Big girl book and heels
There has been a huge debate about Tesla and my blogging.
For the record, she is 5 and can not read. Don’t let the big girl shoes and book fool you. I asked her what she was reading and she said “Yinger jumped up and ate the french fries.”
I haven’t read my $1 yard sale, bargain book yet but I am pretty sure that is not a line from Patricia Cornwell’s “The Body Farm” novel.
Bargain books are awesome,
~P.
girlboxer1970 
It’s astonishing to me that you can not see the long term potential damage your blogging can do to your child. You might want to think about taking an abnormal psychology class. This blog does not only have the potential to interfer with the relationship Tesla will continue to develop with her father but also the relationship she continues to develop with you and playmates as she goes through school. As you ‘advertise’ this site through business cards, bumper stickers and the media the ‘circle’ of people that Tesla, John and you know and come in contact with will widen. These people WILL make judgements not only about John but also about Pattie Crider. From a mothers point of view if I read your blog I would not allow my child to have play dates with a Tesla when at her father’s house ‘if’ i believed your words. Nor would I allow my child to have play dates with Tesla at your home after reading how unstable you are mentally. It is a no win situation that you are choosing to put your daughter in.
You seem to have know reguard for how she will feel or how long term she will process your blogging. Our current actions teach our child so much; how to be respectful, how to forgive, how to overcome, how to move on, how to be the bigger person, and mostly how to love despite wrongs we feel we have gone through. Your daughter does not need you to inform her about ‘how’ you see her father, she will over time come to her own conclusions based on thier relationship together, how he acts, how he treats her mother, she will be able to ‘see’ the kind of man he is. Child do not need others to ‘TELL’ them what to feel about others…they form their own options based on their experiences and interactions.
Have you sat for one minuate and thought about how your interactions through blogging will help Tesla form a option about you? You might say: she will see I was strong, or lived through hell or that you over came. This could happen. But because she will also ‘know’ her father she might think: that her mother is bitter, can not except responsiblity for her own drug use that ended the marriage, she might think why does my mother have to say all these untrue things about this man, my father, that I love and respect because Tesla will not see a beast as you do. Your venting to deal with your emotions might be good but in a paper journal, to your counselor, to Dale but not on a blog where you continue to slam a man that Tesla does and always will look up too. Its been over 3 years since you seperated its time to let go, move on, forgive and put Tesla’s best interest into practice.
You write about looking out for her best interest but through your blogging it is apparent you do not understand what her best interest are. You can disagree with me but you would only be lieing to yourself about the damage you are creating and how your blogging will come out to Tesla some day and she will be hurt. How will you explain to her your actions?
Heather,
I don’t tell my daughter what to think, nor do I discuss my blogs with her. People can judge me any way they want. You are so poorly informed that you don’t know why my marriage fell apart. Do you really think John Delauter is going to be honest about the big break up 3 years ago? You are currently blind in love Heather, but one day, you will see. Best wishes to you and my future ex-husband. He is all yours!
~P.
You, as an adult, make the conscious decision what to expose your child to and what not to expose your child to. As an adult responsible for a child, it is very important that one is mindful what is appropriate for a child and what is age appropriate. It is obvious to anyone that has multiple firing neurons in their cranium that this blog is not age appropriate for a five year old and the suggestion that a five year old would be exposed to the literary dynamics of this internet journal is not responsible nor is it productive. The opinions disclosed here are factual and are the sole propriety of the author, which is permissible by several applicable mandates. Perhaps, one should be cognizant amply to deduce that one is authorized to one’s own conjecture. Mature individuals presented with such opines would certainly be able to properly define them for one’s self. Thus, if Tesla encountered the opinion expressed therein, it would be a loving choice to guide her in a healthy direction to espouse the view of personal entitlement to one’s opinions.
To wit: If you instruct and guide your progeny to comprehend individually, so shall they into adulthood; rightly becoming autonomous in cognition and unshackled by astute ignorance.
Just sayin’.
bty do not edit my comment!
Heather….no editing! All your spelling and grammar errors are still there! 🙂
hahahaha I love how the new women always take up for their little man. Bottom line here is that she’s just got no idea what she’s gotten herself into. Oh how sometimes you wish you had a crystal ball!
She looks so big and grown up. I love that little girl sooooooo much!!!
You seem to negate everything I wrote or any concerns I have or questions i posed…why? Is it because you do not have a good answer or is it the fact that you cannot justify your long term affects on Tesla?
And for the record I never once said you’re saying anything I said “someday she WILL read your blog” and “SOME day she will hear about it from others.” I said that your blogging has current affects on her ablity to make friends and have these parents allow for playdates. You might twist other peoples words but do not play games with mine. Just answer the questions asked.
Well Heather, I don’t have to anwer your questions but I will. By the time Tesla can read, she will already have formed an opinion about everyone she is in contact with. What you should be worrying about is how silly you look trying to defend a man who files for divorce to “scare” his wife into doing the things he wants. You might think he cares and loves you, but ask his ex girlfriends and wife what they really meant to him. Nothing.
Also, I am NOT the expert word twister….that would be John. Does he know you’re commenting on my site? He likes to be in control of everything you know…
Expressly: Pattiie is not being imperturbable in response or in considering antiphon relative to your queries. In fact, she is not required to owe explanations for her conclusions as you are impertinent within the definitions of her essentia. Common gossip considering this intellectual property of this internet journal becoming jeopardous to Tesla is not only unlikely but erroneous. Her ability to “twist other people’s words” and your supposition that she would “play games” with them is incongruous.
I’m wondering if John told Heather the REAL reason why his relationship with his ex-fiance didn’t work out??? Just curious…
A,
I still don’t know who you are…unless you are the ex-fiance! Yes, I’m curious too….he probably found a way to blame it on me. ~P.
It’s just a matter of time until she sees what the rest of us already know.
Kristin…….Exactly.
well heather…love the spelling. The only person hurting Tesla is her dad. He is the one who filed for divorce but still after 3 years can NOT let Pattie go..makes me wonder why? It seems to me that if he would want to marry you and move on the divorce would be over by now and everyone could move on with their lives. I have seen how the Delauter family acts so if any one is to blame for any problems Tesla may have it is the Delauter family NOT her mother. I have seen how Pattie and Tesla are together and it is truely purely love, no hateful things are said about her father, but i can not say the same for when Tesla is with her father.
If you can NOT see the control freak that John is then maybe it is because you are the submisive kind of person and you like to be controled. Hey whatever floats your boat. but if I would be the one living in “their” house with my children I would for sure want my man to be divorced!!! He can NOT move on with you until he is divorced from Pattie and for some reason he does NOT WANT to be divorced from her so I guess you are just live in nanny, maid, piece of a#$ for now.
I am sorry if I stepped on any ones toes. I just wanted to put my input in. The view from an outsider.
How many women has he been through since the split? How many of those women has he turned completely against Pattie? It seems like he just needs SOMEONE on his side. Anyone who knows him would know better, but unsuspecting women blinded by love will listen to whatever he has to say. He needs his cheerleader to encourage him and cheer on the nonsense. Because if no one is watching, he can’t be the big man.
Once again the questions have not been answered. My spelling and grammer have nothing to with the point I am trying to make. It’s amazing to me that everyone commenting is placing judgements on me without knowing me. I am not placing judgement on Patties mothering skills, I am questioning the blog and its impact on Tesla…the one we should all be worried about. Blaming John for something you ALSO have control over is childish Pattie, pay your lawyer and finish it if you want, makes NO difference to me so we are clear about that issue.
Lets state the questions again like on an exam in college:
1. do you believe this will have an impact on Tesla having friends if and when that child’s parent reads your blog? would you allow your child to be place in these situations that you talk about w/ john or your self? Would you allow a person with a mental illness to watch your child?
2. When Tesla is old enough to read, how to you think this blog will impact her relationship with:
a. John
b. Pattie
c. her grandfather
3. How do you think you will explain the comments you make about John and others to her when she does read it and she is questioning you?
4. How is this blog helpful to tesla in the future?
5. How is this blog harmful to tesla in the future?
6. Why is it you feel the need to validate your relationship with John? people get married and then people realize it was not for them and get divorced…why do either parties feel the need to bash eachother? ( this is how I see your blog)
You are right you do not have to answer any of my questions but isn’t this what your ‘blog’ is for? isn’t this why you want persons to comment? and why do your friends feel the need to defend you, i am not attacking, friends also please answer these questions but don’t be so childish to judge people you do not know, i am not judging anyone. I am concerned about the future issues this blog will have on Tesla and her realtionship with all parties involved. I have not “turned” against Pattie, I do not know Pattie, I no their is a beautiful little girl that LOVES both her parents and that is all that matters to me that these relationships stay intact!
People will judge you solely on the fact that you are living in a house with a married man and teaching your children that it’s ok to do so. People judge me everyday….I don’t care what they think! I do pay my lawyer…..you are so ill informed. HE filed and now HE is delaying the divorce. NOT ME!
1. No I do not see that my blog will affect Tesla having friends. It would depend on the mental illness a person has. I suffer from depression and anxiety. Does that really surprise anyone after marrying John?
2.By the time she can read, she will already have formed opinions of everyone she has met. Hell, she has opinions already!
3. I will be honest and fully explain anything she doesn’t grasp.
4. It is creating a following of her mother’s written word. People are looking forward to my book which means I have a future in writing.
5. It won’t be harmful. Her father’s bad attitude, pointed out in court by a judge, is much more likely to be harmful.
6. Why do I validate my relationship with John? Well Heather, because like you, I fell in love with him. I believed his words and didn’t realize how much of what came out of his mouth was bullshit. It wasn’t drugs that broke us up, it was his controlling personality. Seriously, you just don’t know what you’re talking about….but someday you WILL know what I’m talking about.
Oh Heather, surely you have underestimated my opinion of you…abundantly. Your inference in clear: a) conjecture that the “blog” is actuating Tesla, b) inference that Tesla may have an intellectual deficiency that excludes her from establishing conviction of her own merit, c) that Tesla is gullible to adequately allow inference from outside influences to impair proper judgement. This kind of inference implicates irresponsibility, causing a child to be imprinted with opinions formed by outside influences which is inadequate parenting. If I were Pattie, I would sincerely beleaguer your sufficiency as a parental influence on my child because a) you have taken consideration from one parent in a manner that is unbalanced, b) you wish relationship preservation when actively undermining them, c) your conjecture of authenticity is skewed. You opine that you “see” the blog as a means to degrade one another, however you remain alienated from the undistorted facts of the matter at hand that has departed from the distortion of one side against the other. Might I introduce proper grammar etiquette please:
Lets=Let’s
do=Do
would=Would
w/=with
your self=yourself
John=John?
Pattie=Pattie?
her grandfather=Her grandfather?
tesla=Tesla
people=People
eachother= each other
(this=(This
blog)= blog.)
questions but=questions, but
‘blog’= blog
and why do your friends feel the need to defend you, i am not attacking, friends also please answer these questions but don’t be so childish to judge people you do not know, i am not judging anyone.= Why do your friends feel the need to defend you? I am not attacking. Friends: please answer these questions, but don’t be so childish to judge people you do not know. I am not judging anyone.
You attended college? Was it a community college barely maintaining its accreditation?
FYI: i am dyslexic and have had more education then you can image but thanks so much for the grammer and spell check maybe you can help Pattie with her school work as friends do. Now that you all no I am dyslexic you can stop with the grammer and spell check this is not a college class. as for your answers REALLY? is all i can say!
Why don’t you pose these questions to your counselor and see what an expert thinks? Amazing that you see nothing wrong with what you are doing by blogging. Pattie I am divorced and at ANYTIME you can pay your lawyer to put it in front of the judge, this is not something JOhn has to do because he filed! I never said you where not paying I said you could pay to push the divorce through. I pray that all will find peace for Tesla. GOODBYE
Heather….you are just clueless. You may be divorced but JOHN isn’t. By his own choice, he has not divorced me.
By YOUR OWN choice you are not divorced either. Stop passing the buck on that one!!!
“Let the kid grow up in peace feeling loved and safe by both parents.” Mrs. Hokes words.
Mrs. Hoke the question is: does this blog help her grow up in peace and love? and the ONLY logical answer is NO. anyway you look at it, any wrongs that took place, this blog does nothing to help Pattie heal or Tesla grow up in peace.
Really Heather….I DO want a divorce.
The only people upset about my blog is…..John and Heather. Imagine that.
Farewell to useless rubbish. Tally ho and all that.
Let the kid grow up in peace feeling loved and safe by both parents. Her opinion doesn’t matter so much now as it will when she’s 20 and doesn’t want one of her parents controlling every aspect of her life.
Ok Heather you asked if Pattie’s blogging would have an effect on Telsa having play dates. The answer is NO my daughter has had a play date and had a ball. Also I would let Pattie watch both of my kids. As for when she grows up how the blog will effect her. Now will know that specially you considering with John’s track record you will probably not be there. Also question for you: Don’t you think that it’s more damanging to a child well being when they are used as a pawn to get back at another person. Cause that is exactly what John is doing…Also did you or even Mr. Control Pants ask Telsa what school she wants to go to? Most likely NOT. So if she would tell you West York would her father let it go. Most likely NOT! Oh and a word to the wise most guys do not tell the truth about their ex. It’s an ego thing…Also he filed for the divorce he pays for it…You must really like kissing feet for a living, and living in sin. You are the one that is setting a bad example for any child..I will continue to read the blogs and can’t wait for the book…sorry for in correct spelling or grammer on a cell phone..
As someone who put the story of her life out there for the world to see I can tell you exactly how it will impact the child. I was in an extremely abusive and controlling relationship straight out of high school, into college. This man controlled everything going as far as turning the doorknobs around on our apartment door to lock me in while he went to work when i was pregnant so I wouldn’t “cheat”. He would beat me in front of my own family, his family. Didn’t matter who. He even got me addicted to drugs. After our son was born the abuse continued but one day I saw the light and got out. I put my story out for other teenage mothers. I talked about it in a few schools, on websites. The world knew. I tried to keep my son away from this monster, even his own family did but the courts forced us to give him contact. I could only pray someday my son would see the light.
The day came when my son found out how I felt about his father. It upset him, yes. Did he hate me? Yes. Did I regret what I did? Hell, No. I knew one day true colors would be shown. Guess what. Less than a year later they were. My son shows true hatred for his father now. Can’t stand him. Sees him for the true man he is.
A skunk can only hide their stripes for so long. And John will to you someday. Unless of course, you are a true submissive, as Dawn said. If so, then maybe you are truly the woman for John.
You say Patti is mentally unstable. Honey, we all are in some form or the other. You say John and Pattie aren’t divorced yet, after three years. Nope, not Pattie’s fault. Ask your man why. And what does it say about your character to be with a man who isn’t divorced, who has gone through how many women since the separation. Hello, Heather. Doesn’t that tell you something about the stability of John? And a man that is a blatant liar. I know that for a fact. He Is so “broke” he has to get his child support lowered yet he was seen at The Melting Pot. Wow, can’t afford to support your child but you can support dinner there? Where’s your obligations at now, John?
I would appreciate those who have figure out who I am to keep my anonymity for professional reasons at the moment. But Heather, really, sticking your nose right now where it doesn’t belong. you are the girlfriend. One thing I learned. This is between mother and father. Not everyone else. Stay out of it and let John and Pattie handle it.
Oh and learn that when things are underlined in red it means there is a spelling or grammar error since obviously you are not very smart.
So…now that everyone else has weighed in…I’m going to add my own 2 cents worth. As a woman who has been divorced once, and is working on divorce number 2, I can say that it’s not easy, and when raising children together, it gets more complicated. What I know is this…Pattie is an excellent mother. She does NOT talk to Tesla about her father, can we say the same for John, and Heather, for that matter? The other thing that I know is that the girlfriend, in this type of situation, has NO say so in what happens with said child. It is NONE of her business. If Pattie chooses to blog about what is going on in her life, then that’s up to her. Tesla won’t be reading this blog any time soon, and possibly never. As to Pattie’s blog making other mothers not want to allow their children to play with Tesla, that would the other parent’s issue, and not Patties. If Heather is so concerned about it, maybe she should be keeping an eye on her own children, because I’m not so sure that I’d have allowed MY children to spend time at her house, knowing full well that SHE is living with a married man, who is NOT divorced yet, and I wouldn’t think that that would be a good environment for my children to spend time in. I also wouldn’t allow my children to hang out at anyone’s house who thought it was OK to cause drama when they had no place in the situation. This, dear Heather, is beyond you. It is NONE of your concern. Flat out….NONE!
You judge me for living as you call it a married man…really of all people Pattie? Was it not you and John that had an affair, was it not you that was engaged to a married man that was still living with his WIFE, was it not you Pattie that pushed another women out of HER own home that SHE build and OWNED!!! Was it not your choice to act so ‘poorly’ as you call it and up root their son and take away his ‘step-parent’ and someones husband???? Don’t you find it hard to place judgement on me when you broke up a marriage with Johm. When you 100% knew what your actions were doing? Have you said I’m sorry to Johns step-son and ex-wife and meant it? Have you sat for one minuate and thought about what you have done to others. The fact is John is SINGLE and has been single for 3 years. You have lived with boyfriends and have a man that lives at your home now was he said, ‘ i stay here when Tesla is not here’ and when questened about time frames he said, ‘well, sometime she is here.’
You all claim to be bible people but you sure don’t know much about his teachings of not judging and forgiveness.
I have not once put Pattie down as a parent because I have not seen her parent. But boy oh boy has the judgement been placed on me. I have FULL custidy of my kids, I stand up everyday and take care of them, and I am blessed that I have an ex that has come around the block and stands with me.
I have yet to meet one,ONE person that knew Pattie and John during there marriage that has a GOOD thing to say about her (including her father and mother). But have I placed judgement NO. Have I done ONE thing to hurt Tesla NO. Have i taught a 5 year old how to make her bed, get dressed with no help, set a table, fold her own clothes, vaccum a floor, given her cofidence to swim on her own, and challenge her to reach out of her comfort zone to be the best she can be YES! Why because that’s what people do when they love someone…you can all be ‘step-parent’ and girlfriend haters but that little girl loves me and I love her. Pattie should be glad that someone is here with John adding support and stablity to her life. Just as i have seen I HUGE change in Pattie since Dale entered her life…she smiles, i see a glow and her blogges have been more positive. That is great we all need that and so does Tesla. I am very happy for Pattie.
You are right NONE of my business how the divorce works out. Personally I do not care. I have an income, career, and a lawyer that will protect me if I decide to marry anyone. I unlike the 2 fighting over money could care less about money. I’ve been on top, owned 2 homes in 2 states, land, have huge 401K that life is not for me. I unlike some people walked away from a marriage because of REAL abuse, REAL PFA’S, REAL life threating issues. I understand the pain of that but to stand their and say that John was an abuser is BULL SHIT. people get upset in a marriage have fights but that does not make it abuse and saying it does makes me so mad at some many people!!!! Grow up move on stop blaming others for where you are now. that ship has sailed its been 3 years. Erikson would say you are in stagnation and that only leads to despair as you get older. If your proception was that you where abused I am so sorry taht you feel that way and I pray you can work through your issues. But in the end they are YOUR issues NOT Johns, Teslas or MINE. Someday I hope you can forgive, soem day I hope he can say sorry for wrong he did to help you heal. But at the end of the day Pattie and friends Pattie has to contunie to walk the right path and move on.
You all want to place judgement, before you do look in a mirror. I heart is pure asking Pattie these questions and expressing my thoughts and in the end ONLY GOD will judge me for my mistakes and wrong doings. But he has not appointed any of you my judge and jury. And if anyone has NO room to talk its you PATTIE. I’m not a home recker as you were.
Heather….this will have to be a response through a blog. ~P.
Heather welfare is NOT an income, and going to college for the third time to get your state funded money that you probably gave to John to pay his mortgage does not qualify as a career. Selling your childrens food stamps doesnt qualify as an income either. Since when has your divorce been finalized? Didnt you husband leave you for another woman because he could not stand being in the same place as you? Your track record of men while still married from Plenty of Fish has left no room for you to speak about anyone dating someone and if he happens to be there when the child is there since we remember many a night of phones call rescuing you from a burning house as your drunk boyfriend slept with one of your children in the home, a drunk trying to break in and old men offering money for sex, children running away, claiming children were molested by your “bible” people. PS thought that your husband and his mom owned the two homes and not you. PSS the only thing we do agree on is that the blog could possible upset Tesla in the future PSSS When did you become dsylexic? Illiterate yes but dsylexic no. I and M 🙂
Wow Anonymous….you know WAY more about my husband’s girlfriend than I do. Apparently there is a reason for that! I do agree Tesla might be “upset” by what she reads when she is older, but it’s not going to “hurt” her. I will be honest with her about everything as she reaches an age to understand it all.
Thank you for your comment,
~P.
Oooooooooooooh get herrrrr!!!!! hahahah
It does seem to me that John and Heather are nicely matched. Lots of lies between the two of them. Lots of bragging about money. No clue as to how they are affecting an innocent child.
I applaud you, Pattie, for not talking negatively about John to Tesla. My parents went through a bitter divorce and neither of them spoke against the other. Divorce is hard enough on children. They don’t need their parents bashing each other in front of them.
Had John been honest with Heather about how he and the first wife split up, Heather would never have mentioned it in the comments. Now that she has, I suppose I will address the break up of Diane and John. Diane has nothing to be ashamed of and she knows it wasn’t me that caused their break up.
Ok…Now., since something was tossed my way, I’m going to answer…I didn’t claim to be a Bible beating Christian, but will say that I haven’t passed judgement on you, until you passed judgement on Pattie. What I do know about you, by your own admission, is that you have allowed men to control you, beat you, and still claim to be a victim. I wouldn’t allow my daughter to spend time with you. Victim brain is quite a thing, and I don’t want my daughter to learn that. I, also, have come from an abusive past…I know all about PFA’s., and Courts, and calling the police and getting no response..I know it all. I’ve also owned property, and had a lot of money, and this most recent divorce is proof that it can go so quickly when someone, who promised you forever doesn’t keep their promises. Even after you’ve raised THEIR children, as his first ex-wife is a waste of human flesh. That the person that you’ve loved, helped, encouraged, and depended upon isn’t what they claimed to be. That might just be who John is…I don’t know…never met the man…but I’ve known Pattie for quite a few years, and the reason that I didn’t meet John was because I was living in Arkansas during the time of their marriage…and raising my own family. Therefore, let me say, that commenting on a blog that allows a woman to vent, and suggesting that others won’t allow their children to have play dates with her child was just downright cruel!
Heather:
I have a friend that has dyslexia. Her literary skills are light years ahead of yours, you ensconce that as a rationalization for your inability to contribute in a positive manner. Simply put, since you are so argumentative for your simplicity, you cast blame around on others to remain a victim all your life because you aren’t willing to do anything but whine and judge others who have obviously not judged you (Pattie, not I). You sit there in your little glass house, pounding your chest, crying: “Look at me! I have been so wronged! I am not smart, so I blame my inability to expand my mind on a misplaced disease! See how I am attacked! Oh poor, poor me! Pity me! Feel for me! I am pitiful!” You have failed to learn from your mistakes. You have failed yourself. That is no one’s fault but your OWN. Blame abusive relationships on the abuser, but going from one abusive relationship to the next is a self esteem issue. You have passed judgement on someone when you should be passing judgements on your own failures to commit to yourself in a loving manner. Your prattle and natter is that of a petulant child, fainting on her Victorian lounge chair forever the victim. Get over yourself you little prat, because the rest of us have long been over you and your nettle. Argue for your limitations and they are yours. When the rest of the world has grown beyond your insolence, you will find yourself alone to pity yourself while your dentures soak in your quagmire. This is the last time that I will respond to you because people of your ilk dine on their misery and actually manufacture it so they can always have their fill. Why don’t you just admit that you are jealous of Pattie because she’s a trillion times the woman you will never be.
Make sure to let the door hit you in fundament on the way out of my life, you insignificant piece of…
It’s so not worth it. it’s like talking to a brick.
Ok… one more thing I have to add is. MOM DID NOT AND NEVER WILL SAY anything BAD about Pattie
So heather quit the crap
Never judged you either Heather. Came here and told you my story and how if affected my child in the end. Also told you what I knew to be the truth about Pattie and John. Nothing more.
Also told you to butt out. It is not the girlfriend’s job to be a part of the divorce.
Oh, but to point out one thing I found hilarious. You state John has been single for THREE YEARS? Where the hell are you getting that information? And what does that say for the ring that had been on Kelly then your finger? LOL I guess engaged is the new SINGLE!
wow all i can say is wow…in away i am glad that this is an issue that i dont have to deal with…my daughter’s father has no rights.
FOR TESLA’S SAKE
Opinions from an outsider who has been there…
Before I start, I need to address all the comments about “not judging” people. It’s how we determine the people who will be influences in our lives and our children’s lives. God wants us to judge OURSELVES before we judge others. That is the message from the Bible.
Heather…boy, are you in a rough spot. You can’t help who you fall in love with, but you can choose not to get involved with someone who has so much unfinished relationship business. Having made this choice, you’ve got a hell of a road to travel. But let’s be real…John is going to make you think the very worst of Pattie. Some things may be true, some not at all, but either way, he is going to make sure that you think the very worst of her and he will put most of the blame on her as well. I think you’re smarter than that, so despite being in love, don’t let anyone, including him, pull the wool over your eyes. I agree with you about the blogging and its effect on Tesla. Pattie has every right to express her feelings online or wherever, but in choosing online, she could have written under a different name in order to spare Tesla any pain, now or in the future. I think you do love that little girl and want what’s best for her for the most part, but you and John have to consider what your actions are doing to her as well, and what effect they have on her emotionally, developmentally, and socially. The most predominant action that is currently doing damage to her is the lack of time and communication with her mother. I know John has control of this for the most part, but I know you have some control at times and could make sure that contact happens. John feels that keeping Pattie from Tesla is a punishment to Pattie, but the most damage is happening to Tesla. Depriving her of time and communication with her mother will have irreversible effects, and some of them will not be in John’s favor as he is hoping. Despite what you think of her, Pattie is Tesla’s mother. That will not change and she is not going to go away, so the two of you need to find a way to communicate civilly FOR TESLA’S SAKE.
Pattie…come on, girl. You have been and are still going through a very bad situation. I so get that. But your retort to Heather’s concerns are not addressing them. It’s just John, John, John. You focus way too much on that man. Spend your time and energy where it needs to be. Whether you believe her relationship with John will fail or not, Heather is a part of Tesla’s life and the two of you need to find a way to communicate civilly FOR TESLA’S SAKE. You have pain and hurt that John caused during your relationship and after it ended, but the reality is that Heather is not the one who did those things to you. John did. Learn to separate the two and base your relationship with Heather on her. You will change Tesla’s life and stress level if she sees and hears the two of you being at least “ok” with each other. You don’t have to be best friends. But show Tesla what integrity, decency and compassion to one another are all about. Showing her by example is priceless for her and she will never forget it. That said, you aren’t happy with the custody situation or what the court says most of the time. Then what the hell are you doing posting videos and pics of you popping balloons with your breasts?!?!?! Do you REALLY think performing and POSTING sexual fetishes are the actions of a mother who is trying to prove she is capable of providing stability and an environment conducive to a young girl’s well being? You are just giving John ammunition. Hey, I have nothing against harmless fetishes or what consenting adults do in the privacy of their home. But when you post it online, you’re putting it out there for the world, and inviting them into what should be your private life. You need to get a grip and think more about your actions before you take them…..FOR TESLA’S SAKE.
Well, someone, you make sense on many levels and I agree with much of what you said. I disagree about the balloon videos and fetish posts. That’s all part of understanding what I write. I don’t have a crystal ball to predict how my daughter will react to my writing career and sharing my blog, thoughts, etc. If she is anything like her father, mother and brothers, she won’t care. Tesla and I are so very close that nothing will ever tear us apart. What I am learning and doing now in college and online is all for the future of my daughter. I don’t have any fear that Tesla will hate me for writing about our lives.
I think you are right. I don’t think Tesla would hate you because of anything you have written so far. And if you continue giving her all the love and support as you do, there should be nothing that would ever come between the two of you. I guess I wasn’t clear enough in what I was expressing. My concern is not that she would hate you, but rather that it would hurt her. Have you ever had two people you love (or care about) say bad things about the other one to you? My parents come to mind in this scenario. Even as an adult, hearing one of them insult or disparage the other breaks my heart. It hurts. I believe you don’t say negative things directly to Tesla about her father. I know you are not speaking these written words to her either, but the effect on her will be the same as if you did. My greatest hope in this situation is that Tesla is protected from that pain…and that she doesn’t know about or read anything about or between her parents or Heather…at least until she is much, much older. Even then, it won’t make it less painful.
What woud be more painful, in my opinion, is being forced to live with people you don’t want to live with when your momma absolutely and completely wants you with her.
I don’t hate her father. I don’t bad talk her father. I don’t hate Heather. I don’t bad talk Heather. All I want is some co-operation from John so Tesla doesn’t feel she misses out on so much time with me. Co-operating means answering questions, sharing schedules, compromising, responding to messeges and caring about what Tesla actually wants versus what her father wants. I didn’t fall apart when John got physical custody. I just keep pushing forward doing the best I can for my kid and in the long run it will pay off.
What do I really think Tesla will say about all this down the road? I doubt she will even read it. She won’t need to read it to form her own opinion about anyone she has been in contact with, especially her father or me.
If I seem defensive or angry in writing this, I want to assure you I am not. I think your comments are sincere (unlike others who just want to bash me) and I appreciate that. ~P.
The manner in which Pattie chooses to interact with balloons has no correlation whatsoever with her parental capabilities — even if she does post it online.
Well I believe Heather wants to fight, she continues to engage all of this when she has absolutely no need to whatsoever. Here is some advice, if you don’t like what Pattie writes, then don’t read it. This is her work, her site, her thoughts and her feelings and truly it has less to do with you and more to do with Pattie. The only danger to Tesla is the way you and John regard her mother. Grow up, get a life and stop living in Patties. What she does is really no concern of yours and nor should it be. If you put half of the effort you do into defending yourself and hurling insults and harmful action into promoting a healthy environment for Tesla and your family unit life would be 100% better.