Bring it on
So I filed for divorce this week, or something like that at least. Technically, John filed for divorce five years ago, but that was just to “scare” me. I guess I wasn’t scared enough. That’s when a funny thing happened, he didn’t pursue the divorce and it hung out there in limbo, keeping my life in limbo with it. It’s been painful emotionally, but I’m a survivor. A tough, country girl that isn’t taking shit from anyone anymore.
I don’t know what to expect out of divorce court. I imagine John will dredge up the past, attempting to humiliate me even more that what he already has. I look at it this way: I have nothing to lose and everything to gain, and sticks and stones can break my bones but his words can no longer hurt me. He doesn’t get to yell in my face that I’m a fucking piece of shit, that I’m a terrible mother, that I’m nothing but a thief and a liar. He can’t pin me against the wall, hold me down on the bed or lock me in a bedroom or closet. He isn’t able to push me around physically or emotionally. I’ve taken my life back and it is better a hundred times over. Yeah, I have little money and material items, but I have my pride and it will never be taken from me again.
The laws in Pennsylvania are pretty clear when it comes to divorce. Husband and wife split the debts and assets 50/50. I’ve waited 5 years so when the ruling gets handed down, I’ll be doing the happy dance while John’s head swivels around like Linda Blair’s. I don’t trust him to stick to any court-ordered monthly payment and I don’t feel bad if he has to sell the house because he sure as hell didn’t give a damn if I had somewhere to live or not. In fact, he used it against me in gaining custody of Tesla.
This divorce will finally bring closure to a long, painful experience in my life. It can’t come soon enough.
Karma baby, Karma.
~P.
girlboxer1970 
Divorce court isn’t really what they make it out to be on TV. The Divorce Master (really? Yes that’s his/her name.) is actually kind of blah. They actually hate their job and it’s evident by the way they speak to the opposing parties. The first appearance you make is just to review education levels, estimated earning capacities, etc. it’s all just information gathering. He/she asks questions for answers that are actually already provided in paperwork. But nonetheless you have to give the answers again. Then he/she requests both parties complete a pile of paperwork all about income, costs of living, debt, etc. I believe it’s officially called a Menser’s report but can’t remember exactly. But the DV won’t tolerate any yelling or screaming so rest assured. PA is also not a 50/50 state. It’s Equitable Distribution. So what is equitable is not always even. It’s meant to be fair. It’s based on income level and earning capacity. My guess is John stopped the divorce to hide assets once he realized how much he’d have to pay you in spousal support and then alimony. I doubt the split would be 50/50. My split was at least 60/40 and probably more like 75/25. And I have a high personal estimated earning capacity based on advanced degrees. However, this process is expensive. Both parties’attorneys generate stacks of paperwork and participate in countless phone conferences with the Master and you aren’t even involved. This all generates billable hours. I’m sure my total bill was around $13,000. I hope you have a great attorney who won’t do this to you. It’s not necessary. I had a $10,000 bonfire. (I figure the actual paperwork I have to keep for a lifetime is valued at $3,000. And by the way you will have to show this paperwork forever at a bank, etc. so don’t burn everything). I hope you get all the assets you can and no debt. I will stay tuned. If you represent yourself, let me know. I have $13,000 worth of legal knowledge I’m happy to share with you!! I also believe in Karma! Best wishes!!
Thank you for the insight! I have a lawyer and I don’t think he will gouge me to death (unlike my first lawyer) so hopefully this will come to an end soon. If I get confused during the process I’ll check in with you first so I don’t run up my bill! ~P.