Suicide and that Helpless Feeling



Suicide.  People take their lives everyday around the world.  Each person has their reason, some never sharing why.  It crushes the world of those left behind; they must work hard to get past the loss of someone they love.  Survivors are left sorting out where they felt they went wrong.  What signals they missed.

What if you never felt loved by your family?  If you had no friends, no family, and moved from town to town?  It pains me to think of all the children in the world that are suffering at the hands of their own parents, and can not find a safe person to reach out for help.

I’ve become friends with a young man who has been through hell.  Brutality, starvation and isolation his entire life.  His only allies were his siblings.  By finally alerting the police while his parents were away, he removed himself and his brothers and sisters from this house of hell and is free from the abuse, but he is anger, depressed and suicidal.  We are talking and I am praying for him..  I ask that you pray for him also.  His name begins with an M.  God will know who your are praying about.  Pray for his parents also, to realize their sins and the damage they have caused to their children.

I will share more.

God Bless and thank you for reading.  I have genuine concern about this young man and would be sad beyond words if he dies at his own hands, now that he has taken over his life.


To Write Love on Her Arms

Jamie Tworkowski

Choose not to be alone.

Jamie Tworkowski spoke on campus about his non-profit movement known as “To Write Love on Her Arms” (TWLOHA) and just for kicks, he brought along his friend and musician Anthony Raneri of Bayside.  The tickets were a twofer; something you get two at once, Jamie and Anthony appearing on one stage.

If you went to the presentation, you know exactly what TWLOHA is and if you didn’t go, read the previous issue of The Spartan.  What I want to write about is Mr. Tworkowski as an individual.

If I had to describe Tworkowski with one word it would be “cool.” He is so cool you want to know him.  He came in and spilled his guts about his life. Carefree, surfer dude type of guy. He had a nice job with a big racing company and he quit to raise awareness of depression, suicide, self injury, addiction, and all the “stuff” people are afraid to talk about. Twork (my nickname for him) said, “People need other people to help us carry the weight of life.”

Twork was a guy that made the audience think “slacker.”  He admitted he was a slacker and was amazed himself when he landed a dream job with Quicksilver followed by Hurley.   He experienced two life changing events.  A friend, Renee needed support while she came down from drug use.  Twork recorded five days with her in written form.  Following her admittance to rehab, Twork shared his story about just being there for her as a friend.  He also had an associate at work commit suicide and this prompted him to make a difference in people’s lives.  Twork is one hell of a guy and brutally honest.  He said, “People are afraid of what response we are met with when we talk about stuff.  Suicide prevention is in knowing others are out there that care.”

These were wise words for a college drop-out, surfer dude.  He dressed to blend in on campus and I estimate he is in his early thirties now.  While he didn’t encourage dropping out of college, he did open my eyes at how much of an impact this dorky guy had through the internet.  I don’t think Twork would mind if I called him dorky.  He seemed to know he is goofy and it is a very charming trait for someone who has taken up public speaking.  Twork made the sound-system squeal, he didn’t pay much attention to his surroundings and I noticed his habit of taking the lid off his water and putting it back on without taking a sip.  A nervous reaction I suppose.  He also would go off on a tangent and forget what he was talking about.  I’m not sure how he manages to squeeze so much humor into such a sad topic but dude pulled it off.  Twork is just an average joe who was there for a friend in need and kicked off what has become a world-wide support system.  He believes, “you are born to be known and your uniqueness is priceless.”  His message is of hope and that help is real and I believed in his message.  Everyone in the room believed in his message and that is why he is successful as what he does.

Dear John VII

Dear John,

  Today is Zeth’s birthday!  I doubt you remembered that.   I already sent him a birthday note in Facebook.  Do you remember what happened on this day two years ago?  Let me remind you!

   I woke up in the hospital after swallowing multiple prescription pills the day before.  You were screaming at me that day about the business.   To make you happy I began to swallow my pills, followed by a swig of orange juice.  You did say “knock it off Pattie” while I did this, but made no attempt to stop me.  In fact, you even said, “now you’ll never see your daughter” and I realized you weren’t going to stop me from taking the meds.  This was the easy way for you.  Just let me off myself. 

   Once that light went off in my head, I stopped on my own.   The lights grew dim as the pills kicked in and I couldn’t find that damn syrup to make me barf.  Ipecac Syrup I think it’s called.  You had  got some for Diane the night she tried to exit out of your life.

   So I wake up in a hospital bed and tell my doctors what happened and why.  They believed me when I said I would never kill myself and did not need to go to the Psych ward.  They released me but I grew impatient for the discharge papers.  Finally I just left, feeling like an escaped prisoner.  Lisa Vannatta picked me up in the pouring down rain.  I was soaking wet after slipping on road, trying to jump a puddle in bedroom slippers.  I still had on my pajamas from the morning before the blow up.  Lisa thought I was crazy for wanting to go back to my house but it was Zeth’s birthday party.  I couldn’t miss the party I threw and Lisa was already on her way there anyway!

Boy did you have a look of surprise on your face when I walked into the house.  The party was already started but my entrance stopped the show.  Everyone was happy to see me alive and well, in the flesh.  Everyone but you!

Tomorrow marks two years since we officially split up.  Get on with this divorce PLEASE!

It’s true and ya know it,


%d bloggers like this: