No promotion for my Honda in the Amish Mafia on Girl’s Night

It’s all good. I didn’t get what I wanted, or at least, what I thought I wanted. I threw my hat at this job opening. The head of HR came into my office today. No job change for me and honestly, I’m not upset. Twice my boss, the plant manager, checked on me after he was told I didn’t get the opening. Before he left he said he was really sorry I didn’t get the position because it would have been a little more money for me, but he’s the happiest person there ‘cause he gets to keep me as his assistant. Awwww, he’s so nice.

I stopped after work to get a new key made for my ’92 Honda “gonna live forever” Accord. I ditched the one I had at Mieneke after they told me my car needed a head gasket, timing chain, water pump and oil change at the estimated cost of $1,800. Later I found out there was a hole in the hose and $11 would fix the problem. Mieneke, those rip off artists! I even called and told them I believed their car tech was a lying pile of Ying crap. Ok, I just said I thought he should look into which tech it was, no mention of Ying’s poo. Oh yeah, the key. The clerk looked up my car in the key manual and it only went back to 1998. That made me LOL in Ace Hardware, not something I usually do.

So I’ve been asked by several people when I’m going to be on Amish Mafia. The show airs February 10th at 9 PM on the Discovery Channel. I’m told I’m on the first show. I don’t know for how long. The interview was an hour and a half. Once they’re done editing it will probably be about 3.5 minutes. Hahaha, seriously, I have no idea but I am LOOKING FORWARD TO MY FIRST TIME ON CABLE TV! Oh, yeah!!! Unless the camera really does add 10lbs. Then I will not be liking it. Actually, that’s not true either. I don’t care what anyone thinks of my looks, other than Brian. So anyway, I really go on about Esther and how I think she’s full of herself and ripping people off. I can‘t wait for it to air and I really hope Esther is watching. She should have just talked to me…remember, the pen is mightier.

Tune in

Tune in

Brian messaged me his windshield cracked about 15 inches. Just what we needed. Good we have a spare car. I’m over the cold and snow in PA and super jealous of my one friend Leslie. She’s in FL and is always relaxing on her boat taking pictures of the sunset making me want to drive down there and push her into the water. I’d throw her a life preserver.

I’m going out tonight with some girlfriends and meeting up with my son and his fiancée. Going to eat some delicious Thai at Market Street Café in York. They have the most amazing food and reasonable prices. It’s BYOB also. Not the fanciest of places but the food makes up for it. After dinner we are heading to the Waterway Ball & Grill. I’ve never been there. The reviews online didn’t make it sound like much. I’m only going to see Emily’s Toybox lead singer, Mike Wise, perform acoustic. I’m really looking forward to the evening. I should blow up some balloons. Hmmmm.

How was YOUR DAY?

Relaxing a little right now though I should be putting clothes away,

~P.

Cartoons these days

bugs

I watch cartoons with Tesla every now and then. It makes her happy and takes me back to simpler days. We love Scooby Doo and Tom & Jerry, but the newer cartoons are disturbing.

On one cartoon (I can’t remember which one) the characters were talking about Romeo and Juliet. A male cartoon character says, “why can’t there be a Romeo and Romeo?” Now I have no problem with people’s sexual preferences,  but I think throwing lines like that into cartoons is just ridiculous. When kids get older they can start thinking about whether they want a Juliet or a Romeo in their life, I don’t see the need to have this brought up in a cartoon.

A few days ago we were watching Wynx Club, a truly horrible cartoon simply because the voices are so annoying. They are teenage fairies (scantily dressed) that go to a private fairy school. When a new professor (male) started at the fairy school one of the characters commented on how hot the new teacher was. That just seemed totally out of line. With all the problems schools are having with teachers becoming involved with students I don’t understand why something like that would be written into a cartoon.

Just stick to Bugs Bunny.

~P.

I Got Milk

Breast milk is good stuff. Makes babies healthy and it’s free. Comes right out of the mama, if you’re lucky.

What if I told you that some women, actually, from what I’ve read, most women can trick their bodies into producing milk. Amazing isn’t it?

If you don’t want to read me over share, you should stop reading now. Have a great day.

I saw an episode of American Horror Story entitled Spilt Milk. The opening scene was a man who hired a new mom as a prostitute just to drink her breast milk. Nothing was shown in detail but there was no doubt in mind why he hired her. She gets them out and he is all over those boobs. It all was rather stimulating until later in the episode he flips out and tries to kill her because his real father is nicknamed “Bloody Face” and his mama gave him away, which is part of the theme to the show.

So that gets my attention and I like to be really informed on a topic. I began reading and learning that some women cause themselves to lactate so they can have that feeling of full breasts, so they can manually relieve their milk, they can enjoy that amazing let-down feeling (if you don’t know what that feeling is, think of it as an orgasm for the breasts) or so they can adult nurse someone. I was fascinated.

I breast fed all three of my children and I thoroughly enjoyed it. While it was stimulating to me, it wasn’t in a sexual manner but rather closeness I felt to my child. I played the opening scene of American Horror Story for Brian. I wanted to get his reaction because he’s the only person paying any attention to my breasts. I was curious to his reaction to the show and to my surprise he liked it. I’ve since learned there are countless people searching for the perfect person to have an “Adult Nursing Relationship” or be a practicing “Adult Nursing Partner” with someone. And it goes both ways. There are women looking for someone who want to nurse from them and there are TONS of men looking to nurse from a woman.

Who knew huh? It’s kinda like the balloon thing for me. It took realizing others found balloons stimulating to even understand why I had a thing for them. Ok, so what is this all leading to? Well it led to a lot of great sex and stimulation to my breasts and low and behold, I realized yesterday I was producing colostrum. Yeah, blew my mind too. So we keep this up, I’m going to have milk.

I Got Milk?

The mind is powerful,

~P.

You probably shouldn’t read this, so you will

The washer pounded out of control. The banging causing an inner rage to unleash.

Why can’t that thing ever just work? I just want to write.

It was a load of white clothes and towels. I knew it would most likely be unbalanced because unless there was a minuscule amount of laundry in the washing machine, it would bang like a Christmas drummer out of season.

(moved to basement, towels are dripping wet.)

Great. At least the noise stopped. Repositions the clothing in the washer and starts the load again. It spins with no problems. Now the towels are in.

I’m trying to think and the damn white clothes. . . with the banging.

The dog woofs, like that noise could possibly be someone knocking at the door. Moron.

The night is early and much can be accomplished, but I am side-tracked. Love causes a drift into a day dream.

I wish he was here to keep me company while I do housework. I’m lusting for him, but know he won’t be showing his face. What is it being apart from this man? We can’t seem to get enough of each other. Nearly daily we find the time to be alone.

What does love feel like? It’s different for every person.

Some people never feel it. Others have it for a short period of time then lose it. And even others have it for nearly a life time. Love is powerful.

Wow, aren’t I insightful?

I’m sitting at the top of the steps looking down at the empty walls thinking someday, there will be grandbabies on the wall. Photos of the grandbabies that is, no grandkids trying to climb the handrail.

Brian calls while at work.

It felt SO good to hear his voice. We talked about how soon it would be until he came home. My butterflies kicked it up a notch when he spoke. He said he couldn’t fathom life without me. I had been thinking of saying the same to him, even using the word fathom. Freaks.

Amazing how love creates a physical reaction without even a touch. If someone is in love, just the sight of the person they are in love with causes their body to stir. It can be a simple jolt or tightening of the skin, to the extreme of nearly wanting to vomit, but somehow keeping the contents of their stomach in check. Vile, but true.

Never had the “feel like I’m gonna barf” urge and for that, I am grateful. When he walks in the door after work it is impossible for me not to smile when I see his face. Just the sight of him brings me pleasure.

I can’t wait to get my hands on him. I wrap my arms around his solid body. He’s tall and handsome and I’m a fan of both. His eyes sparkle, and I know that shit is for me. He pulls me to his face, my head in his hands. He whispers into my ear…

I’ve missed you so much. Just the sight of you gets me so excited. You have too many clothes on. Let me help you take them off baby.

See how easily distracted I get thinking about this man?

So what does love feel like to me with him… I’m going to try to explain it. If you think this sounds boring, leave my blog now. Otherwise, read on and try to keep up.

Normal breathing patterns don’t always seem to exist. You tear my breath away with just a glance. The closer your face gets to mine the faster our breathing is until we are breathing the same air, literally sharing it, excited by the thought and act.

I want to be daring. I enjoy life and want to share that daringness with someone else, preferable someone good-looking, has a sense of humor and is wealthy. Don’t worry, like Meatloaf said, “Two out of three ain’t bad.”

Our lips touch and explosions go off between us. Thank God they are “inside the body, fireworks type of electrical sparks” (totally my description, seriously, Google did not assist) and no one dies from being in love by accidentally electrocuting themselves on someone they apparently love.

You working these double shifts suck. The only upside is I’m writing and doing house work. Speaking of which, the washer stopped. When I was down there earlier I dumped the water in the basket from the wet towels in the hole for the sump pump. It’s a dark, dingy corner of the basement and this basement is on the high level of creepy. The one room has a mysterious bricked-in section of the basement floor. Who bricks a basement floor? What’s under there? Why do I have the urge to dig it up? What’s up with the name of that pump? Sump pump. . . it sounds like a sexual act. Ew, it the hole is gross. Where am I going with this? Sheesh.

I don’t think anyone ever died from being in love. The actual feeling, that is. Lots of people have died from being in love, love with the wrong person. Lord knows I already went that route. That’s finally over.

Touching the person you fell in love with feels amazing. Like every nerve-ending on your finger tips can read the body of the person you love.

They smell delicious. Sometimes the urge to bite them and check for deliciousness is impossible to resist.

You don’t mind when I bite you, in fact, you dig it. I just can’t leave marks anyone can see. Hmmm and you are the one who suggested we watch “True Blood” together. You know how I say I want to kiss your face off? It’s just a euphemism. I’m actually a vampire and I want to bite you.

The taste. Everyone has their own taste. I’ll let you figure that all out on your own.

You taste so good. And the taste of us together is amazing. I love to kiss your face off.

Have you ever wanted to kiss someone’s face off?? Let me a comment on here or Facebook.

Like me?

~P

Anniversary and Amish Mafia

In two days Brian and I will celebrate our first anniversary.  I haven’t written much about my personal life because, wait for it, wait . . . my life has been kinda dull. Actually, that’s a lie, my life has been really interesting, but I can’t really write about it. It involves too many people.

So, two days until the day Brian tells me he and his wife are split up. Two days until Dale reads my instant messages and realizes I lied to him for the first time. It was a lie by omission. I was going where I was going, just not to see who I said.

Breakups are bad, especially for me. Guys don’t seem to like being broken up with. The only one who took it like a man was my first husband. I grow on people, I suppose.

A year of getting to know Brian, it’s been amazing. He is such a sweet, kind, generous man. Extremely patient and gifted with the ability to nearly block out every sound kids make and pile of clutter he encounters. And of course, he’s incredibly easy on my eyes. I could stare out him for an hour and not get tired of looking. By the end of the day I cannot wait to lay my eyes on him.

We are extremely happy. Tesla is extremely happy. She gets every other week with Brian and I, and the other week she is with her dad and his fiancée, Gina. I like Gina even if I think her judgement in men is clouded. Haha. She reminds me of me when I met John, just older and blonde. Gina used to work with my sister, Suz, at Memorial Hospital and interesting enough, Gina, Suz, Brian, and I all attend LCBC Church on N. Hills Street in York.

God has really touched my life in the past year. I’ve always been very open with my faith in God. He’s saved my life here on earth, and I know when my life on earth ends, he will save me again to join him in Heaven.  He got me through tough times with going through divorce, college, struggling financially and in suing for joint custody. I held my faith and everything came out right. I fell in love, got a divorce, graduated college, started a new career, won joint custody of Tesla, and found a church that feels right in my life.

A year has flown by and so much has happened since Brian and I reacquainted and basically changed our lives overnight. Every day I want to pinch myself because I swear I must been dreaming. He is the best. I want to be his wife.

It’s also been a year since a friend of mine told me she had been diagnosed with lung cancer. She doesn’t think she has much time left. I stopped to see her. . . I feel like shit for not going before. Now, she is busy with so many people wanting to see her, and I understand.

I’ve starting writing a book about a haunted house by the Susquehanna River. No title idea so far.

I can’t wait for Amish Mafia to start. Just saying. Sadly it won’t premiere won’t be until the end of January. I’ve heard Esther is or was pregnant, my guess, to Mirkat. Not that long ago she was supposed to be Amish. And Levi seems to be a mess, all worried about some nudies getting out. Does anyone want to see Levi naked?

Just wondering.

~P.

What do you like to read about on my blog?

Last Night, I Took Hines Ward Back to His Hotel Room

What a sweet smile!

What a sweet smile!

Last night, I took Hines Edward Ward, Jr. back to his hotel room, but that’s jumping ahead in the story. Let me back up.

Every year the York County Youth Development Center (YDC) holds their annual fundraiser and secures a speaker that will draw a crowd. This year the keynote speaker was professional football player for the Steelers from 1998 to 2012, winner of Dancing with the Stars in 2011, and current NBC studio analyst, Hines Ward.

My fiance Brian, Ward and I

My fiance Brian, Ward and I

The fundraiser began with a private meet and greet with Ward in the upstairs portion of York City’s Valencia Ballroom. There, fans were able to meet Ward, have their photo taken and get his autograph. Ward was gracious, chatting with individuals and never rushing anyone along in line.

Before dinner was served the audience heard from Mayor Kim Bracey, YDC director, Rodney Wagner, Secretary of the Department of Welfare, Beverly Mackereth, former YDC resident, Chris Wilhelm and art teacher at YDC, Ophilea Chambliss.

Kim Bracey Mayor of York City

Kim Bracey
Mayor of York City

Rodney Wagner Director of the York County Youth Development Center

Rodney Wagner
Director of the York County Youth Development Center

Beverly Mackenreth Secretary of The Department of Welfare

Beverly Mackereth
Secretary of The Department of Welfare

Chris Wilhelm Former YDC resident

Chris Wilhelm
Former YDC resident

Ophelia Chambliss Art instructor at YDC

Ophelia Chambliss
Art instructor at YDC

Wilhelm gave a moving speech about his life and experiences at YDC. At 13 years old, he found himself kicked out of his father’s home with nowhere to live. He was taken in at YDC for his first of many stays at the center. He is the first and only child that ever rode his bicycle to and from his part time job while residing at YDC. At twenty years old and nearly at the age where kids max out for assistance at YDC, Wilhelm began experiencing pain in his ankle and thought he had sprained it playing basketball with other YDC residents. In the middle of a vicious snowstorm in 2010, Chris called for an ambulance to pick him up. After many tests, the doctors told Chris it wasn’t a sprained ankle, it was cancer and if he wanted to live longer than two more years, he would need to have his leg amputated from below the knee down.

Wilhelm

Wilhelm

Chris wanted to live and went forward with the surgery, meanwhile the youth residents raised money to help pay for his medical bills, something Chris will never forget and can’t thank them enough for doing. Now he is going to school to be an EMT so that someday when someone calls for an ambulance in the middle of a snowstorm, he will be the one to answer the call. Chris received a standing ovation following his speech, touching the heart of every person in the audience with his bravery and perseverance.

YDC Streetbeats

YDC Streetbeats

2014-09-23 19.20.24

YDC Streetbeats were a hit with the crowd.

YDC Streetbeats were a hit with the crowd.

Following dinner, the YDC Streetbeats performed their junkyard drumming. The audience loved the driving beat and I overheard people stating how amazing it was to make music from five gallon buckets and frying pans. The kids were nervous before going onstage before nearly 400 people, but once they began playing they got their groove on and all nervousness was beaten away.

2014-09-23 19.25.40

2014-09-23 19.28.20

Finally it was time for Ward to speak. He was nattily dressed and looking very handsome. He took his place behind the podium and everyone was ready to hang on his every word. He began by giving his background, born in Seoul, South Korea, to a Korean mother and an African American father and the difficulties that alone brought into his life. The American children didn’t want anything to do with him and neither did the Korean. His father divorced his mother when Ward was 2 years old and he was sent to live with his paternal grandmother after his father convinced the courts that his mother was unfit to raise him on her own. Ward Sr. was not involved in his son’s life other than to tear him from his mother. At age 7 he was reunited with her and never reconciled with his father. This portion of Wards speech really touched me on a personal level. It was at that point that I suddenly wanted to privately talk to Ward, and I knew I could make that happen because I was riding in the car that was taking him back to his hotel room. Call it luck, or call it fate, I was going to chat with Ward and tell him how I could relate to his story.

Dancing at the Valencia

Dancing at the Valencia

Huge fans  Samantha & Sherry Ward

Huge fans
Samantha & Sherry Ward

Ward spoke for 45 minutes, taking the time for a question and answer session following his speech and even allowing people to come up on stage for a dance pose and photos. I couldn’t get over how genuine a person Ward was and how well he handled the audience questions. He was asked anything from his most memorable play to why people referred to him as a dirty player. Also the topic of domestic violence came up, all which he answered with insight and honesty. When he finished with the last question he was ushered out the back door of the Valencia and next thing I knew, I had my private moment to chat with the man that had my friends extremely jealous of me.

First thing I said was how his story as a child really touched me personally. He smiled and I told him how I had been involved in a long divorce and that my ex-husband had been given majority physical custody of our daughter because he was still living in the marital home. In 2010 I was on state assistance for food and medical insurance and decided to go to college. I graduated in May and now have a great job and two weeks ago I took my now ex-husband to court, representing myself and was awarded joint custody. My daughter, now 8 years old, will spend a week with her father and a week with my fiancé Brian (a supervisor at YDC) and me.

I said, “I know people came to hear you talk about football and Dancing with the Stars, but honestly, your personal story is what really made the biggest impact on me.” He thanked me for sharing my story and said, “I want people to relate to me and my story. You could have just given up when you were going through the divorce and needed assistance from the state but you didn’t. You pushed for more and used the system for how it was intended. You persevered through adversity and made your life better instead of throwing your hands up in the air in defeat. That’s what I want people to get from my story. I don’t expect people to recognize me on the street. I don’t think of myself as a celebrity. I’m just a guy who had a rough childhood but was determined to be successful at football and I made it happen. Too many kids think things should just be given to them and they don’t want to work. The young man who spoke tonight, that’s the type of kid I want to help by doing events like this. He got cancer and didn’t let it stop him.”

I agreed with Ward and mentioned that I had gone to India with my college, seeing and experiencing the poverty and nearly unbelievable living conditions. When I came home I spoke at YDC, sharing what I had seen and learned and the youth at the center were very interested in my story. Ward said growing up in South Korea as a child he had to make the decision to do the right thing and live a clean life or turn to drugs and fighting. He said some kids never get the opportunity to see how other horrible the conditions are for those living outside the USA and that’s a shame. Maybe seeing how bad others have life would make them strive to better their own as they have many more opportunities in the U.S. than outside. Ward, who is a newlywed as of July this year, feels blessed. He has a supportive wife who misses him when he travels, but understands the demands of his speaking engagements. He loved his time with the Steelers and gained a whole new fan base participating in Dancing with the Starts. I asked him if he would appear on The Amazing Race if asked and he said he would love to. At this point his promoter spoke for the first time saying they had been approached, but because The Amazing Race broadcasts on a competing station they were unable to accept. I said, “Awww, that’s a shame! It would be great to get to travel around the world but it would be hard because you’d want to take in the sights even though it is a race.” Ward replied, “I took in the sights when I was in the Ironman competition, but I also realized I wasn’t going to win that. If I was in The Amazing Race the competitive side of me would kick in and I wouldn’t want to even sleep. I’d be too focused on taking first place, but I’d still take the time to look around as I raced.”

The trip from the Valencia to the Marriott went quickly and before I knew it, my private chat with Ward had come to an end. I had accomplished my goal, to let him know it was his personal story that made the biggest impact on me that night, not how many Pro Bowls he had been in or how many touchdowns he made or even how nimble a dancer he is. He genuinely seemed to appreciate that my interest in his life had nothing to do with his fame and I think that is what makes Ward such a likeable guy. His life wasn’t about becoming famous; it was about overcoming adversity and coming out on top.

It was great to support YDC and meet Hines Ward. A win, win for everyone!

~P.

Supporters of YDC

Supporters of YDC

Silent auction items

Silent auction items

 

We’re Approved

117

I haven’t written much lately. Since graduating college I’ve gotten divorced, moved out of my townhouse, filed an appeal for custody, started a new job, and went on my first vacation since 2008. In other words, I’ve been busy.

The divorce seemed anti-climatic. John sure as hell didn’t want to risk going to court so we reached an agreement, one that he whines about constantly. Just pay the debts and your alimony and shut up already. He seems to forget this was the divorce he originally wanted. Now his relationship with his current girlfriend seems shaky. I mean, I just hear things through the grapevine (NOT TESLA), and it ain’t all sunshine and rainbows shooting out of his ass when he farts.

I moved into Brian’s house that he already owned and we applied for a mortgage together. The bank had already begun foreclosure steps so we were taking a huge chance by giving up my townhouse and just crossing our fingers they would remortgage the house. I went on faith, faith in God and in Brian that things would work out, and they did. After the approval went through Brian said he had been worried because his lawyer told him they might not approve it because he hadn’t made payments in a year. (He and his ex had decided to buy a house from her parents so they let this one go.) I’m glad he kept that to himself since I have sleeping issues already. We refinished the hardwood floors before knowing if they were going to approve it but we’ve held off on putting up vinyl siding. Now that everything is good to go, we can’t wait to have new siding so our house isn’t the scary one on the street.

Custody court is September 8th and I am PUMPED! I can’t see any reason why Judge Platts wouldn’t agree that Tesla should spend a week with me and a week with her father. I am certain Tesla and I will be successful in getting her to be shared equally between her father and I. The longer and harder her father tries to keep majority custody, the more of a horses ass he appears.

I have a great new job at Maple Press as the plant manager’s administrative assistant. I’m really into the position because there are so many facets to the job. I do the everyday stuff like answering the phone and scheduling vacation for the 103 employees, but I also get to write letters to customers, check books for quality, create programs for inventory control and even learn how to run some of the machinery. Now that is diverse and I pride myself on being diverse. My boss is extremely happy with my past experience and my performance so far and stresses that he wants me to be happy with my position at Maple Press. He also told me not to feel as though I can’t advance within the company. Give me a few years, I’ll know this book printing business inside and out!

Brian’s parents took us on vacation to Top Sail, NC for a week. We had a great time swimming in the ocean and shell hunting. Tesla got a cool kite and had her first kite flying experience. The pool at the resort was top-notch and we spent lots of hours splashing and sunning ourselves. Matthew and Tesla bickered like brother and sister and Brian and I just rolled our eyes and tried to over-look the “he said, she said” statements.

The only downside to life these days is my mom has been really sick. After 6 months in the Pittsburgh hospital she finally was discharged but she’s been in and out of the Chambersburg hospital since. I saw her today. She’s home after 3 days in, but still has an infection in her blood. I pray for my mom all the time. Doesn’t seem right that she suffers so much when she’s been such a wonderful person and a great mother.

Brian and I are searching for a home church. We will be checking out one in York in two weeks that is more progressive. The LCBC (Lives Changed By Christ) church on North Hills Road came highly recommended so that will be our next “church shopping” experience following a Labor Day weekend get-away with close friends to their cabin.

So that’s the latest. Living life to the fullest with no regrets!
~P.

pregnant, but not

I’m trying not to be upset, with myself or God. I’ll be honest, it’s a challenge. I was so excited when I found out I was pregnant March 31st. It was impossible for me to keep it between Brian and I. I guess that’s where my optimism got the best of me. Generally speaking, I’m a realist. From the moment Brian asked me if I’d like to try to have a baby, I told him, “I’m 43! I don’t even know if I can GET pregnant.” But six weeks later, I was and I thought for sure God wanted this to happen for us. I’m not pointing the finger at God, I’d like to keep thinking he’s in my corner. It just hurts.

For the first time in my life I feel what true love is. Brian has touched my heart in a way I didn’t know was possible and it sometimes eats away at me that we have known each other since we were twelve yet never once even hinted to the other that there was some interest in more than friendship. My life went one direction–marriage and two sons–and his went another, Penn State. By luck of a newspaper article and the amazing reuniter of people, Facebook, Brian and I got back in touch after 25 long years. We didn’t plan to fall in love; it just came and smacked us both upside our heads. Every day I feel stronger about him and more certain that we probably should have been together for the past 25 years, but hey, that’s life. You gotta live it and apparently we did just that, lived it. Now we love it and for the first time since getting together, we are hurting.

The emotional pain of being pregnant and told the baby isn’t alive inside me is horrifying. I’ve been through this before. I was pregnant back in 2007 when I was still with John. The difference this time is I have a man who loves and supports me. When I finally miscarried in 2007, John blamed me and wanted to let me home with Tesla so he could go play softball. Yeah. Really. Today, I had to insist Brian go to work because I saw no reason for him to stay home if physically, I’m fine. My doctor’s office just called about fifteen minutes ago to tell me the ultrasound confirms a non-viable pregnancy. Maternal Fetal Medicine sent me to have the pregnancy levels checked in my blood. They didn’t come back yet, but I really don’t have any hope. I see no reason to cling to hope when everything points to a collapsing amniotic sac within my uterus. They baby was there, but it had no heartbeat. Now I just wait for the pain, cramps and bleeding to come.

I don’t consider myself lucky over the recent years. I’ve been through a lot since the split of John and I in 2008. I struggle every day with the fact that some idiot judge who was forced to retire gave custody of my child to her father based on the fact that he had our house. When you lie in court and get other people to lie for you, it’s not that hard to get what you want, especially when your wife can’t afford an attorney. I should be hateful toward him, but I’m not. I can’t say I like the man, but he is the father of Tesla and I’m not going to wish death on him or anything. I have more in my life with Brian in the past 6 months than John could have ever given me because what Brian gives me comes free. There is no way to buy love. The luck I do have brought Brian and I together. The bad luck that seems to haunt me daily will probably rear its ugly head Saturday. The worst day to lose this pregnancy would be when I’m getting ready to graduate college with honors after 4 long years of hard work. Yeah, I’m calling that one. Not trying to be negative, just realistic. Might as well hold off until the day I’ve been waiting four years to celebrate.

Yes, I’m sad, and yes, I’m angry, but I don’t have regrets, well, maybe just that I told everyone I was pregnant so early when I should have realized this old womb might not have all the cobwebs swept out and be able to bring Brian and I a cherub-faced baby that we so much would love to have. On a good note, the doctors say all my female particles work and that’s not the issue. The most difficult part will be telling Tesla and Matthew and that they won’t have a brother or sister in December. Telling my mom she won’t be a grandma again is going to really bite too. Mom was so blinking happy and I hate having to make her sad. We’re all going to be sad together, Brian and I, our families and our friends. Everyone has been so supportive and this is such a huge disappointment. I haven’t decided if we will try again. I don’t know if I can take this emotional pain over and over. It is much more painful than the actual physical part of losing a pregnancy. That part hasn’t even arrived yet…but the doctors tell me to be prepared. So I just wait.

I write this because it gives me relief. I don’t know if people can understand, but writing gets me through.

Thank you for reading,

~P.

Ew….It’s chickenpox!

Pattie Crider

Natural Field History

Essay 2

March 15, 2014

Chickenpox Made Me Sick

When I was a young child my aunt called my mom to report my cousin had contracted the chickenpox and my mom, being an excellent mother, told my aunt to bring my cousin over and infect my brother and I so she could “get this virus out of the way.” There wasn’t an anti-virus back in the 70’s so my mom saw this as the opportunity to hit the milestone in a child’s life by having the chickenpox and never dealing with the virus again.

Chickenpox is the common term for this virus; its medical name is varicella. Varicella is caused by the single-cell, herpes virus, varicella-zoster. It is categorized with other viral rashes such as measles, German measles, fifth disease, mumps and roseola. Chickenpox can infect someone at any age but usually happens to children between the ages of 2 to 8 years old. I don’t recall being in school when I was intentionally infected so that put me around age 4 in 1974. Advancements in medicine have now made it that children can be vaccinated against the varicella virus and 90% of those who receive the vaccine never develop chickenpox, lucky them.

The cause of chickenpox can be due to a mother becoming infected while she is pregnant, though neonatal infection is rare. Usually, the virus is passed through the air and sometimes through direct contact of the ruptured lesions. The lesions (see fig. 1) are a rash that start as red bumps (papules) and fill with a clear liquid (blisters) and when they rupture, the virus is spread. They form a scab during the healing process (ulcer) and are no longer contagious. The incubation period lasts from about 14 to 17 days. The symptoms 24 hours prior to the rash appearing are a low-grade fever, headache, lack of appetite and generally feeling like crap. This virus affects males and females and can be contracted anywhere in the world and is most prevalent in temperate climates with more outbreaks recorded during late autumn, winter, and spring. This is because areas with temperate climates have more human to human interaction allowing the virus to more easily spread.

FIGURE 1

LOOKS NOTHING LIKE CHICKEN

The varicella rash usually forms on the back and belly and works its way up to the neck and face, sometimes infecting the arms and legs and extremities. Occasionally it also infects the inside of the mouth, eyes and genitalia. Naturally, the lesions are itchy making it difficult to keep a child from tearing them open.  My mother clipped my nails back and coated me with calamine lotion so I looked like a pink-polka dotted leper. This wasn’t enough to stop me from scratching the lesions open and I have permanent side effects-scars on my forehead-from my tangle with this virus. (see fig. 2) Anti-itch medications can be administered and if an infection would occur from the open blisters, an antibiotic may be prescribed. The virus is not considered deadly and most people recover with little complications. The varicella virus may dangerous if an adult is infected and it is possibly linked to the onset of shingles in older adults who had been infected as a child.

MY FOREHEAD

MY FOREHEAD

There is some good news about this virus, once someone has been infected with chickenpox; it is rare it ever returns. The bad news is there can be long-term problems from this virus. The most common is damage to the central nervous system, this can include but is not limited to dizziness, tremors, altered speech, headaches, seizures, damaged nerves and the development of Reye’s syndrome, which can be deadly.

 

 

 

Works Cited

Longworth, David L. Handbook of Infectious Diseases. Springhouse Corporation. PA. 2001. Print.

Partners in Pediatrics. Children’s Hospitals and Clinics of Minnesota. Infectious diseases. Chickenpox.     Web. Accessed Mar. 11 2014.

Web MD. Skin problems and treatments. 2005. Web. Accessed Mar. 11 2014.