3/24/09 When child services come knocking

I was just texting with a friend about divorce and custody.  He didn’t go through a divorce but did have a nasty custody battle over his daughter.  He won, but said only 4-7 percent of fathers get custody.  He said baby’s mama was never a serious person in his life and could prove he could provide for their daughter best.  The courts agreed with him.  He went through hell, and I understand completely.  The multiple days Child Care Services, representing the state’s interest in the welfare of children, came knocking were just vicious attempts to make him stop pursing custody.  I can also relate to that.  When child services came knocking on 3/24/09 I was shocked.

At this point, I was moving into my friend Shar’s (Sharon) house.  The house was just a tiny thing and would probably fit into just John and I’s new bedroom addition.  It is made of stone and matches the large house.  The little house looked more like a small garage, than a house, but it was cozy and kept me near a dear friend for safety.

John had packed up my things at home and helpfully brought them to me.  There was very little that he was allowing me to take.  Mostly my personal items, knick nacks, some clothes etc.  Items we had from moving jobs that he didn’t care about.  A bed for Tesla off a move, a table and 2 bar stools off another moving job etc.  I convinced him to let me use our large red leather chair with an ottoman  also from a job.  It was actually his before we met and I recall him saying he spent $75 on it.   All my furniture was disposed of.  It didn’t rate making it into the Delauter mansion.

I didn’t really think I would be living at the little house very long.  I wanted to work things out with John in the worst way.  Tesla didn’t deserve us breaking up over the control issues her father had and my resistance to being until his thumb.  Our marriage counselor felt I needed to move out temporarily at least, until things cooled off.  John didn’t agree to any idea of me not living under the same roof as him.  Privately, the counselor told me to take my daughter and get out before he hurts me.  I didn’t like the idea of getting hurt.  I chose the plan take a month or two at a friends house and help her fix it up to rent out.

Shar wound up renting to me for a much longer time frame.  Back to March 24, 2009, I was up early working on the large heating grates out of the floors.  Tess was at the sitters and I was rushing to get the grates clean and painted so they would be dry to go back in the house.  There were other people working at the little house.  John’s first wife’s, brother-in-law was there with his son, installing the linoleum in the kitchen.  My sink had been removed and there was no running water.  John was stopping by to help with the floors and build steps to the large house so there was closer access to Shar’s.

CCS showed up around 9:30ish AM.  It felt like someone punched me in the stomach.  Confused and upset I asked why they were there.  The two women said they had received a report that my house was unfit to have Tesla.  Reading from her paper, “house is unfit for child.  Big holes in the floors, no running water or heat.”  I stood in disbelief.

What the hell are they talking about, I thought.  Who the hell would even say that?  People started popping into my head…John, La (secretary), Mike (John’s brother) were my first thought.  Well, the only thought actually. 

I let the women walk through “my home.”  Showed them where Tesla sleeps.  They liked how I decorated her bedroom door in bright colors and her name.  I explained the sink was being replaced but all other sinks worked as well as the toilet.  Gave a flush to prove the point though I could tell they were embarrassed at even going further with this “investigation.”   I turned the heat on even though the doors and windows were open.  Had to prove the heat worked in her bedroom.  I explained the holes in the floor were being covered as soon as the fresh paint was dry on the heat grates (reality: some went in the floor a bit wet.)

Once they were satisfied with the welfare of Tesla at this home, they gave me information on receiving food stamps and WIC checks for Tesla.  She was just  3 when all this happened.  Because they had to see Tesla, I had to send them to the house where a private child psychologist was babysitting.  She was not thrilled about CCS coming to her house, but she had nothing to hide either.  CCS met Tesla and all was well.

I missed my dentist appointment that day.  Rescheduled that appointment and John arrived shortly after noon.  I told him about CCS showing up and he said “I didn’t call them.”  I said “that’s funny because I only told YOU why I wanted you taking Tesla to the sitters today. So the big holes in the floor  could get covered and the sink installed.  Then I could turn on the heat so it’s not so chilly at night.”  He denied calling again and I let it go.  I really wanted to focus on our relationship and improving it so I COULD move back to our house.

John helped for a little while but had to run for a business appointment.  I doubt now it was even an appointment for business.  We went back to my “temporary” bedroom and made love.  I was ashamed I thought he would call child services on me.  I was in denial.  Denial of just how low this man would stoop to get the upper hand.

Though he and his brother threatened to call CCS on me many times, I knew it was all a bluff.  There was no way and still is no way, he will convince anyone I am an unfit mother.  He needs to take a look in the mirror himself.

End note: I know who called CCS for fact now.  Nothing stays a secret forever.