Tesla got candy and stuffed animals…I got roses. Good deal! I love you Tesla Rose!!!
May 18, 2013
Easter 2013
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Apr 10, 2013
What happened to the good people?
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This past Friday I took my daughter Tesla to the Galleria Mall in York. We ate at the food court–at the time I didn’t even think about the recent roach infestation–she had McDonald’s chicken nugget happy meal and I opted for a over-priced, fancy salad from the Salad Works restaurant. Things were going down well though Tesla felt her chicken nuggets were a bit over-cooked. I convinced her, after tasting a bite, that they were they same old nuggets she always orders. She finished before me and began playing with her happy meal toy. One of those worthless plastic toys that become junk thirty minutes or less after opening the package. Tesla and I went up and down the escalators a few times…because she thinks it is fun and to be honest with you, I’m still fascinated and horrified every time I set my foot down on a moving step with teeth.
On the first floor we walked over to the Piercing Pagoda, a little kiosk shop that sells silver and gold jewelry. Tesla’s seventh birthday is coming up quickly and I asked her if she would like to pick out a pair of earrings. I showed her the case of sterling silver ones that I wanted her to pick from; it held everything imaginable in the form of an earring. They were on sale: Buy one get the second half price! I couldn’t ignore the signs announcing the sale and told Tesla to pick two pair. She chose circular rainbows made with rhinestones and butterflies with blue and green rhinestone wings. They were ones I may have even chosen back when I was almost seven. I would have held on to them for a year since I wasn’t allowed to have my ears pierced until I was eight.
Tesla asked to go to any cellphone store so she could play some games on the Ipads on display. We have done this in the past and after the sales person gets your just wanna have fun, they move on. It was the same on that day and I watched Tesla slide a blue bird around on the screen for a little bit. I gave the game a try and then moved to another Ipad and tried out the enormous camera. About ten minutes had passed and I told Tesla we had to get going to Boscov’s store. My nephew Blaine’s birthday party was the next day and we still needed to pick out his gift. As we headed to Boscov’s we took a short detour to a candy kiosk. I dug a quarter out of my wallet, juggling two drink cups, a McDonald’s bag of leftovers and Tesla’s bag with her new earrings. Tesla chose the gumball machine and hoped for blue. As the quarter turned, it fell into the money mechanism forcing the machine to drop a gumball. It was blue! Ah, the day was just sweetness after sweetness.
We agreed on purchasing a Nerf Gun for Blaine. They seemed a bit over-priced but we were at Boscov’s, not Walmart. On the way to the sale desk I spotted printed t-shirts on sale for $4.99. We stopped and looked through the sales table for SpongeBob SquarePants or Angry Birds t-shirts and sure enough, we found one of each. In just a few more steps, we were at the sales desk. The clerk rang up my sale and I reached for my wallet and came up with just my cellphone and car keys. I looked in the earring bag thinking I may have thrown it in there. My wallet wasn’t much bigger than a man’s wallet but it was wider, holding all my important cards. Nope, not in the bag. I looked in the McDonald’s bag knowing I wouldn’t have put it in there but desperation makes you do funny things. I apologized and said I must have set my wallet down looking at the toys. Tesla told the clerk, “we will be back after my mom finds her wallet. This is my cousin Blaine’s birthday present and his party is tomorrow.”
Suddenly things weren’t so sweet. In fact, that punch in the gut feeling just made my vinaigrette salad dressing turn sour. We returned to the jewelry store but I knew I hadn’t let my wallet there. I couldn’t put my finger on why at the time but I remember now, giving Tesla the quarter for the blue gumball she spit out less than fifteen minutes later. I reported my wallet lost/stolen to mall security. About forty minutes had passed since I lost track of my wallet and no one had turned it in to security. I filed a written report but had little hope left of every seeing my wallet again. Tesla and I walked around a little longer, me looking into the trash cans, thinking someone might have found that my wallet had less than $1 in cash so they tossed it away. No luck in the trash so I called Dale to look up the phone number to cancel my only Visa debit card.
I’ve come to the conclusion that someone found my wallet on top of the candy kiosk and took it. I’m glad there was no money in my wallet which means they got nothing but half a pack of postage stamps and maybe eighty-six cents in change. Serves that jackass or jackasses right! It makes no sense why someone would keep a wallet that clearly is important to me, while worthless to them. My credit card shows no unusual activity so I know it wasn’t used. What it boils down to is, a good person didn’t find my wallet. I lost my wallet one other time along the road. It came out of my cycle’s saddlebag and I didn’t realize it until I arrived home. Three days later, the police called notifying me my wallet had been found by a couple living along that road. They had been out walking their dogs. I never caught found out who they were because the police couldn’t give me their names…what I did know is these people were my “neighbors” in the way country people refer to neighbors. They lived closed by, but I probably didn’t know who they were and since the address on my license hadn’t been update to reflect my move back to my parents, it took three days for the police to find me. Now that is what good people do. They turn over a found wallet (the fifteen dollars was still inside) to the police and the police search to find you and return it.
Now I am in the process of having new cards issued for banking, insurance and I have to make the trip to the Department of Transportation to have yet another rendition of my license reproduced. The wait at the DOT office seems endless and I dread going in for my new card. So much time wasted in searching for my wallet and now trying to recreate what was stolen. I had faith that someone would find and return my wallet, but five days have now passed and there was clearly no good person who came to my rescue.
~P.
Mar 18, 2013
I guess Disney is over-rated
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I found this amusing
I waited in my car after texting “here” to announce my presence. John came out on the porch and motioned for me to come to the house. That is a bad sign as he technically has me court ordered to not even step onto our land. I entered my house. John was standing at the island and his girlfriend, Heather, was seated across from him. John had a document in his hand for me to sign. He insists on this paper signing when Tesla is with me at any time other than my weekends. “What are you going to do about this dog situation?” he asked. I was confused, not sure what he was referring to. He continued, “I heard about Ying biting Dale. I learned today he bit Blaine.” John was referring to my dog Ying biting my boyfriend and a few years ago, biting my nephew. “Ying would never bite Tesla. It’s not even a possibility.” I replied. I quickly signed my name to his over-night agreement and tore off my copy. Tesla and I were anxious to exit.
“I wanted to talk to you a minute about Disney.” Heather said to me. I couldn’t believe she was even bringing Disney up again. After the rude texts she sent to me about being John’s sugar mama and she’s not using her divorce money to pay the mortgage but to take them all to Disney World. Apparently John can’t go to Disney this time around. He’s been there twice, once with his first wife and once with his ex-girlfriend Kelly. So Heather has it in her head she should take Tesla to Disney. I let Heather give her spiel while I kept one eye on Tesla to see her facial reactions. Tesla didn’t seem interested in what Heather was saying which seemed strange to me. I would have thought she would be excited, agreeing she wanted to take this trip, maybe even begging me to say yes. Heather handed me an envelope with the dates she intends to fly to Florida and where they will stay. As if this would suddenly make a difference, she volunteered, “Tesla can call you every day on my phone while we are away.” I had to laugh. “Come on Tess,” as I reached for her hand to leave. I couldn’t listen to anymore of this woman’s babble. After the hatefulness Heather has displayed in situations that had nothing to do with her and the jealously she holds over a man who refuses to divorce me, why would I let her take my child anywhere?
Tesla and I finally got her signed out and we both sighed in relief in the car. I asked her what is up with this whole Disney trip and she said, “Heather says I have to go. She said it will be fun. She talks about it all the time.” I digested these three sentences and thought about Tesla’s lack of input during the Heather spiel. “You don’t want to go to Disney?” I asked, as things began to add up in my head. “Heather will be mad.” She answered, twisting her lips into a frown. Now I had a clear picture and that clarity was going to make this a touchy situation. “Heather is an adult and she will get over being disappointed that you don’t go. I’m surprised you don’t want to go.” Tesla, speaking maturely looked me in the eyes and said, “It’s far away and too long. I’ve been there.” Her argument made sense and I was at a loss for words. Only my child can let me speechless. She didn’t want to discuss it further so I let the subject drop for the time being.
Our over-night stay was coming to a close. Her father called because he was running late coming back from somewhere. He wanted to know if I was going to be able to drop Tesla off at 2 pm. He had originally said he would pick Tesla up. I failed to notice he had it typed in the weekend agreement that I had to pick up Tesla and drop her off the next day. He also wanted to keep Tesla the following Friday until 8:30 pm and I must pick her up. The whole Disney World chat through me off, under normal circumstances, when I’m not drawn into their lair, I read, sign and leave.
Knowing we didn’t have much time left to our visit, I sat on the couch with Tesla and turned off the television. “Why are you turning my show off?” she asked. “I want to talk to you a little bit before I take you back to your dad.” I answered. “About Disney?” she rolled her eyes. “Yes, about Disney.” I replied. “I just want to be sure I understand what you want to do because I’m going to have to give Heather an answer.” “Can you just tell her I can’t go?” Tesla asked. “I want to go away with you.” This child knows how to tug at my heart strings without even trying. I would love to take her to Disney World. I’ve never even been to Disney. “I can’t take you to Disney honey. Maybe in a few years we can. How about somewhere else? Like Hershey Park?” She smiled and asked if it was far away. I told her no and we could probably visit grandma the same day. “That sounds really good Mom.”
I turned the television back on and began writing my text to Heather. Tesla reminded me she didn’t want to be in trouble for not wanting to go. It concerned me she is that worried about the consequences of not agreeing with what her father and Heather (an adult figure, as Tess refers to her) tell her she must do. It is just ironic that I had decided prior to even talking to Tesla that if she wanted to go, I would let her, even if I wasn’t completely comfortable with the idea. Honestly, I was terrified of the idea of my child traveling that far away with a stranger. In my world, Heather is a stranger. Now I deny the trip at Tesla’s request. I made it clear, without a doubt, that it was her decision.
I wrote my reply to Heather on my cell phone, to her cell phone, even though the last text message I received from her was, “Do not text this number again. I’m done asking.” I’m surprised I don’t have whiplash from these two whipping me around with their assholery.
“I talked to Tesla and she doesn’t want you or her dad to be sad or angry because she doesn’t want to go to FL. I’m sorry but, I try to respect her decisions and based on that she won’t be going. I trust neither of you will make this situation an issue because she make it clear to me and to pass on to you and John not to keep asking about it. I appreciate your desire to make Tesla feel part of your trip but it just wasn’t a good idea.”
Tesla read the text as I was writing it and then I read it aloud to her to make sure she agreed with the message. She did and I sent it. Tesla was satisfied. I didn’t get a response and was relieved. More discussion was unnecessary but I realize, like with everything else, John is bound to have more to bring to my attention. When the results are not his desires, there will be turmoil.
~P.
Mar 8, 2013
I was grilled and chewed up like a cheap hamburg
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I was grilled tonight by John. He is claiming I called and told Google that the business had closed.
About two years ago he claimed I purposely withheld mail to the company from Yellowbook. He even took me to court (well tried to) over that. It never made it before a judge because, surprise, I had nothing to do with it. Click here to read that fiasco. http://wp.me/1j2Ur
Now John knows I’m refiling for a divorce hearing before the Divorce Master. Can you imagine that being your career title? It even sounds brutal so I’m not looking forward to having one decide my divorce. But, I rather a Master decide than John.
So I have no idea who, if anyone, called Google.
If only I had my pen with me, you could hear his relentless badgering about Google, and if he finds out I had anything to do with the company “being closed” he will be contacting his lawyer to sue me. Again with the suing.
I reminded him of the Yellowbook fiasco and I resumed playing with Tesla in the yard. I had stopped just to say hello to Tesla.
Tesla said, “I want Ying to play with Biscuit and Scout.” Heather’s dogs have collars that are supposed to contain them in the yard. Those collars must not work. At first the dogs just ran around the house.
Heather looked directly at Tesla and snapped, “Get that damn leash on your dog!” Then she looked at me and I said, “Really? Damn?” She responded, “You’re not even allowed to be here.” A jab at the court order barring me from my own property. “Wow, you have balls.” and she responded, “Bigger balls than yours.”
I’m not even sure what she means by that but, if she is implying she has big balls to move herself and four kids in while John is in the middle of a divorce, well, I guess she does have bigger balls. I didn’t expect to get in an “I’m pretty than you!” fight and just kept walking with Tesla.
But Ying ran astray to the neighbors fenced in yard. Biscuit followed. While Tesla walked to the neighbors to collect our dogs, she asked if I would ask her dad if she could spend some time with me. I noticed earlier Heather’s crew was loading up to leave. I had even moved my car to be out of the way. I told her I would ask but I never got the chance.
“Get in the car Tesla, we’re leaving.” I looked at Tesla while we were still a distance away and said, “I think you are leaving.” She said, “No, I’m staying here with my dad.”
How quickly things change.
Everyone was now switching to the truck instead of the van. Her dad was suddenly leaving and Heather was firm they were all going. She also informed me it was none of my business who was going where, showing that fake courage she stores up for an occasional outburst. Wow…amusing.
I just wanted half an hour with my kid. Instead I was served up and chewed out.
Whatever.
~P.
Mar 1, 2013
The cries for an epidural
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A tiny excerpt from “I Used to Drive a Mercedes”
Hell yeah I wanted an epidural. I popped out my sons without an epidural and this time, I wanted it to be as painless as possible. Thirteen years had passed since I last gave birth but the memory of the pain had not faded. Shoot me up in the back, I’m ready! I felt the relief from contractions almost immediately. Finally, a break from the constant pain in my lower region. “I feel funny,” I said to my husband. John looked at the vitals monitor and hit my nurse in the ass. “Hey, her heart rate is dropping.” I felt my head start to jerk back and forth much like a bobble head moves. Things started to go dark and I could hear the nurse order my sister, mom and two friends out of the room. The anesthesiologist called code; I was gone.
And then, I came back. Whatever they did worked and I woke to a room full of doctors and nurses. A little too much epidural and bam, you are dead. I cried, grabbing onto my husband. He told me, “don’t cry” and my nurse said, “She can cry if she wants!” So I did. I’m not feeling any pain, but shit, that scared me almost to death. Hours later it is time to push, but the brat is in my uterus sticking her nose up at me. I’m glad my doctor was a woman and she had small hands. Things were a bit crowded in there ya know? I couldn’t feel pain but knew I would pay later for her helping hand. In went the hand and in two pushes, out came the baby. She was perfect.
Feb 20, 2013
Static
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1. pertaining to or characterized by a fixed or stationary condition.
2. showing little or no change
3. lacking movement development, or vitality
That is how I feel about my life. I want to break out of this rut and make changes. I feel trapped, held back and stuck in life.
The Animals song pops into my head….but it’s me singing to Tesla.
We gotta get out of this place.
If it’s the last thing we ever do.
We gotta get out of this place.
There’s a better world.
Don’t you know, don’t you know, don’t you know?
I want to get you out of this place.
It will happen. I dream of traveling with my child in tow. Exploring the world while sharing our experiences through creative nonfiction and photography.
We escape to foreign lands, educating her and myself as we move from country to country.
Yes, it might sound far-fetched.
That’s never stopped me before.
- We we gonna go?
~P.
Jan 23, 2013
Dear Heather~Hey what’s up girlfriend?
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WRITING MY HUSBAND’S GIRLFRIEND A LITTLE LOVELESS LETTER:
Dear Heather,
See, I can even call you girlfriend and it has multiple meanings!
Let me tell you….I am just set on getting this divorce and custody taken back to the York Courthouse. Tesla is on me every time we are alone about wanting to live with her momma. She says she wants to live with me 14 days and John 2. I’m not sure why she calls her dad John. Weird huh?
It is gut wrenching to have Tesla ask me to please move home with her Daddy. I didn’t expect John to tell her I told him she said this. At least he didn’t “freak out” on her as she said he does do. Tesla tells me about the trips you all take and I’m always happy for her. I’m glad she likes you. I’m not glad that she is so damn confused on who is married to who and the whole brother (whose name she can’t remember half the time) and sisters. Your kids see their dad much more than I see Tesla. Don’t you find that strange? Or do you join in on “keeping my visits with Tesla in check?”
I take one day at a time. Karma is driving a big rig. He and you can’t dodge divorcing me and your husband. Maybe your husband would like to marry his longtime girlfriend. You and John don’t mind holding everyone else’s lives hostage through your greediness. You both will have to take whatever a divorce master decrees. No matter what, I’m looking forward to my day in court and the truth will set me and Tesla free.
Courthouse parking sucks,
~P.
Nov 24, 2012
Dear John~Stop contacting my family
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Letters he nevers learns from
Dear John,
This is the last straw. They had to medicate my mother in rehab after your surprise visit. Or should I call it an attack? Do not call my parents to take Tesla to them. They have a daughter (AS IN ME) who will gladly take their granddaughter (TESLA) to see them.
My dad is a drama king, just like you. It is my mother who suffers. She doesn’t give a shit if you’re mad at her or not. What she does give a shit about is you staying out of her physical therapy room, interrupting like you have something important to say. If my mom talks to Tesla, butt out and let them talk. You listening in is causing all types of problems.
As far as your refusing to let Tesla and I spend time together over the Thanksgiving break from our schools, you don’t surprise me. If you feel like it’s a win for you to separate us over extended amounts of time….well that wouldn’t surprise me either.
Stop contacting everyone in my family, including Dale.
Not dearly yours,
~P
Nov 21, 2012
When communication breaks down into ?
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Communication is basically any form of sharing ideas. Until there is something that stops it. Such as wife to husband:
Me: November 8th: Leaving Chuck E now. Sorry. (Tess and I were leaving Chuck E Cheese, sorry we were running late.) 7:06 PM
From that day I texted him 6 times about seeing or talking to Tesla. On November 16 at 3:25 PM I asked if Dale could pick Tesla up after he is done in his office. They would then meet me at York College for Spartapalooza. John responded with: We will see Dale at 5.
Dale had already left the office and showed up (not to John’s surprise. He knew Dale was on the way) only to have John give him a hard time about getting Tesla. He also told Dale Tesla has bad poison ivy from helping him in the woods. She has poison ivy all over. Poor kid.
John also tells Dale he found an antidepressant pill in the couch and wanted to know what pills I was taking to see if it matched. Dale ACTUALLY went and looked at my scripts. (DUH…see how John gets people to do what he wants. He gets more from them than I would ever give.)
I texted John he is an ignorant ass. Not so much over the stupid pill he “found” but because Tesla had a doctor appointment and he didn’t tell me. Probably because he knew Tesla would want to leave with me. John instead waited, only to give Dale an information overload. Don’t talk to Dale about Tesla or me, talk to me!
Some random texts to John.
What is Thanksgiving day like for you? We are trying to see what we can do with the day and hospital visits.
Thanksgiving?
John can you plz get back to me?
Hello….dear you.
I would like to talk to you about Thanksgiving as soon as possible.
Can I get tt a lil more since we are off school for Thanksgiving.
What time you having dinner on tg?
Hello
Hello (Today Tesla called after this text. She asked almost immediately if she can come stay. I knew she would which is why I have been texting and calling John and not getting answers.)
Our conversation ended with Tesla telling me she would talk to her dad. Good luck kiddo.
My last text to John was “?”
Sad when communication breaks down that badly and the six-year-old must try to save face.
~P.
Nov 2, 2012
Halloween 2012
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Tesla, Blaine and I had a great time Trick or Treating in Lower Windsor!
girlboxer1970 