Dear Heather,
Since having a conversation with you or John is impossible, I will address this problem with a letter.
What exactly is the reasoning behind Tesla not being allowed to take her book bag home when I pick her up? Even if YOU did pay for it, isn’t it still Tesla’s? Or did you write Heather King on the inside and I missed it?
Why does Tesla have “special clothes” that she can only wear while visiting her dad? Are your children wearing the same clothes as Tesla? Is there confusion with all the handwritten “Dad” and “Mom” on the tags? http://girlboxer1970.com/2011/02/21/obsessed-with-everything/
Your actions and refusal to allow Tesla her belongings has an effect on Tesla and shows how pathetic you are in trying to control MY daughter’s life.
If Tesla owns something, whether it is clothing, book bag, toys etc. she should be able to have her belongings with her no matter which home she is at.
You don’t own my child.
~P.
girlboxer1970 
jeez heather…come on and act like an adult if that is possible for you. and john for that matter too….tesla is her own person (even though she is a child) she has her own thoughts, wants, needs, and OPINIONS. pattie is NOT a bad parent, but from what i gather so far you seem to be….you have only known john for how long? and you moved your 4 kids into a house with him. especially seeing first hand how this divorce is going…you dont know if he is a murderer, a pedofile, a child abuser, a spouse abuser, etc… Come on and for once think of YOUR KIDS and put YOUR KIDS first. leave tesla’s up bringing to pattie and john HER PARENTS!!!!!!!
The wusband and I don’t go through such pettiness.
If he has something special that he or his mother are taking lil man to and wants a certain outfit, it only takes a text message. We deal with sandals and shoes back and forth, and in the snow, the boots and snowpants and coats go back and forth. Larger items, such as video game systems usually don’t travel back and forth, due to obvious size and annoyance constraints, but we are always open to his other belongings going back and forth.
The thing with all of this is, parents who are both involved with their child need to communicate and be CIVIL with each other. It is a necessity.
Refusing to communicate and be civil with another parent is very impactive on the child. Additionally, a child’s belongings belong to the child. Clothing, etc… If a 5 year old is told that they cannot bring their backpack or their clothing or toys to the other parent’s home, they then tend to discern that they aren’t their belongings, and this causes them to be insecure.
Parents who do not deal civilly with the other parent, or speak poorly of the other parent, or unneccessarily involve the police and cause drama for the child are harming the child.
I even bit my tongue with my oldest son about his father, who had been incredibly abusive, as it was in my oldest son’s best interest to have a healthy view of his father, because it impacted his view of himself.
It’s time for John and Heather to grow up, if they really care about Tesla.
I agree with Arden. I am also divorced and my son’s father and I have worked hard to maintain a civil relationship for the sake of our son. Doing so over the years has provided him with security and happiness that many children from split homes are not fortunate to have. It doesn’t have to be that way though. It is simply a choice of behavior. We are not martyrs. There will always be some things that parents don’t agree on. That is a given, and it takes effort on all parts to work through it and compromise. Problems do not have to be handled in ugly or hateful ways. The actions of John and Heather regarding Tesla are driven by money, relationship, and divorce issues. Keep that out of Tesla’s little world. She should not have to deal with her parents and adults in her life acting like children. You make yourselves look like self-serving idiots and lose any respect one may have had for you. Parents and adults who truly love the child will want what is best for her, and they will put that ahead of their feelings towards the other parent or adult. If you want to maintain ownership of a bookbag or article of clothing, etc., then don’t give it to Tesla. Those items are hers, and if you continue with this behavior of not letting her take her things with her, you are doing a lot of damage to her security and her spirit. If that does not bother you, then you should get out of her life.
That is pretty messed up. She is not a good influence on your child. I hope your lawyer is aware of this. Cant help but wonder how the dynamic works in that relationship. I would guess Heather gets to enforce all of John’s pathetic rules and she has better handwriting……everyone knows she cant SPELL. Hang in there doll, if there is a God, you will have Tesla and then the much awaited divorce and John will have NOTHING, which is exactly what he deserves.