Dear John VII

Dear John,

  Today is Zeth’s birthday!  I doubt you remembered that.   I already sent him a birthday note in Facebook.  Do you remember what happened on this day two years ago?  Let me remind you!

   I woke up in the hospital after swallowing multiple prescription pills the day before.  You were screaming at me that day about the business.   To make you happy I began to swallow my pills, followed by a swig of orange juice.  You did say “knock it off Pattie” while I did this, but made no attempt to stop me.  In fact, you even said, “now you’ll never see your daughter” and I realized you weren’t going to stop me from taking the meds.  This was the easy way for you.  Just let me off myself. 

   Once that light went off in my head, I stopped on my own.   The lights grew dim as the pills kicked in and I couldn’t find that damn syrup to make me barf.  Ipecac Syrup I think it’s called.  You had  got some for Diane the night she tried to exit out of your life.

   So I wake up in a hospital bed and tell my doctors what happened and why.  They believed me when I said I would never kill myself and did not need to go to the Psych ward.  They released me but I grew impatient for the discharge papers.  Finally I just left, feeling like an escaped prisoner.  Lisa Vannatta picked me up in the pouring down rain.  I was soaking wet after slipping on road, trying to jump a puddle in bedroom slippers.  I still had on my pajamas from the morning before the blow up.  Lisa thought I was crazy for wanting to go back to my house but it was Zeth’s birthday party.  I couldn’t miss the party I threw and Lisa was already on her way there anyway!

Boy did you have a look of surprise on your face when I walked into the house.  The party was already started but my entrance stopped the show.  Everyone was happy to see me alive and well, in the flesh.  Everyone but you!

Tomorrow marks two years since we officially split up.  Get on with this divorce PLEASE!

It’s true and ya know it,



  1. Oh Pattie, you really need this man out of your life. He’s not healthy for you, hell, he’s not healthy himself. I really hope you are able to heal from all of this. Keep talking about it, it will help. I am here to support you in any way I can. (((HUGS)))

  2. Anonymous says:

    I think you should stop writing to John because of the court shit. Let your feelings be what they are but say them out loud to yourself and act as if you wrote them. This could be more crap for his lawyer. Remember your parenting class. Try to find the “good” in goodbye. Just look at Tesla and remember her as the one good thing that came out of a lunatic marriage and cherish her. If you never let go of the pain, you can never fully move on. Luv Ya Doll!

Go ahead...take a swing. I'll duck and listen.

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