Kick in the gut

CHEATERS NEVER WIN!!

I wanted to believe while John and I were together he was faithful to me.  Never once did I ever cheat on him or even think about having an affair.  During our marriage he swore he would never cheat on me and even after he filed for divorce he stuck to his story that he never had cheated on me.

So it was a kick in the gut tonight to learn that once again, he lied to my face.  I guess I shouldn’t be surprised as he cheated on his first wife, cheated on his last girlfriend back in October ’10 and as I learned tonight, he cheated on me while we were still “happily married.”  Some people just can’t be faithful….

So, call me gullible…because I certainly was.  Now I just stockpile all this information for my day in court.  This divorce can not come soon enough!

~P.

Warning: Locator News Inc

Locator News Inc is located in West Chester, PA and advertises as a referral service of apartments for rent.  Their website is weneedtomove.  Once you join their service the obvious becomes clear….It is a SCAM!!!  For $196 they guarantee the purchaser will find an apartment to rent in 90 days or less.  Now that they have my money, I realize their service is just a list of apartments already advertised on the internet, Craig’s list and local newspapers.  To make matters worse, they are not affiliated with any apartment complexes or landlords AND the information on their apartment lists is incorrect.  Multiple listings had the wrong rent amount, were outdated or listed pets accepted when they were not.

Don’t get scammed….anything they have on their lists they took from a REAL apartment complex or landlord’s ad!  Now I regret not reading the fine print that covers their ass.  I went to my bank but there was no getting my money back.  I learned….and I hope this gives fair warning to anyone else who comes across their stolen ads!

~P.

Eastern or WY?

Will eat an East York Knight for a snack

Now that I have a place to live, a custody battle will be the next war.  It never dawned on me that the divorce would be dragged out from the time Tesla was 2 and a half, to the age she starts kindergarten.  John has her registered at Eastern and I, in West York.  Both are good school districts sooooo…that being the case, I am ready for a judge to decide where Tesla will reside.  I have nothing to hide and actually hope a judge making the decision will push the divorce forward.

At this point, the mortgage for John and my house is so far behind, short of an act of God, I see no way of digging out.  I don’t care how many times John says “business is picking up” it’s not going to make a difference.  Maybe if God sends a tornado the business could actually be picked up, other than that, I see no hope.

Now if business does pick up that means John’s income increases, correct?  That’s how it should work, but in the world of self employment, one can easily manipulate the books to make it appear things are still slow or other costs are high.  Just cash those checks and pay the employees under the table and “presto” no income change.  Another instant income reducer, write of your divorce fees as business related and gross income drops $10,000.00.  Domestics takes whatever numbers are thrown infront of them, even when they don’t make sense or add up.   Bookkeeping was a huge issue in the running of our business and will be a huge issue in divorce court.  (If he risks taking it that far)

At some point, won’t the government question how the books are kept?  It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out things are a bit shady.  Meanwhile, my accountant is STILL waiting for the lawyer requested financial statements and Quickbooks program.  Guess that legal move of subpoenaing documents for court will come in handy!

Now if it will make it to court before the house is foreclosed on is the question….

Never gonna give up or in as long as I’m still breathing!!

~P.

WEDDING PLANS

Imagine having your wedding planned for you.  Not just where it will be held or the flavor of your cake, but who you will be taking vows with.  Arranged marriages have taken place for centuries in many religions.  A young ladies husband was chosen to insure the proper blood lines of future descendants with in a hierarchy.  The concept of filial piety was viewed as a daughter’s obligation to her parents and how she should act on those obligations.  The film, “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon” featured China during the 19th Century and the arranged marriage of a governor’s daughter.  It presented the classic view of filial piety and the importance of this virtue.

Governor Yu, has made grand arrangements for his daughter’s wedding but his
daughter Jen, was not interested in getting married. As her wedding date approached Jen wrestled with obedience to her father and the desire to live with a man she loves.   In a proper social relationship with her parents she is expected to accept her appointed husband and his family as she accepts her own.  To ensure continuing their heritage, she is to participate in the rituals and wedding ceremony and have children with her husband.  This is very difficult for Jen to accept because she was trained by a Master Warrior in secrecy and now knows she is destined to live the life of a warrior.  Her defiance of filial piety was blatant, yet as the viewer of this love story, I found myself in Jen’s corner.

Jen’s family takes for granted that she will accept her new role in life as a wife
and bearer of future heirs.  Confucianism taught that “Filial piety is the root of all virtue and the source of all teaching.”  In Ancient China, The Confucian Classics was a primer for teaching youth the virtue of filial piety. Jen was taught what was expected of her since she was a child and her family fully expected she would marry the groom of their choice.  She went through with the ceremony but then ran away with a bandit, Lo “Dark Cloud”, shortly after her wedding ceremony.  This caused chaos for her family because in Confucianism “..to decry filial piety is to renounce kinship ties.”  Jen involvement with Lo was adultery, an unforgiveable action of illicit sexual intercourse by mutual consent.

After returning to her true love Lo, deep in the heart of the desert, she receives a
visit by warrior’s intent on taking her home.  One female warrior who had sisterly love for Jen spoke honestly to her in a touching scene.  She told Jen she had been exiled from her family and could never return therefore she should enjoy the life and love she has chosen with Lo.  Jen already knew she could not return home.  She had sealed her fate with bold defiance.

If set in contemporary times, this movie would not play well.  Audiences would not give credibility to an arranged marriage.   That is because Confucianism now favors equality in male and female children, allowing them individuality and choices versus strict patrilineal tradition.  A woman can no longer be forced to marry against her will and may chose to just stay single.  “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon” was a beautiful film presenting a young woman torn between pleasing her family and being true to herself.  Over the centuries many young woman of different faiths have suffered in this same situation.

Traditional Hindu and Muslim faiths also have arranged marriages.  Seen in the past, faiths such as the Sikh religion, had “marriages {that} are mostly arranged.”  Current day brides, from other countries and religions do not favor arranged marriages. Most religions are in favor of letting an individual decide who would be their true love.  Ruling Muslim patriarchs are ordered, by the Prophet, first to discuss with a bride’s mother on future son-in-laws and the bride to be honest with her father on those offered to her in marriage.  Hindu religion has also accepted a contemporary version of arranged marriages. This contemporary version is still traditional in some aspects by introducing the children at a young age and having the future bride live with her future in-laws.  She is essentially being prepped from childhood to young adult to grasp a woman’s role of descendent maker.  Traditionally, young girls were determined worthy by their line of descent, physical health, appearance and birthplace.  Presently, Hindu marriages are no longer arranged and couples are allowed a choice in their spouses.

“Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon” was set in ancient times when contemporary views of marriage did not exist.  The concept of filial piety teaches when a girl is young she is submissive to her parents and after she is married she must submit to her husband.  She is to be cautious in her behaviors so she avoids bringing shame to her family.  In bringing this shame to her family, Jen could never return to her father’s land or be recognized as an  aristocrat herself.  This was a
terrible loss and to her family’s heritage line.   In Jen’s eyes, as with the woman of the 21st Century, defying her parents for true love was a sacrifice she would make.  Traditional family system and the concept of filial piety are no longer held in a high position.  Chinese society has accepted the loss of these traditions due to changes in their culture.  People are no longer attached to their land by patriarchal obligations or agricultural needs.  They chose to leave their familial homes to live alone or with unrelated people and support themselves financially.  This change in China is known as the “emancipation of the individual from the family” and the downfall of properly chosen bloodlines to insure suitable heirs.

In the film, Jen was expected to fulfill her filial piety obligations through marriage.  Her failure in “acting properly in human relationships” was Jen’s downfall.  The basic expectation of a young woman in China during the 19th century was to be an obedient child, then wife and finally, child bearer.  In the 21st
century those strict virtues are no longer placed in high importance.  Therefore in “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon” Jen’s defiance and individualism in ancient times are celebrated by current viewers in modern times.

Works Cited

Browning, Don, Green, M. and John Witte Jr. Sex, Marriage, & Family, NY, Columbia University Press,  2006.  Print.

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon.  Dir. Ang Lee. Sony Pictures Classics, 2000.  DVD.

Harvey,Graham.  Religions in Focus, CT,  UK: Equinox Publishing Ltd,  2009. Print.

When Imperialism wasn’t a Video Game

It's not just a video game

The most significant ideology causing a long lasting effect on European history and society was imperialism.  Western Civilizations desire to expand its borders led to the conquest of other countries.  The acts of atrocities by the West to other countries during these conquests proved the west was superior and affective in its goal of expansion.  The West’s sheer militant power and economic dominance over weaker civilizations, including other European countries, has permanently scarred its history.

In the mid-1800’s British Imperialism ruled over Ireland.  Ireland had fallen victim to a potato famine and sought assistance from Britain. Parliament showed little interest in the well-being of Ireland and continued exporting grains that could have been a food source for the starving country.  This act of greed allowed 4 million people to die during the potato blight.  Isaac Butt proclaimed his disappointment with Britain in A Voice for Ireland.  “Britain is now branded as the only civilized nation which would permit her subjects to perish of famine, without making a national effort to supply them with food.”  (Brophy, 577)

Britain sent a Scottish missionary to Africa under the guise of spreading the word of Christianity.  The missionary, David Livingstone, reported to Britain the fertility of Africa and his “desire to open a path to this district that civilization, commerce and Christianity might find their way there.”  He viewed the power of British imperialism as a blessing to the unenlightened countries of Africa. (Brophy, 579)   England was in direct competition with Germany in the race to seize Africa.  Germany was over-crowded and as a nation they declared it their cultural mission to expand into Africa and “successfully hew a new path on the road of imperialism.” (Brophy, 594)

Western Civilization’s imperial rule seemed unstoppable.  In the 1890’s, the German’s began spreading a racial theory concerning their superiority over non German races.  H.S. Chamberlain published literature that proposed the ability of the German race to capture weaker countries and expand its rule into non-European areas.  Chamberlain stated the importance of extending the superior German race worldwide by “mercilessly overthrowing and excluding those who are alien to us.”  This radical idea was the breeding ground for racial ideology for the future ruler of Germany, Adolf Hitler.  (Brophy, 595)

During the Spanish-American War in 1899, Britain continued its imperial drive into India.  The West’s desire to govern the uncivilized black races by force was clear.  Britain even raised the issue to the United States in hopes of
assistance with educating the natives and “cleaning” them physically and
spiritually.  Kipling’s poem titled “The White Man’s Burden” justified “the savage wars of peace” to humanize the “half devil and half child” creatures of India.
(Brophy, 597)  The United States was not interested in assisting another countries imperial war.

By the 1920’s Britain was successful in its imperial drive into Africa.  The technology of the British made African resistance futile against their advanced military strength.    Africans were forced to surrender their land for the benefit of the hostile Europeans.  The British then enslaved the African people to work the land agriculturally for the financial gain of England.  Morel, a British journalist, documented in “The Black Man’s Burden” the devastation Africa suffered during this imperial rise by Britain.  He asked in his document “Why cannot the white imperial peoples, acknowledging in some measure the injuries they have inflicted upon the African, turn a new leaf in their treatment of him?”  He viewed Britain’s
Christian missionary trip as “vulgar and soulless materialism” that caused
“incalculable harm” to the African race. (Brophy, 601-03)

The final example of imperialism I am putting forth in this essay is Adolf Hitler’s attempt of annihilating an entire culture of people.  Written in his political memoir, he declares the Jews as enemies to the Aryans.  He
wrote “If the Jews were alone in this world, they would suffocate as much in
dirt and filth, as they would carry on a detestable struggle to cheat and ruin
each other…”  (Brophy, 730) Hitler used the Jewish citizens as the reason for Germany’s defeat in World War I.  Instilling racial prejudice within Germany’s
empire, he systematically began removing the Jews and other citizens he deemed
unworthy of life.  This internal act of imperialism has left the deepest, ugliest scar of all on Western Civilization’s history.

European imperialism over the past 400 years has caused permanent, never-ending pain to Western Civilization and the countries conquered.  Their domination of weaker civilizations by force, whether within Europe or in Third World countries carries a long history of abuse, starvation, and murder.  The
West may have felt victorious in its ability to sweep in and conquer with their
advanced technological resources.  The reality is taking land and life from people who are helpless to defend themselves is truly not an accomplishment to have pride in.

New Crib

Good Luck Cabin Penny

It’s been an exhausting search for a new place to live.  My prayers and those praying for me seem to be answered, an adorable log cabin in West York with a fenced in yard for Tesla and Ying and a garage to keep my Harley out of the bad weather.  It’s not available for about two weeks, but that’s a time frame I can deal with.  Classes start again in three weeks so I am crossing my fingers to have all the moving completed before heading back to campus.

Thank you to my friends and family for keeping the Crider’s in your thoughts and prayers.  I will be registering Tesla for school in West York and pray that she gets what she wants, which is to live with her mommy.  It will be great to see her florish in school while I also continue my education.  Transcripts were issued yesterday and I raised my GPA from a 3.2 to a 3.5.  How that is possible with all the stress in the household, with my family and the pending divorce, I’m not sure!  I want to be a role model for Tesla and make her proud of her mom as I am proud of her.  She is my sunshine during these rough times in life.

~P.

Random thoughts

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

Today I took my last final of my Freshman year at YCP.  Whew, what a relief!  I’m sitting outside enjoying the beautiful weather and the quietness.  Everyone had somewhere to go so I have rare moment of aloneness. 

Random Thoughts: 

Dover woodpeckers are relentless!!! 

 I had a call today about an apartment for rent and when I stopped to see where it was, the owner’s son was there and let me inside.  Cute apartment, just the right size for us.  In a country setting, first floor, all appliances included which is great as I have none from my house and still in Dover Schools.   I filled out the application and just have to wait patiently to hear if Ying can live with Tess and I.  Cross your fingers!! 

I wonder how my brother Sam is doing in Williamsport.  We rarely hear from him once he leaves Dover…

Three weeks off before summer classes start!  woohoo!  I guess that time will be well spent packing and moving. 

I realize I have upset many people, especially relatives on my father’s side for a number of reasons.  It’s not the first time as someone pointed out.  Probably won’t be the last time either, but family is family and I hope things DO smooth over.  I understand hearing the truth about certain subjects is painful.  Many hurtful things have been said to me and about me, but I hold no grudges. 

For the record, I am STILL married, waiting for a divorce and I do not have a boyfriend.  I am not actively seeking a boyfriend….or for that matter girlfriend.  haha

Still trying to wrap my head around the idea of Suz living in a camper with Blaine and Sparky at Outdoor World.

A favorite Quote:

 Well-behaved women rarely make history!  -Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

Peace and Love to all. 

~P.

Magical Mothers Day

Blaine and Tess

 

I may have had the best Mother’s Day ever. Zeth spent the weekend and went to church with his Aunt Suz, Blaine, Pap and Gramma in the morning. When they came home, Zeth said he was making me breakfast. I requested eggs and toast from the invisible menu and a wee bit later, I had three well cooked “dippy” eggs and cold toast with way to much margarine.  I happily ate it anyway, honored he wanted to cook for me.  Jarrid met up with us in York and we hit the Mother’s Day street fair.  Blaine and Tess chowed down on the Famous Bricker’s french fries then had a blast in the bounce houses.  All that walking from one bounce house to another left their stocking feet black, but oh well, that’s what bleach is for.

We walked around long enough to get a slight sunburn, about three hours.  Stopped for some ice cream and headed back home.  At home all of us bowled with kid’s plastic bowling pins and….a golf ball.  I discovered just how well golf balls bounce on cement today.  When I tossed it to Tess and she missed, it hit her on the top lip.  A few tears were shed, but she’s tough like her mom and forgot  about it quickly.

Our neighbor texted and invited us over for a cook out.  In the country the word neighbor is used loosely.  We don’t really have a “next door” neighbor out here, so if you’re within 5 miles, you are a neighbor.  We piled into two cars and drove about 5 minutes to a farm.  There we enjoyed hotdogs, hamburgs, salad and risking our lives on four wheelers and a gator.  My son managed to get the gator stuck in the mud while Suz was videotaping the ride.  I will have to post it because it is hilarious.  Think Dumb and Dumber with four-wheel drive….

New peeps arrived on the farm today

More people showed up, including the infamous Jerry that was a hot topic of discussion earlier.  Jerry took 3rd at Susquehanna Speedway Saturday night, but forgot to have his car weighed and checked after the race.  He was officially disqualified, losing his placing, the $150 prize, and the 5 points earned towards qualifying.  I didn’t know who he was at the time but I laughed along with everyone else for his stupid mistake.  When Jerry showed up for the cookout and I discovered this dodo is my second cousin.  Small world gets smaller everyday. 

Around eight we drove 5 minutes back home.  My day wasn’t quite over yet as Zeth needed to go back to his dads for school in the morning.  Now…. I’m sitting down relaxing; reflecting how wonderful my Mother’s Day was.  I am blessed to have 3 healthy, happy children who love and enjoy spending their time with me.  Life is wonderful and I live each day embracing it. 

Happy Mother’s Day to all the Moms out there.  I hope your day was as wonderful as mine!

~P.

Accepting criticism

Matthew Randall, director of York College’s Center for Professional Excellence, gave an excellent lecture on how to react to criticism at ones work or place of study. His power point presentation made quite an impact as well as his guest speaker, YCP student, Ashley. Randall is a talented public speaker and shared a wealth of important information with his audience. It is important for an employee or student to understand what an employer or professor expects from them.

The expectations are as follows: accept personal responsibility for your work, be open to criticism, have competent verbal and written skills, be motivated and think independently. When someone follows these simple guidelines, the chance of criticism is much less likely to occur.

Randall explained his theory of the five biggest sources of criticism by an employer or professor.

1. Not paying attention to direction.

2. Working under pressure. (can lower quality of work)

3. Insufficient training/guidance.

4. Unclear expectations. (not understanding what is expected)

5. Trying to create something new. (no previous example to work from)

Emotions often caused by receiving criticism range from apathy (just not caring anymore), shame (realizing your erred), anger (how dare I get a C when all other professors give me A’s and B’s) and anxiety (so stressed you can’t focus.) A professional will recognize these emotions and take a step back before reacting.

Using the F.I.R.E. model Randall presented in his lecture will keep emotions in check and assist in finding a solution to the errors that led to criticism.

F-Facts of the error (Have a clear understanding of what the mistake was)

I-Interpretations (understand how employer or professor is viewing you due to error. ie: lazy, inept)

R-Reactions of you and your critic (don’t lose your temper, patience or lunch.)

E-Ends (what is the desired outcome your supervisor or teacher is seeking)

After taking account of Randall’s FIRE model, there are five steps to resolving an error and insuring it doesn’t happen again.

1. Take a deep breath and thank the person criticizing you. This sounds like the last thing someone would want to do but accepting criticism is a huge part in learning.

2. Fess up and acknowledge your mistake. This relays you are human and want to learn from errors.

3. Change your way you are working so mistakes don’t happen again. Once you learn what the problem is, don’t continue as before or the errors will return.

4. Rely on your support network. If you will feel better talking to a family member, friend, or spouse to ease the sting of criticism then take advantage of their support.

5. Get back out there. Don’t shrink into the background to avoid the possibility of future criticism. Putting your neck out shows you are motivated to succeed.

In conclusion of Randall’s presentation, accepting criticism can be a challenge but it is also a powerful tool for improvement. He closed with a question to the audience that can be asked so a person will know what is expected of them at work or in class. In the next 30 days we should ask, “If you were me, what would you choose to work on to improve?” This will give an employee or student the answer to what is lacking in their work, before it leads to criticism.

~P.

The Crafty Basket Dover, PA

Pattie Crider

Art Critique

4/27/2011

                The Crafty Basket is located just up from the square in Dover, PA and specializes in country folk art.  While some art is produced by using prefabricated pieces, the art created as a whole are original.  The Crafty Basket is owned by Brenda and Mike Eckenrode and has been in business for thirteen years.  Their work is displayed gallery-like and the original art pieces are signed by the artist. 

                The first piece I chose was a Christmas ornament.  The plastic ornament was originally blank and the edges were raised to show texture.  Brenda Eckenrode painted a whimsical snowman using acrylic paint depicting a realistic winter scene.  The snowman wore a red scarf and mittens complimenting his carrot nose and contrasting with the cool, blue background.  He was centered on the ornament and had a cheerful look to his face.  The top right side portrayed a top hat held in his left hand.  Balancing out the Christmas ornament was a white star on the left side of the heart-shaped piece.  A simple white ribbon to display the piece was attached at the top.

                The second piece was a soft sculpture of a grandmother like doll.  Her face was incredibly natural looking as Brenda used nylon stocking material to create the head.  The dolls outfit was a composition of cotton material, lace and ribbon all hand sewn.  Many pieces used to create this realistic soft sculpture would be considered “found objects” such as the tiny wire glasses, hair and the single flower in her hand.  Attached to the back of the doll sculpture was a magnet.  This was not actually part of the art but did make it easy to display and view.

                The third piece of art, Lilac Milkcan, would also be considered “found objects.” This arrangement was created using artificial white lilacs with deep green foliage.  The milk can was painted a robin’s egg blue and made to look antique.  By this I mean it was purposely painted to look used.  There were portions, especially around the handles and base where the paint had been thinned down to barely cover the tin.  This floral arrangement was especially appealing to my eyes because of the analogous colors of green and blue.  Had the milk can been painted green it would not have made the foliage pop between the white lilacs and the milk can.

                The forth piece was a print titled Autumn Afternoon by Billy Jacobs of Ohio.  This picture appealed to me because the subject or focus point seemed to be the crows on the fence.  The crows were large in scale and towards the bottom of the piece.   They were perched on a fence that created horizontal and vertical lines showing its stability as well as unity and rhythm.  My eyes followed the fence line which led to a tree created with diagonal lines.  The diagonal lines kept my eyes moving over the picture to the house in the background.  Though the house is clearly much larger than the crows, Jacobs painted it at the top of the picture makes it appear correct in scale.  The colors used in this piece were warm variations of red, accurately depicting an autumn day.

                The fifth piece is a birdhouse sculpture.  This was created by Mike from trees cut down on the Eckenrode property.  Each piece of the birdhouse was cut and planed by Mike then assembled.  He added vines woven together created diagonal lines around the birdhouse.  Each bird hole was placed at equal distances creating unity in the piece and the rectangular nail under each hole gave it a nice visual rhythm.  This sculpture has a rustic look because the boards were not sanded completely smooth.  Instead there is a rough texture left on the surface and was painted a washed out blue color making it appeared to be faded with age.  The base and the roof sections were painted black and broke up the color scheme.  This piece made me think of sculpture in the round because it can be viewed from all sides.  It also made me think of earth art, not in the traditional sense but because it was made of items found naturally on earth with the exception of the nails. 

                The sixth piece I chose was the simplest of all, a wooden shelf.  This was also made by Mike from trees grown on their property.  I thought of it as functioning art because it was very appealing due to its simple assemblage and primitive look but once hung, could be used to display other works of art.  Unlike the birdhouse which I don’t think could actually function due to its scale, the shelf is the perfect size to hang on a wall.  Mike sanded it smooth and stained it black in color.  All the edges were lighter in color highlighting the horizontal and vertical lines.  The monochrome color would complement any room as well as anything placed on the shelf.  I found it simply beautiful.

                The art found at the Crafty Basket took me back to a simpler time of life.  The farmhouse in Billy Jacobs’ picture would be the exact location for the primitive, rustic art created at the Crafty Basket.  A York or Lancaster County farmhouse or even better, log house, would be ideal.  After talking to the Eckenrodes and learning their items were handmade and painted on location I had a deeper appreciation for this simple art form.  Art of this type is also made cheaply overseas and when I compared their handmade version against the imported type, the quality difference was clear.  The Eckenrode’s art was clean in appearance, not sloppily put together or painted on an assembly line.  The soft sculpture doll was just outstanding because the time put into making it was obvious.  There were no loose strings hanging from the material, nor was it made with poor quality “found objects.”  The Christmas ornament was skillfully painted by an artist, Brenda, not an anonymous person sitting in a factory.  In sketching each piece it forced me to look closely at how it was made, arranged or painted and appreciate the skill needed to create folk art.