Sunday is my birthday.  Sunday is Ying’s birthday.  Sunday will be three long years since my husband filed for divorce.  Wow…3 freaking years and I am still married and see no end in the future.  Whoever said “after 2 years you are automatically divorced” was full of shit.

With my birthday coming up, I’m reminded, I am not getting any younger.  Though, like fine wine, I am getting better.    I feel better about myself.  I think clearer.  I’ve grown smarter and wiser.  I know what I want in my life and it starts with a D.

Three years caught in the divorce process.  I’m not even talking about me, I’m talking about Tesla.  For more than half her life, her father has been putting off divorcing her mother.  Not because there’s a chance of reconciliation, but because her father hopes I fade away, leave quietly, wear down, etc.

That’s not going to happen.  Every night I say a prayer of thanks to God for granting me another day on this earth.  Life is worth living, no matter how bad things seem.

Kick me when I’m down.  Steam roll over me.  Threaten my future.  Humiliate me.  Ruin my finances.  Replace me.

Bitterman, with no hair….I never needed you, but I loved you.  I hope you can never forget that.

For my birthday, I am giving myself a gift.  A very cheap gift compared to the one’s John used to give me, but this gift makes a statement.

I had this done the night before John and I got married back in 2005.  It was supposed to be a surprise the next day.

What was I thinking?!

When I showed it to John the night before we got hitched,  because he insisted on knowing where I had been with his brother Tim…I had to show him…and he said, “Why didn’t you get a ‘John’s personal property’ tattoo?”  I knew at that moment it had been a “bad idea”.

So back to my birthday present this weekend, I want to get “Was” tattooed above it.

Thoughts?

~P.