A former employee took in Bella, who was in heat and had a severely infected tooth.  I knew about the tooth as Mike was trying his best to improve her inflamed mouth himself.  John had money for Florida, just not to pay for the care of HIS dog (or his child support.)  I insisted Vic remain at the house with me as Tesla would have been crushed if she came home and her dog was gone.  I even had to agree to pay for Vic’s dogfood in order to keep him for Tesla.  While they were off on vacation, I pooped scooped for DAYS filling a five gallon bucket at least ten times and had to listen to my ignorant brother-in-law yell rude comments at me.

The next pet on the chopping block was his girlfriend Kellie’s dog Clover.  A beautiful Golden retriever that apparently did not like John.  No surprise there!  When Clover bit John he insisted Clover had to go.  Had Clover bit anyone else I would have understood but with biting John she was just making her opinion clear.  Hell, if I were a dog, I’d bite John too!  After the abrupt break up between Kellie and John, she was very bitter to have lost her 4 pawed Clover.  Keeping the dog and getting rid of John would have been in her better interest.

So this boils down to the new puppies.  I was never allowed to have a dog in the living portion of the house.  I wonder if these two pups will be confined to outside and the workshop?  This is where Bella was kept and never learned the concept of being housebroken.  How long will these puppies make it in John’s world?  Does his newest girlfriend, Heather, realize how many pets this man has purchased then given away?

Gives a whole new meaning to an accidental spelling error I remember from years ago.

Maybe their names are Recycle and Donate.

~P.