Note the date on this letter from my lawyer to John’s. We never received a response. This is why it is dragging on forever.
Dear John~Bitterman
Dear John,
You are the former love of my life.
Let’s just be honest here. Now you are a bitter man.
It’s the only explanation I can come up with that makes sense.
Why else, when I request to see our child would you refuse?
Yesterday you said Tesla had nothing going on after school today that I could “go to watch”. I asked then to have Tesla after school and immediately you said “We’re to busy, the other kids have lacrosse and ….” When you were done with your lame ass answer to why Tesla couldn’t go with me I said, “I don’t care what Heather’s kids are doing, I want to see my kid.”
So this afternoon I texted you about getting Tesla and you texted back, “We have plans tonight.”
Me- You said tt didn’t have anything going on…the other kids did.”
J-“I forgot we have company coming over for dinner tonight.”
Me-Yeah…it was SO important u forgot about it. Like Tesla would care either if she were given the opportunity to say what she wants to do tonight…anyone can see u r keeping tt from me.”
J-“and can’t you see that I make exceptions to the order all the time.”
Me-Not really. She could spend more time with me. It would not hurt anyone. Not that u would agree.
J-“apparently you never read the order in which states every other weekend.”
Me- Yes..but that can be changed so she can see me more. U can explain y she isn’t allowed to see me more. I know why…cause u feel u must control people. Ur selfish and bitter.
I didn’t get any response after that. He feels the court order entitles him to limit our time together.
So John…let’s see how much time you have allowed Tesla to see me (as long as I signed a paper stating I understand this is not something that you will allow to happen regularly because you wouldn’t want a pattern forming of your child spending time with her mother.)
Adding up all the hours you have allowed me to spend with Tesla, without you present since this custody order was put in place in November comes to a grand total of: 15 hours It’s all documented to keep me in my place.
You “allowed” Tesla and I 15 hours together, always under the condition that I return her to our house by the stated time or you will notify the police. Really, it does feel like I pick her up from prison and return her to her warden. John, your law enforcement career ended years ago. You aren’t a prison guard anymore….stop treating the people in your life like they are your ward.
Still doing time,
~P.
starved for her giggles
Gasping breaths, quiet sobs. Big, juicy tears well-up and roll down my cheeks.
I miss my child. The sunshine she brings to my life. I am starved for her giggles and silly stories.
How we laugh and make up games with funny rules. It never matters who wins, we both get trophies.
She has stolen my heart and I don’t want it back. I just need her in my life, that’s all I ask.
I grieve every day I am not able see her. It tears me up inside….but I push on.
Giving up is not an option. Not for her or me.
It’s been five days since I saw her last.
Please God, make him let me see her.
~P.
Life sentence at 16
Corey Hollinger was convicted in May 1987 for the murder of Albert Swalm in Lebanon Township, PA. Hollinger was 16 and his brother Tracy was 14 when a home burglary turned to murder. Both pleaded guilty to murder and were sentenced as adults. Corey received a life sentence with no chance of parole for first degree murder. Tracy was sentenced 12 to 60 for third-degree murder but has the possibility of parole.
The Hollinger boys had a rough life growing up and a history of committing crimes at a young age. While in prison, Corey survived the Camp Hill prison riots and found faith in God to overcome his drug addiction in 1990.
Corey has had time to reflect on his actions in the past. He takes responsibility for his actions, but he believes he has been punished for the crime he committed as a child and could be a productive part of society if he were released from this life sentence. Corey does not feel entitled to the possibility of parole but believes that youth sentenced to life does not give them the chance to ever turn their life around.
After reading this article, I Googled Corey Hollinger and found a picture of him and his prison address. I’ve written him a letter and if he responds, I will take the time to know him because his past is behind him. He still seems to have a bright out-look on life knowing he most likely will never leave the prison complex and that is remarkable in itself.
I hope his faith in God remains strong.
~P.
Fists of Tissues
Back in 2008, one afternoon, I was at the kitchen island in my house, talking to Linda. I don’t recall exactly what we were talking about but John’s name came up. Linda was my listening ear, my shoulder to cry on. In the middle of sharing one of John’s shining moments, John pops open the door into the kitchen. He had been standing behind the cracked door listening to Linda and I. I was fucking furious because my chief complaint to Linda was “John is so far up my ass, I am going to have to have him surgically removed if I stop quickly.” I couldn’t even have a few minutes alone without him managing to eavesdrop on me.
Furious at him for sneaking around once again, I grabbed the box of tissues off the island and threw it at him yelling, “Stop listening to my conversations with people! I know you spy on me for no reason!”
The tissues bounced off his belly and fell to the floor, just like my words fell on deaf ears.
What did I learn this day?
1. My husband WAS regularly spying on me for no reason.
2. Hitting him with a tissue box did not automatically cause him to call the police.
He must not have added it to his speed dial yet.
~P.
fishnet and balloons
It didn’t record very well and I was wanting to leave for the party…. ~P.
Not upset, just surprised
Would you say York County PA is a conservative area? What about York College Campus?
Should a campus newspaper worry if an article is too controversal for print? Is there such a thing as news that is too controversal to share with the public?
I have many questions suddenly, that I had never given thought to before. When I began researching a sexual fetish involving balloons for a final paper in writing course, I never expected it to be so damn interesting. I wanted to share with YCP the opportunity to follow along in my research and even become a part of it, if they find balloons stimulating. The faculty at YCP did not enter my mind because I don’t write for the faculty, I write for my fellow students.
This is my first response from one of the editors concerning the preview article about balloon fetishists:
“I believe I’m talking to Dr. Zerbe tomorrow about a whole bunch of things, so as long as he says it’s okay, the balloon one should be good to go too. I’ll keep you posted. -Leah”
And the response I received today:
“Dr. Zerbe, Stephen and I, we decided to publish the balloon article online but not in the print version. The only reason I really didn’t want to publish it in the print issue is just because York is a somewhat conservative area, and a small but significant portion of the readers of the print edition are the Deans and administration. I just don’t think it’s appropriate for that audience. However, I think that it is much better suited to the online issue, and you’ll get much more of a response online especially when we can link it directly to your blog. I hope that’s okay! I think it’s going to give you a much better response, anyway. -Leah”
This is my response to the email and I CC’d it to the other editor and Dr. Zerbe, the professor who advises us news reporters:
Leah,
When I submitted this random piece for an article, I did so never giving it thought that the content would be a problem. This is a topic I am researching for a final paper in writing and just thought it would be cool to share in this research. I did not know if anyone that reads The Spartan would answer the questions, but I think you should keep this in mind, anyone can have a fetish regardless of their profession. This college does not strike me as conservative because I am also involved with LLAMBDA and know that it is widely accepted by most everyone on campus. I can honestly say I have never heard of or seen any type of prejudice at YCP.
This has actually turned out to be even more interesting to me that it won’t make the college printed paper because there is suddenly a concern of who might be offended. If that were really a true concern, then the articles written for the Spartan in the past would not have covered abortion, smoking, gay rights, etc. I am not against my article going into the online edition. My only concern is the “online edition” will now be the dumping grounds for anything even slightly controversial, like balloon fetishist. If we want fellow students to pick up the copies that are printed we have to have content that they want to bother reading. Otherwise, let’s just skip printing anything and focus all our attention online.
I appreciate the consideration by yourself, Dr. Zerbe, and Stephen but I will voice my disappointment that this is found to be too controversial to print. My final paper may very well go deeper into this fetish that anyone has ever gone before. To me that is ground-breaking and news-worthy.
Sincerely,
Pattie Crider
2012-03-03 to Today Round the World
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