“I’m Ready to be Done”

Tesla and I met my nephew, Blaine, and my sister, Suz, and went to see our grandmother. She’s my dad’s mom and we’ve always called her Nanny. For the most part, everyone calls her Nanny.

Nanny isn’t doing so well. My aunt, Jane, texted me today while we were working that she was told Nanny only has a few more days. I’m surprised at how fast she suddenly took that turn. Two weekends ago when Tesla and I visited, Nanny was pushing herself around in the wheelchair and using the bathroom in the hallway.

Now, I don’t think she gets out of bed.

She said, “I hurt all over. I’m ready to be done.”

I understand. It’s nice that she is still able to communicate. My mom’s mom, who passed away just a few months ago, had no quality of life. She didn’t even know she was there. When I last saw her, which had been years, she was living in a nursing home in Philly, still sitting up and eating at a table. Her food was mush and she wasn’t eating it no matter how many times you tried.

Even then, Grammom didn’t know who I was. At the end, she didn’t know who anyone was, not even her daughters. God took her in her sleep, and I was happy for her.

Nanny’s been saying for years that she just wanted to die. It wasn’t until she moved to Normandie Ridge Hospice that a spark of life came back to her. She loved participating in all the activities, especially bingo. She liked getting her hair done weekly and eating at the snack bar, her favorite is the cheeseburger.

She couldn’t keep anything down and didn’t want to even try to drink. She had thrown up liquids right before we got there. Her legs are so thin. For years all she talked about was losing weight. Ironic huh?

Nanny had bladder cancer. It was removed and didn’t come back. We never talked about it. She didn’t have to do chemotherapy. That was a blessing.

She wants to be with my grandfather and my uncles, Bill and Wayne. Uncle Bill passed away when I was young, 12 years old, I think. He was 16, or almost 16. That tore Nanny up, my whole family was torn up. We all lived in the same lane and were super close. Bluebird Lane was all Criders.

I miss those days.

~P.