Dear Ying

You are a rat

Dear Ying,

I realized you’re not going to care if I call you a rat.  You’re a dog, that catches rats, for Chinese royalty.  It must have made it easier for your past generations, to blend in with what they seek to kill.  Lucky for you Yinger, my Ying-a-Ding, you don’t have to chase rats for a living.

It’s a pretty comfy life for you at my house.  Ya know it cost me an extra $250 deposit, plus an additional $35 a month for you to live here?  Could you show a little appreciation please?  Stop trying to sneak out and make ugly puppies in Shiloh!  My luck, you’ll get some collie dog pregnant and scare the owners half to death at delivery time.

Back to showing appreciation to me, your master.  Get that?  I’m the master, you’re the dog.  Do not jump on the counter and help yourself to anything.  There are many things I want covered by that word anything, such as: crayons, ears of fresh corn, entire plate of brownies with fudge topping.  Stop eating OUR food and being so sneaky about it.  No one BUT you would eat an entire plate of brownies at once, though I’ve thought about it.

Well, you are looking at me while I type so I guess you want something.  You gotta go out to pee?  Want to get your rawhide in the basement?  Need water?  Well tough shit, I have a couple more things to do first.

Like edit before publishing.

You are a bad rat.  You poop with colorful crayon bits in your dookie.  Gross!  You ate an ear of corn and most of the cob, then yacked it up all over the floor.   Remember that day?  I was late for class.  So Friday, Tesla and I make brownies and what do you do?  Eat all of it, right out of the pan, later that day.

The one brownie I did get to eat

All this is just bad behavior Yinger.  You cost me too much, and I do love you to little pieces, but the bullshits got to stop.

Ok, let’s go outside now,


Go ahead...take a swing. I'll duck and listen.

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