Stone Pilgrimage

This is how my mind works.  If you scare easily, stop reading now.

Ok, you are still reading….you must be a glutton for punishment.  There are many of you out there.

On Tuesday, June 19, I had the television on the History channel and they were showing a marathon of Ancient Alien Theory, a show I absolutely love.  Giorgio A. Tsoukalos is my favorite speaker on this show.  He has crazy man hair and likes it.

Giorgio A. Tsoukalos

I was listening to Giorgio talk about the Mayan calendar, extra-terrestrial life, UFOs, etc. and I was overcome with the desire to get my ass to Georgia to see the Georgia Guidestones.  I don’t remember how I first heard about the stones but last year I watched Brad Meltzer’s Decoded episode featuring them.   I also did a tremendous amount of research to make it part of my New Religious Movement final thesis.  My fictional religion was based on the Guidestones and Lady Gaga as a charismatic leader for the apocalyptic end of the world.

http://girlboxer1970.com/2012/01/01/lady-gaga-leader-of-the-church-of-ga/

Don’t be silly.  I don’t believe Lady Gaga is going to take over the world even if she has enough little monsters following her to do so.

I had previously looked into traveling by train to Georgia but that didn’t seem like an appropriate action.  I wanted to drive to Georgia in the worst way so I called for a car rental price.  That was a no go because I didn’t have a major credit card or a job and Dale could not rent a car for me to drive.  This was a very personal, spiritual trip that I wanted to take alone or possibly with my sister Suz.  She just started a new job so she wasn’t going to be able to travel.  With no way to legally rent a car, I decided I was going to take my 20 year old Honda Accord and travel in faith.

I planned to drive to Cummings, GA first (near Atlanta) and stay with Dale’s sister, Georgie.  In my duffel bag I had a pair of jeans, a nice blouse, a York College t-shirt, two pair of shorts, swimsuit and other essentials I expected to need.  Grabbed Ying’s dog food, my laptop, camera and cell and I walked out the door for Georgia at 1:30 PM without telling anyone.

A few hours into driving I texted Dale “I’ve got GA in my GPS!” and he responded “good!”  It wasn’t until he came home from work that he realized I meant I was driving at that moment.  My leaving without saying goodbye upset him and I completely understood why he was upset.  I explained that I believe God wanted me to leave right then.  I didn’t question myself with this belief and I didn’t want to give anyone the opportunity to question it.  There would be no one trying to talk me out of driving my car over 1,000 miles to see this granite monument if Ying and I just left.

At first it seemed like I was making great time.  I was passing through states quickly and my GPS (speaking in Spanish) gave an arrival time of 2:00 AM.  I drove straight through to South Carolina before I stopped at midnight at a rest area and fell asleep in my car.  Ying who had been napping the entire trip stood guard while I dozed.  I awoke at 6 AM seriously cramped from sleeping in a Honda Accord.  After a potty trip and some stretching, Ying and I hit the road.

We drove for about an hour and I couldn’t keep my eyes open.  At the next rest stop I pulled off again and slept until 8 AM.  I know the dangers of driving when you are so sleepy you can’t keep your eyes open.  Another hour of rest did me wonders and for the second time on Wednesday, we left for Georgia.

At noon I noticed Elberton had popped up on the GPS and suddenly driving to Cummings first was no longer an option.  I texted Dale I was going to the stones first, then to his sister’s house.  That didn’t happen either…

I didn’t know the road the stones were on so I just put Elberton into the GPS.  I saw the Georgia Guidestones on the hill before the GPS announced we were in Elberton.  There was a small sign noting the Guidestones location on Guidestone Road.  I had already passed the road so I turned around.  If you are not looking, the sign and the stones would easily be missed.

At first I felt giddy at finally reaching my destination 24 hours after leaving Pennsylvania. But as I drove up the gravel road, I was overcome with emotion.  This was not the reaction I had expected.  Tears were flowing out of my eyes and my nose was running so bad it grossed me out.  I had no tissues or napkins left in the car so I opted for my York College t-shirt.  I couldn’t get out of my car at first, even after all that driving.

After making a video with Ying full of crying, blubbering and probably not making much sense, I exited my car and headed to the stones.  There were other people there also.  Two men appeared to be making a documentary and were interviewing another man.  I didn’t pay much attention to them as I walked towards the stones.  When I came around to the English inscription and read it in person, touching the granite, I lost it again.

The documentary guys had finished talking to the other man and now they were apparently watching me.  I have no idea who they were and their white passenger van gave no clues to their business.  No one else got out of the van even though I could see the outline of other people through the tinted windows.

The tears were really rolling while I leaned on that granite stone trying to grasp what all it meant for the future of the world.  I tried to get a grip but it was pointless so I just bawled like a baby.  I could hear the man with the video saying, “Now tell me people don’t believe what these stones say?  There is a woman weeping on the monument and that is proof of belief.”  How the hell did I wind up in this man’s video about the Georgia Guidestones?  Neither man tried to speak to me and I was pleased.  I didn’t drive there to have some religious debate or discuss my personal beliefs.  That’s what I have a blog for.

Engraved on the stones:

A message consisting of a set of ten guidelines or principles is engraved on the Georgia Guidestones in eight different languages, one language on each face of the four large upright stones. Moving clockwise around the structure from due north, these languages are: EnglishSpanishSwahiliHindiHebrewArabicChinese, andRussian.

  1. Maintain humanity under 500,000,000 in perpetual balance with nature.
  2. Guide reproduction wisely — improving fitness and diversity.
  3. Unite humanity with a living new language.
  4. Rule passion — faith — tradition — and all things with tempered reason.
  5. Protect people and nations with fair laws and just courts.
  6. Let all nations rule internally resolving external disputes in a world court.
  7. Avoid petty laws and useless officials.
  8. Balance personal rights with social duties.
  9. Prize truth — beauty — love — seeking harmony with the infinite.
  10. Be not a cancer on the earth — Leave room for nature — Leave room for nature.

So why was I crying?  Relief.  I felt a huge relief.  Maybe because my car made it and that was my goal.  No, that’s not why.  I cried because I am saved by the blood of Jesus Christ.  When I read on these huge tablets that the population of the Earth will be reduced to 500 million people I interpret that as the apocalypse that is written about in the Bible.  I’m not going to be one of the people left behind.  On December 21, 2012 the Mayan calendar ends.  What do a bunch of Mayan people know?  I’m thinking they knew more about the Heavens then we will ever learn before the end of times.  They didn’t just run out of rocks so there must be a reason the calendar ends on that day.  I was at the Mayan ruins and there was no shortage of stones.

My religious beliefs are out there.  I was raised in the Lutheran faith and I’m thankful for that.  I learned all the Bible stories, went to Sunday school and VBS over the summers.  I memorized the Lord’s Prayer, the Nicene Creed, Bible verses and songs.  I believe what it says in the Bible.  It’s not some fictional book full of crazy stories.  It’s a non-fiction book full of crazy stories.  All of the stories revolving around an alien named God who decided to create Earth and everything on it.

There were many people who came to see the stones in the 45 minutes I was there.  I could tell by watching them who knew what the stones were all about and who was getting a shock by way of huge, granite tablets that day.  Some were outraged and stated it was someone with money who wanted to cause a stir.  That theory doesn’t work for me.  The land had to be purchased, the monument drawn up on blueprints, and then taken to the granite company to be made and placed.  This all happened in 1979-1980 so if the goal was just to stir things up in the world, it was a complete failure.  Even in Georgia, people had no idea what I was talking about.  Dale’s sister Georgie lives less than 2 hours from the monument and had never heard about it.

It was hot on that hill and there was no shade available other than standing under the capstone of the monument.  Ying had crawled under my car to get out of the sun.  I would have left the car run if I had air-conditioning but that took a shit back when the car was still my brother Sam’s.  This trip has reminded me how luxurious cooled air is.  I texted Dale I was leaving the stones and coming home.  He asked why and I wrote back, “I saw what I came to see in GA.”  I pushed the home button on my GPS and was headed back to Pennsylvania.

My faith in God is stronger than it has ever been and I am thankful he watched over me on my pilgrimage to see the Georgia Guidestones.  ~P.

Want to read more about the Guidestones and why people feel the need to do this?

Click here  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Georgia_Guidestones

Rat in bed

Don’t move

You don’t get to have the beginning of the day feeling more than once.

Unless you just got up from a nap.  Oh wait, that counts….for dumbasses.

 

The sleepy bathroom walk, in the dark with only one eye kind-of focused.

Take my seat, praying it is there and I don’t plunge into the chilly toitie water.

I rest my head on my hands and began to pee, drifting into the first stage of sleep easily.

Head becomes heavy and my arms join in…R.E.M. sleep is calling me.  A tilt forward toward the linen closet door and I jerked back slightly, realizing my head was in immediate danger.  Finished up with the usual tp routine and walked back to bed.

Noting the rat curled up at the foot of my bed, I crawled back in and added an additional 1.5 hours to my sleep time.

Now that counts.

~P.

 

don’t squirt me…I need therapy

Summer is here and the heat brings out the crazies.  The craziest of crazies seem to be trying to out do each other.  Cannibals, zombies, murder and more….tell me these aren’t bad signs.

The day of the summer writer….

Sitting on the back porch jamming to Ozzy Osbourne’s “Blizzard of Oz” and it is a beautiful day.  Tesla has mastered the art of riding her bike and is thrilled by all the neighbor kids hanging out with their bicycles.  She is waiting for her best friend and cousin to come over and join them.  They have a stockpile of water guns and can’t wait for the war to begin.  I’ve already warned them not to squirt me because my arm hurts and I go to therapy.  Both statements are true though they have nothing to do with me getting wet by the squirt guns.  It just sounded like a good medical reason at that split second when asked, “Can we squirt you?”  This summer vacation from school is the best ever for me.

I think about my mom and how summer was back in the late 70’s and early 80’s.  Life was good and our little gang that hung out on Bluebird Lane had the world by the ass, we just didn’t know it.  My brother Joe and I were close in age and spent most of our time together.  The neighborhood kids consisted of boys, which was annoying at first, but later kept things very interesting.

Mom was always home with us kidlings.  Joe and I rode our bikes everywhere.  There is no doubt in my mind my well-developed calf muscles are from days and days of riding my bike.  Living in the country had its perks.  The neighbors all knew each other and their children got along better than one could expect.

If the weather was nice, we were outside.  We rode our bikes on the road without wearing a helmet.  We swam in the Conewago Creek and Pinchot Lake without contracting any diseases that we were aware of.  When very thirsty and had no other options, I drank that creek water and survived.

Listening to Meatloaf “Bat out of Hell” now…takes me back to the late 80’s.  I heard about Meatloaf from a friend and co-worker named Melody.  Everyone called her Mel and she had a super cool last name: Devine.  That must have been interesting growing up as Melody Devine.  I don’t think she even sings.

Life is so screwy.  Hit or miss.  Ups and downs.  Excitement and disappointment.  My eight days with Tesla are flying by at lightning speed.  I know I will miss her more than she misses me when she returns to her dad.  She is kept busy there and that is a good thing.  I’m surprised how little John and Tesla have been in contact.  She shows little interest in calling but I offer to dial (or just dial it) for her.  In the past three days he has answered the phone once.  That conversation with Tesla lasted a few seconds ending with, “I’ll call you right back.”  Which never happened.  She didn’t even bother to let a message last night…pushing the End Call button and stating “He can call me.”  Which he hasn’t.

Maybe this is reverse psychology on his part.  If I don’t call or answer her calls, she will miss me and want to come back.  He has taken this route in the past, not with Tesla, but with me.  It’s all part of John being John.  The downside to this type of approach could be the realization that no one misses you.

Ouch,

~P.

One graduates high school, the other kindergarten

It’s officially June 6th…a new day, even if I haven’t shuffled my ass up to bed.  This felt like a runaway day.  Woke up, made coffee, walked Ying, talked to the maintenance guy about my smoke detector, got a shower, went to Tesla’s classroom play.  The kids also read aloud the books they wrote and illustrated.  Tesla wrote about horses and when her dad rode one.  It was very cute.  She did a great job both in the play as a bear and reading her horse story.  Ms. Dettinger had a brief conversation with me privately and I left giving Tesla a hug and kiss and told her I would see her later for her brother’s graduation.  A little while later Ms. Dettinger sent me a text message that the costume parts were hers, not Tesla’s.  Instead of turning around, I stopped at John’s to drop it off.  No one was home so I let it hanging on the door knob.

Horses by Tesla Delauter

About fifteen minutes  prior to Dale and I leaving for Zman to get that diploma, John calls me.  He’s pressing trespassing charges against me for going into our house.  He said he has an “eye-witness” that saw me enter the house.  I told him I’ll take a lie detector test and his “eye witness” can take one and we will see who is lying.  He told me to explain that to the police.   Whatever.

We took Zeth out for dinner, he was hungry for a medium rare steak….I couldn’t get Tesla until 5:30 but then the place got busy and we needed to get going.  John texted asking me if I was going to feed Tesla.  Keep in mind, I asked several times to get her after school.  I had been told originally I couldn’t even take Tesla to her brother’s graduation.  I wrote back she could eat my chicken fingers and we arrived for Tesla at 5:45.

I signed the paper stating I was allowed to have Tesla from 5:30 until 8:30.  The line to the school entrance was so backed-up, Zeth jumped out and walked….he beat us there.  Graduation was packed to the gills.  We parked in the grass in the furthest parking lot at the middle school and walked to the high school.  My dad rolled my mom over with us (she is in a wheelchair) and we settled into the track area at 6:55.

Soon the graduates walked by and I snapped a picture of Zeth.  The ceremony was hard to hear, but the music sounded great.  We saw Zeth get his empty diploma holder and I video-taped all the student tossing their caps.  At 8:50 I texted John we would be leaving soon and it is unbelievably crowed.

Tesla was very proud of her big brother

It was a very long ceremony, from 7pm until 9:15, then we had to wait for Zeth to find his dad and step-mom and make his way back to us.  He had a gift for my mom he made in wood shop.  It was a beautiful clock, hand-made and painted by him.  We walked back to the car ….that took 20 minutes and finally we hit the road to take Tesla back to John.

Dropped of Tesla with no problems and headed back home.  We passed John on the way home.  I’m guessing he was in his elf outfit for softball.  I really didn’t give it much thought other than “he wasn’t going to let me have Tesla for Zeth’s graduation but he’s out playing softball.”  Dale and I hadn’t even been on the road fifteen minutes when John sent me a text, “I’ll be notifying my attorney that you broke the custody agreement.”

I responded with “bitter man” because that’s what this is about.  His personal vendetta: charging me with trespassing for dropping off our daughter’s costume from her play and contempt for running later than 8:30 for Zeth’s graduaton.

Cops on speed dial 1, his lawyer on 2.

~P.

I’m going to swim with the sharks

I want to address my bucket list.  Everyone knows what a bucket list is by now.  So here’s my list, crossing off what I’ve done.

  1. Get saved.
  2. Get married.
  3. Have a son.
  4. Have a daughter.
  5. Own a house.
  6. Buy and pay off a new car. 
  7. Own a Harley.
  8. Get my eyes fixed
  9. Ride the craziest amusement ride I can find.
  10. Skydive.
  11. Graduate from college.
  12. Go to the Georgia Guidestones.
  13. Write a non-fiction book.
  14. Swim with and feed sharks.
  15. Go see Mount Rushmore.

Now I’ve been working on this list for most of my life and I did accomplish many of my goals.  I would like to get the last five in before the world ends.

It could be a challenge.

~P.

Update~~~Saw the Guidestones on 6/20/2012  http://girlboxer1970.com/2012/06/22/stonpilgrimage/

Woot Woot! Reality Checks for All

It gets old being the “strong” person.  My family, friends and lawyer all tell me to “hang in there.”  I am tired of hanging around, hoping things improve.  Something needs to be done.  Of course, that takes money.

I get blog comments from people who I may or may not know.  For example, here is one from someone who refers to themselves as Reality Check.

Would you stop already with the “my house” crap, you seem to forget that he had that house way before you came along. And because of you, another woman was forced out of it and her marriage. You are a bit high and mighty for my taste considering what you have done in your past. I sure consider you to be a homewrecker so for you to call someone else one is ironic indeed!!!!

Reality Check is so bold with their accusations and label-making.  Like it’s the first time I’ve been called a name.  Shit, John called me “a bigger piece of shit than his own mother” and “fucking bitch” and “lazy bitch” and “shitty mother” so many times I couldn’t stop the dark, life-draining affect it was having on my psyche.  I was already depressed after the horrible mistakes hospital had made that almost caused my death.  I was struggling with recovering from giving birth, near death and stuck in the hospital while my newborn was home with a man who never had an infant in his care.

Things didn’t get better to be honest with you.  I became pregnant with our second child and lost it just after the first trimester.  The feeling of failure was over-whelming and John’s blaming it on me didn’t help.  His wanting to leave me the same day I miscarried gave that disease depression a firm grip on me that I am still working to shake.  Here is my response to Reality Check:

You can tell me to stop with the my house crap…but it is my house also. And, Reality Check, I did not wreck anyone’s home…..neither of them were happily married. You don’t know anything about what happened back then. If you did you would shut the fuck up because you would realize just how wrongly informed you are. If I wrecked a home, it certainly wasn’t a very happy home because I later found out they both were cheating on each other so regularly that it wasn’t even a secret anymore.  Hard for me to feel bad about that.
As far as the house goes, I sold MY house and took out a mortgage with John, using the profits of the sale of my house to pay off Diane so she would sign the divorce papers. At the last moment, she wanted $10K more to sign.

I can be high and mighty ALL I want because I don’t care what the hell you think. I’m not saying Heather is a homewrecker, I’m just saying it would be nice if she would currently butt out so after all this time I can get the divorce he filed for YEARS ago. So, Reality Check, the house is mine and John’s. Since I don’t know who you are, I’m guessing you are someone he used to or still is sleeping with. Hey, thanks for the comment!!! ~P.

See, people’s comments that stick up for John in any way are fine by me.  It just shows me how little they know about him.  If you want me to give any credence to a comment supporting John, have the balls to give your name.  I have nothing bad to say about John’s first wife, nor her husband Craig.  They are good people.  Do I believe she got screwed over by John?  Hell yeah!  I am not proud of the way he removed Di from his life and inserted me.  We were both being used but we didn’t realize it back then.  I’m sure she isn’t thrilled about making it into my writing, but if I wrote anything that was a flat-out lie or vicious, either she or someone in her family would contact me with the truth or a comment because…..they read my blog.

I know how the house came about.  It is true.  I had nothing to do with the house back then.  But my world was completely changed around for the man I fell in love with.  You cannot understand nor underestimate the effect John can have on people.  Not just women he is attracted to but people in general.  He will just barge into your life like a bull in a china shop and change everything to how he thinks it should be.  Especially if he feels superior to that person.  (which is everyone.)

So Reality Check is most likely a person who kind of knows John and feels bad he is going to have to sell his house.  Then again, it could be a perfect stranger who reads enough to just have an opinion.  Either way, opinions are like assholes.  .

Everyone has one.

~P.

Dear Heather~Stupid Faces

Dear Heather,

Yesterday, after I dropped Tesla back off at 7:04, I had to restrain myself from laughing my ass off at you, as you made stupid faces at me.  WTH?  I was trying to get you to pull out onto the road because you were blocking my sight of view.  Imagine my joy when instead, you start making stupid faces.  Holy cow that was awesome!  Some might even say an amusing improvement.

Was this some twisted elementary school game of “You go first!  No YOU go first!”  I didn’t care who went first, but it would have made the most sense if you had waited until I pulled out of the driveway and left.  This way you could have avoided driving through the yard and spinning in the grass.  Did you get yelled at or didn’t John even notice the bare patches of dirt?

John was pretty pumped up for his game, wearing his green uniform; he looked like an elf.  It’s the ears.  Did you ever notice how his ears are pointy?  Tesla’s are like that too, well, one of them anyway.

So you were in such a rush to get out of there (I got a warning phone call from John so you must of been pitching a fit when I was 3 minutes late) but then you stop at the top of the yard and insist I pull out.  I swear you stopped because you knew you were tearing up my yard trying to drive a mini-van full of kids to the road.  What was the big hurry, other than leaving with my child as quickly as possible but making sure I knew YOU were in charge of Tesla and not me?  Later, when John told me you went to the park, I was annoyed.  Why don’t you go to John’s games?  Take the whole crew to the games…there is a park there!  It’s so crystal clear that you two are determined to limit my time with Tesla.  I can not wait for her school to let out.  And the stupid faces as I pulled out… just made me realize just how immature you are.  All this bullshit over Tesla’s clothes, sneakers, etc. is just your immaturity showing in a situation you shouldn’t even be in.

Keep up the faces….I enjoy them even more than your angry, indignant look.

Oh….if your mommy never told you…One of these times your face will stay like that.

~P.

Just ride your motorcycle then!

I know it’s the same shit, just a different day.  This could be looked at as endless writing material but let’s face it, Tesla will always be in my life, and assuming she chooses to remain in her fathers, he will be a part of our lives.  Oh the joys of our lives…

Monday 5/28 after he picked up Tesla, I text John “Tesla has a little blister on her finger from being on the tire swing over at my friends house and also a little rash from jumping on the rope.  I think both should be fine.  Her allergy appointment has been canceled.  Is Ladonna still working?  If I send you email I want to make sure you get it.”

No response.  (See why I have little faith in him reading an email?)

Tuesday 5/29 at 8:30 PM I texted “Tess calling?”

No response

5/30 1 PM I texted can I get TT.  He texts he will let me know.  He never does.

      Duplicate   6:15 PM &  7:15 PM “Tomorrow after school?”

          8 PM  “Hey…can I get tt tomorrow?  She calling me?”

           She will be calling.       And tomorrow?    Not sure yet.   Of course you’re not.    

Tesla called and we had 3 minutes and 13 seconds to talk with at least John and Bria right there beside her.  I don’t consider anything until 5 minutes a conversation.

Today 10:30 AM “Can I get Tesla this afternoon please?”

No response so I call him at 11 AM and he answers.

“Can I please get Tesla this afternoon?”

“I don’t think she has anything going on.  Her and the girls were talking about playing after school.”

(I’m sure they talk about playing after school every day.)

“Ok, if she doesn’t have anything going on I’ll take my car to my doctor appointment.”

“I’ll ask her if she wants to go with you or play with the girls as soon as she gets off the bus.”

“Why are you going to ask her that?  I am certain she will want to see me.”

“I’m letting it up to her and I’ll ask her as soon as she gets off the bus.”

Funny, suddenly it’s all up to Tesla.  It didn’t matter where Tesla wanted to go to live did it?  Otherwise, she would be living with me, right?

“Just ride your motorcycle then, smartass!”

No, I’ll take my car.  She will want to see me.  Have a good day.

It wasn’t an “all-screaming at each” other phone call.  No one even “hung-up’ on the other.

I just spoke the truth, which of course poked a sore spot on John with a stick.  If it were not true, why would he be so pissy?  Threatening to not allow me to see her at all, so to speak.  Tesla and I are puppets, hell while I’m at it, Heather and crew are puppets too.  It would make for a heck of a reality show, just not one I want to be starring in.  Sigh…. 

Taking my car,

~P.

A 22-Year-Old Mother Kills Her Infant Son Because He Interrupted Her Farmville Game on Facebook | Parenting – Yahoo! Shine

Past Disturbing….

A 22-Year-Old Mother Kills Her Infant Son Because He Interrupted Her Farmville Game on Facebook | Parenting – Yahoo! Shine.

 

Two Fake Friends

Isn’t it funny the moment you realize someone you thought was your friend isn’t?

Not funny as in: that was a great joke…..hahaha

But funny as in: that was a kick in my ass I didn’t foresee.

 

Fake Friend #1

Female

Former Co-worker

Fucked around on her fiance (now her hubby)

I should have known when I was being used as an alibi so she could fuck around, that I was not a friend.

 

Fake Friend #2

Male

Former High School friend

Wanted to fuck around on his wife.

I should have known when he tried to stick his tongue in my mouth, that I was not a friend.

 

Fake friends need not apply.

With friends like these two, who needs enemies?

I have enough enemies.

 

I find it ironic that these two people who were once such close friends, now avoid me because of their own secrets.   Never once have I mentioned or even hinted about their secrets in my blog.

Until now.

~P.