He ate sh*t

Thank you for all the messages, texts and calls asking if I am doing alright.  I was one sick pup.

A week ago, I couldn’t stop vomiting.  I couldn’t focus on my finals or even the computer screen.  Given that I wasn’t improving, I went to the emergency room.  Stomach virus diagnosed but the doctors were concerned about the pain in my abdomen.  Lucky me got an internal exam in the ER and they took a sample of every bodily fluid possible.  The only thing they didn’t take a sample of was my poo.

The medication from the hospital slowed the projectile vomiting but didn’t stop it completely.  The next day I had a strange bowel movement.  Yeah, I know gross topic.  When I say “strange” bowel movement, I mean STRANGE.  There was this little ball in there, looked like tapioca.  I never saw anything like it before.  (not that I usually check out my poo, but because of being sick I was taking a keener interest than usual.)

I go see my family doctor and he gives me a lab slip to take a bowel sample to Wellspan to check for parasites.  Ok, now I was getting a little freaked out.  How the hell would I get a parasite?!  Well, college students are known for eating any food left out which is especially common around the holidays and right before Christmas break.  My doctor said it is possible to pick up a parasite anywhere.  That being said, a college campus must be a haven for parasites and germs.

The next day I poo in a “hat” and have to drive it within the hour to Wellspan.  I get to the one over on Monument Road in York but I’m not sure which building has the laboratory in it.  I park and go to the closest door.  The receptionist tells me I’m one building off so I head back out to my car to complete the poo delivery.  I get out to the car and Ying is jumping around all happy to see me.  I unlock and open the car door and the smell practically knocks me over.  The specimen container has been chewed open and my sample has been sampled.  I start retching in the parking lot absolutely disgusted by my shit eating dog.  The bowl is 95% empty but I still went over to the lab.  I explained my dog ate my sample and I would attempt to deliver another.  The sad little turds I submitted were rejected in person and I was given a new specimen container and told to come back when I could produce a larger sample.  My nurse did state that this was a first for her, no other patient has claimed their dog ate their shit.

So today, on what I had hoped might be my last earthly day, instead became sample delivery day without the canine interference.

Looks like the world is not ending.  I put up my Christmas tree.

Going to see Trans-Siberian Orchestra tonight with Dale.

Happy Holidays to all!  Jesus is the reason for this season.  Not Santa!!!

Still kicking on the last day of the world,

~P.

PS. Does this mean Ying might get a parasite?